Latest news with #friendship
Daily Mail
6 hours ago
- Daily Mail
William and Harry's former private secretary: 'Protect our courageous SAS soldiers or we will lose them forever'
Last summer I went back to Hereford for the funeral of a friend from 30 years ago. He had died climbing, which is what he loved most, apart from his family, his friends and his country. Other than a mesmerising twinkle in the eye and dark good looks, he didn't stand out as anything special on a crowded street. For he was a humble man: Kind, selfless and quietly confident. He had a drive within him to help others, particularly the vulnerable, the picked-upon and those living in fear of their lives. Normal traits, in fact, for a soldier of the Special Air Service. So much has been written about the SAS, so many films made, so many reality-TV botch-ups of our actions and even our selection processes. Apart from one or two post-war accounts written by early veterans, I recognise none of the recent fictional stereotypes in my friend the climber or anyone else I came across in my eight years in the regiment. At the wake after the funeral in Hereford, the regiment's home, I was buttonholed by George Simm, my Squadron Sergeant Major, Regimental Sergeant Major and benevolent scourge. Almost all the old friends I met with him were being persecuted for their brave actions in Northern Ireland many decades ago. They were phlegmatic, facing the storm as they've faced it before, but their courage could not conceal the sense of betrayal they felt. I left angry. It is an abhorrent injustice. Though bound by the SAS strict code of discretion, I can at least use the four unchanging principles of our founder David Stirling to tell you the reality of what I saw during my time. First, the principle that seemed so effortless to everyone but me (though I hope others may have felt the same): 'The unrelenting pursuit of excellence.' I have never known – nor will I again – such consummate professionalism as in the SAS. Within its ranks are some of the finest soldiers in the world, jacks-of-all-trades who have proved they can meet any threat – except perhaps the one they now face from lawfare, the threat from within. Next came 'the highest standards of self-discipline'. Physical and organisational, but especially moral. An oft-quoted line is that we would never transgress morally on operations because to do so would be to lower ourselves to the base level of our enemies, blowing our credibility and decimating our ability to achieve our mission. While this may be true, it is secondary. What guides SAS soldiers is the urge to do right by the innocent folk we have been sent to protect – as in Northern Ireland, where the SAS arrested more terrorists than they ever killed – and to do right in the eyes of our comrades and the British people. That might sound overly idealistic, pompous even, but it is how many of us felt. Some of us in the regiment did not even vote in general elections. This was not idleness and certainly not some petulant statement. It was because we had implicit faith in our system of parliamentary democracy, and in what Britain stood for in the world. To have voted would, in some way, have compromised that. We were there to do the will of the Government – any government – and not take party-political sides. That, of course, was when we believed the Government had our backs. Stirling insisted upon 'a classless but not a rank-less society', based on pure merit and no social preferment. We all did the same selection – officers and men – which meant that we had complete faith in one another. To reap the benefits of an egalitarian structure such as the SAS, as with any other successful human enterprise, still requires leadership and a rank structure. But, as a commander in the regiment, what I learnt very early on was that I was not always the leader. To have had me telling the climber what to do on a cliff-face would have been, literally, sheer lunacy. He was the leader then... and so on. Finally, Stirling recognised that hubris was the surest route to ruin. So, his quartet closes with a call for 'humility and humour'. Recognising that success in the past does not guarantee success for the future is often the most difficult of the principles to obey. But it is perhaps the most critical. The urgency with which SAS soldiers fought the temptation to be complacent and strove to remain ahead of our country's enemies simply astounded me. It still does. While an unforgivable conceit, I am going to add a fifth principle: 'Decency'. Three of my children have SAS god-fathers. They weren't picked for their extraordinary skills – hardly transferable – but because the moral compass of each is welded at true north. Enough said. It seems to me that the British have a decision to make. Either we move to protect our SAS soldiers – as they have protected us – or we do nothing and lose the SAS. In capability and character, this is a strategic asset that no other country has and which – any day now – the British people might sorely need. This is why I wholeheartedly support the Daily Mail's campaign to protect our veterans.
Yahoo
9 hours ago
- General
- Yahoo
14 Signs You're A 'Fixer' In Relationships
It's a pattern you've likely seen in your friendships, your family, and most acutely, your romantic entanglements. You're the one who wants to fix things, to smooth over the rough edges and turn every frown into a smile. On the surface, that sounds admirable, even noble. But dig a little deeper, and you might find that this desire to 'fix' can signal something more complex: a need for control, a discomfort with vulnerability, or an aversion to conflict. Here are 14 signs that you might be a 'fixer' in your relationships. It's as if you're equipped with X-ray vision that only sees the hidden gem beneath the rough exterior of the person you're dating. You pride yourself on your ability to spot potential where others see flaws. But there's a thin line between believing in someone's capacity for growth and ignoring their current reality. The danger lies in investing more in who they could be rather than who they are, as cautioned by psychologist Dr. John Mayer in Psychology Today. Your urge to nurture their growth often leaves you taking on the role of an unpaid life coach. While intentions are pure, it can create an imbalance where their needs eclipse yours. In this dynamic, you risk feeling unfulfilled, as your emotional energy is poured into a future that might never materialize. This potential-focused mindset can become a smokescreen for avoiding introspection on your own needs and desires. A crisis, big or small, sends you into overdrive. Your partner mentions a problem at work or a spat with a friend, and before they know it, you're armed with a plan of action. Offering solutions becomes your default setting, but it often overshadows a much-needed empathetic ear. In wanting to fix, you might inadvertently dismiss the emotional depth of the situation. This constant problem-solving can drown out the simplicity of just being present. Often, people just need to feel heard and validated, not handed a checklist of next steps. When you jump to solutions, it signals that their feelings might not be valid unless they're actionable. Remember, sometimes the most effective response is a pause, a nod, and a reassuring presence. You express affection through doing, often going above and beyond what's needed or even asked. This can feel overwhelming for partners who might interpret these gestures as controlling rather than caring. According to Dr. Gary Chapman, author of "The 5 Love Languages," your partner must understand your love language, but you must also adapt to theirs. Acts of service become problematic when an expectation of reciprocity or gratitude fuels them. If your gestures are met with indifference, it can lead to feelings of resentment. Ensure that your actions stem from genuine care, not a subconscious scorecard. Love is not a transactional affair; it thrives in mutual recognition and understanding. In your world, conflict equates to failure, so you dodge it at all costs. You smooth things over, turning disagreements into a performance of peace rather than a productive dialogue. What feels like diplomacy is often just the art of sweeping things under the rug. Avoiding conflict doesn't make it go away; it just lets it fester until it finds a more destructive outlet. Yet, growth doesn't happen in comfort zones. Productive conflict can be a catalyst for change, deepening intimacy and understanding. Facing issues head-on, rather than smoothing them over, builds a resilient foundation. Embrace the discomfort; it's where the real work—and the real connection—begins. If your partner is upset, you feel it's your duty to fix it, as if their emotions are a direct reflection of your care. This hyper-responsibility often leads to emotional burnout, enveloping you in a cloud of anxiety. According to a study in the Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology, taking on emotional responsibility can breed codependency, stifling personal growth. Your partner is not a problem to be solved, and emotional states are not puzzles to be pieced together. By taking on their emotional burden, you inadvertently steal their chance to navigate and learn from their emotional landscape. Trust that they can handle their feelings; it's not your job to be their emotional janitor. It's okay to offer support without taking ownership. There's a pattern in your romantic history, a string of partners who need a boost, a guide, a rescuer. They come to you with their broken hearts, their untapped potential, and you happily take on the task. But this savior complex can create an unhealthy dynamic where you always play the hero. The allure of saving someone can distract you from your own needs and growth. This tendency can foster dependency, where your partner relies on you more than they should. Over time, this can stunt their personal development, creating a cycle where neither of you truly flourishes. Relationships are partnerships, not rescue missions. When both parties are equally strong, the relationship is more stable and fulfilling. Your fixer mentality often leads you into murky waters where boundaries blur. You find yourself over-committing, driven by an irresistible pull to save the day. Dr. Terri Orbuch, a relationship expert, highlights in her research that maintaining boundaries is crucial for healthy relationships. Overstepping these boundaries can leave you drained and, paradoxically, create distance rather than closeness. When your life becomes intertwined with solving your partner's issues, it obliterates the space needed for individual growth. You risk erasing your own identity, morphing into their shadow rather than standing alongside them as an equal. Healthy relationships flourish when both partners retain their individuality. Remember, you're not their lifeline; you're their partner. Friends, family, even acquaintances, flock to you when they're in need of counsel. You pride yourself on being the wise one, the problem solver, the oracle of guidance. While it feels good to be needed, this constant role can be exhausting and can overshadow your own needs. You might find yourself giving more than you're getting, leaving little room for your own emotional expression. There's a risk that your identity becomes entangled with being the solver rather than simply being. When you're always the go-to, you can become isolated, missing out on the reciprocal aspect of relationships. It's okay to step back and let others hold space for you. Remember, even the wise need wisdom and support sometimes. You're drawn to partners who seem to need coaxing out of their emotional shells. Their aloofness is a challenge, a puzzle to be solved, and you relish the task of drawing them out. But emotional unavailability is not simply a barrier to be broken down. It often masks deeper issues that require self-exploration rather than external intervention. This dynamic can leave you feeling perpetually unsatisfied, as your emotional needs remain unmet. The thrill of the chase can distract from the absence of true intimacy. Relationships should be reciprocal, where emotional availability flows both ways. Seek partners who are present and willing to engage in emotional depth from the beginning. You wear your resilience like a badge, often positioning yourself as the strong, unwavering pillar in your relationship. This self-imposed role can become a burden, as it leaves little room for vulnerability or asking for help. Being strong doesn't mean being invincible; it's about knowing when to lean on others. Constantly being the strong one can create a relational imbalance, where your needs are perpetually on the back burner. It can also distance you from your partner, who might feel excluded from your internal world. Embrace strength in vulnerability; it can foster deeper connection and create space for mutual support. Ending relationships feels like admitting defeat, so you hold on tightly, believing that with enough time, things will improve. This clinging is rooted in a belief that change is always possible, that love can redeem all flaws. Yet, holding on can sometimes cause more harm than good, trapping both partners in a cycle of unhappiness. Letting go doesn't mean giving up; it means recognizing when a relationship has run its course. It takes courage to acknowledge that not every connection is meant to last. By releasing what no longer serves you, you open up space for healthier, more fulfilling partnerships. Remember, sometimes the greatest act of love is knowing when to walk away. Your optimism often blinds you to glaring issues, as you focus instead on potential and possibilities. You rationalize red flags with endless justifications, convinced that love will conquer all. But ignoring these signals can lead to a toxic environment, where problems are swept under the rug until they can no longer be ignored. Acknowledging red flags is not cynicism; it's self-preservation. It's about knowing your worth and setting standards for how you deserve to be treated. Relationships should enhance your life, not complicate it. Trust your intuition; it's often more perceptive than your hopeful heart. The fixer in you equates being alone with being unfulfilled, and so you leap from one relationship to the next. This perpetual search for companionship can mask deeper insecurities about self-worth. Being single is not a flaw to be fixed; it's an opportunity for self-discovery and growth. Rushing into relationships can hinder personal development, as you prioritize others' needs over your own self-exploration. True fulfillment comes from within, not from another person. Embrace solitude as a space to understand yourself better. A relationship should complement, not complete, your life. As someone who relishes solving problems, asking for help feels like admitting weakness. You've built an identity around being the reliable one, the problem solver, the fixer. But carrying the weight of the world alone is neither sustainable nor healthy. There's strength in vulnerability, in admitting that you can't do it all. By reaching out for help, you allow others the opportunity to support you, deepening the bonds of your relationships. It's a reminder that you're human, deserving of the same care and attention you so freely give. Let others in, and discover the beauty of shared burdens and mutual support.
The Guardian
11 hours ago
- Entertainment
- The Guardian
Children's and teens roundup – the best new picture books and novels
I'm Going to Make a Friend by Darren Chetty, illustrated by Sandhya Prabhat, Little Tiger, £12.99When a child moves home, it can be hard to meet potential new pals. Perhaps it's best to make a friend from what's to hand? This warm, witty picture book is perfect for prompting chats about friendship. So Devin Wore a Skirt by Shireen Lalji and Lucy Fleming, Frances Lincoln, £7.99Devin has nothing special to wear for his Nanabapa's big birthday until he spots his sister's shimmery blue skirt. At first he hides it under layers of disguise, but when he finally reveals the skirt, it's Nanabapa who takes Devin for a twirl on the dancefloor in this gentle, adorable picture book about acceptance. Our Pebbles by Jarvis, Walker, £12.99A colourful, almost tangibly joyful picture book about a boy, his grandad and their days on the beach, painting pebbles to mark treasured memories. Ava Spark: Hello, I'm Here! by Alex Field, illustrated by Joanna Bartel, New Frontier, £8.99Ava uses a communication aid to speak, but her friends understand her brilliantly. When she is asked to look after the new Australian girl at school, it's a big responsibility, but Ava pulls it off with panache in this sweet, inclusive story for 6+. The Lucky House Detective Agency by Scarlett Li, illustrated by Sian James, Knights Of, £7.99Felix loves solving mysteries with Isaac, his best friend. When Felix's family takeaway business has a run of misfortune, the newly formed Lucky House Detective Agency is determined to figure out why in this gentle, highly illustrated 7+ crime caper. Choose Your Own Evolution by Jules Howard and Gordy Wright, Nosy Crow, £14.99This original, hugely engaging 7+ take on choose your own adventure books allows the reader to decide their own evolutionary journey, choosing legs, slime or backbones, land or sea, until they either become extinct, like megalodon, or reach the present day as a survivor, like chicken or woodlice. A thrilling blend of story and science. The Lost Book of Undersea Adventure by Teddy Keen, Frances Lincoln, £14.99The third instalment of the Unseen Adventurer's journals – breathtakingly illustrated journeys into wild nature – features a quest for the Bajau sea nomads, an exploration of some of the world's remotest, richest marine environments, and a dangerous battle with the unscrupulous people who despoil them. Heartbreaking and hopeful, this is a book to get rapturously lost in; a must for wildlife and adventure lovers of 8+. Nate Yu's Blast from the Past by Maisie Chan, Templar, £7.99Moving to the big city is hard for Nate, especially fitting in at his new school – and his mums want him to embrace his heritage, but Nate can't even speak Chinese. When he comes across a shell casing engraved with a dragon, he summons a ghost who needs Nate's help as much as Nate needs his. A funny, heartfelt 8+ story about figuring out your place in the world. Riverskin by Mike Edwards, Walker, £7.99Tess lives beneath the River Tees, with her Aunt Peg and her terrifying Unkle Darkwater, but when Aunt Peg's mind begins to slip, Tess must find safety elsewhere, making friends with 'dry-folk' and discovering the truth of her origins as she does so. Written in a rich, sometimes challenging narrative voice, shaped by Teesside dialect and filled with punchy, poetic coinages, this atmospheric 9+ debut brings local legend into the everyday. Heir of Storms by Lauryn Hamilton Murray, Penguin, £9.99Born into a famous fire-wielding family, misfit Blaze almost drowned the world with the storm she raised at birth. Now she and her twin Flint must compete in the Choosing Rite, determining the next rulers of the Empire – could the throne, and a royal suitor, fall within Blaze's reach? Satisfying world-building, high-stakes magical trials and slow-burn, twisty romance combine in this addictive YA romantasy. Augmented by Kenechi Udogu, Faber, £8.99In a climate-changed near-future London, 16-year-olds have their strongest talent artificially augmented, helping to ensure humanity's continued survival. Gifted coder Akaego has recently transferred to a music academy – her voice makes plants grow faster, marking her out as a rare potential Mechsim – but the rebel Freestakers warn her that her powerful ability may be put to deadly use. Udogu's debut is a believable, evocative and compelling teen eco-thriller. The Sleepless by Jen Williams, First Ink, £16.99Elver was saved from death by the bite of a god, but now her skin poisons anyone she touches; Artair shares his body with Lucian, a malign spirit who takes control while Artair sleeps. When Artair is sent on a mission that Elver is determined to thwart, the three of them are drawn into a web of deceitful alliances, furious gods and dangerous magic in this compulsively readable and original YA fantasy. We Are Your Children by David Roberts, Two Hoots, £25Bold, bright and instantly accessible, this illustrated history of LGBTQ+ activism in the US and UK is wide-ranging yet intimate. Detailing key moments, including the Stonewall uprising, the first Pride rally and the passing of Section 28, and sharing the stories of famous figures like Harvey Milk, Marsha P Johnson and Alan Turing alongside those of less well-known activists, it's resplendent, tragic, essential reading for 14+.
Daily Mail
11 hours ago
- Automotive
- Daily Mail
EXCLUSIVE 'Rich Kid of Instagram' handbag swindler exposed as a paedophile: Branded the 'Kardashian of Cheshire', he lived a crime-fuelled millionaire lifestyle. Then a boutique owner brought him down...
Slouching down in the seat of her car, Christine Colbert hid her face beneath a wide-brimmed hat and a pair of oversized sunglasses. Owed tens of thousands of pounds by one-time 'friend' and would-be business partner Jack Watkin, the time had come to spring her carefully planned trap.
Yahoo
13 hours ago
- Health
- Yahoo
3 Ways All-Boys Summer Camps Can Help Parents Keep Them on the Right Track
Fact checked by Sarah Scott A few recent notable trends among American boys include a decline in academics and close friendships, and an increase in disciplinary action and exposure to harmful influencer content. While not always a predictor of success, these trends still point to risks parents should be aware of. But what if a way to help boys thrive is already available to us via all-boys summer camps? Being in nature and regular exercise benefit everyone's mental health and are core to most camps. But according to experts, all-boys summer camps—many of which now embrace gender inclusivity—are uniquely suited to benefit boys in three ways: They provide a safe, structured environment where boys can develop friendships. They provide well-trained camp counselors who act as mentors. They enforce rules that allow boys to practice ethics and morality. Parents recently spoke with experts to better understand how these camps can actually help counteract troubling trends among boys, and how families can make the best decision for them. Zac Seidler, clinical psychologist and global director of men's health research at the Movember Institute for Men's Health, explains that boys have shown a level of discomfort and uncertainty around making in-person connections, especially since the COVID-19 pandemic. This likely contributes to an increase in screen time. But Seidler says residential summer camps' strict no-screen policies can help to make the reintroduction of in-person interactions more seamless. 'There's real power in filling that void with something healthy that builds an emotional muscle for them,' Seidler tells Parents. He also notes it's easier to place some structure around technology when everyone else at camp is going to be screen-free as well, adding, 'I think it's actually the healthiest way of getting boys offline." Michael G. Thompson, PhD, a child developmental psychologist, who trains counselors and staff at several all-boys camps, notes the emphasis placed on selecting effective counselors is essential. Counselors who provide deep kindness and empathy to campers model healthier, more expansive examples of masculinity to boys. 'It's a magic combination,' says Dr. Thompson. 'There's nobody that an 11 or 12-year-old boy admires more than a 21-year-old young man.' Thompson believes the magic lies in the dramatic difference in physical appearance and maturity levels between campers and counselors, but the relatively small gap in their ages. 'The boys think, 'I can be that in a few years,'' he says. This is particularly important in light of a new study from the Movember Institute of Men's Health that found 60% of American boys engage with masculinity influencers (like Andrew Tate) on a regular basis. Krista Fisher, one of Movember's researchers, explained that boys are likely drawn to this content because the influencers talk to their audience like a "cool big brother" and, as a result, boys end up seeing them as role models. But this hypermasculine content has also been found to increase feelings of worthlessness, depression, restlessness, sadness, and nervousness in boys who engage with it. On the other hand, Seidler believes that having healthy, well-trained role models like a camp counselor, can have the opposite effect. 'There is a retraining and relearning that can happen when boys have a number of weeks with a 'real guy' in front of them,' he says. When campers hear counselors talk about their own lives, relationships, and challenges it illustrates the multifaceted reality of masculinity: there is no single way to be a man. 'Boys need real-life offline figures who can speak to the messiness of manhood,' says Seidler. The investment that camps make to educate counselors also reflects the moral and ethical guidance they provide to campers more broadly. Most camps have a set of mottos or rules that are meant to help campers navigate life's challenges at camp and in society. Take for example Camp Becket YMCA, an all-boys summer camp in Massachusetts. The camp's mottos, which are posted all over the grounds include: 'Help the other fellow' 'Peace through understanding' 'Manners maketh the man' These types of lessons can be foundational to how boys grow into men. Dr. Thompson interviewed two men in their 50s who attended Camp Becket as children and, decades after their camp days, still referred to themselves as 'Becket Boys.' They said the moral lessons they learned at the all-boys camp became a foundational part of their moral compasses as adults. An all-boys camp, of course, isn't going to be a good fit for every family. But if you do want to go that route, selecting one you're comfortable with takes a bit of research up front. The American Camp Association lists 119 accredited all-boys camps nationwide. While parents can use the association's database to find camps that match certain criteria like location, cost, and special needs, Thompson suggests taking a simpler and more effective route: ask the people in your community for recommendations. From there, he advises having a conversations with camp directors about their approaches and the values of their camps. If costs are a concern, it's also a good time to bring up financial aid, which is something that many camps now offer. It is also worth noting that Dr. Thompson thinks boys should only be sent to single gender camps if they attend co-ed schools during the academic year, noting that both co-ed and single gender experiences are vital for children's development. Choosing between sleepaway (or residential) camps and day camps can be important as well. Dr. Thompson says it certainly provides a more intensive and holistic experience while also giving boys the opportunity to fully disconnect from all technology for the length of their stay. But if they are not ready for the full experience away from home, Dr. Thompson says boys can still get some of the same benefits from day camps. Providing boys with experiences like all-boys summer camps opens up an environment where boys and men are allowed to express the full breadth and depth of their humanity. Once this foundation is established, it becomes easier for parents and educators to build upon through supportive conversations. 'Boys can see that this [way of living] is something they want to fight for rather than feeling like it's thrust upon them,' says Seidler. 'If you provide them that sense of autonomy, they will find a way to make better choices.' Read the original article on Parents
