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Yahoo
6 days ago
- Entertainment
- Yahoo
My Crush Humiliated Me in Front of my Friends. So I Took Revenge People Still Talk About Today.
This is part of Revenge Week, a series about how vengeance runs America, from the White House to cheating spouses to that bad boss who totally deserved it. You know that thing where you have a crush on someone but you're mean to them? It's like nine-tenths of 10 Things I Hate About You. Well, I was once so in love with a fella, I mailed him my poop. It was 1986 and I was 16. It was a nerve-wracking time to be gay. All you ever heard about gayness in most high schools were cruel jokes about AIDS, so I kind of stayed in the closet at my Catholic academy. I say kind of because I was also like a kid in a candy store. It was an all-boys school. I was known to be like Animal from the Muppets there, playing pranks and acting a fool. (A lot of that was just to get my mind off having the hots for half the student body.) But one guy especially made me weak in the knees. His name was Jason and he was what gays now call a 'short king,' or 'fun-sized.' He was also quite fit from being on the wrestling team. We met in rehearsals for the spring musical. I tried not to swoon over him but it was all too much! He had big brown eyes, a plump bubble butt, and Pooh Bear cuteness. And for a dude who played a sport, he was nice! Everyone loved him. He was cheerful and affectionate and quick with a joke like me, so he liked me right back … to a point. I couldn't help fantasizing about the two of us getting married, which also involved fantasizing that two guys could get married and that he didn't have a girlfriend. Everyone knew how I felt about him. No one said so, but it was hard to miss. I'd talk cutesy to him all the time like he was the world's most adorable puppy. He'd roll his eyes, ignoring it mostly. Then he started spitting. Actually, 'spitting' doesn't really capture what it was. You see, all the theater kids at my school sat in the same part of the cafeteria. We'd talk about how much we loved Letterman on TV, and how he featured nonsense every night, like the Stupid Human Tricks bit. People would squirt milk out of their eyes and stop ceiling fans with their tongues. And one day at the table, Jason said, 'I can do a Stupid Human Trick!' 'Do it!' I said. I was always so supportive of him. 'I already did,' he said. 'I just spat in your face!' I was clueless. I hadn't noticed a thing. He was dying laughing. 'You missed it!' he said. 'I'll do it again!' Then with a weird open smile and his teeth clenched shut, he made a little 'psst' sound, and this time, I felt it. Right in the eye. Jason could spit the tiniest saliva droplets through a gap in his front teeth that was so small, I'd never noticed it—and I'd spent a lot of that year studying his smile. The guys at the table kept saying, 'Do it again!' and leaning in for a closer look. And like it was payback for all the times I'd made his eyes roll with my cutesy talk, Jason stuck with one target: me. I kept wiping barely perceptible droplets off my face until finally, that creepy clenched smile and those pinprick hits had me seeing red. 'If you spit at me one more time, I'll mail you my poop!' I said. And he did. When the bell rang and everyone ran back to class, I was flustered. I'd been the center of Jason's attention for almost a whole lunch period! But dammit, I wasn't thrilled with the vibe. I felt ashamed, like he was signaling from the lookout of his castle that I shouldn't come any closer. Also, why had I said I'd mail him my poop? Where did that even come from? Still, it would be the most outrageous of pranks; the weirdest revenge ever. I told myself I'd give it a month, hoping that in that time, he'd forget the whole thing. One month later, I'd cooled it on the lovey-dovey stuff, and Jason and I were getting along again. But the more I thought about the poop, the more it made me laugh. And was I not good for my word? The plan was to float a Tupperware bowl in our toilet at home and poop in it, hoping it wouldn't bounce off the rim. And it turns out that I was good at hitting targets, too! It was a healthy and ample production. I pulled the bowl out and closed the airtight seal, which I was counting on to lock in the smell. I put a Post-it note on the lid and wrote 'ENJOY THE COOKIES!' I wrapped it all up in a shoebox, addressed it to Jason , and handed it to the clerk at our local post office just before they closed on a Tuesday afternoon. Wednesday and Thursday at the lunch table were uneventful. But on Friday, Jason showed up to the table looking at me like I was possibly insane. He flatly said, 'Enjoy the cookies?!' and I exploded with laughter. Everyone leaned in again, and he laid into one hell of a story. Jason had gotten home from school the day before and his mom had the package for him waiting on the kitchen table. She said, 'Jason! Something came for you! Do you know what it could be?' He didn't. In that month's time, he'd forgotten. She stood over him to watch the unboxing. They were both pleased to learn it was cookies, but then he peeled back the lid. 'The smell hit us both like a nuclear blast. I almost dropped the damn contents on the floor!' he said. He slammed it shut and ran it out to the garbage with his mom still in shock in the kitchen. 'Who would possibly do such a thing?!' she was wailing. He was rolling his eyes. 'Only one person on Earth. Kevin Allison.' It became the stuff of legend at our school. In my 40s, I started seeing a therapist. He said, 'You were in love with this guy and you sent him your poop. You think that might have been kinky?' But no, I hadn't felt that way. So what was it really about? At 16, I'd claimed the poop was revenge, but in fact, it was too much for that. I'd far overshot the revenge. Instead of an eye for an eye, I'd given him back a whole torso … and then some. I think the sophomore in me just had to have the last word—and the stupidest human trick. Solve the daily Crossword
Daily Mail
19-06-2025
- Entertainment
- Daily Mail
Neighbours set to turn up the heat with first-ever gay love triangle
As Neighbours faces its impending cancellation, the iconic soap opera isn't holding back, introducing its first-ever gay love triangle that promises to shake things up. The storyline sees Aaron (Matt Wilson), who is still reeling from the loss of his husband last year, entangled in a romantic web involving two exes: Rhett (Liam Maguire) and Colton (Jakob Ambrose). The trio's paths collided unexpectedly at a yoga class this week, igniting a competition for Aaron's affection. In a shock move, Aaron boldly decided to date both simultaneously, setting the stage for expected chaos. Actor Liam Maguire has shared his excitement about being involved in such a compelling storyline. From A-list scandals and red carpet mishaps to exclusive pictures and viral moments, subscribe to the DailyMail's new showbiz newsletter to stay in the loop. 'Reading the scripts I kept finding myself laughing and that felt like the most progressive thing about the storyline,' he told Yahoo Lifestyle. 'It's so confidently queer while being able to be funny and playful, because all the characters are entirely comfortable with who they are.' 'It definitely was something I recognised reading these scripts... that we were going to be given the chance to portray queer characters in a really fun, messy, playful, honest way,' Jakob Ambrose added. 'I think it's important all our colours are seen on screen - the happy family, but also the messiness it sometimes takes to get there. Working with Liam and competing in a way has been the best way to be forced to step it up.' Fans have taken to social media to praise the long-running soap opera for creating such an engaging story. 'Best scene in Neighbours I've ever watched. Absolutely hilarious, hats off to the writers,' one person wrote. 'The best thing on Neighbours for a long time,' a second added. It comes after the long-running soap opera was abruptly axed in February, after Amazon did not renew their contract with production company Fremantle Australia. In response to the shock announcement, an Amazon spokesperson told MailOnline: 'Neighbours has brought so much joy over the last 40 years to its fanbase globally. 'Forty years is an incredible milestone and we are proud that Amazon MGM Studios was able to have a small part of bringing further episodes to Freevee and Prime Video customers over the last two years.' In a heartwarming post, the crew assured fans that new episodes from the 40th anniversary season would continue to be broadcast on Prime Video and Ten, with 'all the big soapie twists and turns that our viewers love.' The show's Executive Producer Jason Herbison went on to celebrate the many years of Neighbours and the success it had experienced since its inception. 'Audiences all around the world have loved Neighbours for four decades. We are proud of the success over the last two years including often appearing as one of the Top 10 titles in the UK and the show's first ever Daytime Emmy nomination,' he said. 'As this chapter closes, we appreciate and thank Amazon MGM Studios for all that they have done for Neighbours – bringing this iconic and much-loved series to new audiences globally.' He ended the post, saying: 'We value how much the fans love Neighbours and we believe there are more stories of the residents of Ramsay Street to tell in the future.' The final ever episodes will air at the end of 2025 with fans forced to say goodbye to Ramsay Street for a second time, after first being axed in February 2022.
