Latest news with #gentleparenting
South China Morning Post
a day ago
- General
- South China Morning Post
Experts in Hong Kong discuss why gentle parenting is trending and why it may be useful for local families
If you're a parent in 2025, you'll have had a hard time avoiding the term 'gentle parenting'. Whether it's showing up on your social media feed or being demonstrated at play dates, gentle parenthood seems to be the hot topic in parenting circles this year. But what exactly is it? What principles does it stem from? And most importantly, does it work? Advertisement All families are different, from their multiple personalities and varied family structures, to the different needs and schedules of parents and children. On top of this, many different parenting styles exist , with the four most studied approaches being defined as authoritarian, authoritative, permissive and neglectful. Heep Hong Society's educational psychologist Jacqueline To aligns the gentle parenting movement with the authoritative parenting style, an approach coined by psychologist Diana Baumrind in the 1960s that sets clear boundaries and expectations with children, while also being responsive and supportive of their feelings and needs. Jacqueline To, Heep Hong Society's educational psychologist. Photo: Handout 'I think it's kind of like a terminology shift,' she says. '[Gentle parenting] is a recent buzzword, I would say. So there aren't really any specific studies embodying all the principles, but it is very relevant or very related to some of the other kinds of parenting styles that we've always been talking about.' She uses the expression 'gentle but firm', to highlight how the values of empathy and boundary-setting can coexist without being opposed. Dr Natalie Loong, a clinical psychologist at Central Minds, defines the approach as one that 'centres empathy, respect and emotional connection within the parent-child relationship'. She says 'in line with global trends, gentle parenting principles are gaining interest in parts of Asia, particularly among younger, urban parents, with millennials often leading the shift'. Advertisement Some experts suggest that the rising appeal of softer parenting techniques reflects a broader desire among parents to raise their children differently from how they themselves were raised. 'In many Asian cultures, traditional parenting has emphasised obedience, discipline and respect for hierarchy,' Loong adds. 'In response, some younger parents may be embracing gentle parenting and similar approaches as a way to break from the practices they experienced growing up.'
CNA
4 days ago
- General
- CNA
I'm trying to be a 'gentle parent', but it's a lot tougher than I thought
I was brought up with rather strict parenting – the kind where most discussions ended with "because I said so" and questioning authority would earn you a lengthy, often heated lecture. Many of my friends had a similar upbringing. Our parents largely subscribed to the proverbial wisdom of " spare the rod, spoil the child". They genuinely believed that a strict, fear-based approach would turn us into well-behaved, successful adults. With that, we as children learnt to bottle things up, blow up or, worse, shut down completely when our feelings became too overwhelming. We became people-pleasers, emotional avoiders or masters of silent rage-cleaning (this last one is me, honing in on cleaning things while feeling angry or frustrated). So when I had my two boys, born just 11 months apart, I wanted to do things differently. A few years ago, a moment of pure sibling chaos erupted in our household when my boys were fighting over a toy. I stormed in, eyes blazing and hands on hips. I raised my voice over the noise they were making, so loud that they froze and flinched. And then I saw it – the fear in their eyes, not of the consequences, but of me. In that moment, I realised that I was falling into the exact same traps and patterns as my own parents did. From that moment on, I delved wholeheartedly into the world of gentle parenting, reading all the books, listening to all the podcasts and watching all the TikTok videos with my children. It sounds beautiful in theory, the calm tones, mutual respect, co-regulation and empathy at the heart of the discipline. It is the kind of parenting you imagine happening in softly lit, beige-toned homes filled with Montessori toys, probably while you and your children are dressed in matching white linen outfits. But practising it in real life is a whole different story, especially when you were not raised that way. REWIRING YOURSELF Contrary to some misconceptions, gentle parenting does not mean giving your kids a free pass for any and all sorts of behaviour. To me, gentle parenting is similar to authoritative parenting, but with a softer edge. We still need to set clear boundaries and expectations with our kids, but we do so with empathy, respect and open communication, rather than fear or control. The hope is that the gently parented child would learn to recognise and control their emotions because the caregiver is consistently affirming that those feelings are important. Hence, every gentle parenting technique starts with the parent learning how to self-regulate themselves and their emotions, which is much, much easier said than done. Self-regulation sounds intuitive, but it is not something innate. It is a skill and one that must be taught and practised, like any other. When we learn how to self-regulate, we can model how to keep cool when faced with big feelings or inconveniences. We are able to stay calm, think clearly and react with intention, even when we are running on caffeine and only three hours of sleep. HARDER THAN YOU THINK I wish I had learnt to self-regulate before I learnt how to swim or ride a bicycle. Now, as an adult, I would rather feel the pain of giving birth again than have to give deference to a child's every mood, all while keeping my voice within the "gentle" threshold, just to get them to brush their teeth or put on their freaking shoes. It doesn't come easily at all. A friend once asked me: "We're facing an economic crisis, a climate crisis, mental health issues and a million work deadlines. Why add this pressure to gentle parenting, too?" And my answer was: Because I've seen it work. One small but meaningful win came during a particularly stressful afternoon. I was on a Teams call at work, trying to sound like a competent professional, when my three-year-old marched into the living room and, right before my eyes, dumped an entire bowl of cereal onto the carpet. My gut reaction: Yell. Scold. Lecture. But instead, I muted my microphone and, as calmly as I could, told him that I was overwhelmed and asked if he could clean up the mess. He looked up at me and, without missing a beat, said: "Okay, Mum. Do you need a hug or some space to breathe?" I was stunned. This tiny human, covered in crumbs, had just offered me the exact compassion I'd been trying to model for him. It was one of those moments that made all the effort feel worthy. BREAKING THE CYCLE Honestly, I don't know if I'm making the "correct" choice. I don't know what the long-term effects will be – my boys are still little. However, I'm already starting to see a shift. They come to me with their feelings. They know they are allowed to cry, to rage, to laugh, to be messy and human. They call me out when I say things that are overly harsh or inappropriate. Sometimes, I apologise for hurting their feelings, sometimes they do for hurting mine. Gentle parenting is also teaching me to pause and look for the reason behind the behaviour. When kids act out, it is often because they are overwhelmed or disconnected. And when they defy you, it is often a plea for connection or autonomy (or sometimes just for snacks). Don't get me wrong. It is still hard – so hard. But it helps to remind myself daily that my kids are learning how to handle their big emotions by watching how I handle mine. Some days, I get it right. I pause. I validate. I hold the boundary with kindness. I sit beside my sobbing child and say, "I know this is hard. I am here. You are safe." And then there are days when I lose it, when I snap over spilt milk and slam the fridge door just a little too hard. When I say something sharp, my child shrinks. I can't be perfect. After all, I am just a sleep-deprived working mum-of-two trying her best. But now, I notice. I apologise. And I try again.
Yahoo
22-07-2025
- General
- Yahoo
Millennial Parents Are Sharing The Things They Really, Really Wish Their Boomer Parents Understood
Millennials are the first generation of parents to have grown up in the digital era — and it shows. Today's parents have access to infinitely more information than their parents had, and they hold themselves to a different set of standards. Some boomers may mock today's touchy-feely gentle parenting, but these trends have grown out of insight into child development and the impact of childhood trauma. Many parents today believe that if you want to raise kind, respectful kids, you start by treating them with kindness and respect. A changed economic landscape means parents are also under more financial pressure. The cost of childcare continues to rise, with the average cost of a week of daycare going up 13% between 2022 and 2024. Families today are spending an average of 24% of their income on childcare — that's more than triple the 7% the Department of Health and Human Services considers affordable. This problem, along with parents working longer hours and spending more time caring for their children, makes it no surprise that parents' mental health is suffering. Back in August, U.S. Surgeon General Vivek Murthy issued an advisory on parental mental health, citing 'an intensifying culture of comparison' among the stressors weighing on parents, causing them to report significantly higher rates of stress than adults without children. Today's parents are certainly looking for support wherever they can find it, online or within their own families. Oftentimes, grandparents want to be helpful but may struggle with all the ways parenting has changed since they raised their children. We asked millennial parents to tell us what they wish their parents understood. Here's what they had to say. Times have changed. Related: 'The world is a different place from when we were raised, so parenting has to be different. The mental load is crazy, and usually both parents need to work, so the 'traditional' family life most of us grew in is obsolete (for the majority). The comments of 'when you were young,' no matter how well-meaning, add to the parental guilt of not being available for your child 100% of the time as a mother or not being able to provide financially by yourself as a father, and it really hurts.' — Lesley Cox 'Millennials are navigating a different world when it comes to financial instability, work-life balance and social media pressures. It genuinely is harder being a parent now, especially when it comes to costs compared to back in the day, even accounting for inflation. Childcare expenses are astronomical and add to stress. Millennials wish their parents understood that raising kids today comes with different economic, social and cultural challenges and that comparison to the 'way things were' can feel invalidating.' — Dr. Mona Amin We expect an equal partnership. Related: 'A lot of boomer people, they're so amazed at our partners and how much they participate in child rearing. They're like, 'Oh my gosh, they're just the best dad!' And I have a great husband, and he is a great dad, but it's like, yeah, because he does the same things I do. I'm a great mom, too. But there's so many kudos toward men, which I just think is funny. Their generation, she's like, 'Your dad didn't change a single darn diaper.' Well, I would not have let that fly. That's insane. I'm just calling her out on it: 'No, mom, this is called a partnership. He doesn't get a party because he's doing what is expected.'' — Taylor Wolfe Sometimes you need to expand the village. 'I've noticed that my parents understand the importance of being and providing a 'village' to help me with my children and family. I do wish though that they understood that all help doesn't always have to come from the family. Sometimes, to allow for everyone in the family to rest, hired help may be needed. It could be a nanny, babysitter or daycare. My parents feel that I shouldn't pay for the help if they're around. The issue is that, just like my husband and I, our parents need a break, and we respect that. If we have the means and access to outside help, it's a huge privilege and an added expense that's worth it. Responsibilities can be shared without guilt.' — Mya Morenzoni 'I wish my parents knew that we have to parent so much differently than they did back in the day. We have to parent with paid help, whether that's a nanny or au pair. The village is available, but at a cost.' — Natalie Robinson We speak openly about mental health. Related: 'Many millennials prioritize their own mental health and their children's emotional well-being, embracing therapy, mindfulness and open communication about mental health. They want their parents to recognize that mental health is not a taboo topic but an integral part of raising happy, resilient kids.' — Dr. Mona Amin More is expected of us. 'One of the biggest struggles seems to be getting my parents to understand that things that were 'good enough' or 'fine' for me or my siblings aren't good enough anymore. From food to schoolwork to sports/extracurriculars and even what they're watching ... there's just a lot more involvement. And the crazy thing is that it's also somewhat expected that millennial parents will be overly involved in their kids' lives.' — Christina Rincon We place a high value on experiences. Related: 'We're focused on creating life-long memories for and with our kids. Prioritizing vacations with and without kids is just as important as anything else in life.' — Natalie Robinson We respect our children and give them autonomy. 'One thing that I wish that our parents understood is that we treat our children with respect and we understand that they are humans who are allowed to express their emotions. I think the best way to teach children to be respectful people is to give them that respect. That means allowing them to express their emotions and also to apologize to our kids if there's a situation where I feel like maybe I handled it incorrectly. How can I get upset about my children not regulating their emotions if I can't always be expected to regulate mine? So my kids are allowed to have bad days. They're allowed to say, 'Mama, I don't agree.' They're allowed to choose who they want to hug and who they don't want to hug. Those are the tough conversations we have had with our parents because how they want to parent our kids is not the same. In the moment, I'm not going to disagree with my mom or my in-laws, but it is a conversation after the fact: 'Hey, you know how you responded in this moment? I'm not calling my child a crybaby. I'm not telling them to stop crying, to suck it up. We're using different language.'' — Jamilla Svansson-Brown Responses have been lightly edited for clarity and length. This article originally appeared on HuffPost. Also in Goodful: Also in Goodful: Also in Goodful:
Daily Mail
18-07-2025
- General
- Daily Mail
Forget gentle parenting! If you really want your child to thrive, you need to be STRICT with them, study confirms
If you're a parent, you'll likely have heard of the popular trend known as 'gentle parenting'. The approach, increasingly fashionable with Millennial and Gen Z parents, encourages adults to never raise their voice. Gentle parents calmly explain to their child the consequences of their behaviour, rather than getting angry and engaging in a shouting match. But if you're an advocate of gentle parenting, you might want to start to toughen up for the good of your child's future. According to a new study, children who experience more 'authoritative' parenting do better at school up until the age of 11. The analysis of nearly 6,000 children from across England suggests 'clear boundaries' and a bit of tough love help youngsters thrive. 'Higher parental limit-setting was associated with a greater likelihood of children achieving the expected level,' say the study authors. Celebs who use gentle parenting include actress Mindy Kaling, singer Alanis Morissette and comedian Dax Shepard – but many claim it fails to show kids the consequences of their negative actions. According to experts, the punishment-free style focuses on improving a child's self-awareness and understanding of their own behaviour. It completely avoids shouting and use of the word 'no', while maintaining warmth and empathy and trying to act as the child's friend. 'The idea is to be more like a coach for your kid rather than a punisher,' said Dr Karen Estrella, pediatrician at Cleveland Clinic in Ohio who was not involved with the study. But some fear gentle parenting leads to children becoming spoilt and entitled – and increases the likelihood their behaviour will spiral out of control. Meanwhile, the more traditional authoritative parenting involves 'high levels of psychological control and clearer parental limit-setting'. Although it also includes displays of warmth and sensitivity, shouting and other forms of boundary-setting are not off-limits with authoritative parenting. The study by researchers at the National Centre for Social Research, a registered charity in London, tracked nearly 6,000 children for more than 10 years. It involved interviews with families, surveys with childcare staff and class teachers, and linking of survey results to educational attainment data. Parenting styles and the progress of children were recorded from the age of two right up to the end of primary school (Year 6, ages 10-11). According to the findings, children who experienced authoritative parenting were more likely to reach the expected standard in reading, writing and maths tests in Year 6, they found. Having limits set by parents was also linked with better academic performance for Key Stage 1 children – those aged five to seven. Authoritative parenting was also better in this sense than 'authoritarian' parenting, which employs even greater strictness and far less warmth. Although the study suggests that gentle parenting hinders academic performance, it's unclear why exactly this is, but it may be that children who know no boundaries are more prone to disruptive behaviour that distracts them from learning. Higher academic performance may continue past the age of 11 following authoritative parenting, although this is not something the study looked at. One critic of gentle parenting is Katharine Birbalsingh, commonly known as Britain's strictest headmistress, who thinks the approach makes modern parents 'infantilised' and doesn't hold children to account. 'The culture and the language that's being used means parents feel that they're not in a position of authority over their child,' she said. Professor Vivien Hill, psychologist at University College London's Institute of Education, thinks gentle parenting can lead to problems when the child starts school. 'That child is going to be entering the world of school where a teacher has to be able to control and teach 30 children,' she told the Telegraph. 'Nobody has the capacity to negotiate in that environment.' On the other hand, Sarah Ockwell-Smith, gentle parenting advocate and author, claims the philosophy results in 'calmer, happier children'. Gentle parenting will 'validate a child's feelings and employ kindness, empathy and understanding', she said, but many believe that in practice it fails to curb chaos. Why stressed-out dads may be to blame for their child's 'terrible twos' It's known as one of the most problematic periods in an infant's life, dreaded by new parents. The terrible twos is a problematic developmental period characterised by tantrums, shouting, crying and repeated use of the word 'no'. But researchers at King's College London may have finally discovered what triggers this difficult phase. The experts found a link between fathers who experience too much stress in the months following the birth of their child, and the child's subsequent development of emotional and behavioural problems at age two. It's possible that stressed dads have a 'negative parenting style' that causes their child's problems, according to the researchers. 'Our study found that paternal stress makes a unique contribution to child outcomes, particularly during the early postpartum months,' said lead study author Dr Fiona Challacombe at the Institute of Psychiatry, Psychology & Neuroscience (IoPPN) at King's College London.
Yahoo
30-06-2025
- General
- Yahoo
Grandparents Are Sharing Their Brutally Honest Opinions About Modern Parenting, And It's Very Insightful
The practices and norms around raising kids shift over time, with each generation of parents redefining an age-old role. Sometimes these shifts are based on new research, technologies or cultural trends; other times they're a response to how the previous generation did things. Millennials and younger Gen Xers with kids today are generally parenting in a more conscious way than their own parents did. For better or worse, they have a lot more information, advice and opinions at their fingertips than the parents who came before them. Because each generation has their own perspective on the tough job of raising kids, we asked today's grandparents in our Facebook community to share their thoughts on current parenting practices. Here's what they had to say. Responses have been lightly edited for clarity and length. I love the more gentle parenting philosophy that's popular today. 'My kids are so invested in their children it's beautiful! They use gentle parenting techniques, even with challenging personalities; provide them with healthy outlets and nurture their friends as well. They're 100% better than I was — but I had to do it alone with five children. I'd choose my kid's parenting over mine, every time!' — Anne W. However, I worry some parents today are too permissive with their kids. 'People who want to do gentle parenting should really educate themselves on how it works if they are trying to achieve the goals of gentle parenting. Frequently people confuse it with permissive parenting.' — Marny H. It's great to see dads stepping up more at home. 'Likes: My daughter is a hard working, gentle and wonderful mother, and my son-in-law is an amazing hands-on dad that successfully carries half the load. Our collective grandkids would be fortunate if they ALL have this kind of parenting. Dislikes: Sad Beige Parenting.' — Angela A. I'm envious of the conveniences of modern parenting. 'Just wish Amazon was a thing back then. Delivery of diapers alone would have made me continually grateful.' — Susan S. It's surprising to me how many kids can't behave in a restaurant. 'Really liking most of the trends and hope I live long enough to see how these littles fare in adulthood. I do notice the majority of today's children aren't emotionally regulated enough to use passable manners in restaurants, and I don't understand what that's about.' — Ream J. I think parents should just let their kids be kids. 'The race to nowhere has made kids anxious. I think in general, we need to lay off the elite athletics, private coaches, tutors, college prep classes etc. in adolescence. Let kids go back to enjoying being young and stop focusing on their 'future' from the moment they come out the womb.' — Dawn J. Excessive screen time concerns me. 'Too much time spent on the friggin' phone!' — Susan F. I believe some parents could benefit from taking on a more authoritative role. 'Too many of today's parents are their children's 'friends,' so no one is in control!' — Marilyn C. I feel like parents could do more to encourage basic manners. 'Respect and manners are a big deal for me. Saying thank you is almost non-existent. It's also very impolite to not return messages. Another pet peeve is being habitually late. Remember, children learn what they live. Quality time spent with children is also extremely important. Spending time outside rather than inside playing video games is great quality time.' — Karen C. I'm disheartened by declining vaccination rates among kids. 'Kids need minimum vaccinations unless there is a valid medical reason. Unvaccinated kids are a public health nuisance and a person lacking medical training shouldn't be making decisions that affect the global population.' — Dawn J. A number of grandparents remarked on how impressed they are by their adult children's parenting. I love that my grandkids are encouraged to play outside and read. 'My kids are doing great, their children play as children should. They are outside, playing in dirt, riding a bike, learning. Inside they play with toys, puzzles games and read, and no technology and little TV.' — Maria L. I think more could be done to foster empathy, patience and common sense. 'In a world soon to be dominated by artificial intelligence, where wants are met instantly, we need to step back to be able to teach patience and understanding that survival isn't just about getting everything you want when you want it. That taking care of your needs and the needs of others is as important. There was a comical post that asked if you were concerned about the increase in artificial intelligence? The reply was I am more concerned in the decrease of real intelligence! We can't lose creativity, empathy, basic life skills as parents and teachers. There will come time when a child is forced into a situation where common sense is required and you don't have an app or device.' — Eric R. My kids are doing a better job than I did as a parent. 'My kids are much better parents than I was. They are doing an amazing job.' — Alan A. 'My daughter and son-in-law have two teenagers. They've parented an A+.' — Rose post originally appeared on HuffPost.
