Latest news with #introvert
Washington Post
2 hours ago
- General
- Washington Post
Carolyn Hax: Angry spouse blames violent outbursts on wife's introversion
Adapted from an online discussion. Dear Carolyn: My wife and I have been married 20 years, the past five full of anger and hostility. She is highly introverted. Her happy place is deep in a book, on a solo hike, or with her sisters or her few friends. She is very content. I am not. I am lonely and feel overlooked. It has made me very angry and resentful, and I have exploded at her in anger in ways she apparently found terrifying and traumatic. I would never hurt her or our kids (older teens), but I have broken things, punched walls and screamed at her. At her urging, I sought therapy, but reflecting on our marriage made me realize I have been unhappy, and resentful, for most of it. I don't know if I want to be married to her. I try to do nice things for her, but I don't think she is capable of giving me the attention I need to feel loved. She cites her introversion, but also the angry behaviors I haven't been able to get under control. She isn't wrong — I do sometimes talk about harming myself or say she has ruined the marriage. But I no longer break or punch anything. I don't understand why my efforts don't count more. She notes she has remained present and engaged, encouraged therapy, and responded with patience and kindness, and I need to accept she cannot erase my loneliness or suddenly become an unreserved person. She spends time with me and has encouraged me to pursue friendships and hobbies. But it isn't helping. I am still so angry and isolated. I know I have messed up in some ways, but I don't understand why she can't just work harder to make me feel like a priority. — Lonely and Resentful Lonely and Resentful: Threatening self-harm means you need more help than you're getting. Full stop. Back to therapy; tell the truth. None of this 'she apparently found' crap, either. No. Your violence terrified and traumatized your family. That is abuse, not 'messed up in some ways.' Stop dodging responsibility for it. And stop seeing therapy as a way to change your wife. Last time, you emerged resentful of her for not 'mak[ing]' you happy. That's not how it works. Having needs is valid, but they're not invoices to others — not even to spouses. If people don't meet our needs, then we can ask, yes, for X. But if they say no, we don't get to take them to emotional collection and extract X by force. Your ability to change your marriage ends where your wife's autonomy begins. You can't make her be someone she isn't or do something she won't. You can't call it her fault and abuse her. Your wife is modeling autonomy within a marriage: giving what she is willing and able to give you, remaining true to herself within the context of your union. Whether it's what you want is up to you. If not, then you can try to thrive on what she offers, or do without, or divorce. You expect her to 'work harder,' yet how successfully have you changed your core self? Here's a metaphor: Therapy showed that you've craved steak your entire marriage. But your marriage is a tea shop. Is your wife asking, 'Why can't he work to love tea?!' Seems not. So. Find your own honest protein sources — as your wife now nourishes herself — or embrace scones, or admit you picked wrong and leave. Don't terrorize tea shops for being tea shops. For help mid-fury, step away and call 800-799-SAFE or 988. And more, more honest counseling. Immediately.
Fox News
6 days ago
- General
- Fox News
Worker's unusual lunch spot backfires after uncomfortable confrontation: 'Was I being disrespectful?'
The internet erupted recently when a Reddit user revealed an unusual lunch location, sparking strong reactions. The user began by noting that he or she was an introvert working in a "highly social customer service job," the person said in a thread on the popular "Am I the A--hole" subreddit. "I often need to take my lunch hour alone to recharge," the commenter added. "Next door to my workplace is a big, well-kept cemetery." "On nice days, I take my lunch to one of those benches, eat my sandwich and read a book," the Redditor wrote. "Sometimes I walk along the paths and read the gravestones." But recently, the lunch spot led to an uncomfortable social situation that left the person shaken up, as relayed in the post. "Last week, I had just finished my lunch and was packing things away when another visitor approached me and we began chatting," the user said. "They said they were here to visit their parents and asked whom I had lost." The person went on, "I had to admit that none of my loved ones were buried here, but that I was coming here because it was peaceful and I needed a place to take a break from my work." The grieving person responded with disgust — and accused the lunch eater of "treating the cemetery like a personal park," which took the Reddit poster aback. "I apologized and left immediately and haven't been back since," the user admitted. "But I was surprised to hear this, as I had not thought I was being disrespectful." Addressing a query to the community's 24 million users, the person asked, "Was I being disrespectful?" In response, hundreds of Redditors overwhelmingly supported the person's decision. "Graveyards are places of peace and reflection not only for those who have lost someone, but for everyone," the top comment read. "Originally, cemeteries were used like this," another user claimed. "It's why when you go to older ones, [there are] lots of open spaces and benches." Another chimed in, "In the Victorian period, it was quite common to have picnics in cemeteries … It's only after regular parks became more common that the practice died down." A different user quipped, "Why do they think there are benches in these places? Certainly not for the 'residents.'" "Why do they think there are benches in these places? Certainly not for the 'residents.'" The thread also attracted an apparent admirer of the occult — who claimed it was "a very witchy thing to do." "I myself am drawn to witchy symbolism and I respect it a lot," this user wrote. "A certain type of witch finds peace with the ancestors and [is] drawn to cemeteries. They have a connection. This isn't my path, but it is very respected." A few users found the choice of lunch spot to be in poor taste and accused the original poster of being disrespectful. "I can't imagine going to visit my nine-year-old nephew's grave and [finding] someone popping open a f---ing soda," said one person bluntly. "Truly macabre. Have people lost all sense of propriety and respect?" another wrote. Another commenter said, "You're using people's loved ones' final resting place for lunch as a private park … Go out and find a park that's actually a park." Florida-based etiquette expert Jacqueline Whitmore weighed in on the drama, telling Fox News Digital there's "nothing wrong with taking a break and having lunch on a bench in a cemetery." "A lot of people find cemeteries quiet and peaceful and a wonderful place to decompress and reflect." "A lot of people find cemeteries quiet and peaceful and a wonderful place to decompress and reflect," she said. One commenter wrote that, while the person did not do anything wrong, it's important to value the feelings of the mourner also visiting the cemetery. "I don't think you're being disrespectful … I do think, though, that commenters here aren't thinking about the mindset of someone who is visiting [a] loved one's grave," the response read. "Grief is top of mind for them."
Yahoo
21-06-2025
- Health
- Yahoo
Lifelong Friends Move in Together. But Then Pal's Disrespectful Behavior Threatens to End Friendship
Two lifelong friends moved in together, but it quickly turned disastrous One of the women often disregards her roommate's boundaries, causing tension between the two Now, they wonder if they can salvage their friendshipLiving with a friend can be challenging, especially when boundaries are crossed. A 25-year-old woman seeks support from the Reddit community after ongoing tensions with her best friend and housemate have made their living situation increasingly difficult. The two have been close for decades and were initially excited to live together. However, over time, their differing needs and disregard for each other's wishes have led to tension. Now, the poster has come to realize that their lifestyles have become incompatible. 'I have always known I am pretty introverted and came from not a great family home, so shared with her ahead of time that I will need alone time and there may be days when I'm just chilling solo in my room,' the woman writes in the since-deleted post. Her housemate, on the other hand, turned out to be far more extroverted than she had realized before moving in. This fundamental difference has contributed to growing friction, along with her friend's disregard for boundaries. The woman describes how, while she was out of town, her housemate damaged their shared car but failed to inform her. 'She had some kind of minor accident leaving noticeable scratches on my wing mirror and didn't tell me, leaving me to have to ask about them when I found them,' the woman writes. Beyond property concerns, her housemate often makes unsolicited comments about the poster's health, despite being asked to stop. This is particularly sensitive given the Redditor's history with Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS) and a past eating disorder. Never miss a story — sign up for to stay up-to-date on the best of what PEOPLE has to offer, from celebrity news to compelling human interest stories. 'She will often comment on my diet and make comments about my exercise even when I ask her not to as my health is a difficult journey for me and diet in particular triggers my past binge eating disorder from my crappy home life," she writes. Her housemate has also been allowing people, including strangers, to stay in their shared space without permission. When confronted about this, she failed to respect the woman's wishes for future instances. The final straw came when the woman walked into their living room and found her housemate and her boyfriend being intimate with the door open. 'I just think she should be more considerate and I don't think I want someone in my life who doesn't care about me or how their actions would make me feel,' she writes. Though they have discussed many of these issues after the fact, the woman notes that nothing has changed. Now, as she prepares to move out, she is left wondering whether their friendship can—or should— survive beyond their time as housemates. Read the original article on People
South China Morning Post
15-06-2025
- General
- South China Morning Post
A Chinese teacher's clever trick helps introverted boy shine in class
A primary school teacher in China has been praised online for a clever way of helping an introverted pupil interact with his classmates. The teacher organised a lucky draw for her second-grade students to decide whether they would play outside for the rest of the class or stay inside and continue the lesson. The teacher intentionally chose a shy boy to represent the class. The boy appeared to be in a daze for a few seconds before standing up from his seat and walking towards the front of the classroom. He seemed nervous at first but became more relaxed as his classmates encouraged him. The child drew a blank piece of paper, indicating that they could play. When the teacher asked him to display the result to his classmates, the whole room erupted with delight, happy they could go outside. But the teacher had actually guaranteed that the boy would pick a blank piece by making sure all the papers were blank.
The Guardian
28-05-2025
- Entertainment
- The Guardian
Overwhelmed by company? Five introvert-friendly ways to hang out
When I arrive at a gathering I tend to announce my departure in the same breath as my greeting. 'Hi! I brought some wine, where do you want it? Just letting you know I can only stay an hour because I start work really early on Sunday mornings.' Then I might throw in a little yawn and stretch. Restaurants aren't much different: my leg's likely to be jiggling before the order has been jotted down. The last mouthful of dessert sounds a last-drinks bell in my head. It's not that I don't love my friends. I've just got a window of tolerance for face-to-face activities, and then the agitation kicks in. I've been so fascinated by social reluctance that I wrote a book exploring it, The Introvert's Guide to Leaving the House. In my 30s, I'd embarked on a five-year mission to become more outgoing, figuring out which situations I could be comfortable in, and setting myself exercises in social etiquette, empathy and positive reframing. These techniques became second nature by the time I hit my 40s, so I decided to share what I'd learned. It seems timely. When discussing the book with non-introverts, I realised that social overwhelm has massively broadened in recent years. Whether you blame lockdowns, news-cycle malaise or digital-era disconnect, we're less likely to commit to an outing. But I've learned it's possible to engineer low-key hangs that charge an introvert's social battery – or at least don't drain it as quickly. The three-second rule doesn't just apply to dropped food. As reported by the British Psychological Society, a 2016 study of nearly 500 participants found the vast majority felt most comfortable with eye contact that lasted just over three seconds. Business blogs from Throughline Group to Inc will tell you that's the optimal eye gaze time because you're showing engagement without becoming unnerving. That's why shoulder-to-shoulder activities are such a relief. These are activities we do alongside each other rather than face to face, such as going to a gallery, playing pool, a games night, joining your local chapter of the Silent Book Club or taking a simple walk – cheapest hangout ever. Men tend to naturally go shoulder to shoulder more than women; in fact, the Australian Men's Shed Association slogan is 'Men don't talk face to face, but shoulder to shoulder'. I prefer to know in advance how many people are coming. A newish friend once suggested we go on holiday overseas. I agreed, we made an itinerary, then she announced that another woman, who I didn't know, would be joining us. 'The more the merrier!' said the friend. Worst holiday ever. The maths is simple: the more bodies there are in a social pile-up, the more overwhelming it becomes. A single person is possible to read. A scenario with two people requires split concentration to accommodate them both. More than two people means second-guessing what everyone is thinking, so knowing what is most appropriate to say is absolutely impossible. It can help to know who's coming in order to take a moment beforehand to recall the last time you met each person and what was going on for them. Having a one to one side-conversation with someone about something that interests them is infinitely better than aimless group small talk. You could even make notes in your phone contacts whenever you've had an interesting chat. It's not stalking, it's anthropology – you're studying your community. What if you don't know the people? I like to gamify a situation I'm not looking forward to. In this scenario the game could be: figure out who in this group could potentially be your new BFF. Find common ground. Many introverts take the scraping of chair legs across a cafe floor extremely personally. We're sensitive to loud, unscheduled noises (at kids' parties, balloons were a nightmare for me), so venues with the acoustics of a concrete cube are best avoided lest we fritz our synapses. For anyone with sensory processing issues or simply of an irritable nature, a table of six people talking at once sounds like a beer hall during Oktoberfest. Worse, there's probably going to be cross-talk, where more than one conversation is competing for our brain's attention. In these social gatherings I often fall silent. People must think I have the consumptive constitution of a 19th-century muse. If it's just you and a friend, you could likely get away with suggesting a venue change because you're dying to hang on to their every word but can't hear them. If it's a larger group you could try wearable tech – the fancy term for earplugs. Brands such as Happy Ears, Earjobs or Loop earplugs reduce background noise while still allowing conversation to cut through. Every year I fly back to the UK for a week-long family holiday by the seaside, but despite wanting to see my family, I find being fully present during this intensive period a real struggle. After each trip my cousin Adam posts a big album of photos to Facebook. Without fail I'm only in about two photographs, because all week I've been 'just going back to the house', 'just off to get something' or giving them a head start to the beach hut and promising to catch up. Eventually. One year, I decided I would consciously opt to skip certain activities and fully participate in others. Of course, I chose to commit to shoulder-to-shoulder activities. For instance, I opted out of sitting and chatting in the beach hut, but committed to a board game in the evening. Think of the next lengthy get-together you've got coming up and consider what elements you'll sit out and what you'll commit to. Then make sure you're in the photos. Now you've committed to a hangout, give yourself time to self-regulate, since your mood has an effect on others. That means no sighing on arrival or being distant. Introverts can find it harder than most to communicate what's going on for us, but developmentally, managing our spillage is something we ought to be on top of by the time we leave school. If we're still killing everyone's buzz as adults, then it's something we've given ourselves permission to do, hoping people will just make allowances. If your modus operandi has always been Wallow Now, Apologise Later, a good way to behaviour-check yourself is to ask: am I likely to send an apologetic text to this person later? If the answer is yes, try to tackle your behaviour in the moment instead. You might acknowledge your mood and say you're going to reset. You could even half-jokingly ask the other person to help you out by giving you an update on their news while you're 'rebooting'. Better still, take a few minutes before a meet-up to focus on your positive relationship with the person and what might be going on in their life. Ultimately, the best way to get out of your own head is to consider another person's needs. Jenny Valentish is the author of The Introvert's Guide to Leaving the House (Simon & Schuster, A$36.99)
