Latest news with #jokes
Washington Post
10 hours ago
- Entertainment
- Washington Post
Please disperse, ‘Naked Gun' reboot. There's nothing to see here.
A joke is never as funny the second time you hear it. Great comedians, no matter how brilliant a set may be, know they must eventually move on to new material; the Rolling Stones may be able to sell out an arena playing 'Satisfaction' for the 40,000th time, but eventually George Carlin was going to have to stop doing the 'seven dirty words' bit. Comedy is inherently about the act of creation — of surprising an audience with the unexpected. There is nothing unexpected about a knock-knock joke you already know.
CBC
a day ago
- Entertainment
- CBC
The Naked Gun wants to revive classic comedy, but truly shines when it dares to be new
There is a joke in Liam Neeson's The Naked Gun. Of course, there is more than one. When it comes to jokes, the extremely late reboot of Leslie Nielsen's detective comedy series is about as jam-packed as his co-star Pamela Anderson's skin-tight dress. But this one is a subtle and running gag Neeson's Lt. Frank Drebin Jr. and his partner Ed Hocken Jr. (Paul Walter Hauser) take part in for much of the runtime. Walking into the police bull pen, the chief's office, even driving down the street or literally falling through the sky, Drebin and Hocken are always gripping half-full coffee cups. And every time, a just off-screen hand will reach in to offer them a slightly larger one. "Thank you," is Drebin's canned, gruff response, before violently spiking his still-full drink on the ground to take the next, comically bigger cup. Why is this joke here? Is it a commentary on police overwork? A subversion of the visual cues and motifs of the detective genre? An incisive critique on a drug we are willfully blind to our socially accepted dependence on? No, you nerd. Shut up. It's there because it's funny. WATCH | The Naked Gun trailer: This is The Naked Gun' s commitment to the bit — taking place in between a paper-thin story about sort-of femme fatale (Anderson) and Drebin's efforts to uncover a hopelessly convoluted plot by the evil billionaire (Danny Huston). It's one of those self-contained gag movies of the type that pulled in respectable-ish money in the '80s, reached their height in the 2000s' Scary Movie days, but were pretty much completely D.O.A. by 2010's abysmally insipid The 41 Year Old Virgin Who Knocked Up Sarah Marshall and Felt Superbad About It. But The Naked Gun' s humour is not exactly the same. Born out of the 1980s series Police Squad, the franchise operated in that typically American (though still vaguely British) comedic space of the high-brow low-brow. The sort of humour that requires a"sensible chuckle" to indicate you actually got it; a kind of intentionally dumb comedy that, at times, demands a bit of intellectual rigour. But the punchline is nearly always the same: absurd, pointless or raunchy reveals poking fun at the fact that we're immature enough to laugh at them. Think of the mental effort needed to unpack The Simpsons ' infamous"Sneed's Feed and Seed (formerly Chuck's)" line. Now compare that to the actual blue humour of the punchline when it pays off. Over here across the pond, we're smart about how stupid we are. It's this kind of classic comedy this Naked Gun and director Akiva Schaffer (Popstar: Never Stop Never Stopping) aims to bring back, leapfrogging backward over modern-day, algorithm-obsessed and endlessly referential online humour. There are virtually no theatrical comedies to put the jokes in anymore, but that's not to say there's no comedy. SNL is still somehow going strong; The Simpsons, South Park and It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia are all firmly in the double-digit season range; and despite Stephen Colbert's cancellation, we all can't stop debating over how much we appreciate late-night TV. But for the past decade or so we have been asking whether it's a "woke" aversion to raunchy humour, the easier box office bet of slightly jokey action fare, or just a general disrespect for the genre that killed the blockbuster comedy. Punny paraprosdokian It all comes together as an uphill climb for this franchise — reboot the classic comedy as both a pop-culture communicator and a box office machine. Much of The Naked Gun 's scant 85-minute runtime tries to do so by directly emulating Nielsen's original comedy tricks. By, for example, employing the endlessly joyful "paraprosdokian" — a series of sentences in which the second part forces the audience to reinterpret what the first part actually meant. Think of Airplaine! 's perfectly executed exchange: "Surely, you can't be serious." Followed by: "I am serious. And don't call me Shirley." Neeson's The Naked Gun returns to the technique constantly, with good if not side-splitting results. "UCLA?" Neeson asks Anderson at one point, inquiring about her alma mater. "I see it every day," she responds, looking out a window at the city of Los Angeles. She sees L.A. every day. Get it? Well, chuckle sensibly, then. Other linguistic foibles crop up constantly, ranging from pretty great to somewhat OK — either because of a lack of novelty, or the shifting expectations of faster-paced modern comedy. It is not for lack of comedic prowess by the performers, though. Anderson is surprisingly uproarious, and Neeson's comedic chops have been proved time and again, from his Ted 2 cameo to a hysterically unfunny improv scene in Life's Too Short. But The Naked Gun truly shines when it dares to be new; to play around with even moderately current issues that have nothing to do with the original. From the Black Eyed Peas, to Bill Cosby to a requisite O.J. Simpson joke, these moments lead to the few genuinely riotous moments. But unfortunately, they are a little too sparing. The Naked Gun 's white-knuckled grip on old-school humour leads to a flagging middle section that earns more forced laughs over genuine ones. And some of the more absurd Family Guy -esque sections (just wait for the snowman) get old almost as soon as they hit the screen. This does not lead to outright failure. The Naked Gun does what it does incredibly well. But in the middle, a genuine if desperate desire to find Neeson's quips funny makes it all feel somewhat like watching your six-year-old nephew's T-ball game. Seeing him strike out for the fifth time as his coach carefully adjusts the ball in his strike zone. Desperately cheering along from the stands, all while it's getting harder and harder to distract from how many times we're fudging the rules to get him a wi
Yahoo
3 days ago
- Entertainment
- Yahoo
36 Incredibly Stupid Jokes That You'll Hate Yourself For Laughing At (And Even More For Retelling Later)
Over on Quora, people are sharing their absolute favorite stupid joke — you know, the kind that makes you laugh even though you know you shouldn't. Did I laugh at these? Yes. Yes, I did. What? You think they've got Mensa members working here at BuzzFeed? Anyway, here are the funniest ones: 1."I still remember the last words my grandpa said before he kicked the bucket. He said, 'Hey, how far do you reckon I could kick this bucket?'" —Yvette R., Quora 2."A man decides to become a monk. He meets with the head monk, who tells him, 'If you agree to enter here, you must take a vow of silence. After each year, you are allowed to speak just two words.' The man agrees and becomes a monk. A year later, he goes in to see the administrator. 'Bed hard,' the man says. The administrator nods and sends him away. Another year passes. The man returns. 'Food cold,' he says. The administrator nods and sends him away. A year later, the man comes in and says, 'I quit.' The administrator replies, 'I'm not surprised. You've done nothing but complain since you got here.'" —Mike B., Quora 3."A BOOB, a VAGINA, and an ASSHOLE are debating as to who is the greatest of them all." "BOOB: 'I give milk to newborn babies, and I'm attractive to the opposite sex, that's why I'm the greatest.' VAGINA: 'That's nothing. I give birth to babies and I accommodate the opposite sex, that's why I'm the greatest.' Why are you scrolling down? It's your turn to speak!" —Shreya T., Quora 4."I went to the doctors and got a vasectomy because I didn't want kids. When I got home they were still there." —Comedian Bob Mortimer (via Max W., Quora) Related: 5."There was an old priest who got tired of hearing confessions about adultery. One Sunday, he said, 'If I hear one more person confess to adultery, I'm quitting!' So the parishioners started using a code word: Instead of saying they'd committed adultery, they'd say they had 'fallen.' The system worked fine — until the priest passed away and a new one arrived. A week in, the new priest visited the mayor, very concerned, and said, 'You need to fix the sidewalks. People keep coming in saying they've fallen.' The mayor laughed, realizing the misunderstanding — but before he could explain, the priest said, 'I don't know why you're laughing. Your wife fell three times this week.'" —Victor K., Quora 6."What did O say to Q? 'Hey, put that thing back into your trousers!'" —Girish D.S., Quora 7."A ditz walks into a library and says, 'Hi! I'd like a hamburger, large fry, and a Coke.' The librarian replies, 'Ma'am…this is a library.' The ditz laughs and says, 'Oh I'm sorry! Silly me.' She then leans toward the librarian and whispers, 'I'd like to order a hamburger…a large fry…..and a Coke.'" —Sean K., Quora 8."What is the best day to have a parade? March 4th." —Colette, Quora 9."A pirate walks into a bar. He has a huge steering wheel sticking out of his pants. He orders a beer. The bartender pours his beer, slides it over, and then just has to ask: 'Um sir, couldn't help but notice, but…are you aware that you have a steering wheel sticking out of your pants?' The pirate says, 'Aye, matey! I knows! And it's driving me nuts!'" —Sasquatch, Quora 10."Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy calls 911 and gasps, 'My friend is dead! What can I do?' The operator says, 'Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead.' There is a silence on the line, then a gunshot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says, 'OK, now what?'" —Matan S., Quora 11."It's really confusing when a sentence doesn't end the way you think it octopus." —Layth B., Quora 12."Why is it terrible to be a penis? Because your nearest neighbor is an asshole, your two best friends are nuts, and you throw up when you get excited." —Nicki G., Quora Related: 13."A man walks into a bar and pauses — at the far end, there's a guy with a big orange head, just sitting there, staring into his drink. He asks the bartender, 'Hey, what's up with the guy with the big orange head?' The bartender replies, 'It's a wild story. Buy him a drink, maybe he'll tell you.' So the man walks over, introduces himself, and offers to buy a round. The guy with the big orange head says, 'Yeah, I bet you want to hear the story, huh?' The man says, 'Sure, if you don't mind.'' "The guy sighs. 'You know, I've gone over it a million times. Basically, I was walking on the beach one day when I stubbed my toe on something. Looked down — it was an antique brass lamp. I picked it up, dusted it off — and suddenly, this enormous genie bursts out.' He thunders, 'You have freed me from my ten-thousand-year imprisonment. I grant you three wishes in return.' The man at the bar leans in, listening. The guy goes on: 'So I said, "Okay, first wish — I want to be fantastically wealthy."' 'The genie says, "Done." And boom — I've got rings on every finger, a crown on my head, my wallet's stuffed with cash, dozens of ATM cards, and a mansion in the hills. I was loaded.' 'For my second wish, I told him I wanted to marry the most beautiful woman in the world. The genie says, "Granted." The ocean parts, and out walks this stunning woman in a flowing dress. She takes my hand, we fall in love instantly, and the genie marries us right there on the beach. Unreal.' He takes a sip of his beer. 'Then the genie says, "You have one wish left."' The guy with the big orange head pauses. ' may be where I went wrong.' He sighs. 'I wished for a big orange head.'" —Robby G., Quora 14."Why do gorillas have big nostrils? Because gorillas have big fingers." —Betsy M., Quora 15."The word 'Diputseromneve' may look ridiculous, but backwards it's even more stupid." —Chintan S., Quora 16."A woman goes to her boyfriend's parents' house for dinner — her first time meeting them, and she's very nervous. As they sit down to eat, the nerves and broccoli casserole start to hit. The gas pains are brutal. Trying to ease the pressure, she lets out a dainty little fart. Not loud, but definitely noticeable. Before she can panic, the boyfriend's dad glances at the dog lying under the table and says sternly, 'Skippy!'' "Relieved, she smiles. A few minutes later, the pressure returns. She lets out a louder, longer fart. 'Dammit, Skippy!' the dad snaps again. She grins — this is working! A few minutes after that, she lets one rip that could wake the dead. The dad slams his fork down and yells, 'Dammit, Skippy — get away from her before she shits on you!'" —Abhinav S., Quora 17."What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back to you? A stick." —David D., Quora 18."An 85-year-old man was asked by his doctor for a sperm sample. The doctor handed him a jar and said, 'Take this home and bring back a sample tomorrow.' The next day, the man returned with the jar — still empty and spotless. The doctor asked what happened. The man said, 'Well, first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing. We even called up Arleen, the lady next door, and she tried, too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing.'" "The doctor, shocked, said, 'You asked your neighbor?!'" The old man shrugged. 'Yep. None of us could get the jar open.'" —Ashwani R., Quora Related: 19."A guy comes home early from his job at the pickle factory. His wife says, 'What the hell are you doing home at 1 in the afternoon?'" ''I got fired,' he says. 'Fired? For what?' 'I got caught with my dick in the pickle slicer.' She stares at him, shocked. 'Oh my God…what happened to the pickle slicer?' 'She got fired, too.'' —Vic C., Quora 20."A sister rushed over to her sister's home, clearly distraught. 'I'm sorry,' she said. 'Your beloved cat was run over and killed.' The other sister was shocked. 'How could you just blurt that out? No warning, no buildup — just, 'Your cat is dead'?" "The first sister asked, 'Well…what should I have said?' The cat's owner replied, 'Maybe ease into it. Start with something like, 'Your cat was on the roof, and then…' You know — work up to it.' The sister nodded, feeling a little guilty, and left. A few weeks later, she stopped by again. Over coffee, she casually said, 'Oh, by the way… Mom was on the roof...'" —Joni N., Quora 21."Stanley the Snail walks into a car dealership and picks out a nice subcompact. During the sales negotiations, Stanley says, 'I want a giant "S" painted on the sides and hood of the car.' The puzzled salesperson asks, 'Why would you want giant S's painted on a brand new car? Is it because your name is Stanley?' Stanley replies, 'No. When I'm driving down the road, I want everyone to say 'Look at that S car go!'' —Chuck C., Quora 22."A married man is at the bar and accidentally spills his drink all over himself. He freaks out because his wife didn't want him to go to the bar, so his buddy tells him to go to the ATM and take out $20, then put it in his shirt pocket. If his wife asks about his shirt, tell her that someone spilled their drink on him and gave him $20 to get it cleaned." "Later, the man goes home, and his wife greets him at the door. He tells her the story as he rehearsed it, that someone spilled their drink on him and gave him $20 to get his shirt cleaned and hands his wife the money. The wife looks at the money and says, 'You said $20, but there's $40 here.' To which the husband replies, 'Yeah, he also shit my pants.'" —C Kado, Quora 23."Rocky was a little slow, but his mother's cousin's brother needed a favor, so county supervisor Bubba Joe hired him to paint the stripes on the road heading north out of town. Rocky was thrilled to have a real job and promised to work hard. On day one, Rocky painted two miles. 'Ya done real good, Rocky,' Bubba Joe said." "On day two, Rocky painted just one mile. 'That's okay,' Bubba Joe said, a little unsure. On day three, Rocky only managed half a mile. Bubba Joe called him in and said, 'Rocky, what's the problem?' Rocky scratched his head and replied, 'Well, Bubba Joe…it just keeps gettin' farther and farther back to the paint can.'' —Corrie B., Quora 24."Why can't a bicycle stand on its own? Because it's two-tired." —S. Sowmya, Quora If you're still in the mood for more stupidly funny jokes, here's some from our own BuzzFeed Community: 25."A man walks into the therapist's office and says, 'I think I might be a dog.' The therapist offers him a seat, and the man responds, 'Oh I'm not allowed on the furniture.'" —leslie12345 26."My parrot recently died. Its last words were, 'Fuck, I think my parrot's about to die.'" —indy1989 27."My favorite joke of all time: A man goes to the zoo, but there's only one animal there. The animal is a dog. It's a Shih Tzu." —sewskilled Related: 28."An elephant walked up to a man on a nudist beach and asked, 'How do you eat with that?'" —chi_liete 29."Three old ladies sitting on a bench in the park. A completely naked man runs past them. Two of them had a stroke. One wasn't fast enough." —mostlyharmless42 30."A lady goes to the doctor with a lettuce leaf sticking out of her knickers. The doctor says, 'Oh, this is a strange one.' ... The lady says, 'And that's just the tip of the iceberg.'' —loz1986 31."Has your doctor talked to you about the benefits of adding dried fruit to your diet? I'm just raisin awareness." —goldenlion71 32."What do you call a guy laying by the door? Matt. What do you call a guy hanging on the wall? Art. What do you call a guy floating in a pool? Bob. And my favorite: What do you call a guy with a seagull on his head? Cliff!" —crookedflowers 33."What's the difference between an oral and a rectal thermometer? The taste." —jillievanilli 34."My friend Joe went on the Dolly Parton diet. It made Joe lean, Joe lean, Joe lean, Joe leeean." —flightforvanity 35."A magician was walking down the street and turned into a drug store." —jmacxjr 36."Two muffins are in the oven. One says to the other, 'Wow, it's hot in here!' The other muffin says, 'Hey, a talking muffin!'" —leslie12345 Got a favorite stupid joke? Tell us in the comments or via the anonymous form below and it could be featured in a future BuzzFeed post! Also in Internet Finds: Also in Internet Finds: Also in Internet Finds: Solve the daily Crossword
Fox News
5 days ago
- Entertainment
- Fox News
Friday Leftovers
As seen on 'Gutfeld' Greg has this week's leftover jokes. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit FOX News Radio
The Guardian
22-07-2025
- Entertainment
- The Guardian
Edinburgh funniest fringe joke award scrapped for 2025
It's beyond a joke for pun-lovers. The traditional list of the funniest gags at the Edinburgh fringe, presented by the TV channel U&Dave, has been scrapped for 2025. A statement from UKTV, which owns the channel formerly known as Dave, said: 'U&Dave's Joke of the Fringe was originally created to celebrate and spotlight grassroots comedy talent. As our commissioning focus evolves, we're taking the opportunity to reflect on how we continue to support comedy in the best way possible.' The award was launched in 2008 and has been held every year since apart from during the Covid-19 pandemic. Last year, Mark Simmons won for his nautical one-liner 'I was going to sail around the globe in the world's smallest ship but I bottled it'. The shortlist of jokes was chosen by a panel of UK comedy critics and comedians, then submitted anonymously to 2,000 members of the public who were asked to pick their favourites. Upon winning last year's prize, Simmons said: 'I needed some good news as I was just fired from my job marking exam papers, can't understand it, I always gave 110%.' Previous victors include Masai Graham (three times), Tim Vine (twice) and Olaf Falafel (a regular on the shortlist). Lorna Rose Treen, the second woman to win the award, triumphed in 2023 for the joke 'I started dating a zookeeper, but it turned out he was a cheetah.' Treen later said that when she later performed the joke in her show, an audience member 'shouted along … It was like I was a band!' The annual pun-heavy list of jokes brings gripes as well as groans, for not capturing the full spectrum of comedy on offer at the Edinburgh fringe. 'It's a welcome addition to the fun of the festival,' wrote the Guardian's comedy critic Brian Logan in 2012. 'But by suggesting that the immeasurable range of Edinburgh comedy can be captured by these few words on a printed page, it sells the wild world of comedy short.' The festival's most prestigious prize is the Edinburgh comedy award (formerly known as the Perrier), now in its 43rd year. Last summer it was won by Amy Gledhill. UKTV's statement on the cancellation of the joke of the fringe continued: 'While we're resting the award this year, we remain committed to championing great comedy across U&Dave and beyond, and we'll always look for ways to bring laughter to audiences in exciting ways.' Within hours of the announcement, the production company Need to Know Comedy announced that it was reviving its (Some Guy Called) Dave award, previously held during the pandemic. It called for fringe acts to email five one-liners from their show, with the winner receiving £250. The Edinburgh fringe officially begins on 1 August, with some comedians starting previews later this month.
