Latest news with #onlychild
Irish Times
3 days ago
- General
- Irish Times
Only children: ‘I have great colleagues, some are as close to me as any family members I could wish for'
Is the day of the big family in Ireland done? Faced with high mortgages and demanding jobs, more and more Irish people are opting to keep their families small, and for many, one is the magic number. In this respect Ireland is part of a global trend. Across the EU, nearly half (49.4 per cent) of European families are raising just one child, according to one survey . By 2031, it's estimated that half of all families in Britain will have a one-child family. But what is the effect of growing up without siblings? Should parents pay heed to surveys that tell us that only children are likely to be creative, successful self-starters ? Or should they give weight to age-old worries about only children feeling lonely or isolated ? Is being an only child a privilege or are only children missing out? The Irish Times asked six people how they felt about being an only child and how it has influenced them through the course of their lives. Matt Cooper Matt Cooper says he might have left Ireland in his 20s if he had not been an only child 'As a child, I never felt different or lonely: it never worried me that I didn't have brothers or sisters,' says Matt Cooper . But there have been trials for the Today FM broadcaster, author and podcaster as an only child, most notably when he was in his early 30s and his parents' health began to fail. 'When they got into their 70s and 80s and fell ill, I was left in the position of trying to care for them. That's where I struggled. I was extremely busy. I had taken over as editor at the Sunday Tribune: editing a national newspaper was a really labour-intensive, time-consuming job. Aileen and myself had got married. My mother fell ill when Aileen was pregnant with our first child. I felt it would have been great to have had somebody else to help out, sharing the burden of going up and down to Cork from Dublin. My father fell ill not long after my mother had the first stroke. He died two weeks before my eldest daughter was born. Over the next number of years, I was paying for care for my mother in her own home and as her health deteriorated, she had to go into care. That was a difficult time.' READ MORE Cooper also believes he might have considered emigrating in his 20s had he not been an only child. 'I felt a responsibility to my parents because they were ageing and I was the only one.' Did being an only child play a part in his decision to have five children himself? 'No,' Cooper laughs. 'It just happened that way. But as an only child who's now a father of five, I have been interested and amused by watching the dynamics of the interaction between the children and looking at the way that their individual personalities have developed. If I look and wonder how much of it is formed by their place in the family, then I suppose by extension the fact that I was an only child would have had an impact on me. One thing I would say very much in favour of my father, he was determined that I wouldn't be a spoiled child because I was an only child. So I would have been encouraged, even when I was in school, to get part-time jobs, to earn money for myself. Being an only child gave me a degree of independence. A degree of self-sufficiency is required.' Vicki Notaro Vicki Notaro Vicki Notaro loves being an only child. 'I have definitely benefited from being my parents' sole focus,' the novelist and journalist says. 'I was a very confident child because of [being an only child], and my dad taught me to read before I even went to school. I had an unusual situation for the late 1980s, in that there were two other only children on my small cul-de-sac in Tallaght and also a couple in my class. So we had one another in that way, and it never felt odd.' Did people ever make comments to her about being an only child? 'All the time and more so to my mum: 'Oh, you ONLY have the one', etc – that must have been irritating for her,' she says. 'My parents would have loved to have had more children, but it didn't happen for them. They were always pleased that I was happy as I am. I was very content it just being the three of us at home. But that said, I appreciate the family I have gained with my husband. I adore his sister and we are extremely close. She's about to become a mother and I am so excited to be along for the ride.' Marty Morrisey Sports presenter and commentator Marty Morrissey says being an only child may have pushed him towards the job he does. Photograph: James Crombie/©INPHO Marty Morrissey 's family circumstance is an unusual one. 'I'm the only child of an only dad and an only mum, which gives me that no aunts, uncles, first cousins situation,' the RTÉ sports broadcaster says. Morrissey didn't feel a sense of difference when he was a child, but in adulthood, his family situation has affected his outlook. 'It makes you independent, but dependent on good friends,' he says. 'In my work in RTÉ I have great colleagues, and some of them are as close to me as any family members I could wish to have.' While Morrissey wouldn't consider himself an assertive type – contrary to the common perception of only children – he did battle through four years of rejection to make it into RTÉ. 'It was a thin line between being a pain in the ass and trying to get what you wanted,' he says. 'It's funny, but Ger Canning, Fred Cogley, George Hamilton, Jim Sherwin, all sports broadcasters, were all only children. I can only speak for myself, but maybe there was an element of we needed to perform to be noticed?' [ Nadine O'Regan: Nadine O'Regan: An only child is a lonely child? We're sure about our decision not to try again Opens in new window ] When Morrissey's mother died in a road traffic accident in Clare in 2021, grief hit Morrissey hard. 'I lost my Dad in 2004 and then I had my mum to myself, if I can put it like that, for 17 years. When that link is gone, you are dependent on your friends and colleagues to rally around, and that's when so many of them showed their loyalty and their love. You never recover but you try to move on. You don't want to be seen as weak, but it is a hammer blow. You just have to get back up and keep busy. That's the crucial thing.' Sonia Appelbe Sonia Appelbe wanted to go to a boarding school when she was growing up as an only child 'It was a lonely time,' says Sonia Appelbe (69), recalling her childhood in Cork. 'I wanted to go to boarding school. Arguments would occur: it was mum and I against dad, or dad and I against mum. I was piggy in the middle. I had cousins in Dublin – I'd go to them at Easter and the holidays. I used to cry for about half an hour in the car leaving them, and if they came down to Cork, when they left, I'd be crying. At 10, my dad gave me a little puppy, and this was brilliant. My mum suffered a bit from her nerves and she kept saying, 'I can't cope with this dog'. My father gave the dog away.' Now living in Wicklow, when Appelbe had her children, who are now in their 30s, she knew she would not have just one. 'I have two girls. When I had my first child, I was determined to have a second child no matter what because I just did not want her [to be an only child].' Appelbe believes that the strength of the parental relationship is what largely defines happiness in childhood. 'If your parents have a good relationship with each other, that is wonderful, but if they don't that is a very insecure feeling for the child all the way up through adolescence. And you tend to go from your home the minute you leave school.' Christy Laverty Christy Laverty says he is grateful for how being an only child shaped him Growing up in Coleraine, Co Derry, Christy Laverty (28) appreciated the privileges that stemmed from being an only child. 'Being an only child gave my parents the financial freedom to do their own thing and not have to worry so much about covering the cost of having a big family or having to upgrade a home or worrying about space for people,' he says. 'It also created an extremely close bond with both my parents, as 100 per cent of their attention and time was spent with me.' [ Geraldine Walsh: Yes, having 'just' the one child can make for a wonderful family dynamic Opens in new window ] Now based in Dublin, Laverty believes that being an only child has shaped him in ways large and small. 'I have no problem spending a Saturday wandering around a gallery on my own or taking myself out for lunch,' he says. 'I also reckon that being an only child helped me become more creative. Am I the best at sharing? Not always, but I'm generous. It's kind of: if I buy a bag of crisps, I don't really want to give you one, but I'll buy you a bag.' Laverty isn't ruling out becoming a parent in the future, but if he does, he says he will opt to have one child. 'Being gay, if I want to become a father I'm going to have to make the choice to do it. But the financial side of it is a really big factor as to whether or not I will have children. I know if I ever decide to have a child, more than one is not on the cards due to how grateful I am to how being an only child shaped me, my upbringing and my life beyond my family home.' Orla Gordon Orla Gordon says the idea that being an only child makes people unsociable does not tally with her experience 'As an only child, I have spent my life meeting people, getting to know them, and then watching their absolute shock when I say I'm an only child,' Orla Gordon says. 'They usually follow up with, 'You don't seem like an only child'. There is this weird idea that we're all self-centred and can't be sociable when, in my experience, only children are very sociable because they've been playing with and talking to strangers their whole lives.' Gordon, a professional from Dublin, had a very happy childhood and adored spending time as a kid around the kitchen table, hearing the banter between her aunts and uncles and feeling privy to an older person's world. 'Many only children spend more time with adults and get clued into things a little earlier in life,' she says. Gordon has one child herself and is satisfied with her family size. 'I felt my family was complete with one child,' she says. 'Like me, my son has lots of extended family and loads of other children his age to play with.' She can understand why more parents are deciding to keep their families small. 'Who can blame parents, with massive rent or mortgages plus creche fees and possible looming economic crises, for deciding one child is enough?'
Independent Singapore
3 days ago
- Business
- Independent Singapore
7K/month is still not ‘good enough' — 28 y/o Malaysian woman laments because her parents keep forcing her to work in Singapore to earn more
MALAYSIA: 'Are children successful only if they 'earn a lot and go far'?' asked a 28-year-old Malaysian woman who poured her heart out in a heartfelt post that struck a nerve with thousands on Astro XUAN's Facebook page. And her story is probably one that many young adults quietly live every day. She earns a decent RM7,000 (approximately S$2,000) monthly, lives independently, has time for herself, and feels genuinely content with her life. But to her parents, it's still not good enough. Photo: FB screengrab/ASTROXUAN 'My monthly salary is about 7K, which is not much, but I can live a comfortable life,' she wrote. 'I am single, I have my own space, and I have time to do what I like. I am very satisfied with my current life,' she added. Photo: FB screengrab/ASTROXUAN And yet, this hard-earned happiness has become the very thing her parents question. The pressure starts after graduation Like many only children in Asian families, she bears the invisible crown of expectation. After graduation, instead of chasing the so-called 'greener pastures' abroad, she chose to build a life locally — in Malaysia, where she feels rooted and at peace. But according to her parents, real success lives across the Causeway. 'They always persuade me to develop in Singapore, saying that the salary there is high and there are many opportunities,' she explained. 'They also give examples of relatives whose children have gone abroad and settled down there.' The script is familiar: 'You'll earn more in Singapore!' as many may have probably heard before. And it's not an outright lie — average salaries in Singapore often tower over Malaysian pay scales. Even a S$4,000 salary (about RM14,000) is considered modest in the Lion City, but more than double what she currently makes. Still, she's not convinced. 'I like the city I am familiar with now, where I have my own pace of life, friends, and a sense of life.' Money talks, but so does silence Every time money is mentioned at the dinner table, the room turns tense. The conversation inevitably circles back to that dreaded question: 'When are you going to Singapore?' She describes feeling 'wronged' — not because she doesn't understand their concern, but because her current life is being constantly invalidated by a probable fantasy version of success. 'They think I am stubborn, but I think I am just sticking to my own choice,' she stood her ground. To avoid arguments, she now visits home less often — a painful consequence for someone who clearly values family, but is caught in a never-ending debate between love and independence. See also Anwar's party was on the verge of breakup: Party founder 'The more they talked, the more silent I became, and the sadder I became,' she expressed her sorrows. The emotional cost of 'Good Intentions' At the core of her post is a quiet plea: to be seen, not as someone who gave up or settled, but as someone who chose peace over prestige, stability over stress, and authenticity over ambition. 'They always say, 'We are doing this for your own good.' I believe they love me. But I also want them to know: I am not wasting my life, nor am I shirking my responsibilities.' She saves money. She works hard. She's not partying her life away. She just doesn't want to uproot her happiness for someone else's idea of what life should look like. 'Sometimes I feel really confused and helpless — in their eyes, are children successful only if they 'earn a lot and go far'?' A bigger question beneath it all This post has sparked a quiet cultural conversation — not about where we work, but about what we value. Should success be measured only by paycheck size and how far we've moved from home? Is emotional fulfilment less important than career prestige? And perhaps the biggest question of all: Can love sometimes come across as pressure, especially when masked as 'what's best for you'? Her words reflect a common struggle faced by many Asian millennials and Gen Zs — the tug-of-war between filial piety and personal freedom. She ends her post simply… but vulnerably: 'I am an only child, and I don't know who to talk to, so I wrote this down here. I want to hear your thoughts.' Well, if she's reading this — here's one thought: You're not alone. And choosing peace over pressure? That's not failure. That's courage to protect your own inner peace and stand up for your own freedom of choice. Stay grounded. Stay strong. We wish you all the best. In other news, one job seeker said, 'As a 20-something in Singapore, I often hear older generations talk about job security, retirement savings, or climbing the corporate ladder, but for many in my generation, those ideas feel increasingly outdated — if not completely out of reach.' Read his full story on why he reached this conclusion here: 20 y/o Singaporean says older generations' idea of job security — committing to a 9-6 full-time job — is outdated for Gen Zs like him in the age of AI
Yahoo
25-06-2025
- Business
- Yahoo
‘He doesn't seem to care': My secretive father, 81, added my name to a bank account. What about my mom?
I am a 49-year-old woman with 81-year-old parents. I am an only child. My dad has always been very secretive with their money, and my mom knows nothing about what they have or where they have it. I found a joint account in my and my father's names. Nobody knew about this. I have told him multiple times how difficult it is going to be for me when he's not here, since neither my mom nor I knows anything about their finances. He doesn't seem to care. They've always owned their home and pay cash for vehicles. He made good money in the military. When I ask him, he says they don't have very much, but unless he's squandered it or given it away, there should be a lot. I'm just getting increasingly worried about how it's going to be when he's gone. I'm not good with numbers or money, so I'm afraid we'll get taken advantage of by a lawyer or accountant, which is the only avenue to go when the time comes. My job is offering me a payout. Should I take a $61,000 lump sum or $355 a month for life? We're living in 'end times' when you can't retire on $1 million 'He doesn't seem to care': My secretive father, 81, added my name to a bank account. What about my mom? Israel-Iran clash delivers a fresh shock to investors. History suggests this is the move to make. My cousin died before claiming his late father's $2 million estate. Will I get it? There's a box with his paperwork, so I figured I would just take it to someone to sort through. I don't know of any wills or stocks. What should I do to make this process easier? The Daughter Related: 'We're living in uncertainty': My sister has Alzheimer's disease. How do I know the right time to take control of her finances? There are two main issues here: the joint bank account and the lack of clarity around his financial affairs. It may be that your dad mixed up a co-signer with a co-owner. By putting your name on a joint account, he has created a tricky problem, and how it is resolved will depend on the state where you live. If your parents live in a community-property state, your mother would likely have a right to those funds, assuming they were accumulated during their marriage. To resolve this now, you could talk to your father about removing your name from this account and explain how it leaves you with a problem rather than a gift. Alternatively, you could simply give the money to your mother after your father's passing. But even removing yourself could be a complicated procedure. Some banks allow you to do this without the consent of the co-owner, while other banks do not. 'In some cases, the bank may simply require you to close the account entirely,' according to SoFi, the financial-technology company. 'State laws and individual bank policies typically require all joint bank account holders to approve the closure before you can move forward. In the event that the bank will let you remove your name from a joint account, follow the bank's guidelines.' If you don't want to put your parents' finances in the hands of an accountant or lawyer whom you don't know and/or trust, look into holding a durable power of attorney for them. Your main priority will be keeping records and staying on top of paying bills, property taxes and any medical expenses. You could also enlist the help of a financial adviser or family attorney. The National Institute on Aging outlines several signs that a person is no longer able to look after their own finances, including 'trouble counting change, paying for a purchase, calculating a tip, balancing a checkbook, or understanding a bank statement.' 'A durable financial power of attorney allows your parents, while they have legal capacity, to choose someone – called an agent — to act on their behalf with regard to finances if the. 'Durable' means that the agent's power continues even after your parent — called the principal — becomes incapacitated,' according to Estate Planning & Elder Law Services in Northville, Mich. 'If your parent hasn't executed a durable financial power of attorney and doesn't have a living trust, and they become incapacitated and unable to manage their finances, the only way you can get legal authority to act on their behalf is a conservatorship.' Your father is either extremely willful, does not like to face up to paperwork, likes to play the role of contrarian or, just as probable, he is simply a private man. It may be that financial issues and estate planning give him anxiety, and he would prefer not to deal with them. He would hardly be alone in wishing to put his head in the sand. Some people will retreat the more pressure you put on them. So my advice is to proceed with less gusto, perhaps talking through these finances with your mother by keeping track of the mail and taking an account of the financial institutions in that mysterious box. You are, whether you realize it or not, planning ahead, even if it seems like you're currently in the eye of the storm. The good news is you are doing this now, and not after one of your parents passes away. This does not have to be done in one day. It can be done over the next month or two, so it doesn't seem like such an intrusion. While your concerns are likely justified, your mother and father also have a right to privacy and confidentiality. It's a fine line you are about to walk, and one that many adult children with elderly parents are embarking upon. Your No. 1 priority is to gather records and make a note of bank names and account numbers. 'Conservatorship requires an interested person to petition the probate court for authority to manage an incapacitated person's finances — assets in a trust do not need to go through conservatorship. The process can be time-consuming and stressful, especially if the person in need of assistance and protection doesn't want it,' the law firm adds. 'For the most part, your duties as a trustee or agent under a power of attorney and a conservatorship will be similar, such as paying your parent's bills and receiving and managing their income. However, you will likely have more reporting obligations under a conservatorship.' Ideally, it would make sense for them to make a will, and for you to be appointed executor. Otherwise, their estate will be divided according to intestacy laws in their state. That may not be a happy prospect for them and could serve as a nudge to put their wishes on paper. From what you say, your parents' finances seem relatively straightforward. You don't mention a mortgage company and I presume they are on Medicare. The job for you and/or an adviser is as much administrative as it is financial. The main task will be to ensure that their outgoings don't exceed their Social Security benefits, and any other income they may have from investments and workplace pensions. Obviously, any envelopes with 'bill overdue' are red flags. It's hard for elderly parents to relinquish a part of their independence, especially related to financial affairs. Take it one bill and financial statement at a time. Related: 'He was very paranoid of banks': My mother found $35,000 in cash after my father died. What should she do with it? 'I've no interest in investing more money in the stock market': I'm debt-free, retired and ignoring the 'Trump bump.' What should I do with $400,000 in cash? 'The gardener talked': My grandmother gave her next-door neighbor $6,000 to buy a car. How can I protect her? I inherited $200,000. One of my daughters is married with kids, but the other has debts. Do I split my windfall 50/50? Here are the overlooked ways to play AI, crypto and quantum trends, says this tech investor Two ETFs that have beaten value stock indexes with this simple approach Treasury yields are falling as investors now see a possible July interest-rate cut by the Fed I'm 75 and have a reverse mortgage. Should I pay it off with my $200K savings — and live off Social Security instead? A U.S. strike on Iran wasn't enough to rattle markets on Monday. Here's what might change that.
Vogue
11-06-2025
- General
- Vogue
In Motherhood, Can We Stop Using the Phrase ‘One and Done‘?
Just the one? So, are you one and done? Oh…he's an only child? I've been asked innumerable iterations of this question—typically by total strangers—since I had my son five years ago. But after experiencing postpartum depression not once, but twice, I've been ambivalent about having another baby, so my answer to this invasive, all-too-common inquiry is complicated. Some days, the language we use to talk about 'only' children makes me feel judged, or somehow less than mothers with multiple kids. Other days, I feel annoyed that questions about family planning have become as quotidian as discussing the weather. Either way, these conversations have made it clear just how many people still believe that when it comes to children, one is the loneliest number. If we remove emotion from the equation and look solely at the data, it makes sense why more families are deciding to stop at one. A recent study showed that in 2025, the average cost of raising a child until the age of 18 in the US is $300,000. This figure doesn't account for the cost of post-secondary education, which in Canada (where I am from) is expected to rise to over $100,000 for a four-year university education. In Canada, one-child families are already the most common type, representing 45% of households with kids, while the average American family downsized from 3.7 children in 1960 to 1.9 currently. With these economic pressures alone, it seems only logical that the one-child family trend will continue. But logic doesn't seem to be the leading influence when we're talking about adding more kids to the mix. In her 2013 book One and Only: The Freedom of Having an Only Child, and the Joy of Being One, Lauren Sandler writes that the reason the decision is so nuanced is because 'children are a desire, not a calculation.' I've observed how my own desire to do the 'right' thing for my child has made the age-old arguments for a second that much more persuasive. We all know them: A sibling is a lifelong friend for your child, they can keep each other busy, they'll never be lonely! It helps with socialization and learning to share. More children can share the responsibility of caring for their aging parents. There's just as much, if not more, rhetoric about the problematic nature of only children. In the late 1800s, two child psychologists coined the term only child syndrome to describe the negative traits that their research showed only children often possess, including being spoiled, selfish, maladjusted, and anti-social. I want the world for my son, of course—and yet I'm still not sure if I am up for doing it all over again. It's why I've found so much comfort in a viral TikTok video from a self-described 'one & done mom,' who argues that being a mother of one allows women to choose motherhood as well as themselves. The comment section is filled with proud moms sharing what they've been able to do with their lives by deciding not to have a second child—from travelling to reaching career goals and having more time to do the things they love.
Washington Post
09-05-2025
- General
- Washington Post
Carolyn Hax: Fiancé won't even discuss deviating from Mom's plans on holidays
Dear Carolyn: Although my fiancé is an only child, he is part of a large, extended family. This family has traditions for everything — Easter, Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, St. Patrick's Day, Fourth of July, Super Bowl — down to which plates can be used, how the table can be set, the food allowed, etc.
