Latest news with #passiveaggressive
Yahoo
4 days ago
- General
- Yahoo
14 Passive-Aggressive Habits That Reveal You're Scared Of Saying What You Really Think
Ever found yourself hinting at what you truly mean instead of just coming out with it? You're not alone. Many people struggle to express their true feelings, often resorting to passive-aggressive habits as a defense mechanism. While it might feel like a safer option, these habits can lead to misunderstandings and strained relationships. Here, we dive into 14 passive-aggressive behaviors that reveal you might be holding back your true thoughts. 1. You Default To The Silent Treatment Giving someone the silent treatment might feel like a powerful move, but it often reveals an inability to face conflict directly. Instead of voicing your concerns, you opt for silence, hoping the other person will eventually come to you. This behavior can create a tense environment, leaving the other person guessing about what went wrong. According to Dr. John Gottman, a well-known psychologist who studies relationships, this kind of behavior can contribute to long-term relationship dissatisfaction. Silence might seem golden, but it often breeds resentment and confusion instead. In giving the silent treatment, you might think you're preserving peace, but the reality can be quite the opposite. It puts emotional distance between you and the other person, which can sometimes be more damaging than a straightforward conversation. It's a non-verbal way of saying, 'You figure it out,' without actually solving anything. This tactic often backfires, leaving you feeling misunderstood and the other person feeling frustrated. Instead, try expressing your discomfort or disagreement in words, even if it feels uncomfortable at first. 2. You Give Backhanded Compliments Backhanded compliments are a classic passive-aggressive move. You might think you're being clever by masking your criticism in a compliment, but the recipient often sees right through it. Saying something like, 'You're so brave to wear that,' may seem benign, but it implies criticism. These comments often arise from insecurity or jealousy and can put a damper on any conversation. While it might give you a temporary sense of superiority, it's not an effective way to communicate your true feelings. When you give backhanded compliments, you might also be trying to project your own insecurities onto someone else. By focusing on subtle put-downs, you take the spotlight off your own perceived shortcomings. It might feel good initially, but this habit can erode trust and create distance in relationships. Instead of hiding behind veiled criticisms, work on being genuine and direct with your compliments or concerns. It's more honest and often leads to a more constructive dialogue. 3. You Procrastinate As Punishment Using procrastination to punish someone is a passive-aggressive tactic that might not be immediately obvious to others. This behavior involves putting off tasks or responsibilities to indirectly show disapproval or frustration. For example, delaying an important project at work because you're upset with your boss is a way of expressing your dissatisfaction without confrontation. A study by Dr. Tim Pychyl from Carleton University found that procrastination is strongly linked to underlying emotional issues, reflecting a person's struggles with self-regulation. Instead of addressing the problem head-on, you let tasks pile up as a form of silent protest. Procrastination as punishment often results in more stress for you and frustration for those depending on you. It might feel like you're taking control, but it usually diminishes your own productivity and can damage your reputation. You're essentially avoiding responsibility while hoping the other person notices your distress. This approach rarely resolves the issue and often leads to more conflict. Communicating your frustrations directly is typically more effective and less stressful in the long run. 4. You Use Sarcastic Remarks Sarcasm can be a funny, harmless way to lighten the mood, but it can also be a form of passive aggression. When you're using sarcasm to express disdain or mock someone, it sends mixed signals. It might feel like a clever way to express annoyance without saying it outright, but it often leaves the other person feeling hurt or confused. This habit masks your true feelings, offering a shield that protects you from vulnerability. However, it doesn't promote open or honest communication. When sarcasm becomes your go-to tool for dealing with discomfort, it can create a barrier between you and others. It's a way of deflecting rather than confronting, and it can undermine your ability to connect genuinely. Over time, people may find it difficult to trust your words, unsure if there's a hidden jab behind them. Instead of resorting to sarcasm, try expressing your genuine feelings, even if it means admitting vulnerability. This approach fosters trust and understanding in relationships. 5. You Withhold Praise Withholding praise is a subtle form of passive aggression that often goes unnoticed. You might think you're keeping someone humble or teaching them a lesson by not acknowledging their achievements. But in reality, it reflects an unwillingness to support or celebrate others openly. According to research by Dr. Carol Dweck, a well-known psychologist, acknowledging others' efforts can foster a growth mindset and build stronger relationships. By holding back praise, you unintentionally create an atmosphere of competition or resentment. When you withhold praise, it might be a reflection of your own insecurities or jealousy. You could be worried that acknowledging someone else's success diminishes your own value. However, this mindset often leads to isolation and strained relationships. Recognizing and celebrating others' accomplishments doesn't take away from your own; in fact, it can enhance mutual respect and camaraderie. Try to be more generous with praise; it creates a positive environment and can be reciprocated in kind. 6. You Forget Stuff On Purpose Acting forgetful can be an indirect way of expressing displeasure or disagreement. "Forgetting" to do something you promised or to relay an important message can serve as a subtle form of rebellion. This behavior might help you avoid confrontation temporarily, but it often leads to more significant issues down the road. By feigning forgetfulness, you're dodging responsibility without actually solving the underlying problem. It's a passive way to express discontent, but it doesn't lead to resolution. Forgetfulness as a tool for passive aggression can damage trust and reliability. When people can't depend on you to follow through, it creates a ripple effect of mistrust and confusion. You might think you're making a point, but it often leaves others frustrated and questioning your intentions. Addressing the issue head-on would be more productive than pretending to forget. It might be uncomfortable, but taking responsibility and expressing your true feelings can pave the way for more effective communication. 7. You Do Things Sloppily Intentionally doing things poorly can be a form of silent protest against tasks or authority figures you disagree with. By delivering subpar work, you might hope to convey your dissatisfaction without saying a word. This tactic can be particularly tempting in situations where you feel powerless or unappreciated. However, according to research conducted by Dr. Brené Brown, avoiding confrontation through poor performance can hinder personal and professional growth. It's a passive-aggressive way to express discontent that often leads to more frustration and conflict. When you intentionally do things poorly, you're not just making a point to others; you're also shortchanging yourself. It might feel like a win in the moment, but it can damage your reputation and self-esteem. This behavior often stems from a place of resentment or feeling undervalued. Rather than indirectly sabotaging tasks, consider having an open conversation about your concerns or dissatisfaction. It might feel daunting, but it's a healthier approach that can lead to positive change. 8. You Make Excuses For Everything Constantly making excuses can be a passive-aggressive way of avoiding accountability. When you consistently blame external factors for your shortcomings or failures, it indicates a reluctance to face reality. This habit might protect your ego, but it also prevents growth and self-improvement. Making excuses suggests that you're not ready to confront the real issues at hand, which often leads to repeated patterns of behavior. It can also frustrate those around you who may feel you're not pulling your weight. Excuses can become a convenient shield that keeps you from facing uncomfortable truths. By externalizing blame, you avoid the hard work of introspection and change. This pattern can alienate people who begin to see you as unreliable or unwilling to take responsibility. Instead of defaulting to excuses, try reflecting on what you could improve and take proactive steps towards resolution. It's a more mature approach that can enhance your credibility and relationships. 9. You Pretend Not To Understand Feigning ignorance is a common passive-aggressive tactic used to sidestep responsibility or confrontation. When you pretend not to understand instructions or expectations, you're indirectly expressing your dissatisfaction. This behavior might feel like an easy out, but it can lead to misunderstandings and further complications. By acting clueless, you avoid taking ownership of a situation, while hoping the problem will resolve itself. It's a way of saying, 'I don't agree,' without spelling it out. While pretending not to understand might seem harmless, it's often perceived as frustrating and disingenuous by others. This tactic erodes trust and creates unnecessary obstacles in collaboration and communication. It may provide temporary relief, but it doesn't address the real issue at hand. Instead of feigning ignorance, try seeking clarification or expressing your concerns directly. This approach is more honest and leads to more effective problem-solving. 10. You Apologize Instead Of Voicing Your Concern Over-apologizing can be a passive-aggressive way to convey that you're annoyed or upset with someone. When you keep saying "sorry" for things that don't warrant an apology, it sends a mixed message. It might seem like you're being polite, but it often masks deeper feelings of resentment or frustration. This habit might stem from a fear of conflict or a desire to keep the peace at all costs. While it can defuse some situations, it often leaves unresolved issues in its wake. By over-apologizing, you're essentially deflecting attention and avoiding addressing the real problem. It creates a superficial sense of resolution without tackling the core issue. This habit can also diminish the weight of genuine apologies when they're truly needed. Instead of over-apologizing, try focusing on the specific issues you need to address and expressing your feelings directly. It's a more effective way to communicate and can lead to healthier, more honest interactions. 11. You Keep Score Keeping score in relationships can be a passive-aggressive way to express dissatisfaction without having a direct conversation. You might hold onto past grievances and use them as ammunition in future disagreements. This habit fosters resentment and prevents you from moving forward constructively. By keeping track of who owes whom, you create an environment of competition rather than collaboration. It's a passive way of dealing with issues that only serves to deepen divides. When you keep score, it indicates that you're more focused on winning than resolving conflict. This approach can erode trust and damage relationships over time. Instead of holding onto past wrongs, try addressing issues as they arise with honesty and openness. It might be uncomfortable, but it paves the way for more genuine and meaningful relationships. Letting go of the scorecard can be liberating and lead to more balanced, cooperative dynamics. 12. You Withdraw Affection Withholding affection is a passive-aggressive tactic often used to punish or express dissatisfaction without words. You might stop showing physical or emotional warmth as a way to convey your displeasure. This behavior might feel like you're taking control, but it often results in hurt feelings and confusion. By using affection as a bargaining chip, you disrupt the natural balance of give-and-take in a relationship. It's a non-verbal way to express frustration, but it doesn't lead to resolution. When you withhold affection, you send a message that love and care are conditional. This can create insecurity and tension, making it difficult to resolve underlying issues. While it might seem like an effective way to communicate your displeasure, it often leads to more distance and miscommunication. Instead, try discussing the source of your frustration openly. This approach fosters a more genuine and supportive connection, promoting understanding and resolution. 13. You Resort To Subtle Sabotage Subtle sabotage includes actions like deliberately avoiding tasks or creating minor inconveniences for someone else. It's a passive-aggressive way of expressing anger or displeasure without direct confrontation. This behavior might seem like a clever way to get back at someone, but it often leads to more significant issues. By engaging in subtle sabotage, you're creating stress for both yourself and others involved. It's a tactic that reflects unresolved conflict and discomfort with direct communication. Sabotage, even when subtle, undermines trust and cooperation in relationships or work settings. You might feel a fleeting sense of satisfaction, but it usually comes at the cost of long-term harmony. Instead of resorting to sabotage, try addressing your grievances openly and constructively. This approach not only resolves the immediate conflict but also promotes healthier, more meaningful interactions. Letting go of sabotage leads to a more positive and productive environment. 14. You Engage In Deliberate Laziness Deliberate laziness is a passive-aggressive strategy where you intentionally underperform to express dissatisfaction or disagreement. You might slow down your work pace or neglect responsibilities to make a point. While it can seem like a way to reclaim some control, it often leads to more significant consequences for you and those around you. This habit can erode your credibility and create tension in professional or personal relationships. It's a way of saying, 'I'm unhappy,' without facing the problem directly. When you choose deliberate laziness, you're not just affecting your own productivity; you're also impacting others who rely on you. This tactic might feel satisfying in the short term, but it often leads to frustration and strained relationships. Addressing the root cause of your dissatisfaction is usually more effective than passive resistance. Try having an open dialogue about your concerns or seeking constructive solutions. It's a more proactive way to handle conflict and often leads to better outcomes for everyone involved. Solve the daily Crossword
News.com.au
21-07-2025
- Entertainment
- News.com.au
Inside Denise Richards and Aaron Phypers' ‘intense' off-camera relationship before shocking abuse claims: report
Denise Richards was allegedly involved in a 'manipulative' and 'intense' off-camera relationship with her estranged husband, Aaron Phypers, while filming Denise Richards & Her Wild Things. 'You could cut tension with a knife sometimes,' an insider claimed to the Daily Mail on Sunday, explaining that the exes were 'passive-aggressive' with each other and would go into separate rooms when the cameras stopped rolling. According to the source, allegedly filming the duo the morning after a night of fighting was difficult because they 'wouldn't speak to each other off camera' despite appearing supportive on TV, reports Page Six. The insider claimed Richards, 54, once messed up a scene and Phypers allegedly said, 'Menopause.' The businessman's alleged comments toward the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills alum made the crew uncomfortable, the source claimed. Per the source, Phypers, 52, appeared 'very threatened' by his estranged wife's success and was allegedly 'trying to prove that he was superior.' 'Aaron walked around as if he was the biggest star on the planet when we were filming,' another source told the outlet. Reps for Richards and Phypers did not immediately respond to Page Six 's request for comment. While Richards and Phypers put on a united front for their audience, their tense relationship was previously shown on a season ten episode of RHOBH. A resurfaced clip showed the TV personality and Phypers holding hands, as she warned him not to 'say a f**king word.' 'Don't tell me what to say. I'm going to crush your f**king hand. Stop it,' he aggressively responded. News broke earlier this month that Phypers filed for divorce from Richards after six years of marriage. At the time, an insider told the outlet that the duo 'have been having trouble for some time' and those close to them saw it coming. Richards has since accused Phypers of abuse and was granted a temporary restraining order against him after alleging he threatened to kill her and himself if she reported him to police, per court documents obtained by Page Six. The Bravo alum also alleged that her ex gave her a black eye in 2022. Phypers, however, denied the allegations, telling People that the allegations were 'completely false and deeply hurtful.' He also accused Richards of infidelity.
Forbes
14-07-2025
- General
- Forbes
Why Gaslighting At Work Can Be Worse Than Passive Aggressive Behavior
Why Gaslighting At Work Can Be Worse Than Passive Aggressive Behavior If you have ever walked out of a meeting questioning your memory, your judgment, or even your value, you are not alone. You might be experiencing gaslighting or passive-aggressive behavior at work. Both are more common than most people realize and both can quietly chip away at your confidence. What is gaslighting? The term gaslighting comes from a 1944 movie where a husband tries to drive his wife crazy by convincing her she's imagining things. In the workplace, gaslighting isn't always so obvious, but the effects can be just as harmful. Passive-aggressive behavior may seem less severe at first, but over time it creates resentment and confusion. The two behaviors both damage communication and trust. Understanding how they work, how to spot them, and what to do when they appear is key to protecting your emotional well-being and your professional growth. These behaviors can erode curiosity, silence good ideas, and drive talented people out the door. And when that happens, performance and culture both suffer. What Do Gaslighting And Passive Aggressive Behavior Look Like At Work? What Do Gaslighting And Passive Aggressive Behavior Look Like At Work? Workplace gaslighting is a psychological tactic used to manipulate others into doubting their own perception of reality. Think about that for a moment. Someone deliberately tries to make you believe something that is an intentional distortion rather than disagreement. It happens when someone repeatedly invalidates another person's concerns, blames them for things they did not do, or pretends a conversation never happened. That might sound cruel, and sometimes it is not even intentional, but it can be damaging. On the surface, gaslighting and passive-aggressive behavior can seem similar. Both leave you questioning what just happened. But they are fundamentally different. Passive-aggressive behavior is usually an indirect expression of frustration, like sarcasm, procrastination, or silent resistance. Gaslighting is an attempt to make you question your reality. One avoids conflict. The other manipulates perception. And while both are toxic, gaslighting can be much more destabilizing. Here are a few examples of passive-aggressive behavior at work: Here are a few examples of gaslighting at work: In many cases, the person being gaslit starts to internalize the blame. That is what makes it so effective and so dangerous. As Dr. Robin Stern, psychologist and author of The Gaslight Effect, explains, victims often doubt themselves and their instincts. When this happens at work, it creates confusion, self-doubt, and disengagement. Why Are Gaslighting And Passive Aggressive Behavior So Damaging To Workplace Culture? Why Are Gaslighting And Passive Aggressive Behavior So Damaging To Workplace Culture? Gaslighting creates fear, and fear kills curiosity. When people feel unsafe speaking up, they go silent, innovation stalls, and mistakes go unreported. Employees who once felt energized by their work start to pull back emotionally or leave altogether. Passive-aggressive behavior also contributes to a toxic work environment. While it may seem less intense, its persistent nature fosters resentment, confusion, and a breakdown in communication. A study from the Workplace Bullying Institute found that more than 30% of employees have experienced some form of bullying at work, and gaslighting was a common thread. This is especially problematic because gaslighting often hides behind power structures. A senior leader might be the one doing it, intentionally or not. And because they have influence, others might defend or excuse the behavior. What makes gaslighting more damaging is its effect on a person's identity and psychological stability. While passive-aggressive behavior often triggers frustration, gaslighting can trigger self-doubt, anxiety, and even trauma. It not only changes how someone feels about work, it can alter how they see themselves. These behaviors also create a ripple effect. Once one person is treated this way, others take note. They learn it is not safe to challenge, to question, or to think independently. Over time, that kind of environment becomes hostile to curiosity and psychological safety. People learn to adapt rather than engage, and that hurts business. How Can You Respond To Gaslighting And Passive Aggressive Behavior At Work? How Can You Respond To Gaslighting And Passive Aggressive Behavior At Work? If you suspect gaslighting or passive-aggressive behavior is happening to you or someone you manage, there are steps you can take to bring clarity back into your workplace interactions. Start by documenting conversations and decisions. That can ensure clarity. Keep written records of assignments, expectations, and performance discussions. Use email to confirm verbal conversations. Paraphrasing back what you have heard is a very effective technique to ensure understanding, and it is especially helpful if you suspect gaslighting. If someone tries to claim a conversation never happened, you will have something neutral to refer back to. Next, you do not have to accuse someone of gaslighting or being passive-aggressive, but you can call out inconsistencies in a factual, calm tone. For example, say, 'I want to be sure we are on the same page. I remember that conversation differently. Here is what I have in my notes.' Curiosity is powerful here. It allows you to challenge distortion without escalating into confrontation. It also helps to build allies. Isolation is one of the goals of gaslighting. Counter it by staying connected to people who can validate your experiences. That might include HR, a mentor, or even a peer who witnessed the behavior. These behaviors lose their grip when the person being targeted is not alone. If you are in a leadership role, be proactive. These behaviors often thrive in ambiguity. Create channels where employees can speak up without fear. Train managers on how to handle feedback and conflict without resorting to psychological tactics. Promote transparency and reward open communication. Why Curiosity Helps Protect You From Both Gaslighting And Passive Aggression Why Curiosity Helps Protect You From Both Gaslighting And Passive Aggression Curiosity creates space to explore rather than assume. When someone says something that contradicts your experience, a curious question like, 'Can you help me understand how you saw that?' shifts the conversation from confrontation to collaboration. It also gives you a moment to pause, reflect, and stay grounded in what you know to be true. In my research on workplace curiosity, I found that one of the biggest blockers is fear. Fear of being wrong. Fear of being dismissed. Fear of speaking up. Gaslighting and passive-aggressive behavior exploit all of those fears. That is why building a culture of curiosity is a safeguard against manipulation. It reinforces psychological safety and helps people separate facts from spin. The Bottom Line On Gaslighting And Passive Aggressive Behavior At Work The Bottom Line On Gaslighting And Passive Aggressive Behavior At Work Gaslighting and passive-aggressive behavior are real threats to employee well-being and organizational health. While both undermine communication and trust, gaslighting causes deeper harm because it leads people to question their own thinking and reality. That level of psychological manipulation has a more lasting impact, not just on individuals, but on culture and performance. Recognizing these behaviors, addressing them early, and creating systems that support psychological safety can restore trust and reignite curiosity. People do their best work when they are confident, heard, and clear about what is real. That starts with having the courage to name what is happening, and the curiosity to explore what comes next.
Free Malaysia Today
17-06-2025
- General
- Free Malaysia Today
How to deal with passive-aggressive people at work
When faced with a colleague who is passive-aggressive, responding with direct aggression can be counterproductive. (Envato Elements pic) PARIS : They accept your requests with a smile, then conveniently 'forget' every deadline. They compliment you on your presentation, pointing out that they can 'finally' see your efforts. Or they suddenly disappear from your online work chats without explanation. These colleagues have mastered the art of passive-aggressive behaviour, that invisible form of violence that poisons the air without leaving a trace. These behaviours, particularly prevalent in the workplace, constitute a form of covert aggression that is difficult to identify and combat. Unlike open conflicts, they play on ambiguity and leave those on the receiving end helpless in the face of indirect but repeated attacks. The psychological impact can be devastating, including loss of confidence, chronic stress, feelings of isolation, and constant questioning of one's own perceptions. The good news is, understanding the psychological drivers behind passive aggression can help you protect yourself. Such behaviour stems from a desire for status and hypersensitivity to criticism, as Daniel Waldeck and Rachael Leggett from Coventry University explain in an article on The Conversation. Vulnerable narcissists use these strategies to maintain their position without exposing themselves to direct criticism. Being excluded from an event at work or having their ideas ignored can trigger a defensive reaction. Rather than openly expressing their frustration, they opt for indirect methods. These mechanisms manifest themselves in warning signs that are easy to recognise once identified. Social exclusion is one of the preferred tactics: avoiding eye contact in meetings, remaining silent in response to work-related messages, or deliberately excluding certain individuals from team communications. Backhanded compliments are another weapon of choice – 'Well done on that presentation. You did a great job, for once'- planting doubt under the guise of kindness. Added to this are indirect criticism, which involves 'innocently' sharing embarrassing anecdotes in public, and sabotage through procrastination. The latter involves systematically postponing shared tasks until the last minute, turning the passive-aggressive person's personal urgency into collective stress. Research on this subject reveals that repeated exposure to these behaviours causes anxiety, depression, and a significant drop in self-esteem among victims, accompanied by a growing sense of powerlessness. The psychological impact of having to cope with passive aggression include loss of confidence, stress, feelings of isolation, and wondering if one's own perceptions are accurate. (Envato Elements pic) When faced with this kind of behaviour, responding with direct aggression is counterproductive and only fuels the cycle of tension. There are several effective approaches to regaining control. Setting clear boundaries is the first line of defence. For example, calmly express your expectations by saying, 'I've noticed that you haven't responded to my messages for three days. I'm available to talk when you're ready to communicate.' At the same time, 'grey rocking', a technique that involves becoming as uninteresting as possible during interactions, deprives the other person of the emotional reaction they seek. So, if faced with a barbed question like, 'Are you leaving already?', a simple 'mmm' discourages further provocation. Always make sure you protect your mental well-being. Resist internalising comments from passive-aggressive colleagues by reminding yourself that their behaviour reflects their own insecurities. Cultivate your personal life and friendships outside the office to maintain perspective. If these problematic behaviours come from your superiors, document everything: emails, incidents, dates, etc. This traceability will protect you if the situation escalates. Don't hesitate to alert HR with concrete evidence or seek support from trusted colleagues. The goal is not to change the passive-aggressive person's behaviour but to control your own reactions to it, to create an environment where such behavior becomes ineffective. By focusing on what you can do, you regain control of your professional experience. Remember that their power ends where your indifference begins.
Wall Street Journal
20-05-2025
- Entertainment
- Wall Street Journal
‘Creditors' Review: Liev Schreiber's Master Manipulator
New York The Swedish playwright August Strindberg was long dead before the term passive-aggressive was first coined during World War II, subsequently to become so ubiquitous as to be rendered almost meaningless. But his 1889 play 'Creditors,' being revived off-Broadway at the Minetta Lane Theatre in a sharp and stimulating production, offers a master class in the psychological manipulation the term loosely describes.
