08-07-2025
Pill Fatigue
When you live with a chronic condition like HIV, meds are usually a daily occurrence. Something that has to be done to prevent further illness and maintain a positive health status. But it's monotonous. Pill fatigue is real.
My pill fatigue is more subconscious, which I'll get into later. I consider daily meds like any other daily routine, like brushing my teeth. Sometimes it's a grind, but it has to be done to maintain good health and a good quality of life.
Taking my HIV meds was something I did religiously because it's literally lifesaving. It was no big deal to me. Taking a pill for HIV, diabetes, high blood pressure, or just daily vitamins was all the same to me. But for many, pill fatigue is more serious, to the point they may leave their treatment and take 'pill holidays.' That's where you take a break from taking pills, but it has risks.
When you leave HIV treatment, you don't get sick or die immediately. It could take years for the virus to spread and ravage your immune system enough to give opportunistic infections a suitable environment to breed and do damage.
Even years away from treatment may not seem abnormal at all. You may feel fine, look fine, and act fine. But your bloodstream is not fine. Your blood is actively at war to save you and losing. As HIV destroys white blood cells that protect you from infection, it becomes more free to breed, and spread throughout your body. It also becomes highly transmissible.
Did you catch that last part?
And did you catch the implication that meds make the virus untransmittable? Because U=U is a campaign that the advocacy community has been trying to teach people for the last decade.
But some have hardened themselves toward HIV and those who live with it, because HIV stigma hasn't changed. Some people still feel fear at the mere mention of HIV. They refuse to accept that HIV is not only treatable, it's completely harmless and untransmittable with effective treatment. But alas, treatment is only effective when taken.
As I said, I've had no problem taking meds. But lately, I find myself forgetting to take them. I usually catch it before the day is over, but some of my meds need consistency to be most effective, taken at the same time every day.
It could be a serious issue if I continue to forget. I risk my medication losing effectiveness, and that runs the risk of losing access to an entire class of medications. I used to be religious about taking my meds. But over the years, my zeal has diminished. This is what I referred to earlier when I mentioned subconscious pill fatigue (a term I made up).
Is that what I'm experiencing? Subconscious pill fatigue? I've taken pills every day for the past 25 years. I didn't think it bothered me, yet I'm forgetting more doses than ever. Am I subconsciously allowing myself to forget?
My memory and mental state are certainly factors. Many people who live with HIV develop forgetfulness associated with a neurocognitive decline syndrome, which can happen with HIV. I don't know if I'm experiencing this or just normal aging. But I need to find out. I'm currently working with my doctor to get answers. But forgetting your pills isn't exactly pill fatigue.
