Latest news with #sandwichgeneration
ABC News
2 days ago
- General
- ABC News
Workplace flexibility 'paramount' for 'sandwich generation' caring for both children and aging relatives
For Canberra woman Belle Hogg, the first sign her life was about to change came when her mother forgot her birthday. "You might say it's not a big deal, but she's the sort of mum that would send you something in the post two weeks before your birthday because it had to be perfect," Ms Hogg said. "At the time, I was actually cranky … and I said, 'I'm going up there, something's not right.'" Her mother had dramatically lost weight and her home was in a state of disarray. Soon after, the then-68-year-old was diagnosed with dementia. Suddenly, Ms Hogg found herself juggling full-time work in the public service, a photography business, raising her three children and caring for her mother. "She just declined so quickly, and it was just so hard going to work and thinking, 'Is she OK at home?'" Ms Hogg is part of the "sandwich generation" — adults caring for both children and aging relatives. As the population ages and people start their families later in life, a growing number of Australians are finding themselves squeezed by dual caring responsibilities. "It's definitely a rollercoaster — Mum and I have always been besties, the person I call for every piece of advice," Ms Hogg said. Research indicates about two-thirds of sandwich carers are women. Canberran Evie Kollas retired prematurely from teaching to care for her now-94-year-old mother and other family members. "That has financial implications. It also has social implications," Ms Kollas said. She said her caring and administrative responsibilities took up the time of a full-time job, without the same recognition. "If it was a job, it would be paid really well, and it would be really, really well resourced, and we would have some status," Ms Kollas said. "None of that applies to carers. "Recognition is always something carers have called for, but it needs to be a wider recognition, it needs to be a social revolution, it needs to be appreciated on a political level." ABC Canberra has been inundated with frustrated stories of carers in the sandwich generation who feel forgotten by the system. "I personally feel completely ripped off as I had to retire early from a job I loved to care for parents AND In-laws AND grandchildren. I've spent 10 years trying to juggle everything, retired 4 years ago, and have no hope in the foreseeable future of having the retirement we planned. By the time my carer burden is gone I will be too old/unwell to travel." "I'm working full time, caring for my 2 primary school children and now caring for my mother with dementia. My Aged Care has assessed her as needing a level 3 home care package but they won't release the funding. So my mum sleep[s] in my living room. We are all at our wits' end. We get no help. The dementia hotline said when it gets too much my best option is to leave her at the local hospital which they call a 'social admission'. We are paying a consultant thousands of dollars to try and find an aged care placement. The system is broken." "I'm in a double sandwich generation family. My 80yr old parents have been caring for my grandmother for 20+ years (she has now been in aged care for a couple of years). I am supporting my parents whilst raising my kids, who are still young teenagers … I have limited my work (both in hours and in complexity) to prioritise my caring responsibilities. This [affects] my superannuation and plans for my aged care." Melissa Reader, chief executive of not-for-profit Violet Initiative, said sandwich carers were crying out for more support. "Sixty-thousand Australians will turn 85 in the next five or six years … so it's a really phenomenal shift in our demographics and it's putting enormous pressure on the adult caregivers of those elderly Australians," Ms Reader said. And she said the impact of people leaving the workforce would have widespread effects on society. She said a high proportion of sandwich carers were stepping out of their position in the workforce as teachers, nurses or aged care staff. Michelle O'Shea of the University of Western Sydney said a survey run by Carers NSW found sandwich carers wanted to be in paid employment. "[Survey participants expressed] getting out of the home, getting ready for work, going to a workplace, engaging with people as being so important," Dr O'Shea said. Dr O'Shea said carers were often forced into making short-term decisions to look after themselves which sometimes had long-term negative ramifications. "Having to not go for promotion, not necessarily being available for the same number of shifts, or moving from full-time to part-time employment where that was practical — carers talked about the fact that there was often an unwillingness within their current employment to enable their ongoing work," she said. "That is, you couldn't be a senior leader, or you couldn't be a supervisor, and be so on a part-time basis, for example." She said it was important for employers to be able to provide carers with the flexibility they needed such as starting later in the day, finishing later in the evening or allowing breaks in the day for medical appointments. And when that sort of flexibility was given, Dr O'Shea said it benefited everyone. "When that flexibility was provided there was a really positive sense — the employee felt really positive about their workplace, and said the fact they were being given flexibility [meant] that they were probably working over and above to acknowledge their employer's trust in them," she said.
ABC News
3 days ago
- Health
- ABC News
How the 'sandwich generation' is dealing with the 'soup' of parents, children and their own lives
Phyllis Foundis is juggling two phones, two languages, and her 95-year-old mother on FaceTime. Attempting to update details on her mother Barbara's health insurance, she recites addresses, translates between Greek and English, and explains to the insurance call centre worker that she is the primary caregiver for her mother. Also a parent to two teenage boys, Ms Foundis is a member of the "sandwich generation": people reaching middle age who switch constantly between intergenerational caregiving, paid work, and their own lives. A sandwich generation-focused survey from Violet — an NGO focused on planning for end-of-life care — has heard hundreds of respondents detail their struggles and pressures in supporting parents, children and being able to find time for themselves. One woman described it as a "continual trade-off" between caring for a parent and living her own life, as many others said caring for their own children was made difficult by the needs of aging parents. Another described the extreme mental health aspects of being a full-time carer for a son living with psychosis while also caring for her 98-year-old mother as being "insurmountable". "What I've learnt is I've got to be patient," Ms Foundis said of her own relationship with her mother. "I have a long to-do list, I've got other demands on my time, I've got my own goals I want to achieve, but my mother needs me." Ms Foundis's older brother lives several hours from Sydney, so she shoulders the primary care and organisation for Barbara's health and daily life, speaking with her almost every day on the phone and sometimes staying with her when she needs assistance. The 54-year-old also co-parents with her ex-partner, with one of their two children still living at home. Ms Foundis likened her myriad of roles and responsibilities to more of a "soup" than a sandwich. "Everyone's connecting to you in a different way." Demographer Bernard Salt told 702 ABC Radio Sydney that parents in their 50s like Ms Foundis were the most squeezed generation. Mr Salt said answers about unpaid caring work at home in the last census painted a picture of who was most likely to be caring for both their families' older and younger generations. "People most likely to be caring for someone in an unpaid capacity [are] 57," Mr Salt said. "Twenty-something kids, 80-something parents, 50-something sandwiches." Mr Salt's analysis shows by 2031, 60,000 people each year will turn 85, a fivefold increase from today as the baby boomer generation ages. He also said children were leaving home later in life as housing had become less affordable and the workforce demanded a greater level of tertiary qualifications compared to the 1960s, 70s and 80s. "People aren't as enabled to go into the workforce and to establish their own household earlier," Mr Salt said. The majority of caregivers for this bracket were female, Violet's survey found. Committee of Sydney research published in February showed women in Sydney worked an average of 13 hours more a week across paid and unpaid work compared to men. The committee's work found 4 per cent of Sydneysiders were formally caring for both parents and children, with nearly two-thirds of that figure women. Back on the phone, Ms Foundis is successful in updating her mother's health insurance details, and the call winds up. "She relies on me so much that it's important to be present with her rather than just seeing her as someone who's demanding more of me," she told 702 ABC Radio Sydney. "I'm very proud [of her]," Barbara said.
ABC News
3 days ago
- General
- ABC News
The Care Squeeze: 1.5 million 'sandwich generation' Australians care for both children and parents
Did you know that 1.5 million Australians are simultaneously raising children while caring for ageing parents? Today across ABC Radio and around the country, our teams will find solutions and share stories of real Australians who find themselves caught in the middle. You'll find highlights from all our coverage below, use the key moments to jump between different stories.
ABC News
6 days ago
- General
- ABC News
The Care Squeeze
On Monday 30 June, ABC Radio Sydney will hold The Care Squeeze, a day to shine a spotlight on the pressures and realities for Australians caring for ageing parents, while raising kids. Throughout the day, each program will have stories, support, and solutions for the sandwich generation. We'll discuss the emotional load, the complex systems and the practical fixes with expert insight – and you can call or text anytime to join the conversation. Tune in on your radio via 702AM or tune in on the ABC listen app
ABC News
11-06-2025
- Health
- ABC News
The women of the 'sandwich generation' caring for young and old
I started to notice my 81-year-old mother, Di, struggling just under a year ago, when she texted me late on a Saturday night worrying about some legal paperwork and I could not get her to calm down. After that, she became increasingly anxious and depressed. She no longer took pleasure in the things she loved and began having trouble looking after herself day to day. Realising that mum needed serious professional help, we checked her into a psychiatric hospital for a short stay that turned into six months. Her decline was rapid. She seemed to wither before our eyes. There were falls, a broken arm, delirium, COVID, and, most likely dementia. She couldn't walk from bed to the toilet unaided. Only months prior, mum had lived alone and was independent. She had always been fearsome, a former school principal with a booming laugh and a single mother who made sure I had everything — a picture of self-sacrifice. We love each other to pieces, but also annoy each other like no-one else can. When I realised mum wouldn't be able to live on her own anymore, we planned for her to move into a granny flat at the back of our place when she left the hospital. I suddenly found myself part of what is sometimes called the "sandwich generation": people (mostly women) who have the task of being the primary carer for the generations on either side. My life was hectic even before mum became unwell. I'm an executive producer on the podcast Ladies, We Need to Talk and a parent to my two lovely and spirited neurodivergent kids, who are nine and 11. I knew it was going to be hard work, but nothing prepared me for the difficulty of trying to look after everyone all at once. Every day is spent frantically managing other people's needs, and our time spent together is mostly functional, keeping everyone warm, medicated, fed and showered. As well as helping mum after her release from hospital and getting the kids ready for school, a team of support workers for mum came and went daily, which required a tonne of admin and endless time on the phone. I often feel tired, and like my emotional reserves are used up on everybody else. It could break me on some days. But I'm not alone. There are around 1.5 million Aussies who are in this situation, and the numbers are rising. The 2022 Income and Labour Dynamics in Australia (the "HILDA") Survey, found that women were "considerably more likely" to be carers than men. As Australia's population ages, by 2050 the 85+ age group is expected to triple. We're also having babies later, which means women are often at the peak of their careers when they need to start caring for their kids and their elderly parents too. So, I wanted to find out what the sandwich generation can do to take care not only of the people around them, but of themselves. And for those not at that stage yet, how can we set ourselves up to survive this period? I met with Nasalifya Namwinga, a clinical psychologist and burnout researcher, who often sees how women carry most of the caregiving load, and how heavy this can be for them. "I think there's an expectation that as a woman, you'll provide this care. You're being pulled in three different directions and you are being stretched to meet the needs of these particular roles [as a mother, carer and partner]," she says. Namwinga says it can be helpful to have conversations about expectations of who does the care work early on, "while the parent actually has the capacity to engage or contribute". I've used the word burnout a lot in the past year. But I've often wondered how you know you are experiencing carer burnout as opposed to just being a bit tired and over it? Namwinga says there are three components to burnout: exhaustion, low efficacy and cynicism. I identify with "low efficacy" — stuff like missing kids' appointments, or being late on paying my bills — things that are not the norm for me. Namwinga says cynicism is also one to keep an eye on. "[Cynicism] might play out as anger or intense emotions that don't match how you feel about the thing that you're doing. Those are the feelings that come up that; 'I just wish I didn't have to do any of it.' That's probably a sign you're experiencing carer burnout." I think a lot of mothers and carers struggle with asking for help, because we're used to doing it all, and we are really good at juggling a million things. Namwinga says protecting ourselves from burnout is ultimately about "scaffolding" ourselves with support from others. "So if I start experiencing exhaustion to the point that I'm struggling to get out of bed, who can I call? And asking them for support when you need it. And that means you have to prioritise yourself." Phyllis, who is looking after her mother and children, thinks the term "sandwich generation" needs a rebrand. I spoke to Phyllis because I wanted to hear about women going through similar experiences. She is in the thick of it right now, caring for her 94-year-old mother, Barbara, and two teenage sons, who are 15 and 18, while also working four days a week. She's been her mum's main carer since Barbara's husband died 13 years ago. "He was the filter through which mum saw the world, so when he passed, I had to step into that role," she says. Barbara is in great health for a nonagenarian, but she doesn't drive anymore, and Greek is the language she's most comfortable with. So Phyllis is Barbara's emotional support, her taxi driver, her translator and personal assistant. She tries to see her mum twice a week, and they stay in constant phone contact. But she has set clear expectations with Barbara about how much she can offer as a carer while also trying to parent two teenagers. "My sons come first," she says. "You cannot in this day and age take your hands off the wheel. You can't just say 'hey they're teenagers now, go be free'. It adds a whole other layer of complexity to the parenting equation." As the primary carer, Phyllis can sometimes feel the pressure of non-stop demands from her mum. Coupled with exhaustion, it means Phyllis can sometimes lose her cool with her mum. "The boys have been present when I've argued with my mother and we've gone hammer and tongs and it's been really ugly. But then they also see when we make up," she says. The women staying single by choice in a world of relentless dating pressure The idea of modelling healthy relationships to your kids is something Namwinga leans into in her practice. "When we mess up as parents, it actually provides a beautiful moment for repair with our children, which teaches them something about relationships. It teaches them that you are not perfect," she says. "You can get things wrong. [Saying] 'I was wrong and I'm sorry', is a really powerful experience for a child to learn that if my parent doesn't have to be perfect, then maybe I don't have to be perfect either." Phyllis says there can also be little moments of beauty with her mother. "She can be a really complex, difficult character, but she's very loving and she's very kind and beneath all the bluster, is a very frightened, vulnerable little girl," she says. "And that's what I try and hold onto when times can be tough. "And it makes me emotional because, she's just such a force of nature. She's been through a lot of rejection and pain, and yet she's still who she is unapologetically. She's dealing with her frailties of aging with as much grace as she can muster." I recently spent the day with mum after she had been in respite care for about three weeks. I took her shopping and I could tell she thought she felt good about herself for the first time in a long while. It was so great to see her sparkling a bit. We went out for lunch and she told me about some friends she made in care, and how they get together to complain about the food. Having a chat with me was out of the ordinary for her; normally it's just a list of worries. It made me feel a bit lighter, like there was a light at the end of the tunnel. I know there'll be many more bad days ahead, but she's in a good place right now, and we've just signed the paperwork for her to stay in care permanently. But I'm also battling with something more existential as I watch my mum get older — a living grief for the woman she once was. A part of me is also preparing for the end. "It is a complex grief to be watching someone you love slip away from you," Namwinga tells me. "If they experience things like dementia, they're losing memories, they're losing mobility, [and] watching that process can be quite heartbreaking." It is a privilege to be in a position where I can care for my mum and be able to pay her back for a lot of the stuff she did raising me. If I was going to give any advice, it would be that it's going to happen way faster than you think. You think you've got years, but one event can just send everything spiralling out of control and change the whole world for them and for you. So talk to your parents early about their power of attorney, their enduring guardianship, about their will and final wishes. They're hard conversations to have, but it's much easier to have them sooner than later. The host of the Ladies, We Need To Talk, Yumi Stynes, once gave me some words of advice when I was having a bit of a shitty week: "Don't be heroic." So I've taken those words on board and it's now my current Sandwich Gen motto.
