How the 'sandwich generation' is dealing with the 'soup' of parents, children and their own lives

Australia Broadcast Center

4 days ago

Phyllis Foundis is juggling two phones, two languages, and her 95-year-old mother on FaceTime.
Attempting to update details on her mother Barbara's health insurance, she recites addresses, translates between Greek and English, and explains to the insurance call centre worker that she is the primary caregiver for her mother.
Also a parent to two teenage boys, Ms Foundis is a member of the "sandwich generation": people reaching middle age who switch constantly between intergenerational caregiving, paid work, and their own lives.
A sandwich generation-focused survey from Violet — an NGO focused on planning for end-of-life care — has heard hundreds of respondents detail their struggles and pressures in supporting parents, children and being able to find time for themselves.
One woman described it as a "continual trade-off" between caring for a parent and living her own life, as many others said caring for their own children was made difficult by the needs of aging parents.
Another described the extreme mental health aspects of being a full-time carer for a son living with psychosis while also caring for her 98-year-old mother as being "insurmountable".
"What I've learnt is I've got to be patient," Ms Foundis said of her own relationship with her mother.
"I have a long to-do list, I've got other demands on my time, I've got my own goals I want to achieve, but my mother needs me."
Ms Foundis's older brother lives several hours from Sydney, so she shoulders the primary care and organisation for Barbara's health and daily life, speaking with her almost every day on the phone and sometimes staying with her when she needs assistance.
The 54-year-old also co-parents with her ex-partner, with one of their two children still living at home.
Ms Foundis likened her myriad of roles and responsibilities to more of a "soup" than a sandwich.
"Everyone's connecting to you in a different way."
Demographer Bernard Salt told 702 ABC Radio Sydney that parents in their 50s like Ms Foundis were the most squeezed generation.
Mr Salt said answers about unpaid caring work at home in the last census painted a picture of who was most likely to be caring for both their families' older and younger generations.
"People most likely to be caring for someone in an unpaid capacity [are] 57," Mr Salt said.
"Twenty-something kids, 80-something parents, 50-something sandwiches."
Mr Salt's analysis shows by 2031, 60,000 people each year will turn 85, a fivefold increase from today as the baby boomer generation ages.
He also said children were leaving home later in life as housing had become less affordable and the workforce demanded a greater level of tertiary qualifications compared to the 1960s, 70s and 80s.
"People aren't as enabled to go into the workforce and to establish their own household earlier," Mr Salt said.
The majority of caregivers for this bracket were female, Violet's survey found.
Committee of Sydney research published in February showed women in Sydney worked an average of 13 hours more a week across paid and unpaid work compared to men.
The committee's work found 4 per cent of Sydneysiders were formally caring for both parents and children, with nearly two-thirds of that figure women.
Back on the phone, Ms Foundis is successful in updating her mother's health insurance details, and the call winds up.
"She relies on me so much that it's important to be present with her rather than just seeing her as someone who's demanding more of me," she told 702 ABC Radio Sydney.
"I'm very proud [of her]," Barbara said.