Latest news with #selfcompassion
Yahoo
6 days ago
- General
- Yahoo
15 Things Adult Children Of Toxic Parents Still Struggle To Say
Navigating adulthood with the shadow of a toxic upbringing is challenging. If you had toxic parents, you might find yourself struggling with certain expressions that seem second nature to others. Being able to articulate these feelings can be difficult, but recognizing them is the first step toward healing. Here's a list of things you might find hard to say, even if you're trying to live your own life. 1. "I'm Proud Of Myself" Expressing pride in yourself can seem foreign if you weren't encouraged to celebrate your achievements growing up. Toxic parents might have withheld praise or undercut your successes, leaving you uncertain about your accomplishments. As an adult, this can make acknowledging your achievements difficult, even when they're significant. According to a study by Dr. Kristin Neff, self-compassion, including recognizing one's achievements, contributes to emotional resilience. Learning to take pride in your efforts is a crucial component of self-acceptance. Recognizing your accomplishments involves more than just accepting praise from others. It's about giving yourself credit and acknowledging the hard work you've put in. When you openly express pride in your achievements, you reinforce positive self-worth. This practice can boost your confidence and motivate you to pursue new challenges. Remember, being proud of yourself isn't arrogance—it's an appreciation for your journey and growth. 2. "I'm Afraid That's A Hard No" Saying no can be a monumental challenge for those with toxic parents. If you grew up in an environment where your "no" was often overridden or ignored, asserting your boundaries can feel impossible. This difficulty can leave you vulnerable to exploitation and neglect of your own needs. Therapist and author Nedra Glover Tawwab emphasizes that learning to say no is a vital skill for maintaining healthy boundaries and self-care. Practicing this simple yet powerful word can significantly enhance your quality of life. Learning to say no involves recognizing your limits and valuing your time and energy. You might worry about disappointing others or facing backlash, but saying no allows you to prioritize your well-being. It sends a clear message about your boundaries and expectations, fostering respect in your relationships. The more you practice, the easier it becomes to assert your needs without guilt. Embrace the power of no as a tool for self-empowerment and authenticity. 3. "I Need Space" Requesting space can be tough if your boundaries were never respected growing up. Toxic parents might have invaded your privacy or dismissed your need for independence, leaving you ill-equipped to assert this as an adult. The fear of being perceived as selfish or ungrateful can make it hard to ask for time alone. Understanding that needing space is a natural part of maintaining your mental health is crucial. It's about recharging and nurturing your relationship with yourself. Communicating your need for space involves setting clear boundaries and explaining why it's important for you. This might mean taking a break from social activities, dedicating time to a hobby, or simply enjoying solitude. When you prioritize your need for space, you model self-care and encourage others to respect your boundaries. Remember, needing space doesn't mean you don't value your relationships; it means you value yourself. By carving out time for yourself, you return to your relationships more present and engaged. 4. "I Need Help" Admitting you need help can feel daunting, especially if you've been conditioned to see vulnerability as a weakness. Toxic parents often dismiss or belittle your struggles, leaving you wary of seeking assistance from others. This burden can make even the simplest call for help feel like an insurmountable challenge. According to clinical psychologist Dr. Susan Heitler, growing up with such parents can make you feel like you have to manage everything alone, leading to an unhealthy level of self-reliance. Accepting that seeking help is not just okay but necessary can be a big step toward recovery. This reluctance to ask for help often intertwines with trust issues. You might wonder if anyone is truly willing to support you or if you'll be left to fend for yourself. When you finally do ask for help, it can feel like a monumental act of courage. Over time, learning to trust others and ask for support becomes an invaluable skill. Remember, it's human nature to need others, and allowing yourself this grace can be transformative. 5. "I Deserve Respect" Growing up with toxic parents often means that respect was a one-way street. You might have been taught, explicitly or implicitly, that your feelings and boundaries were less important than those of others. This conditioning can leave you struggling to assert your needs and demand respect in relationships as an adult. You may catch yourself downplaying your worth or accepting disrespect as a norm. Recognizing you deserve respect is essential for cultivating healthy interactions. Respect is a two-way street that requires you to understand your own worth. When you acknowledge your right to be treated well, you open the door to healthier relationships. This realization empowers you to set boundaries and protect your emotional well-being. It's not about demanding undue reverence but about acknowledging that your feelings and needs matter. By expecting respect, you teach others how to treat you and contribute to more balanced connections. 6. "I'm Sorry" Apologizing can be a minefield if your parents used it as a tool for manipulation. Toxic parents might have made you apologize constantly, even when you did nothing wrong, or they might never have modeled sincere apologies themselves. As an adult, this can leave you unsure of when and how to say you're sorry. Psychologist Dr. Mark Sichel highlights that children of such parents may struggle with apologies because of this skewed understanding. Learning to apologize genuinely and recognize the appropriate times to do so is a crucial social skill. Struggling with apologies often means you're wrestling with guilt and accountability. You may over-apologize, instinctively taking blame for situations beyond your control. Alternatively, you might resist apologizing altogether, fearing that it signifies a loss of power or autonomy. As you practice healthy apologies, you'll find a balance, understanding that saying sorry is an opportunity for growth and not a surrender. Apologizing with sincerity can enhance your relationships and promote mutual understanding. 7. "I Forgive You" Forgiveness can be a complex, emotionally charged subject, especially when dealing with toxic parents. You might feel pressure to forgive and forget, even when deep wounds remain unhealed. Forgiving someone who hurt you deeply can feel like condoning their behavior, which is far from the truth. Forgiveness is more about freeing yourself from the burden of resentment and allowing space for healing. It doesn't mean you have to reconcile or maintain a relationship with those who've hurt you. The process of forgiveness is personal and can take time. It begins with acknowledging your pain and allowing yourself to feel anger and sadness. As you work through these emotions, you can gradually reach a place where forgiveness becomes a possibility. It's important to remember that forgiveness is for you, not the other person. By letting go of grievances, you create room for personal growth and peace. 8. "I Trust You" Trusting others can be a significant hurdle if your parents were unreliable or deceitful. You might have grown up constantly second-guessing people's intentions, leading to a general wariness of others. As an adult, this can manifest as difficulty forming close relationships or constantly expecting betrayal. Rebuilding trust requires discernment and courage. It's about learning to evaluate who deserves your trust and gradually letting your guard down. Opening yourself up to trust is a gradual process that involves vulnerability. You may hesitate to rely on others, fearing disappointment or rejection. However, allowing yourself to trust can lead to fulfilling relationships and a supportive network. Building trust begins with small steps, like sharing a thought or relying on someone for minor assistance. As your confidence in others grows, so does your capacity for deeper connections. 9. "I Love You" Saying 'I love you' might not come easily if emotional expressions were weaponized in your childhood home. You might associate love with manipulation or feel that expressing it makes you vulnerable. As an adult, this can hinder your ability to form intimate bonds, leaving you feeling isolated. Learning to express love openly and sincerely is a crucial step toward emotional freedom. It's about breaking through walls built by fear and embracing the warmth that connection brings. Expressing love involves acknowledging both your feelings and the recipient's importance in your life. Challenging as it may be, telling someone you love them deepens your relationship and fosters mutual understanding. You might start by practicing small acts of affection or gratitude, gradually working up to verbal expressions. Embracing love in all its forms enables personal growth and strengthens your emotional resilience. Letting love in, and sharing it freely, enriches your life and the lives of those around you. 10. "I'm Not Okay" Admitting you're not okay can be difficult if you were taught to hide your emotions. Toxic parents might have dismissed your feelings or punished vulnerability, leaving you reluctant to show when you're struggling. Acknowledging your struggles as an adult can feel risky, as though you're exposing a weakness. But recognizing when you're not okay is a crucial part of self-awareness and mental health. It allows you to seek support and begin the process of healing. When you admit you're not okay, you give yourself permission to take the necessary steps toward recovery. This might involve talking to a friend, seeking therapy, or simply taking a break. Acknowledging your struggles isn't a sign of failure; it's an act of courage and honesty. By confronting your feelings, you create an opportunity for growth and understanding. Remember, everyone has moments of difficulty, and it's okay to ask for help. 11. "I Forgive Myself" Forgiving yourself can be one of the hardest things to do, especially if you grew up in an environment that thrived on blame. Toxic parents might have constantly blamed you for their problems or yours, leaving you feeling guilty for things beyond your control. This can create a cycle of self-reproach that's challenging to break. Self-forgiveness involves acknowledging your mistakes and understanding that you're human. It's a powerful step in reclaiming your narrative and fostering inner peace. Practicing self-forgiveness allows you to let go of past mistakes and embrace personal growth. It involves recognizing that no one is perfect, and everyone makes errors. By forgiving yourself, you release the burden of guilt and create room for improvement. This practice encourages self-compassion and resilience, enabling you to move forward with confidence. Accept that forgiving yourself is a journey, not a destination. 12. "I Am Worthy Of Happiness" Feeling worthy can be challenging when your parents constantly undermine your self-esteem. You might have been given the message, intentionally or not, that you're only as valuable as your last achievement or mistake. As an adult, this can manifest as a persistent feeling of inadequacy or imposter syndrome. You might find yourself in a cycle of seeking validation through accomplishments, never truly believing in your inherent worth. Breaking free from this mindset involves recognizing your worth is intrinsic and not contingent on external factors. Embracing your worthiness requires self-acceptance and compassion. This journey involves challenging the negative narratives instilled in you and rewriting them with affirmations of your value. As you internalize this belief, you'll notice a shift in how you approach challenges and relationships. Recognizing your worth allows you to pursue goals genuinely aligned with your values, rather than seeking approval. Embrace the idea that you are enough, just as you are, regardless of external validation. 13. "I'm Scared" Admitting fear can be challenging if vulnerability was seen as weakness in your childhood. Toxic parents might have dismissed your fears or used them against you, leading you to suppress these emotions. As an adult, acknowledging fear can feel like you're exposing a chink in your armor. But expressing fear is a sign of strength and self-awareness. It allows you to address the root causes and seek solutions, fostering resilience and growth. When you admit to being scared, you open the door to understanding and support. This admission encourages you to confront your fears and explore ways to overcome them. By sharing your fears with others, you build trust and connection, knowing you're not alone. Over time, addressing your fears can lead to greater confidence and empowerment. Remember, courage isn't the absence of fear, but the willingness to face it head-on. 14. "I Need To Talk" Initiating a serious conversation can be intimidating, especially if your parents dismissed or trivialized your concerns. You might have been taught that speaking up would lead to conflict or punishment, making it hard to voice your thoughts as an adult. However, expressing the need to talk is key to resolving misunderstandings and fostering healthy communication. It's about being open and honest so that you can address issues together. This transparency can strengthen your relationships and lead to mutual growth. When you say you need to talk, you prioritize communication and show that you value the relationship. It involves choosing the right time and approach to express your thoughts and emotions clearly. By fostering open dialogue, you create a safe space for honesty and vulnerability. This practice not only deepens your connections but also enhances your emotional intelligence. Remember, meaningful conversations are the foundation of understanding and trust. 15. "I Need Support" Asking for support can feel daunting if you've been accustomed to handling everything alone. Toxic parents might have instilled the belief that seeking support is a sign of weakness or inadequacy. As a result, you might struggle to reach out even when you need help the most. However, acknowledging your need for support is a vital part of self-care and personal growth. It's about recognizing that you don't have to navigate challenges by yourself. When you ask for support, you invite others into your journey, allowing them to offer help and understanding. This request can strengthen your relationships by fostering trust and empathy. By accepting support, you cultivate a sense of community and resilience. Remember, needing support doesn't imply incapability; it signifies that you value your well-being and are willing to seek the resources you need. Embrace the strength that comes from leaning on others and sharing the load. Solve the daily Crossword
UAE Moments
30-06-2025
- Entertainment
- UAE Moments
Daily Affirmation for June 30, 2025 to Kickstart Your Vibe
✨ Today's Affirmation: 'I speak kindly to myself because my inner voice shapes my world.' 💫 Vibe Check: Been mentally roasting yourself for every awkward thing you said since 2018? Feel like your inner critic is on a caffeine high? Yep, we see you. And it's time to change the tone. Today's sky whispers this: You become what you repeat. So let's stop doom-scrolling our own flaws and start hyping ourselves like a best friend would. 🧘♀️ Why This Works: Your inner voice isn't just background noise — it sets the tempo for your day, your energy, and your decisions. Speaking with self-compassion rewires the way you see everything. It's not just cute — it's transformative. 🌿 Your Mini Mission: Shift the dialogue and soften your self-talk with these small-but-mighty moves: – Say out loud: 'I wouldn't talk to a friend like this — so I won't talk to me like this either.' – Write one compliment to yourself and stick it on your mirror. – Catch one negative thought today and flip it — even a little. 🎧 Power Up Playlist: Let these self-love anthems turn up the volume on your inner hype squad: – 'Good as Hell' – Lizzo – 'Confident' – Demi Lovato – 'Who Says' – Selena Gomez – 'Flowers' – Miley Cyrus – 'Girl on Fire' – Alicia Keys 🔮 Bonus Energy Tip: Keep rose quartz close today. It's the crystal of radical self-love — gentle, forgiving, and perfect for quieting that internal bully. Hold it when the spiral starts and repeat: 'I am enough exactly as I am — and I choose words that reflect that.'
New York Times
28-06-2025
- General
- New York Times
Better Half
On Wednesday, we will be exactly halfway through the year — 182 days on either side of July 2, the precise midpoint of 2025. I've never clocked this date before: the year's high noon, the moment when the teeter-totter is perfectly parallel to the pavement. There's something satisfying about having exactly as much road behind you as you have before you. Look over your shoulder. Where have you been? And where on earth are you going? We usually make resolutions for the year on Jan. 1, in the grip of winter. The delirium of the holidays has concluded, it's cold and likely gray outside, we are quite possibly hungover. Here's where we traditionally set our goals for the year to come, in this depleted state. I've long endorsed the Always Be Resolving approach to change — you don't need a special day in order to declare a resolution. But it does feel administratively appropriate to do it on the first day of the calendar year, when the months unfurl before us like an unpainted canvas. This year, I propose July 2 for a sunnier moment at which to take stock of the year so far and, if it feels right, to make some achievable resolutions for the second half of the year. The sun is out. We're in summer mode, a little less coiled up than we might have been in January. Our resolutions might be more self-compassionate, more optimistic than they were in winter. Think of it as a resolution reset. When Dec. 31 arrives, how do you want your life to be a little different? Perhaps there's something you resolved on Jan. 1 that you've fallen behind on and you want to reframe it for the back half of the year. Maybe there's something you've been meaning to do and six months is the perfect window in which to achieve it. I'm skeptical of New Year's resolutions as they're usually executed: Here's a way in which you're falling short. No more horsing around, now it's time to straighten up and fly right. The Summer Reset (if I capitalize it, it feels more official) is a different practice. These pronouncements should be summer-tinged, with an emphasis on possibility over punishment. A friend recently told me she'd resolved to ask 'Does this make my life bigger?' before she made any decision. I might try this one. You might resolve to spend more time with people around whom you feel like the best version of yourself. Let the resolutions be additive, celebratory, exciting. Make them about increasing joy, about being new and radiant and more enthusiastic about the things and people you love. Happy New Half of the Year. Let's make it the best half yet. Yesterday was the final decision day of the Supreme Court's term. The justices made it count, releasing rulings that will affect presidential power, immigrants, schoolchildren, health care and more. German Lopez explains the highlights: Limits on universal injunctions: At face value, this case was about President Trump's attempts to end birthright citizenship. But the court didn't say much on that issue. Instead, it focused on lower courts' ability to stop the president's actions through injunctions that halt presidential policies nationwide. Members of both parties have complained that lower-court judges have too much power. The court agreed, in a 6-3 decision. It cited history: When Congress created the lower courts in 1789, it did not give these judges the power to impose their decisions on the rest of the country. Instead, they can grant relief only to the plaintiffs of the case they're hearing. So a lower court can, for example, stop Trump from imposing his birthright citizenship order on the immigrants or states that file a lawsuit. But everyone who didn't file the suit remains unprotected from the president's orders, with some exceptions. Want all of The Times? Subscribe.
CNA
07-06-2025
- Health
- CNA
How to stop being so hard on yourself when life gets overwhelming
If a friend is struggling with a big challenge or feels defeated, it's usually our first instinct to offer words of comfort and understanding. But often it's not so easy to do this for ourselves. We can be our own harshest critics. Practicing a little self-compassion, though, goes a long way. Research shows that when people go through challenges or stressful situations, those who display more self-compassion are more resilient. 'We can say, 'I made a mistake,' as opposed to saying, 'I am a mistake,'' said Kristin Neff, an associate professor of educational psychology at the University of Texas at Austin who has studied self-compassion for more than two decades. 'It's a healthier alternative to self-esteem, because it's not about judging yourself positively, it's just about being helpful and kind to yourself.' WHAT IS SELF-COMPASSION? Self-compassion is the process of expressing support, warmth and understanding toward yourself during difficult times – and recognising that you aren't alone in your imperfections. It arises from mindfulness, which involves staying focused on the present moment without judgment. Self-compassionate people can identify when they are feeling defeated or inadequate, but avoid becoming lost in those feelings so that they can respond to themselves with kindness instead of ruminating, Dr Neff said. Being kind to yourself doesn't mean hosting a pity party. Our suffering is not unique – flaws and failures are part of what make us human. And while we all suffer in different ways, the knowledge that suffering is universal can help prevent feelings of shame or isolation. WHAT ARE THE MYTHS ABOUT SELF-COMPASSION? One common myth is that self-compassion will undermine motivation to improve yourself or your circumstances. But research suggests that support, encouragement and constructive criticism are more effective motivators than negative feedback, Dr Neff added. Another myth is that self-compassion is self-indulgent. But in reality, Dr Neff said, it has been shown to reduce burnout and therefore allow us to better care for others. Self-indulgence, on the other hand, involves behaving in a way that is ultimately harmful – either to yourself or to others. Finally, self-compassion is sometimes confused with self-care, but it's not just about soothing, said Steven C Hayes, a clinical psychologist and the creator of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, which emphasises the types of skills that are useful for building self-compassion, like living in the moment and focusing on values rather than imposed expectations. Self-compassion 'is the empowerment to be yourself, to feel what you're feeling, fully and without needless defense,' he said. HOW DO YOU DEVELOP SELF-COMPASSION? There are a number of ways to practise self-compassion: 1. SAY KIND THINGS TO YOURSELF EVERY DAY Think about how you show up for yourself throughout your day, Dr Neff said. Are you supportive and encouraging? Or are you your own worst enemy? 'The vast majority of people are significantly more compassionate to others than they are to themselves,' Dr Neff said. If you're prone to beating yourself up, she added, then try speaking to yourself kindly, just like you would to a good friend in the same situation. 2. TAKE A COMPASSION BREAK Tara Brach, a psychologist and the author of Radical Acceptance, suggests the RAIN method: Recognise, allow, investigate and nurture. The idea here is to recognise the emotions you're having and then allow those feelings to exist without reflexively pushing them away. Next, investigate how your body is affected by your emotions – is there a hollowness in your stomach or a clenching in your chest? Take time to also explore the beliefs associated with those emotions – are you assuming that something is wrong with you? 'That is probably the biggest suffering that people have: 'I'm unlovable, I'm falling short, I should be doing more,'' Dr Brach said. Then, nurture. What does the suffering part of you most need right now? Understanding? To be forgiven? A kind message? Put a hand over your heart or use another soothing touch that feels caring. Send a kind message inward: 'It's okay to feel this' or 'You're doing the best that you can.' These tiny gestures can make a big difference. One small study of 135 undergraduates found that those who regularly spent 20 seconds a day placing their hands over their heart and belly while thinking kind thoughts like 'How can I be a friend to myself in this moment?' reported feeling less stressed and were found to have more compassion for themselves after a month. 3. PAY IT FORWARD By giving yourself compassion, you become better able to receive and offer compassionate care to others, Dr Hayes said. 'Show them that they're not alone,' he added. 'We need people who are more self-compassionate and compassionate toward others.' Self-compassion might involve establishing healthy boundaries in a relationship or even turning your compassion outward – for example, volunteering for an important cause or attending a protest to try to bring about positive political or social change. In this sense, self-compassion can be fierce and strong: Think 'mama bear' energy. 'Part of caring for ourselves means trying to end harm on the societal level as well,' Dr Neff said. 'It's bigger than just our individual selves.'
New York Times
29-05-2025
- General
- New York Times
How to Stop Being So Hard on Yourself
If a friend is struggling with a big challenge or feels defeated, it's usually our first instinct to offer words of comfort and understanding. But often it's not so easy to do this for ourselves. We can be our own harshest critics. Practicing a little self-compassion, though, goes a long way. Research shows that when people go through challenges or stressful situations, those who display more self-compassion are more resilient. 'We can say, 'I made a mistake,' as opposed to saying, 'I am a mistake,'' said Kristin Neff, an associate professor of educational psychology at the University of Texas at Austin who has studied self-compassion for more than two decades. 'It's a healthier alternative to self-esteem, because it's not about judging yourself positively, it's just about being helpful and kind to yourself.' What is self-compassion? Self-compassion is the process of expressing support, warmth and understanding toward yourself during difficult times — and recognizing that you aren't alone in your imperfections. It arises from mindfulness, which involves staying focused on the present moment without judgment. Self-compassionate people can identify when they are feeling defeated or inadequate, but avoid becoming lost in those feelings so that they can respond to themselves with kindness instead of ruminating, Dr. Neff said. Being kind to yourself doesn't mean hosting a pity party. Our suffering is not unique — flaws and failures are part of what make us human. And while we all suffer in different ways, the knowledge that suffering is universal can help prevent feelings of shame or isolation. What are the myths about self-compassion? One common myth is that self-compassion will undermine motivation to improve yourself or your circumstances. But research suggests that support, encouragement and constructive criticism are more effective motivators than negative feedback, Dr. Neff added. Another myth is that self-compassion is self-indulgent. But in reality, Dr. Neff said, it has been shown to reduce burnout and therefore allow us to better care for others. Self-indulgence, on the other hand, involves behaving in a way that is ultimately harmful — either to yourself or to others. Finally, self-compassion is sometimes confused with self-care, but it's not just about soothing, said Steven C. Hayes, a clinical psychologist and the creator of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, which emphasizes the types of skills that are useful for building self-compassion, like living in the moment and focusing on values rather than imposed expectations. Self-compassion 'is the empowerment to be yourself, to feel what you're feeling, fully and without needless defense,' he said. How do you develop self-compassion? There are a number of ways to practice self-compassion: Say kind things to yourself every day. Think about how you show up for yourself throughout your day, Dr. Ness said. Are you supportive and encouraging? Or are you your own worst enemy? 'The vast majority of people are significantly more compassionate to others than they are to themselves,' Dr. Neff said. If you're prone to beating yourself up, she added, then try speaking to yourself kindly, just like you would to a good friend in the same situation. Take a compassion break. Tara Brach, a psychologist and the author of 'Radical Acceptance,' suggests the RAIN method: Recognize, allow, investigate and nurture. The idea here is to recognize the emotions you're having and then allow those feelings to exist without reflexively pushing them away. Next, investigate how your body is affected by your emotions — is there a hollowness in your stomach or a clenching in your chest? Take time to also explore the beliefs associated with those emotions — are you assuming that something is wrong with you? 'That is probably the biggest suffering that people have: 'I'm unlovable, I'm falling short, I should be doing more,'' Dr. Brach said. Then, nurture. What does the suffering part of you most need right now? Understanding? To be forgiven? A kind message? Put a hand over your heart or use another soothing touch that feels caring. Send a kind message inward: 'It's OK to feel this.' or 'You're doing the best that you can.' These tiny gestures can make a big difference. One small study of 135 undergraduates found that those who regularly spent 20 seconds a day placing their hands over their heart and belly while thinking kind thoughts like 'How can I be a friend to myself in this moment?' reported feeling less stressed and were found to have more compassion for themselves after a month. Pay it forward. By giving yourself compassion, you become better able to receive and offer compassionate care to others, Dr. Hayes said. 'Show them that they're not alone,' he added. 'We need people who are more self-compassionate and compassionate toward others.' Self-compassion might involve establishing healthy boundaries in a relationship or even turning your compassion outward — for example, volunteering for an important cause or attending a protest to try to bring about positive political or social change. In this sense, self-compassion can be fierce and strong: Think 'mama bear' energy. 'Part of caring for ourselves means trying to end harm on the societal level as well,' Dr. Neff said. 'It's bigger than just our individual selves.'
