Latest from Newsroom
Newsroom
9 hours ago
- Entertainment
- Newsroom
An Ode to .. Tanya Unkovich
Servants to Mankind The remaining three Scribes of the legacy media Hang around the gates of the Grand Palace. It has been a dull week. Nothing has happened. The winter rain gently falls in a horizontal blast On the damp and grousing Scribes. 'No news,' mutters one. 'Hold on,' says his colleague. 'Who's this?' Duchess Unkovich of Dargaville steps out of the Great Doors. 'I have come before you today to announce my Mission To Serve Mankind has come to the conclusion of Part One,' The graceful and serene Duchess declaims. 'Who is she?' whispers a Scribe. 'Beats me,' answers his Fellow Hack. 'Having achieved my lofty goals, I henceforth Seek to serve Mankind through opportunities in the private sector,' Proclaims the Duchess with regal dignity. 'Er, what did you exactly achieve for Mankind whilst here?,' Asks a confused Scribe. 'The Fair Access to Nightsoil Closets and Commodes Bill,' States the proud and godly Duchess. 'What happened to that?,' asks a confused Scribe, checking his notes. 'The pink and green non binary flying Unicorns plotted against me,' Snarls the suddenly animated and rage filled Duchess. 'And they will be judged when the People's Nuremberg Tribunals On Courtiers, Healers of the Plague, and Scribes are convened And the necks of sinners are snicker snacked!' The Scribes look at each other in concern. 'Well, who is your replacement then?,' Asks a bemused Scribe. 'Let me introduce my fellow Servant of Mankind,' Pronounces Duchess Unkovich of Dargaville. And out of the door of the Grand Palace Steps a replacement courtier from the party list: A man in a wolf fur onesie with buffalo horns. 'What is your … er … mission?,' inquires a thunderstruck Scribe. The wolf man stares vacantly at the assembled audience, Then lifts his horns to the sky with a spine chilling howl And starts to shed vaccines.
Newsroom
a day ago
- Health
- Newsroom
Short story: Hearsay, by Owen Marshall
'Biscuits, Baking Needs, Breakfast products' the sign read above the supermarket aisle into which Marianne Crawshaw turned her trolley, and it was there she saw Becky Allan. Usually Marianne preferred not to see friends when shopping, because it held her up and the Saturday supermarket day was always a busy one, but Becky was one of her best friends and even chance meetings were welcome. 'Why hello Mrs Becky,' she said, pushing her trolley close to the dried fruit so as not to block the isle for others. It annoyed her when people did that. 'I think I'll get my groceries delivered,' said Becky, 'or better still those boxes with all the ingredients for the meals made up. I'm not cut out to be a bloody housewife.' Becky wasn't a housewife in fact, but a planning officer at the Council. She did have a five year old daughter, who was fretting at her skirt. 'Stop that, Ava.' 'It'll cost you though, Food Bags,' said Marianne. 'Everything's costing us now though isn't it. I don't know how some people stay alive. Prices always more and the contents always less. Double whammy isn't it. Stop that, Ava.' They talked about the double whammy and also the Golf Club raffle night, and then they watched Dr Alice Worser walk by with just a supermarket basket. They didn't know her, but knew who she was. Most of the doctors in their part of the city were known by sight to most of the people who lived there. Dr Worser gave a brief, professional smile. 'Renee goes to Dr Worser,' said Marianne when the doctor had gone by. 'She says she's been sort of funny the last times.' 'Funny, how?' 'She kept humming, even when Renee was talking.' 'But Renee's always talking isn't she,' said Becky. 'Stop that I said, Ava.' 'Pretty much, yes,' said Marianne, but not unkindly and they went on to other topics. * Becky had her hair colour reinforced that Saturday afternoon, in the Tendrils Saloon. She always had Evelyn, who understood how she wanted things done. They talked as familiars even though they never met socially outside the salon. Mathew Driffel was there also, waiting to have what remained of his hair trimmed. For most of his life he'd gone to barbers, but that seemed a dying trade, and like so many older men, he'd ended up in a salon and become accustomed to being surrounded by women there. Becky and Evelyn talked of the weather, the local repertory production, the ram raid on McGruders and when subjects were running out, Becky thought of Dr Worser. 'A friend told me this morning that Dr Worser's started singing in surgery,' she said. 'Do you go to her?' 'No,' said Evelyn, 'but people say she's very good, just a bit brisk.' 'Well now she's decided to give them something different. Singing.' 'Maybe the stress is too much. Telling people they're going to die, or that something's burst inside, can't be easy.' 'Anyway, weird isn't it. I'd be wary if I was going there.' * Mathew wasn't sitting far away, but there were others talking in the salon and his hearing wasn't great, but he was interested in mention of Dr Worser's condition, because his daughter went to her. 'I hear Dr Worser's started singeing her patients,' he told her when she called that night. 'And they don't take to it. There's complaints been made.' He added that for a little additional impact. 'What do you mean singeing?' Isla asked. 'Singeing what?' 'I'm not sure, but it's not going down at all well. I suppose singeing hair, or maybe wounds. You cauldronise wounds don't you.' 'Cauterise,' she said. 'Yeah, well people are talking about it thats for sure. Even a doctor shouldn't go round burning people. Maybe you should change.' 'I never go any more than I have to,' said Isla. 'Does sound odd though doesn't it.' * Isla told Peter Tangaroa about it at the gym on Monday. Very early, and with the late autumn morning barely begun. Peter was often there at the same time and although younger than Isla there was an undercurrent of sexual frisson between them. She especially liked the way his thigh muscle bunched above the knee when he did leg presses. 'My doctor's taken to burning people,' she said. 'Jesus. Not at the stake I hope.' 'Just burns them I gather. Anyone who turns up for an appointment.' 'What's his name? 'Her name. Dr Alice Worser,' she said. 'Are you serious? What's being done about it?' 'I only heard in the weekend. There's to be formal complaints for sure. I'm not going back until she's okay. Maybe not even then. You just don't imagine doctors get sick do you, though this of course can't be a physical thing.' 'Freakin' strange really. I've heard of her,' and Peter began his exercises again, reassured of his own well-being in all respects. 'Burning people. My god. What with, a prod, or acids?' 'Whatever, it's not on is it,' Isla said. 'And what about the ram raid at McGruders, eh?' said Peter as he watched Isla's breasts lift during a shoulder press. 'Little buggers,' said Isla. * Peter told his mother about it that evening over a pumpkin and broccoli quiche. He would have preferred something with meat in it, but he knew there was apple crumble to follow and said nothing because he was fortunate to be still living at home and contributing eff all as he saved to go overseas. 'Do you know Dr Worser?' he asked his mother. 'Of course I do. She's in the Bridge club with me. Gold room.' 'She's gone berko and attacked some of her patients. The police have been involved.' 'Who told you all this?' 'A friend at the gym who goes to her, but won't be any more. She's been electrocuting people or something, burning them anyway. Maybe someone finally died. The police were called.' 'How awful. When did all this happen?' 'Dunno,' said Peter. 'Not long I think.' 'It can't be long, or I would've heard at the club. She wasn't there on Tuesday, but seemed just fine the time before. Not that she ever talks a great deal about herself, but she didn't seem bothered by anything.' Marama Tangaroa was a kindly woman and quite concerned at what Peter had said. She liked Alice Worser, even though not a close friend. She'd been her partner once in a local tournament when both their regular partners had been unavailable. 'People say she's a very thorough doctor,' she told her son, 'and she never gets cross at Bridge. You want to hear some of the snarky things some of them say at the table.' 'Maybe she's got personal problems.' 'Her husband did go off with the cleaner, but that was years ago. She seems very settled now. She's a top player and goes to national tournaments when she can.' 'Who knows then,' said Peter. He was more interested in the dessert. * Marama decided to ring Dr Worser to see if she was okay, if there was any help she needed. Better in the evening and using her mobile number, Marama thought. Even if the police had been called, even if someone had died, surely Alice Worser wouldn't be in a cell. 'Alice Worser speaking.' 'Yes, hello Alice. It's Marama from the Bridge club here.' 'Oh yes, hello Marama.' 'I just want to say how sorry I am about what's happened and if there's any way I can help.' 'Sorry about what, I'm not with you?' 'About the accidents in your surgery with patients and the police and everything.' Marama began to feel rather foolish, aware of a certain vagueness in her knowledge of events. 'Well, I'm not long home, but there were no police waiting for me, and the worst accident of the day was a baby vomiting on the new couch at the clinic.' 'The person who told me must have got muddled,' said Marama. 'I'm sorry I said anything. I just wanted you to know you've got support.' 'I appreciate that, and don't feel bad. Maybe some other doctor has had a bad experience. God knows the pressure's there. Ever since Covid there seems no let up at all. Who's your own GP?' 'Dr Kruger.' 'An excellent physician,' Dr Worser said, and whatever her opinion that would have been her reply, for she observed professional guidelines. 'And you're keeping well?' 'Fine thanks,' said Marama. 'I'm glad everything okay. I wasn't prying at all.' 'Of course not. I do appreciate your concern and look forward to seeing you at the club. I hope to make it on Tuesday.' Dr Worser didn't spend time speculating on Marama's call. Her profession had accustomed her to personal idiosyncrasies. Before the call she had begun watching a French film on Netflix, and wished to return to it. The French were so cynical and yet so emotionally true in their depiction of relationships. She went back into the lounge to continue watching, humming to herself, just slightly. Asked what was on his mind when he wrote the story, Owen Marshall replied, 'This is a light-hearted story based on the reality that often we mishear or misconstrue what is said. This can lead to humour and oddity, but also sometimes results in more serious misunderstanding.'
Newsroom
a day ago
- Business
- Newsroom
Govt set to announce special development deal with one city
The Government is on the cusp of declaring its first 'city and regional deal' to unlock growth potential around one major centre – most likely to be Tauranga. It hopes a deal can be a game-changer for the western Bay of Plenty region. Two other centres, almost certainly to include Auckland and possibly Queenstown, are likely to be announced as next off the rank, priority deals to be negotiated through 2026. Cabinet reportedly scrutinised on Monday officials' assessments of cities' so-called 'light-touch proposals', or applications for the unique central government-local government funding and planning deals for roads, housing and infrastructure. A first, signed memorandum of understanding, to underline the coalition Government's commitment to 'going for growth,' had been listed in its latest quarterly action plan ending June 30, next Monday. In February, cities and regions submitted their bids for the special government treatment, which could mimic some of the principles followed most famously by the UK government with Manchester. Applicants had been urged to put forward up to five priority projects in their area that would unlock economic growth. The expected deals would be long-term commitments by those cities, having consulted their private sector and local iwi, to pursue development that also meets central government goals. While guidelines from the Internal Affairs Department to potential applicants said deals should rely on existing resources, rather than new funding, they said the agreements would set out a framework of how new funding could be used when available. So Tauranga, which those close to the process expect to have made a compelling case for Wellington backing given its population, housing and transport growth, would not be in for an initial financial windfall In March, the two ministers leading the policy, Infrastructure Minister Chris Bishop and Local Government Minister Simon Watts, said it was 'designed to help reduce New Zealand's infrastructure deficit through unlocking productivity, attracting investment and improving connectivity across the country. 'Delivering a joint long-term vision for regions will ensure they remain focused on delivering what matters most to ratepayers, including critical infrastructure like housing and transport.' Watts said successful councils would need to show how each initiative would match other government priorities such as the Local Water Done Well reforms of water services. One of the features of the deals will be that central and local government budgets and investment strategies will be synchronised to maximise the impact of resources. Committee for Auckland director Mark Thomas wrote for Newsroom at the start of this government's term that more than 30 city deals were operating in the UK – some focused beyond infrastructure and housing. Edinburgh, for example, had struck a $600m innovation city deal with the Scottish and UK governments to accelerate productivity and growth by funding data-driven innovation, research, development and technology hubs. In Australia 12 city deals were already in operation when our coalition Government took office, covering urban priorities from transport infrastructure, entertainment centres and stadiums to workforce development. Thomas says 'city deals need guaranteed funding arrangements to be credible and innovative arrangements involving the private sector can play an important part.' The Internal Affairs guidelines required an initial 10-year strategic plan with 'clear outcomes and actions required to achieve them' and there had to be a 30-year vision for the region. Auckland councillors were tipped by their chief executive Phil Wilson at their monthly meeting on Thursday to expect to hear the Government's city deal news next week. Chris Bishop's office did not address Newsroom's questions over whether the Cabinet had considered the city and regional deal assessments last Monday, or if one would be announced next week. It offered seven timeless words of deflection: 'Ministers will make announcements in due course.' The Tauranga-based bid was in the name of three councils, Tauranga City, the Western Bay of Plenty District and the Bay of Plenty Region and developed with iwi and the area's economic development agency Priority One. Tauranga Mayor Mahe Drysdale said: 'Government has done a great job of signalling investment in the region through the Roads of National Significance programme, and now we want to build on that initiative to deliver growth in core infrastructure that will enable 40,000 additional homes and unleash jobs and economic growth.' Regional council chair Doug Leeder said another key component of the deal would be to enable increased exports and export income for New Zealand via the Port of Tauranga. The bid proposal listed three priorities: 1. Deliver the Western and Northern Corridors with major roading projects – Tauriko Network Connections and Takitimu North Stage 2, enabling housing and industrial land development. 2. Develop the Eastern Corridor by unlocking key land development projects; Te Tumu, Rangiuru and Te Kāinga. 3. Enable exports, resilience and decarbonisation of freight led by the Connecting Mount Maunganui project. The committee for Auckland's Mark Thomas told Newsroom the Auckland proposal was also strong. 'The Auckland deal has been put together with high-level private and public sector and iwi involvement and is a quality product. 'Two years of State of the City reports on Auckland have confirmed a long-term partnership, like a regional deal, between Auckland and Government is the only way to address the systemic and long-standing issues impacting Auckland's performance such as our low peer innovation performance, our skills deficits, and underinvestment in transport.'
Newsroom
a day ago
- Politics
- Newsroom
The secret to-do list of David Seymour
Monday * Attend my first press conference as Deputy Prime Minister and speak solemnly about international affairs to strengthen the perception I am a world statesman worthy of respect. * Name some worthy academic no one has ever heard of and hold them to ridicule. * RSVP to the birthday party for a child of an influential donor from the Atlas Project. Tuesday * Take credit for the budget cuts to Radio New Zealand to strengthen the perception that Act is a powerful enemy of state-funded left-wing propaganda that attacks Act at every opportunity and gives Labour, the Greens and old scribble-face a free ride. * Increase state funding of Act's comms department. * Confirm that I will be happy to play pin the tail on the donkey at the Atlas Project children's birthday party. Wednesday * Ridicule Labour MP Willie Jackson for his comments that the Regulatory Standards Bill is set up for my mates from powerful corporations who are following their manifest destiny to despoil the countryside in exchange for massive profits which ought not be subject to tax. * Meet mates for drink. * Draw a line in the stand and decline invitation to actually play the donkey that gets a tail pinned to it at the Atlas Project children's birthday party. Thursday * Give Act's comms department the hard word to find someone who has made ridiculing remarks about me so I can whine and complain about it to strengthen the perception I am constantly under attack by the intelligentsia. * Find a way to undermine Luxon. * Find a way to undermine someone who votes Green and hugs trees. * Find a way to undermine somehow who can be described as a Māori fanatic. * Find a way to undermine someone who performs selfless acts for the betterment of society and gives hope to families doing it hard but who is associated with Labour. Friday * Seek private medical treatment for multiple puncture wounds inflicted by rich little brats wielding really sharp pins who seemed to take great pleasure in pinning a donkey's tail all over my body at the Atlas Project children's birthday party. Their parents seemed to enjoy it too. I can still hear their mocking laughter.
Newsroom
a day ago
- Business
- Newsroom
Apologies to Team NZ in settlement over 2020 America's Cup whistleblower affair
A bitter public and legal row over alleged but disproven financial irregularities in the run-up to the 2021 America's Cup has been settled, with a string of apologies to cup defender Team New Zealand. A confidential settlement has been reached between the team (ETNZ), its event arm America's Cup Event Ltd (ACE) and a former contractor Mayo and Calder Limited, with individuals Tom Mayo and accountant Michael Choy. The firm, Mayo and Choy have admitted in a statement agreed by all parties, that 'they breached the confidence of ACE and ETNZ, including by having Michael Choy secretly record confidential internal meetings.' They also admit breaching confidence by 'releasing, and procuring the release, of ACE and ETNZ's confidential information to members of the media' and to the cup event co-funder, the Ministry of Business, Innovation and Employment (MBIE) and its agents. This was done for Mayo and Calder Limited's 'commercial benefit', said the former event management contractors, in a statement released to Newsroom by Emirates Team New Zealand. The settlement ends five years of legal action, with both sides suing the other, after financial allegations were made public in mid-2020, during final preparations for the 36th America's Cup in Auckland. Mayo and Calder used whistleblower provisions under the Protected Disclosures Act, to make allegations to MBIE, which was managing the taxpayers' $40 million contribution to the cup event, sparking a bitter rift between the team and the ministry. MBIE, unbeknownst to Team New Zealand, hired a forensic accountant to investigate ACE's and the team's finances, and considerable detail of the claims was published by media giant NZME. ACE went to the High Court in August 2020 and successfully blocked NZME from publishing the interim report by forensic accountants Beattie Varley, arguing that it pre-dated responses and information given by the team to the investigation. At one point MBIE suspended progress payments toward the cup event costs, but in August after more work by the forensic accounts, 'found that there was no evidence of financial impropriety or misappropriation of funds.' The allegations revealed that the team had lost $2.8 million after a payment meant for a European television contractor had ended up in a scam, paid to a bank account in Hungary. ETNZ blamed that loss on the event contractor, and it formed a large part of a law suit against Mayo and Calder. In the settlement statement: 'Mayo and Calder Limited and Michael Choy acknowledge and accept that they failed to act with reasonable care in managing supplier bank account details and in transacting a payment that caused ACE to suffer a loss in excess of NZ$2,000,000.' Mayo and Calder had counter-sued ETNZ and ACE after being sacked from the event in July 2020, claiming $1.15 million, and an unspecified sum for damage to its reputation and loss of future business. As part of the settlement, 'Mayo and Calder Limited accepted that ACE had good cause to terminate its contract with it, and to terminate the contract in the way, and on the basis, that it did.' 'As part of the settlement, Mayo and Calder Limited, Tom Mayo and Michael Choy have each agreed to pay a confidential sum of money to each ACE and ETNZ.' Further, 'Tom Mayo and Michael Choy unreservedly apologise to ACE, ETNZ, their teams, and their officers for their conduct and for the harm that it caused.' The settlement was agreed in March, ahead of an expected hearing in the High Court but had not been made public until now. Mayo and Calder had been a high profile event company, whose work had included running stopovers for the Volvo Ocean race, before they were hired to join ACE in 2018. One of the firm's founders, Grant Calder, died following a heart attack in January 2023. Team New Zealand successfully defended the Cup in Auckland in 2021, and went on to achieve a third consecutive cup win in Barcelona in 2024. The 38th cup is to be staged in Naples Italy in 2027.
