Reason Why Gen Zer Refuses To Be Sister's Bridesmaid Cheered: 'Selfish'
Newsweek AI is in beta. Translations may contain inaccuracies—please refer to the original content.
A woman has taken to social media to reveal the circumstances that led to her backing out of being one of her sister's bridesmaids.
In a post shared to Reddit under the handle u/Smart-Gas3600, a 24-year-old woman revealed she had been "excited" when her older sister asked her to be one of her bridesmaids. That changed when she found out who the rest of the bridal party were.
Jen Glantz is a professional bridesmaid. She works 30 to 50 weddings a year, with the cost of her services starting at around $2,500 per wedding and going up from there based on other aspects of the role required.
She knows a thing or two about what it takes to be a good bridesmaid.
A stock image shows a bridesmaid wiping away a tear.
A stock image shows a bridesmaid wiping away a tear.
kkshepel/Getty
Glantz told Newsweek: "If you are a bridesmaid, you really have to make sure that you're putting some of your needs second. I often see bridesmaids crying and screaming because they don't like the way that they look on the wedding day."
She said: "As a bridesmaid, try to be as easygoing as possible and try not to give in to drama during the wedding process."
Everyone has their limits though and Glantz believes "having boundaries" is key.
"Before you say yes to a wedding, ask the bride what is required of you specifically," she said. "Being very clear about expectations before you accept the role is key, that way you won't end up resenting the bride."
Given Glantz's stance, it's perhaps understandable that the woman posting to Reddit as u/Smart-Gas3600 would say no to her sister after learning who she had recruited to be bridesmaids.
"Every single one of them is someone she's either not that close to, or has made fun of before for being 'awkward' or 'not photogenic,'" the Redditor explained. "Some of her actual best friends — the ones who she sees all the time — weren't even asked."
When the woman asked her sister about why she had chosen such an unusual group of women to be bridesmaids, her sibling told her: "You'll understand when it's your wedding. You don't want people who'll outshine you in your own pictures."
When the woman asked her: "So you picked them because you think they'll make you look better?" Her sister rolled her eyes, telling her: "It's not that deep. I just want to feel confident that day, and I'm allowed to be a little selfish for my wedding."
That response left the sister enraged.
"I told her I didn't want to be part of a bridal party built on tearing other people down," she wrote. "She should've picked people she actually cares about."
Now the bride-to-be is calling her sister "judgemental and sensitive" while her mom accused her of being "too idealistic" and urged her to support her on her big day. The internet, however, disagreed.
One user commenting on the post on Reddit said: "Why would you want to feel self-conscious and ugly all day just to make your shallow, selfish sister feel better."
Another agreed, writing: "I wanted my bridesmaids to look beautiful and confident. I felt beautiful being surrounded by beautiful people that loved me. It did not ever occur to me to surround myself with ugliness to match my insides."
A third added: "It's not being judgmental to have some basic decency. She's literally picking people based on looks, that's way more shallow. Just 'cause it's family doesn't mean you have to go along with something that feels messed up."
Newsweek reached out to u/Smart-Gas3600 but is unable to verify the details of her story.
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Like when someone talks about getting married, they will bring up divorce or cheating." —u/EnycmaPie Related: 7."Excessive social media posts. Especially pictures." —u/RabbitPrevious1653 8."They go out of their way to help others. Not to say that everyone who helps others is miserable, but I've never been more motivated to be there for others' tough times than when I was going through my own shit. I guess I did it thinking that helping others would make me feel better about myself." —u/NervousSeagull 9."People who post mean comments about others online are absolutely projecting their own insecurities." —u/Bestie-Ethel 10."When they are never actually happy or emotionally open around anyone. The people who grin through it and try to hide their own suffering in order to keep others happy are the ones who are the worst off on their own." —u/tossawaysexter Related: 11."When I was depressed and in a dead-end relationship, I had so many cynical and mean thoughts about everyone and everything, which I was always trying to justify or rationalize away because really I knew it wasn't nice and didn't understand why I'd become so negative. It almost completely stopped when my life and mental health improved. I've tried really hard to learn from it, and I barely recognize the person I was before. It's amazing how we can project our state of mind onto our surroundings like that." —u/Dry-Hat 12."When you ask how they are, they say they're tired because that's easier than having to explain." —u/puppygrowl 13."Non-stop comparing themselves to everyone else, bringing it back to them anytime something nice happens to someone else." —u/GlassCrepe 14."Not quite as secret as some others, but still: pessimism. Expecting things to be difficult, to turn out worse for you than they do for others, expecting yourself to perform worse, etc. It might sometimes be done in a joking manner, or in a 'stone cold realist' manner, but in the end, it's self-sabotage. Thinking things aren't going to work out leads you to act like things won't work out until you finally cause them to not work out. That way, you get the satisfaction of feeling in control at the cost of ruining your own happiness." —u/peachandpeony 15."They care more about money, luxury and things than they do about people and experiences." —u/ADHD-OCDandWEEDZ 16."When they are constantly picking you apart, your personality, your looks, how you act, etc. It is all down to the projection of their own insecurities. I used to have a friend who was like this. It was a nightmare, and I'm happier to get rid of her. I remember thinking, 'I didn't even do anything or say anything.'" —u/nightowl_1109 Related: 17."The friend or coworker who is always kind and friendly during casual conversations but becomes oddly guarded and hastily changes the subject when it's their turn to share something about their own life. I can see in their eyes momentarily that they may be battling something privately." –u/Big_Moose_3847 18."Someone who dominates a conversation to make it all about themselves. When in a discussion, they can't wait to insert themselves to share their story without listening to others. Doesn't ask questions about others, and is only interested in talking about themselves. They're miserable because they don't know how to connect with others and are baffled as to why people avoid them." —u/Banal_Drivel 19."They blame all of their problems on someone else." —u/PlanBWorkedOutOK finally, "If they feel the need to document how happy they are. Social media is full of miserable people posting flawless photos of themselves and their families to prove to everyone that they have the perfect life." —u/803_843_864 Note: Some responses have been edited for length and/or clarity. Now it's your turn! Share your stories about a time you realized you might've felt really miserable, and what was your wake-up call to get some help. The National Alliance on Mental Illness helpline is 1-800-950-6264 (NAMI) and provides information and referral services; is an association of mental health professionals from more than 25 countries who support efforts to reduce harm in therapy. Also in Internet Finds: Also in Internet Finds: Also in Internet Finds: Solve the daily Crossword
