
Reason Why Gen Zer Refuses To Be Sister's Bridesmaid Cheered: 'Selfish'
Newsweek AI is in beta. Translations may contain inaccuracies—please refer to the original content.
A woman has taken to social media to reveal the circumstances that led to her backing out of being one of her sister's bridesmaids.
In a post shared to Reddit under the handle u/Smart-Gas3600, a 24-year-old woman revealed she had been "excited" when her older sister asked her to be one of her bridesmaids. That changed when she found out who the rest of the bridal party were.
Jen Glantz is a professional bridesmaid. She works 30 to 50 weddings a year, with the cost of her services starting at around $2,500 per wedding and going up from there based on other aspects of the role required.
She knows a thing or two about what it takes to be a good bridesmaid.
A stock image shows a bridesmaid wiping away a tear.
A stock image shows a bridesmaid wiping away a tear.
kkshepel/Getty
Glantz told Newsweek: "If you are a bridesmaid, you really have to make sure that you're putting some of your needs second. I often see bridesmaids crying and screaming because they don't like the way that they look on the wedding day."
She said: "As a bridesmaid, try to be as easygoing as possible and try not to give in to drama during the wedding process."
Everyone has their limits though and Glantz believes "having boundaries" is key.
"Before you say yes to a wedding, ask the bride what is required of you specifically," she said. "Being very clear about expectations before you accept the role is key, that way you won't end up resenting the bride."
Given Glantz's stance, it's perhaps understandable that the woman posting to Reddit as u/Smart-Gas3600 would say no to her sister after learning who she had recruited to be bridesmaids.
"Every single one of them is someone she's either not that close to, or has made fun of before for being 'awkward' or 'not photogenic,'" the Redditor explained. "Some of her actual best friends — the ones who she sees all the time — weren't even asked."
When the woman asked her sister about why she had chosen such an unusual group of women to be bridesmaids, her sibling told her: "You'll understand when it's your wedding. You don't want people who'll outshine you in your own pictures."
When the woman asked her: "So you picked them because you think they'll make you look better?" Her sister rolled her eyes, telling her: "It's not that deep. I just want to feel confident that day, and I'm allowed to be a little selfish for my wedding."
That response left the sister enraged.
"I told her I didn't want to be part of a bridal party built on tearing other people down," she wrote. "She should've picked people she actually cares about."
Now the bride-to-be is calling her sister "judgemental and sensitive" while her mom accused her of being "too idealistic" and urged her to support her on her big day. The internet, however, disagreed.
One user commenting on the post on Reddit said: "Why would you want to feel self-conscious and ugly all day just to make your shallow, selfish sister feel better."
Another agreed, writing: "I wanted my bridesmaids to look beautiful and confident. I felt beautiful being surrounded by beautiful people that loved me. It did not ever occur to me to surround myself with ugliness to match my insides."
A third added: "It's not being judgmental to have some basic decency. She's literally picking people based on looks, that's way more shallow. Just 'cause it's family doesn't mean you have to go along with something that feels messed up."
Newsweek reached out to u/Smart-Gas3600 but is unable to verify the details of her story.

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And it turns out that task you've been avoiding only takes about seven minutes." —Dame_Ingenue 2."For small items that you're constantly misplacing, and are constantly searching around for, just buy a lot of them and put them everywhere you might think to look. In my house, you can find chapsticks and nail clippers in every drawer, and a phone charger in every room." —Devourerofworlds_69 3."Keep a note in your phone of things people mention wanting, especially your significant other. Then, when an occasion pops up, you have a list of possible gifts." —johnvoightsbuick 4."Make food in double batches and freeze the part you don't eat. Cook/prep once, eat two or three times." —Dawnguard95 "This is the way. My husband and I usually make six to eight servings in one go, and freeze two to four. That way, we're only eating the same thing two days in a row (which is all he can handle, haha), but now we have food for future busy/lazy days. 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I knew a guy who tore down his wife all the time — I think they have a terrible relationship. He has no respect for her. I often describe my wife as 'an absolute saint.'" —u/Mahaloth flag: "Always complaining about others. All their exes are 'wild,' their friends and coworkers are all 'idiots.' But, apparently, they are the only ones who can 'do things right.'" —u/ikeda1 flag: "You aren't afraid to tell them things. You know they won't overreact, cause a scene, or judge you. Even if they don't agree or don't fully understand you." —u/beautitan flag: "Lying about insignificant things. Everyone lies occasionally, but lying about things that don't matter, like what they ate for lunch, what they did after work, or the TV shows they watch, is a major red flag." —u/ANBU_Black_0ps flag: "When they listen to learn and apply what they've learned. 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He could have no clue what you're talking about, but just listening and at least pretending like he cares means so much. I have had so many people just look at their phones and go, 'Mmm' when I'm trying to talk to them about something I love. It's the worst feeling ever." —u/_Eliotto_ flag: "Extroversion to the extreme — when they have absolutely no filter, and don't care about the opinions of others. They overshare, and don't understand boundaries." —u/glitterinmytears flag: "When he makes sure you're walking on the inner side of the sidewalk, away from the street. I didn't even process that that was a thing until my boyfriend started doing it! It's such a simple thing, but it always brings a smile :)." —u/oma1v2 flag: "Not having a driver's license. I've driven four hours each way on vacation while my ex slept in the passenger seat — we did that a few times. The 'lazy' jerk never wanted to get it in the first place. Yes, I am somewhat to blame for putting up with it for so long, but I'll never do that again." —u/BUFUByUsFuckYou flag: "On the first date with my now-fiancé, we were talking about books and I was telling him about some of my favorites. A few weeks later, he told me that he bought and read one of the books I mentioned, and wanted to discuss it with me. It showed me he took my opinions and recommendations seriously, that he actively wanted to find things we have in common, and also that he wasn't 'ashamed' of reading women's fiction (I hate that term, but it's such a huge trend that men don't tend to read books that are primarily made for women!)." —u/Every_Difference365 flag: "Poking fun at my taste in music or my interests, even if it's in 'a joking way.' I've never done that to any one of my partners, but every abusive partner I have had engaged in that behavior before things got bad. Never again." —u/Ineffable_Dingus "I hate that — just let people enjoy the music they like! My partner did this, and it got to the point where I stopped listening to music while doing things — just to avoid the little comments or jokes. I loved her, but that sucked." —u/Comfortable-Mix1870 flag: "Guys who have a lot of friends who are girls is such a green flag. To me, that gives the impression that they're a guy who girls feel safe around, and that they value women as friends and don't view them all as 'sex objects.' After the first date with my now-husband, I 'Facebook stalked' him and noticed that most of his high school friends were girls. It immediately made me feel like he was a safe guy to continue seeing." —u/catieebug flag: "Refusing to post a single picture of us together. It doesn't have to be slathered all over socials, but that one really good picture of us on the mountaintop? Why not post that?" —u/horsewangjackson flag: "Repeat things back in a way that doesn't appear like mimicry (my old boss taught me that). 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I'm not debating you, I'm not humoring you, and I'm not coming home to our bank accounts drained all because you lack critical thinking skills." —u/graccha Note: Some submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity. How do *you* feel about these red vs. green relationship flags? Share with us in the comments below! 🚩 Solve the daily Crossword
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Like when someone talks about getting married, they will bring up divorce or cheating." —u/EnycmaPie Related: 7."Excessive social media posts. Especially pictures." —u/RabbitPrevious1653 8."They go out of their way to help others. Not to say that everyone who helps others is miserable, but I've never been more motivated to be there for others' tough times than when I was going through my own shit. I guess I did it thinking that helping others would make me feel better about myself." —u/NervousSeagull 9."People who post mean comments about others online are absolutely projecting their own insecurities." —u/Bestie-Ethel 10."When they are never actually happy or emotionally open around anyone. The people who grin through it and try to hide their own suffering in order to keep others happy are the ones who are the worst off on their own." —u/tossawaysexter Related: 11."When I was depressed and in a dead-end relationship, I had so many cynical and mean thoughts about everyone and everything, which I was always trying to justify or rationalize away because really I knew it wasn't nice and didn't understand why I'd become so negative. It almost completely stopped when my life and mental health improved. I've tried really hard to learn from it, and I barely recognize the person I was before. It's amazing how we can project our state of mind onto our surroundings like that." —u/Dry-Hat 12."When you ask how they are, they say they're tired because that's easier than having to explain." —u/puppygrowl 13."Non-stop comparing themselves to everyone else, bringing it back to them anytime something nice happens to someone else." —u/GlassCrepe 14."Not quite as secret as some others, but still: pessimism. Expecting things to be difficult, to turn out worse for you than they do for others, expecting yourself to perform worse, etc. It might sometimes be done in a joking manner, or in a 'stone cold realist' manner, but in the end, it's self-sabotage. Thinking things aren't going to work out leads you to act like things won't work out until you finally cause them to not work out. That way, you get the satisfaction of feeling in control at the cost of ruining your own happiness." —u/peachandpeony 15."They care more about money, luxury and things than they do about people and experiences." —u/ADHD-OCDandWEEDZ 16."When they are constantly picking you apart, your personality, your looks, how you act, etc. It is all down to the projection of their own insecurities. I used to have a friend who was like this. It was a nightmare, and I'm happier to get rid of her. I remember thinking, 'I didn't even do anything or say anything.'" —u/nightowl_1109 Related: 17."The friend or coworker who is always kind and friendly during casual conversations but becomes oddly guarded and hastily changes the subject when it's their turn to share something about their own life. I can see in their eyes momentarily that they may be battling something privately." –u/Big_Moose_3847 18."Someone who dominates a conversation to make it all about themselves. When in a discussion, they can't wait to insert themselves to share their story without listening to others. Doesn't ask questions about others, and is only interested in talking about themselves. They're miserable because they don't know how to connect with others and are baffled as to why people avoid them." —u/Banal_Drivel 19."They blame all of their problems on someone else." —u/PlanBWorkedOutOK finally, "If they feel the need to document how happy they are. Social media is full of miserable people posting flawless photos of themselves and their families to prove to everyone that they have the perfect life." —u/803_843_864 Note: Some responses have been edited for length and/or clarity. Now it's your turn! Share your stories about a time you realized you might've felt really miserable, and what was your wake-up call to get some help. The National Alliance on Mental Illness helpline is 1-800-950-6264 (NAMI) and provides information and referral services; is an association of mental health professionals from more than 25 countries who support efforts to reduce harm in therapy. Also in Internet Finds: Also in Internet Finds: Also in Internet Finds: Solve the daily Crossword