I'm having a baby with new boyfriend – but he abandoned me then got woman I loathe pregnant
DEAR DEIDRE I'm having a baby with new boyfriend – but he abandoned me then got woman I loathe pregnant
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DEAR DEIDRE: DISCOVERING I was pregnant by my new boyfriend was a welcome surprise and I really embraced the idea of becoming a mum.
However, he has really shown his true colours by abandoning me and also getting a woman I loathe pregnant at the same time.
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I'm 36 and have always longed for a baby. I previously tried for years with a previous partner and even went through IVF on my own, but fertility issues left me with little hope.
So I was delighted to discover that I am expecting. My boyfriend is 39 and we'd only been seeing each other a short while, but it didn't take long before the excitement set in.
And I really thought we had a future together.
Then we had a huge blowout because he was being evasive about us moving in together, and I said he would need to share the load of having a newborn.
He stormed out — no goodbye, no explanation, he just vanished, leaving me to face everything alone. I was heartbroken.
Just as I was beginning to feel excited about the baby again, he got in touch and dropped a bombshell. He'd got another woman pregnant.
She's someone I've never liked. We share mutual friends, and she's always been sly — copying me, making passive-aggressive digs, even trying it on with an ex of mine.
We've had our fair share of drama and arguments over the years.
Now I feel betrayed all over again. I know technically we weren't together, but he knew how I felt about her.
He says he wants to be involved with our baby and step up. But how can I trust him, especially when he's having a child with her too?
Dear Deidre: Spotting the signs your partner is cheating
DEIDRE SAYS: This is a lot to process, especially after everything you've been through to become a mum.
Your ex didn't cheat but it's the emotional betrayal and timing that's so painful. Unprotected sex with someone he knows you dislike, so soon after leaving you, feels like a slap in the face.
Does having him involved feel supportive or stressful? You have every right to set boundaries that protect your peace and wellbeing.
Co-parenting is possible without rekindling a relationship. Talking to a therapist can help you decide what's best for you.
Tavistock Relationships (tavistockrelationships.org, 020 7380 1960) can help.
Get in touch with Deidre
Every problem gets a personal reply, usually within 24 hours weekdays.
Send an email to deardeidre@the-sun.co.uk
You can also send a private message on the DearDeidreOfficial Facebook page.
GIRL MATE IS SINGLE AGAIN AND I WANT TO MAKE A MOVE
DEAR DEIDRE: AFTER years of hiding my feelings, the girl I've always fancied is suddenly single – and now I'm wondering what I should do next.
The last thing I want to do is overstep, but I'm terrified if I don't make a move I'll be stuck in the friendzone forever.
I'm 27, she's 26, and we've always been close, but I never thought she saw me that way. She was with her boyfriend for a long time, so I kept my feelings to myself and stayed just friends.
However, she's recently broken up with him, and I'm not sure what to do.
I want to make my feelings known, but I'm worried she might just be looking for a rebound, and I don't want to be the one who gets hurt or used.
At the same time, I don't want to wait too long and miss my chance.
How do I tell her how I feel? I feel anxious even thinking about it.
DEIDRE SAYS: It's normal to worry about being seen as a rebound, especially after someone has just left a long-term relationship.
Take things slowly and be a supportive friend first. It's likely she'll probably need some time to heal.
When the moment feels right, be honest about your feelings without putting pressure on her.
While you can't guarantee that she will reciprocate, being genuine and patient gives you the best chance of building something meaningful.
SCARED TO LEAVE ABUSIVE PARTNER
DEAR DEIDRE: FOR years, I've been trapped in a toxic relationship with a man who controls every part of my life – emotionally, verbally and financially.
Now I finally have the means to leave, I'm terrified.
I'm 38, he's 42, we've been together over a decade and have two children.
The last few years have been a living nightmare.
He constantly puts me down, isolates me from friends, and lashes out in anger that sometimes get physical. I spend every day walking on eggshells, terrified of setting him off.
I've wanted to leave so many times, but I've had no money, no support network.
But recently, my grandmother passed away and left me an inheritance. It's not life-changing, but it's enough to get out.
I feel paralysed by fear. What if I can't manage on my own? I want a better life for my children, but I don't know how to take that first step. Help.
DEIDRE SAYS: You've shown incredible strength by surviving this long, and now you have a real chance to break free.
It's normal to feel scared, but staying may cause more harm in the long run.
Reach out to Women's Aid (womensaid.org.uk) or call the National Domestic Abuse Helpline on 0808 2000 247, who can help you plan your next steps safely.
I'm sending you my pack, Abusive Partner?, which offers further support.
PAL IN LOVE WITH A SEX OFFENDER
DEAR DEIDRE: MY best friend has fallen head over heels for a convicted sex offender, and I'm terrified she's putting love before her child's safety.
We are both 37 and have been friends since school. I've always known her to be a great mum to her ten-year-old daughter.
But now I'm questioning her judgement.
She met this man online about six months ago. Not long into dating, he told her he had a conviction for a sex offence that happened 'years ago'.
He claims it was a misunderstanding and that he's a changed man. She believes him completely.
Her family and I have tried to warn her to be careful, especially with her daughter at home, but she says we're being judgmental and that she knows him better than anyone.
Now he's moved in with them, and I can't shake the feeling that something's not right. Should I leave her to trust her instincts, or is my sense of duty to protect that little girl the right path?
I feel torn. What should I do?
DEIDRE SAYS: You're right to trust your instincts – when it comes to a child's safety, it's always better to be cautious. It's deeply worrying that your friend is ignoring your concerns.
While people can change, sex offences are serious and not to be dismissed.
You need to have a very frank conversation with your friend. Explain, firmly but compassionately, that while you love and care for her, you're extremely worried about her daughter's well- being.
Let her know this isn't about judging her relationship but about protecting a child.
If, after that, she still refuses to listen, you may need to consider raising a safeguarding concern with your local children's services.
I'm sending you my pack, Worried A Child's At Risk?, which has further advice and resources.
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Scottish Sun
an hour ago
- Scottish Sun
I make £15k a MONTH doing a job most think they're too good for, you don't need qualifications & I choose my hours
Scroll down as Kelly addresses the judgement she faces as a result of her line of work SCRUB UP WELL I make £15k a MONTH doing a job most think they're too good for, you don't need qualifications & I choose my hours FROM leaving school with no qualifications to launching a business that rakes in £15,000 every month, Kelly Moore is proof that transforming the trajectory of your life really is possible. It was back in June 2021 when the Maidstone mother, 44, decided to swap her burnt-out care career for a bucket. Sign up for Scottish Sun newsletter Sign up 10 Just four years ago, Kelly Moore was living in her overdraft and putting food back in the supermarket as she couldn't afford it Credit: Supplied by Kelly Moore 10 But now, Kelly has a business that generates £15,000 to £20,000 every single month Credit: Supplied by Kelly Moore Now, the mum-of-one, who was once counting pennies and constantly in her overdraft, has ditched the nine-to-five and doesn't have to worry about money. Not only has she grown into an incredibly inspiring female boss, but she's also the powerhouse behind Maidstone's fastest-growing eco-cleaning brand, Cleaning With Meaning, a company that uses handmade, refillable and planet-safe products. She's expanded from having just one client to now over 50, proving you can build a business that's kind to people and the planet. In the midst of it all, she's dealt with single motherhood, sobriety and a relentless drive for purpose over profit and here, Kelly reveals all to Fabulous, for our exclusive series, Bossing It. Mega earnings Discussing her life before launching her business, Kelly tells us: 'I did management courses but I was still on a really c**p wage. I started off at £15,000 and I worked my way up to about £17,000 a what I was earning before in a month, I can earn in a day." It was after the Coronavirus pandemic, when Kelly's desire to expand her horizons and boost her earnings skyrocketed, as she says: 'I was getting paid but it was just to get by really. I was sick and tired of being sick and tired and I wanted more. 'I was living in my overdraft. If I didn't have an overdraft, I would have been stuck. I was going shopping and putting things back. 'I was doing a little bit of cleaning on the side and I thought, 'there's quite a lot of money in dirt.' And I enjoy it. I love going in and making a difference, whether that be in someone's health, their mental health, or their environment in general. 'One day I was sitting there and I was searching online how to make more money - Amazon driving, leaflet dropping, just a little bit of extra, just so I could do more things with my son. 'I'd done a bit of research and there were no eco-cleaners in the local area. So I thought, right, I'm going for it.' I'm a mum-of-2 and was a broke teaching assistant on £840 a month - now I've made 46k doing a side hustle anyone can do Taking a risk Kelly sat with son, Lincoln, 11, who was just seven at the time, to design a potential logo and it wasn't long before her business, which uses biodegradable, vegan-friendly products, boomed. She adds: "I doubted myself quite a bit to start with, but I handed in my notice, set up a website and started making my own products at home. 'I left the hospice with one month's salary in the bank and had about three or four clients. And it's just gone crazy from there. It was literally the best thing I ever did. I wished I'd done it years ago. 'I just got bigger and bigger and bigger. Through my website and through word of mouth, I started getting more and more busy.' Kelly paid £500 to set up her website, and got her sister to help as business boomed. I've got dyslexia so I struggled. I never had any faith in myself. I always said I was 'thick' Kelly Moore The mother shares: 'I started taking on young girls and mums who wanted to work and earn money. I was a single mum so I understand, it's hard. It's hard juggling it all. 'I trained them up - they would come out with me for a good few weeks, so I'd always make sure they were the right fit. And then it's literally just grown from there. 'I never expected it to snowball like it did. I always thought it was just going to be me and I was going to do really well, and I was going to have loads and loads of clients and make loads of good money. 'It's definitely gone in a different direction, but a good direction.' Despite being 'thick,' 'never' having an idea about her 'dream job' and possessing 'no business experience,' Kelly is now an inspiration to many, as she continues: 'I never had an idea about my dream job, I was rubbish at school. My mum and dad moved around quite a lot, so I went to quite a few different schools. 'I've got dyslexia so I struggled. I never had any faith in myself. I always said I was 'thick'.' Kelly claims that while many initially 'doubted' her, it was from herself that much of the negativity arose. She says: 'I think people did [doubt] me, but the most self-doubt was probably from me, I was in my head. 'I'd never run a business, never even thought of running a business.' Kelly's advice on how to start your own business If you're eager to launch a business but aren't sure where to start, Kelly advises: "Just go for it, start and on't let anybody get in your way. "Believe in yourself, and whatever you put in, you will get back eventually. 'Just know that you can do it - show up, even when you don't feel like it. 'Educate yourself - whether that's podcasts or books. Instead of sitting watching s****y telly, put something on that's going to inspire you and educate you, and believe in yourself. "It's taken me a long time. Before I saw myself as an intruder. I was faking it till I made it. But I'm not that anymore, I'm a boss b***h and I'm proud of it.' Now, despite having a team of eight ladies, this self-proclaimed 'grafter' continues to 'show up and put the work in", but being her own boss means she can "pick and choose" when she cleans. 'Some days I take days off, and then other days I could be working for 12 hours, but that's my choice," she says. 'I don't have to do this, but I'm doing it because I see the bigger picture. 'I'm a grafter, I find it hard to say no and I also enjoy cleaning and like popping out to see the clients. 'Don't get me wrong, if one of the girls is sick, I'll cover, but if I want time off I will take time off. I am learning to step back a little bit. I'm trying to learn that I do not need to be on the tools all the time. My best place is to oversee it and grow it.' Cashing in Four years after launching, the business, which swears to never use bleach or aerosols, generates £15,000 to £20,000 a month. 'At the start I was making just under £1,000 a month, but not for long," she admits. 'Now, we're doing £15,000 to £20,000 a month in sales and we're on about £120,000 a year at the moment. 'Our best month was September last year - we just hit over £20,000 for a month in sales and there were only about four staff then. 10 Kelly, pictured here with her son Lincoln, is the powerhouse behind Cleaning With Meaning, a company that uses handmade, refillable and planet-safe products Credit: Supplied by Kelly Moore 10 Kelly, pictured here (right) with her colleague Sharon (left) has a team of eight Credit: Supplied by Kelly Moore 10 The ladies do domestic and commercial cleans Credit: Supplied by Kelly Moore 10 Now, her business can generate £20,000 a month Credit: Supplied by Kelly Moore "Every month we have a good month, because we're really good at what we do. We really generally care as well. It's not just about the money for us - we generally really care about our clients and about the environment and the impact we have on it." Despite making £15-20k a month, Kelly gives herself a modest pay check of just "£2,000 a month to pay the bills and live a life if I want". 'I could give myself £10,000 a month if I wanted it. But I don't need £10,000," she admits. 'I don't care for designer clothes and all that. I just want to make sure my business is growing and my people are looked after, so anything on top goes back into the business.' Facing judgement Despite her financial success, Kelly feels there is still a "stigma" about cleaners being "low-paid". 'People think we're 'just a cleaner'," she says. "But they don't understand the benefits we bring to people by cleaning their space, we're almost caregivers. 'People judge us and look down on us, but we love what we do. And there's definitely more to us than just wiping a cloth over the side. It's a real shame. 'There's also that trust thing - 'oh, can we have a cleaner in our house? - we don't need to go round stealing. We're not thieves, we're honest, hard-working women and we've got our own money.' I could give myself £10,000 a month if I wanted it. But I don't need £10,000. I don't care for designer clothes and all that Kelly Moore Instead of letting negativity hold her back, Kelly is using it to fuel her drive to expand the business. One of her very first customers was a business development manager, who she has recently hired to help expand her business offering. As well as making her own toilet bombs using bicarbonate of soda, Kelly now has more than 100 clients, cleaning both domestic and commercial properties, the latter of which include churches, scout huts, Airbnbs and office spaces. But what does the future hold for Kelly? She plans on "branching out more in commercial" as this "is where the money is". Reflecting, she adds: 'When I first started, I used to take on anyone and anything, but now I'm a little bit fussy. I could make thousands out of the commercial cleans and I haven't even got to step in the room.' Hoarders and takeaway addicts Whilst commercial cleans are the big money-makers, Kelly and her team don't shy away from the toughest of jobs - cleaning hoarder houses. She explains: "A couple of months ago me and Sharon went to a gentleman - we knew it was going to be a hairy clean because he sent a couple of photos through, but we didn't know what we were walking into. "We spent 16 hours on it. I've never seen anything like it. I'm surprised he was still alive to be fair. 10 Kelly has cleaned homes of hoarders Credit: Supplied by Kelly Moore 10 She once found this huge pile of rubbish in one woman's flat Credit: Supplied by Kelly Moore "He had stuff everywhere. We couldn't wipe the sides. We had to get a chisel. It took me about five hours just to wash up. "There was a chopping board with cats sitting on it, it was horrific. It was dark, dingy, cobwebs everywhere. Like some kind of horror film.' But that's not all, as Kelly also recalls a huge pile of pizza boxes she once found in a fast food addict's home. Before I saw myself as an intruder. I was faking it till I made it. But I'm not that anymore, I'm a boss b***h and I'm proud of it Kelly Moore Kelly explains: "We went to a young girl who was my age and really overweight. She lived on the top floor of a flat and from the floor to roughly my height or higher, was takeaway boxes. The whole of the front room - you didn't know where the sofa was or anything, it was really bad. 'The bathroom was really bad - feces everywhere. The bed was really bad, you wouldn't even put a dog in the bed she was sleeping in. 'After we'd finished, she literally said to us, 'I feel like I'm in a hotel, it doesn't feel like my own house.' It makes it all worthwhile." Personal struggles Despite her success, things haven't always been smooth-sailing for this entrepreneur, who first began drinking when she was just 13-years-old. Kelly claims she would even have days where she couldn't get out of bed and go to work, as she shares: 'I wasn't an alcoholic, I could go months without drinking, but when I was drinking I 100% took my eye off the ball and some days couldn't be bothered to go to work. 'Since I started my business, I've started educating myself. And since I've given up drinking, I'm just a better businesswoman, I'm a better mum, I'm a better partner. I show up when I'm meant to, I'm present.' Sobriety, helping others and succeeding financially has been a 'game changer' for Kelly, who is now able to support her son and her locksmith partner, Leon, 50, who she has been with for nearly four years. Kelly, who has remained incredibly humble despite her success, beams: 'My partner was 50 in April, I took him for a two week all inclusive holiday to a five star hotel with my son. 'I don't even think about money anymore. Back in the day I would always be like, 'can I afford it?' and I'd have to save and put things back. 'Now I've got such a good relationship with money that money comes to me in abundance. The impact of using plastic cleaning products Laura Harnett, founder of eco cleaning brand, Seep, said: 'Many people have switched to eco friendly cleaning sprays and detergents but aren't aware that cleaning tools (such as green and yellow sponges and microfibre cloths) are made of plastic and release microplastics every time they are used. "Microplastic is a huge concern as they are released into our water every time a plastic sponge or cloth is used to wash up or is rinsed out. 'A yellow and green plastic sponge lasts approximately one month and when you see the green part go bobbly that's all of the microplastic coming out of it." 600 million plastic household items end up in landfill every year 13 million tonnes of plastic lead into our oceans each year 1.1 million marine animals die each year as they swallow, get strangled or are suffocated by plastic "I know there's enough money out there for everyone and I financially helped my partner. "If my boy wants something he can have it. Don't get me wrong, he's not spoiled, he's never asks for anything, but if he wants it he'll have it. "I can support my amazing team as well. They're such hard-workers and they're so loyal, so if they are struggling with anything, I can help them out. "And if I want something, I'll have it. I don't even think about what it's going to cost me now. I'm just about to treat myself to a motorhome.' Unlock even more award-winning articles as The Sun launches brand new membership programme - Sun Club 10 Now, Kelly doesn't have to worry about money and can even support her team financially if they need help Credit: Supplied by Kelly Moore
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Seven savvy ways to repair your damaged hair without splurging on expensive products
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Scottish Sun
18 hours ago
- Scottish Sun
Modern 5-bed home appears to be a steal as it hits market for £390k… but wait until you see what's in the bedroom
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