Dating in your 50s, 60s and beyond: Here's what a relationship expert wants you to know about mature dating
Kat Kova, a Toronto-based psychotherapist and member of the Sexual Health and Relationships Lab at York University, said shows like the Golden Bachelor and Golden Bachelorette series are a step in the right direction in terms of representing an often-overlooked demographic when it comes to topics like relationships and sex.
'I think when people think about dating, sometimes they think about it as a phenomenon that only occurs in younger people and assume that individuals 55 and over are married or in long-term partnerships,' Kova told Yahoo Canada in a previous interview, adding that people sometimes don't think dating can be a big concern for seniors. 'But that's not the case. Many people are widowed or divorced or just haven't found the right person yet.'
Despite the excitement surrounding the premiere, some people have criticized the show for glamorizing the dating scene for mature singles. In a recent interview with the New York Times, one woman in her 60s described dating as 'the romantic, geriatric Hunger Games' and 'panning for gold in a sewer.' Others said many people are the prime targets for online scams and face ageism on dating apps.Although The Golden Bachelorette definitely gives dating in the modern age the Hollywood treatment, Kova said it's important for mature singles not to be deterred during their search for connection.
Gerry Turner, the first Golden Bachelor contestant, had previously connected with many of the women on his season over the shared experience of grief and the loss of a loved one. Vassos in particular had opened up about losing her husband of 32 years to pancreatic cancer and how difficult milestones like birthdays and celebrations can be after his death. Her husband had told her that he hoped she'd find another partner after he was gone, even though Vassos said she wasn't ready to hear it.
Many people are widowed or divorced or just haven't found the right person yetKat Kova
'It's been three years…,' Vassos wrote about her late husband in January 2024 Instagram post. 'I'd have to name the tallest building in the world to do him justice. Every floor would stand for something kind he did for someone, the good deeds are too many to mention.' She added that her late husband 'always made [her] feel safe and cherished."
Dipping your toe into the dating world after the death of a partner can be difficult and filled with complex emotions, including guilt and shame.
Additionally, people might feel a little disappointed with the level of connection they have with a subsequent partner after being widowed because it might not 'feel as deep.' According to Kova, it's important to recognize that the relationship might need more time to develop. Also, whether you might be widowed or the person you're dating has been widowed, Kova recommended holding space for that loss. 'It's important to still honour the person that's gone.'
Every relationship is different. When entering into a new relationship, it's helpful to reassure yourself that your bond is unique and to try not to devalue your new connection.
'Your situation might look different but every connection we have with someone is unique,' Kova said. 'Try not to compare yourself. And practice gratitude for this new chance at an important and meaningful connection…The grieving process can exist alongside a new connection.'
Still, it's worth being mindful if you think you might have to reach out to a mental health professional if your grief feels like more than you can handle, Kova added.
For mature adults trying to get back into dating, Kova said it's important to keep an open mind in terms of how you meet someone new. 'Don't shy away from online dating,' she said. 'Many people meet their partner that way and if you have difficulty using technology, ask your kids or grandkids to help you create an online dating profile.'
It also helps to familiarize with some red flags to protect yourself from potentially being catfished or lured into a scam on a dating app or social media. Avoid sharing personal information, like your address or banking information online. If you're ever skeptical that someone might be too good to be true, try doing a reverse image search to verify their identity. Be cautious, but have fun — and be sure to protect yourself.
If you're feeling shy or embarrassed about telling your family or friends that you're online dating, remember that the majority of people want to see you succeed and have connections.
Also, staying socially connected in your community or in groups can help you meet other like-minded people. 'People tend to isolate more when they're older, so it's important to work on those connections whether that's in-person, on the phone or online.'
One benefit Kova pointed to for older adults dating is that most people are sure of themselves and what they're looking for, in comparison to dating when you're younger. 'Over time, people become more comfortable in their skin.' She adds that having habits that support you feeling good about yourself can help boost your confidence if that's one of your concerns.
If you're trying to reconnect with your libido and sexual desires, Kova said you might have to access that in a different way than you did before. 'What kind of happens in older years is sexual desire and sexual arousal doesn't happen as instantaneously or as spontaneously as they may have in earlier years,' she said, adding that it might not be true across the board, but is a general trend as you age. 'But that doesn't mean that sex can't be pleasurable or that you can't get in touch with your sexuality.'
Sexual desire might become more responsive than spontaneous with age. 'Desire can be created from touch, whether it's from another person or yourself," Kova said.
If lubrication and erections aren't as reliable as they once were, consider talking to your doctor about hormone replacement medication or about the use of Viagra.
'Keep in mind, sex doesn't always have to be penetrative,' she says. 'I like to use the word outercourse rather than intercourse, to describe what may be more pleasurable and achievable for folks who are in their older years or have a decline in their sexual function.'
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Bacon and egg rolls, couple of coffees, and we're off and racing!" Yikes. Talk about dedication. View this post on Instagram A post shared by Natalie Barr (@natalie_barr7) Ricki-Lee addresses brutal snub She's nominated for the Bert Newton Award for Most Popular Presenter tonight, but Ricki-Lee was recently snubbed from Triple J's Hottest 100 of Australian Songs. She laughed off the slight while chatting with Yahoo Lifestyle on the red carpet and admitted she had 'a lot of gays reaching out [who were] very, very upset'. As for how she feels about being a Logie nominee, the Australian Idol host admitted it's 'an incredible honour'. 'I just think it's so nice to get recognition from the industry,' she said. 'We put so much work into this show, and I work really, really hard. I'm generally the first one to arrive on set and the last one to leave, so it's just nice to get that recognition and that nod from the industry to say, 'Hey, you've done a great job. We see you, good on you'.' She's nominated for the Bert Newton Award for Most Popular Presenter tonight, but Ricki-Lee was recently snubbed from Triple J's Hottest 100 of Australian Songs. She laughed off the slight while chatting with Yahoo Lifestyle on the red carpet and admitted she had 'a lot of gays reaching out [who were] very, very upset'. As for how she feels about being a Logie nominee, the Australian Idol host admitted it's 'an incredible honour'. 'I just think it's so nice to get recognition from the industry,' she said. 'We put so much work into this show, and I work really, really hard. I'm generally the first one to arrive on set and the last one to leave, so it's just nice to get that recognition and that nod from the industry to say, 'Hey, you've done a great job. We see you, good on you'.' How nominees find out they're up for a Logie What viewers at home might not realise is that, besides the Gold Logie nominees who are told in advance, stars don't find out they've been nominated for a Logie until the announcement is made to the public. Heartbreak High actress Chloé Hayden told Yahoo Lifestyle on the red carpet that she didn't know she was up for Best Supporting Actress until she opened Instagram. 'You find out the same time that everyone else finds out!' she shared. 'Which is kind of fun. I'm like, this is nice. It's very wholesome, like we're all in this together.' What viewers at home might not realise is that, besides the Gold Logie nominees who are told in advance, stars don't find out they've been nominated for a Logie until the announcement is made to the public. Heartbreak High actress Chloé Hayden told Yahoo Lifestyle on the red carpet that she didn't know she was up for Best Supporting Actress until she opened Instagram. 'You find out the same time that everyone else finds out!' she shared. 'Which is kind of fun. I'm like, this is nice. It's very wholesome, like we're all in this together.' Logies guests interview each other It's something we tried last year and it was so good we've done it again. We've asked tonight's guests to pass a question on to the next star interviewed, and you can see it for yourself below. It's something we tried last year and it was so good we've done it again. We've asked tonight's guests to pass a question on to the next star interviewed, and you can see it for yourself below. How 'little trophy' changed Grant Denyer's life Let's now bring you some of what the biggest stars are saying, with Yahoo's Lachlan Guertin down on the red carpet. He spoke with Grant Denyer earlier, and he revealed how life-changing winning a Gold Logie was for him. 'You know what it did for me? I spent my entire life feeling inferior, like I'm not worthy, like I'm unlovable, like I don't deserve this," he said. "And then weirdly, it was like this incredible experience where I was kind of like, hey man, you are enough. "And then I just calmed the hell down and settled and was the happiest I've ever been. Who would've thought a little trophy would do that? How magical! It psychologically changed me into a new person, weird.' Denyer won the 2018 Gold Logie for his work hosting Family Feud. He was previously nominated in 2016 and 2017. Let's now bring you some of what the biggest stars are saying, with Yahoo's Lachlan Guertin down on the red carpet. He spoke with Grant Denyer earlier, and he revealed how life-changing winning a Gold Logie was for him. 'You know what it did for me? I spent my entire life feeling inferior, like I'm not worthy, like I'm unlovable, like I don't deserve this," he said. "And then weirdly, it was like this incredible experience where I was kind of like, hey man, you are enough. "And then I just calmed the hell down and settled and was the happiest I've ever been. Who would've thought a little trophy would do that? How magical! It psychologically changed me into a new person, weird.' Denyer won the 2018 Gold Logie for his work hosting Family Feud. He was previously nominated in 2016 and 2017. Remarkable story behind Alone star's dress Let's just take a moment to appreciate Corinne Ooms' dress. Ooms, who was the last woman standing on SBS's survival show Alone, has reused plenty of her mementos from the show to create her outfit. The dress is made from the tarp she slept under for 70 days, while her bag is made from wallaby hide from the exact wallaby she famously caught on the show. The dress took more than 20 hours to make. Let's just take a moment to appreciate Corinne Ooms' dress. Ooms, who was the last woman standing on SBS's survival show Alone, has reused plenty of her mementos from the show to create her outfit. The dress is made from the tarp she slept under for 70 days, while her bag is made from wallaby hide from the exact wallaby she famously caught on the show. The dress took more than 20 hours to make. More of the best red carpet looks OK, we've had a fair few people pass along the red carpet, so let's bring you some more photos now. Let's take a closer look at Lynne McGranger, who has fittingly worn a gold dress as the favourite to take the night's biggest award. Fellow nominee for the Gold Logie Lisa Millar has dazzled in purple (our favourite colour), while Sonia Kruger looks stunning as ever in her tight-fitting number. And there was plenty of shimmer from sports presenter Jelena Dokic. OK, we've had a fair few people pass along the red carpet, so let's bring you some more photos now. Let's take a closer look at Lynne McGranger, who has fittingly worn a gold dress as the favourite to take the night's biggest award. Fellow nominee for the Gold Logie Lisa Millar has dazzled in purple (our favourite colour), while Sonia Kruger looks stunning as ever in her tight-fitting number. And there was plenty of shimmer from sports presenter Jelena Dokic. Colourful Costa strikes again Gardening icon Costa Georgiadis is known for bringing a bit of colour to the red carpet and this year is no different. He's once again styled his outfit with an array of flowers, this time throughout his hair. Georgiadis has previously spoken about his choice to wear thrifted clothing on awards nights to promote sustainability. Gardening icon Costa Georgiadis is known for bringing a bit of colour to the red carpet and this year is no different. He's once again styled his outfit with an array of flowers, this time throughout his hair. Georgiadis has previously spoken about his choice to wear thrifted clothing on awards nights to promote sustainability. Home and Away stars one year on after launching relationship The 2024 Logies was their first red carpet outing as a couple as they launched their relationship. And 12 months on, Home and Away stars Ada Nicodemou and James Stewart look as in love as they did this time last year. The 2024 Logies was their first red carpet outing as a couple as they launched their relationship. And 12 months on, Home and Away stars Ada Nicodemou and James Stewart look as in love as they did this time last year. The man who doesn't want your vote arrives Here he is. The only male Gold Logie nominee, Hamish Blake. And while he could make it a hat-trick of Gold Logie wins tonight, he's joked he doesn't want you to vote for him. " Hi Hamish Blake here, and as you know I'm the only guy in the running and therefore it would not be a great look if I won," he told fans in a message shared to Nine shortly after the nominations were revealed. "So just organise, figure out your favourite lady and get right behind her." It's the first time women have outweighed male nominees in the top award since 2011. Blake, who is also up for the Bert Newton Award for Most Popular Presenter, previously won the Gold Logie in 2012 and 2022. Here he is. The only male Gold Logie nominee, Hamish Blake. And while he could make it a hat-trick of Gold Logie wins tonight, he's joked he doesn't want you to vote for him. " Hi Hamish Blake here, and as you know I'm the only guy in the running and therefore it would not be a great look if I won," he told fans in a message shared to Nine shortly after the nominations were revealed. "So just organise, figure out your favourite lady and get right behind her." It's the first time women have outweighed male nominees in the top award since 2011. Blake, who is also up for the Bert Newton Award for Most Popular Presenter, previously won the Gold Logie in 2012 and 2022.
Yahoo
5 hours ago
- Yahoo
Parents In Other Countries Do This 1 Thing — And American Kids Might Be Missing Out.
My son, age 14, loves watching the Japanese show 'Old Enough' on Netflix. The premise is that young children — ages 4, 3 and even 2 — are sent to run errands by themselves. Cleverly disguised camera crews trail them on their journeys while their parents wait for them at home or some other predetermined meeting point. The kids walk though neighborhoods, cross the street, navigate public transit and manage interactions with shopkeepers. One little girl carries her mother's work pants to be mended. Another child purchases dumplings from a vendor. The children's focus and determination is captivating, and it's impossible not to become invested in their success at the task. The kids are also adorable. Their reactions and facial expressions regularly crack my son up. But that isn't the show's only allure. The sheer implausibility of the whole endeavor draws him in. 'You would've never let me do something like this,' he observed. 'You would've been freaking out.' He's not wrong. When he was 3, I likely would've sent him hang gliding before allowing him to cross the street alone. But my parenting instincts aren't just a product of my own neuroses. They're part of a culture, and here in the U.S. we've developed a culture of overprotectiveness and fear when it comes to kids acting independently. By keeping them safely within arms' reach, what are our kids missing out on? And what are some ways we could give them the opportunity to practice these vital life skills? What kids' independence looks like in other countries. Japan isn't the only nation where you can find kids navigating a town's streets and public transportation without adult supervision. Mei-Ling Hopgood lived in Argentina as a new mother, writing about the experience in her book 'How Eskimos Keep Their Babies Warm,' in which she explores parenting practices around the globe. She noted that it was common in Argentina and in other countries to see children commuting to and from school without adults. In some places, the reasons behind this particular independence are structural. Not all families have cars, so the only options may be walking, biking or taking public transit. Another factor is parents' level of trust in their community. When they send their kids out of the house, do they assume they will be safe and that the adults they interact with will be helpful and trustworthy? In Argentina, Hopgood saw signs of trust in the community of surrounding adults. 'If a child is crossing the street, not with a parent, or if an older person is crossing the street and needs help, they will take your hands. For example, when I would take the girls back to Argentina when they were little, the drivers that would pick us up, a man they did not know, would take their hands and walk them to the car,' she said, much to the surprise of her daughters, who by then were living in the U.S. 'The thinking [is] that adults are there to help you,' Hopgood told HuffPost. This includes men and even men you don't know, and was a real shift from the 'stranger danger' panic that permeated her American childhood. It was 'notable to me because of the bias against men being nurturing people, or they are the strangers you should be afraid of.' Journalist Michaeleen Doucleff observed a similar kind of autonomy among the Maya, Inuit and Hadzabe children that she observed when researching her book 'Hunt, Gather, Parent.' Children in these cultures, she told HuffPost, 'have enormous freedom to decide where they go, what they do and who they're with. Parents and older kids are around them, observing and ensuring they are safe. But generally their movements and actions are their own.' Again, there is a shared assumption that children are safe moving throughout the community. This autonomy extends to kids setting their own schedules — deciding when do go to bed, for example (an often fraught topic for American parents that has generated the profession of sleep consultant). In general, kids were entrusted with a multitude of what an American would likely consider 'adult' responsibilities: 'They use knives and the stove. They help take care of younger siblings (playing with them, changing diapers, feeding them). They take care of animals or a family garden. They learn to hunt, slaughter/butcher animals, make clothes. They work at local stores. They climb trees, gather firewood or forage for food,' Doucleff said. This trust in children's ability to handle things includes managing their emotions and speaking for themselves. 'They are allowed to get upset, have tantrums, without being scolded or forced to control their emotions very early,' Doucleff said. In addition, she said, 'parents allow children to talk for themselves' rather than answering questions directed at them on their behalf or prompting them with what to say. Other cultures also have a higher tolerance for risk when it comes to kids' behavior. Helen Russell, author of the forthcoming 'The Danish Secret to Happy Kids' (released already in Britain as 'How to Raise a Viking'), observed in Denmark that children often take risks in their extensive outdoor play and are expected to resolve conflicts among themselves when they arise. Likewise, children speak for themselves and are expected to dress themselves (including the all-important snowsuit!) and feed themselves, rather than being told by adults what to say, what to wear and when and what to eat. Danish children, Russell told HuffPost, are allowed to pretty much 'roam free,' and the same is true in other Nordic countries. 'Icelandic children are all allowed to roam free until a state-sanctioned 'curfew' in the summer holidays, when Iceland enjoys 24-hour sun. So, come July, 13- to 16-year-olds are allowed to run wild until midnight, while children up to the age of 12 get to hang out until 10 p.m.,' she said. Why it's important to foster kids' independence. Letting children travel about, do chores and play without interference from adults can allow the adults more time to get their own work done and might seem to require less effort. Doucleff, however, noted that it's not that parents are letting their children go unattended. 'Adults keep a close eye to ensure kids are safe. So it's not about simply doing less.' The key difference, she explained, is that 'parents don't interfere with children's actions and movements, especially during play.' Kids, not adults, are the ones who truly reap the rewards of this dynamic. 'Lack of autonomy is strongly associated with anxiety and depression,' Doucleff said, while 'high levels of autonomy are linked to confidence, drive and all-around better mental health. In the communities I visited in 'Hunt, Gather, Parent,' children had these in spades.' Autonomy, she explained, 'enables children to learn adult skills ... . So they can be active contributors to their families and not simply attended to by their parents.' We know that being able to contribute meaningfully can help kids feel a sense of mattering, which is protective of their mental health. Knowing that adults trust them to get from one place to another or use the kitchen knives helps them believe in their own abilities and gives them opportunities to 'learn on their own, make mistakes on their own,' Hopgood said. Experience teaches them that they can figure things out for themselves and overcome challenges. Russell explained that all the outdoor play kids engage in in Denmark, in spite of frigid weather, also has a positive effect on their well-being. 'Studies show that spending time outdoors improves well-being and cooperation, reduces stress, helps with concentration and evens out differences between low-achieving and high-achieving children,' she said. Hopgood, a journalism professor at Northwestern University, noted that here in the U.S. we are beginning to see the effect of a lack of independence once these children head off to college. 'Students coming to university, [their] maturity and responsibility level is years below what they were some years ago. Because of many reasons, but parents have done so much for them.' Without practice, kids lack problem-solving skills and confidence in their ability to tackle challenges without their parents' help. Ways parents can help kids gain independence. There's no need to move all the way to Latin America or Scandinavia to help your kids learn independence. Some communities, by their design, are more conducive to kids' autonomy than others, and some places are also simply safer. But even within the confines of your own home, there are steps you can take to encourage this growth. 'It's about having confidence in children's ability to learn and grow at a young age without the need for constant interference from adults,' Doucleff said. Doucleff measured her own interference in her children's lives by counting how many times per hour she gave them commands. ('Eat two more bites, please.' 'Give me the ball.') She initially found that this number was 120 — which is in line with what most kids experience in Western cultures. 'In cultures with autonomous children, parents give only two to three commands per hour. So a hundred times fewer! It's radically different than the approach that's common in the U.S.,' she said. She encourages parents to use their cellphones to record their own interactions with their children and count the number of commands they are giving now and make a goal of getting that number down to three per hour. You can start slow, by having a low-command hour just once a day, perhaps at the playground. She also recommends that parents take some time to observe their children. 'See what their interests are but also their skill level. Then you know when to back off and be confident that they've got the situation handled or when to jump in to help if they need it.' Focus on building up their independence in a specific domain by 'teaching them skills they need to handle any dangers or problems that may arise in these environments,' such as using knives and electrical plugs, crossing streets or watching for cars. 'Then schedule time in their week to simply be autonomous in these environments (without devices),' she said. You don't have to start by letting them roam free all afternoon. Instead, you might begin by letting them walk home from school with a sibling or group of friends. If they're interested in cooking, you could plan to let them make breakfast for themselves on Saturday mornings. 'A little goes a long way,' Doucleff said. 'Just adding a few hours of autonomy each week will help your child immensely. You'll see a huge difference in their anxiety, behavior and overall confidence and self-sufficiency.' Related... What Is Child Endangerment? When Leaving Your Child Alone Becomes A Crime. 9 Parenting Practices From Around The World That May Totally Surprise You 11 Seemingly Innocent Phrases You Shouldn't Say To Kids
