Here's why ‘loud talking' puts a strain on relationships: ‘I don't realize I'm doing it in the moment'

Yahoo

05-06-2025

They say love is about communication — just not at full blast.
A Reddit user has ignited an online discussion and debate after posting that their partner keeps asking them to 'lower your volume' — even though they say they're just excited, not screaming.
The anonymous user, who goes by u/Farts2Long (yes, really), brought their relationship beef to the infamous r/AmITheA–hole forum, explaining that their voice naturally gets louder when they're engaged in conversation.
'Sometimes when I get excited about a topic, I naturally start speaking louder than usual,' they wrote.
They added, 'Not shouting, just louder than normal conversation level. The thing is, I don't realize I'm doing it in the moment.'
But their partner isn't a fan of the verbal volume.
The poster noted that their significant other will often interrupt them 'mid-sentence,' asking them to 'lower' their volume.
The Redditor acknowledged that this likely isn't 'in a mean or rude way,' but stressed that it still makes them feel dismissed and discouraged.
Redditors rushed to weigh in, with over 12,000 upvotes and hundreds of mixed opinions.
'I lose my enthusiasm and no longer feel like talking about the thing I was excited about,' the original poster continued.
While many commenters agreed the partner's request was reasonable, others urged empathy and better communication.
'I get it, you're happy to be speaking to someone who cares about something you care about,' one wrote.
'However, speaking as someone whose partner is the same as you in this situation, it's very hard to be sat trying to engage with someone when they are essentially shouting in your face.'
Another chimed in, 'You have every right to feel how you feel, but it also does sound like you may be disregarding how it makes them feel.'
Relationship expert Angelika Koch, of the LGBTQ+ dating app Taimi, recently told Newsweek that timing and tone are crucial when addressing someone's volume.
'Telling someone mid-sentence that they're being loud, even if it's well-intentioned, can feel a bit humiliating,' she explained. 'Most people don't even notice when their voice rises.'
Koch suggested couples use a subtle hand signal or touch to gently flag the issue. 'Over time, they might even start to catch themselves,' she said.
'But this can only happen if they don't feel like their personality is being attacked.'
If couples are looking for ways to speak up without ruining an entire conversation, they might take a cue from psychotherapist Amy Morin.
Morin previously told CNBC Make It that mentally strong couples lean on a few key phrases to keep things cool and constructive.
Among them? 'I'm going to tell you something that may be upsetting to hear,' and 'It's understandable you feel that way.'
The goal: empathy, ownership, and solution-seeking.
'Taking responsibility for your share increases the chances that your partner will accept responsibility for theirs, too,' Morin said, as previously reported by The Post.
'Then you can both put your energy into developing a solution.'
Sounds like a recipe for turning the volume down — without turning each other off.