Holiday from hell nearly ruined my marriage – I was drinking at 9am to get through it, it made me question everything

The Sun

a day ago

WHEN Tess Stimson and her husband Erik were invited to join a couple in a luxury villa in Portugal this autumn, their answer was a no-brainer.
A resounding no.
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While few of us would pass up the chance for a luxury holiday, Tess and Erik have been stung by the couples holiday, and it's put them off for life.
Here writer Tess reveals why, when it comes to travelling, a foursome is not so awesome…
A few years ago we went on holiday with another couple — and it wrecked the friendship, and very nearly destroyed our marriage.
We'd met Tony* and Fiona* through our kids' school about five years earlier. Their little girl, Ellie*, then 7, was good friends with our daughter Lily, 10.
Together with our two sons, Henry, 18, and Matt, 15, our families had already gone away for weekends together, which had been great fun, so when Fiona suggested a joint summer holiday, it seemed like a no-brainer.
So she found a large cottage on the rugged coast of Maine, in America, with room for us all.
You could see the sea from every window, and there were canoes and bicycles and beaches to explore.
But from the day we arrived, it started to go wrong. Fiona and Tony had always squabbled, but suddenly they were arguing nonstop.
Tony couldn't sit still for five minutes, while Fiona wanted to chill out on the patio with a glass of wine.
Our boys had the room next door to them, and after two nights listening to them quarrel well into the small hours of the morning, decided they were going to sleep in hammocks outside.
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Tony kept complaining about Fiona's lack of affection, and even announced one morning at breakfast he 'expected' sex every day when they were on holiday — in front of the children!
Things went from bad to worse. When it was Fiona's turn to go shopping, she went to the local fishing port and splashed out on eight huge lobsters, which she put on his credit card.
In retaliation, Tony blew the rest of their budget with expensive wine.
In an effort to get things back on track, Fiona and I took the girls off for a spa day while the boys went mountain biking.
The whole time, all she did was complain about Tony. They'd been married 20 years, and she brought up every gripe.
I was sympathetic — Tony had a wandering eye — but it did kill the holiday mood.
When it rained, we couldn't play board games, because Tony and Fiona kept making it personal, and it descended into a fight every time.
Even a game of rounders ended in a row, with Tony throwing the bat into the sea.
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A week in, I came down to breakfast at 9am to find Fiona waiting for me — with a huge glass of wine in her hand.
'Take this,' she said. 'You're going to need it.'
She and Tony had had an almighty row the night before, and he'd stormed off, taking the car.
He didn't come back until late that afternoon, and refused to say where he'd been, though he reeked of booze.
By this stage, the tension in the house had spilled over to the kids, who were all squabbling, too.
The four of us adults were drinking far too much just to get through the day, and starting every morning with a hangover, which didn't improve anyone's mood.
Erik wanted to give up and go home early, but Fiona begged me to stay, and out of misplaced loyalty, I agreed.
But what with all the stress and alcohol, Erik and I were now at each other's throats, too.
Fiona latched onto every minor disagreement between us, blowing it out of all proportion.
She kept talking about how we should both leave our husbands and start over.
Persistent Communication Breakdowns
Constant misunderstandings, arguments, or a complete lack of meaningful conversation can signal deep-seated issues.
Emotional Distance
Feeling like roommates rather than partners, with a noticeable lack of intimacy or emotional connection.
Frequent Criticism and Contempt
Regularly criticising each other and showing contempt, such as sarcasm, eye-rolling, or mocking, can erode the relationship's foundation.
Unresolved Conflicts
Recurrent arguments about the same issues without any resolution can indicate deeper incompatibilities.
Loss of Trust
Trust is crucial in any relationship. If it's been broken and cannot be rebuilt, it may be a sign that the relationship is in trouble.
Different Life Goals
Significant differences in future aspirations, such as career goals, lifestyle choices, or family planning, can create insurmountable divides.
Avoidance
Preferring to spend time apart rather than together, whether through work, hobbies, or social activities, can indicate a desire to escape the relationship.
Lack of Support
Feeling unsupported, whether emotionally, financially, or practically, can lead to feelings of isolation and resentment.
Financial Disagreements
Constantly arguing about money, spending habits, or financial priorities can strain the relationship.
Infidelity
Whether physical or emotional, infidelity can be a major breach of trust and a sign of deeper issues in the relationship.
Changes in Affection
A noticeable decrease in affection, physical touch, or romantic gestures can indicate a loss of connection.
We couldn't wait for the holiday to end. My liver was waving a white flag — I gave up alcohol for three years after the Maine trip.
Unsurprisingly, Fiona and Tony split up a few months after they got home, and went through a very nasty divorce.
I stayed friends with Fiona for a couple of years, but she blamed our holiday for blowing up her marriage, and the friendship eventually fizzled out.
Erik and I had to do some serious soul-searching of our own after that trip.
I'd always found two solid weeks with just him and the kids a bit intense. Having friends around meant we both had other adults to talk to apart from each other.
We realised we'd fallen into the habit of holidaying with other people so we didn't have to spend one-on-one time together, and it took some honest conversations for us to turn things around.
Vacations are second only to Christmas for putting relationships in a pressure cooker, and that trip to Maine was a real test for Erik and me.
But it was the wake-up call we needed to make proper time for each other, and now we treat our holidays as a chance to give our marriage a gentle refresh.
Our kids still talk about That Holiday, and we can laugh about it now. But with the greatest love and respect to all our friends — never again.
'The New House' by Tess Stimson - published by Avon.
*Names have been changed
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