I was a £40k ketamine addict who ‘bumped' 8 times a day while homeschooling – it ravaged my face & cost me my kids
The 40-year-old was stuck in a vicious cycle of secret ketamine abuse and when the strong painkillers failed to mask the horrendous effects including debilitating stomach cramps, she turned to more drastic measures.
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Rather than reducing the amount of drugs she was taking and getting help for her addiction Victoria microdosed instead, feeding her habit every two hours daily for years, even smuggling it in during her hospital stays.
Soon, her life derailed and over four months she was hospitalised 14 times which ultimately led to her losing custody of her children, now 14 and eight.
At her lowest, she was spending £500 a week on the Class B drug, which also ravaged her teeth.
Victoria, who lives in Kent, and was 35 when her addiction took hold, says: 'Ketamine really took me to rock bottom. I used the drug as an alternative to drinking wine to cope with the everyday stresses of life.
'I didn't like the side effects of drinking when I was doing it so excessively and regularly.
'So I thought, 'Oh, ketamine is like being drunk'. After trying it, I had no side effects, no comedown – at first.
'I figured that a small 'bump' would be like having two glasses of wine.
'So I used it instead of booze, thinking I had somehow found the secret to life.'
It was in 2020, when Victoria's children were three and ten years old when she tried the drug for the first time.
Juggling her children and homeschooling, she struggled to cope and she went from wine to ketamine.
'I felt so alone, isolated and unable to be a good mother,' she explains. 'My family had their own problems so I didn't want to burden them.
'I felt I needed something to just not care.
'A friend suggested trying ketamine and sent over the number of a supplier. It felt like an instant antidepressant without all the negative side effects of alcohol.'
Large doses of ketamine can cause users to experience a 'k hole', described as a 'near death experience', something Victoria was desperate to avoid.
She began taking small doses regularly instead which also meant she could keep a handle on parenting - for a while.
She says: 'I was terrified of going into a k hole so I never did more than a tiny bump at a time and microdosing daily. However, my tolerance became so high I was having to use more to get the same effect with each bump.
'Because I was microdosing it didn't really impact my parenting at first. I was able to go about my daily life but just feeling happy, relaxed and content all the time.
Ketamine really took me to rock bottom. I used the drug as an alternative to drinking wine to cope with the everyday stresses of life
Victoria
'I would do a bump as soon as I woke up and then another one every two hours until I went to bed.
'It was only when I started being in chronic pain and being in and out of hospital that it started to impact my parenting because I was in constant pain - it stopped me from giving the children the routine they needed.
'I would have to ask their dad to pick them up because I would be in so much agony I couldn't stand up. I was frequently unable to get out of bed and was so tearful all the time because of the pain I was suffering.
'My children never witnessed anything they shouldn't, they just knew 'Mummy was poorly'.'
During 2021, Victoria was admitted to Darent Valley Hospital in Dartford 14 times because she was constantly ill with stomach pains.
By this time, she was spending £500 a week - money from savings - on the drug and went to desperate measures to get her 'fix'.
' I would get ketamine delivered to the hospital because the painkillers the doctors gave me didn't work,' she recalls.
'I was too scared to tell them that I was an addict in case they took my children away.
'I missed my children so much and knew I had let them down, I just wanted to be a normal mum but I was unable to live a normal life with the pain and the only thing that stopped the pain was more ketamine.'
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Life for Victoria, a content creator, continued to spiral and she is far from alone.
Deaths resulting from ketamine addiction in the UK have surged by 650% over the last decade and one person dies from it every week.
There were seven deaths in 2015 compared with 53 in 2023 with experts warning of the 'next drug pandemic'.
Victoria was gripped by the drug for four years which also began to have a major impact on her teeth.
Her gums began to recede, exposing the roots underneath. 'People would comment on my smile and call me 'horse teeth' because I had so many gaps,' she explains. 'I used to keep my mouth closed a lot and I learned to smile like that.
WAKE-UP CALL
"I remember overhearing my nan telling my uncle that I used to be so beautiful but now looked a mess and my teeth were unbearable to look at.
'That really hurt me - coming from someone that I really looked up to.
In October 2021 Victoria finally confessed her addiction to doctors.
Being told that all contact with her children would be stopped until she 'got clean' was a stark wake-up call.
She says: 'I was told my kids would be going to live with their dad. That was when I decided I had to get clean for my babies - they were my whole reason for living.
'The emotional pain of being kept away from them was worse than the physical pain of getting clean, so I never touched ketamine again from that day.
'The withdrawal was excruciating. Even the morphine I was given didn't stop the pain.
'My bladder had been damaged and I needed to wheel my drip down to the toilet every 30 minutes.
'I never felt like relapsing, I knew that I had to choose either ketamine or my children and my children win every time.'
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After weeks in hospital Victoria joined a narcotics anonymous group and had therapy sessions to stay on the right path.
It was following her recovery and getting her life back on track that she decided it was time to fix the lasting physical reminder of her addiction.
In May this year she booked herself into a clinic in Izmir in Turkey and paid almost £5,000 for 'new' teeth.
'Having my teeth fixed might seem superficial but it was an important part of my recovery. I love them,' she adds.
Victoria, who has a partner of four years and now shares custody of the children with their dad, looks back on the past few years and adds: 'I feel a lot of regret, especially a lot of guilt.
'I wanted to be a great mum but I was trapped by addiction. I was just trying to cope.
'Now, we are making up for lost time. We have our first family holiday in years in a few weeks and whilst being a mum still has its challenges I am able to cope.
'I am a better mum than I was before ketamine got the better of me, and I am proud of what I've overcome.'
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