The thank you letter is dying. Here's how to write the perfect one

Telegraph

04-06-2025

When I was growing up, the moment I finished opening my birthday or Christmas presents, my mother would press stationery into my hands and urge me to write my thank you notes. She even kept a detailed logbook. But in this digital age, is the proper handwritten thank you letter becoming a lost art?
That would be a real shame on two counts. It's a lovely way to show your appreciation for someone's hospitality or gfit-giving. But, more selfishly, it can benefit the thank-you-note sender. A new study published in the journal PLOS One suggests that writing a grateful missive can actually enhance our mental well-being.
'It definitely gives you a justified feeling of virtue,' says Liz Wyse, the editor of Debrett's. 'Also if you're projecting positivity, and taking the time to savour a pleasant recollection of a good evening, that boosts your own mood. It's a win-win.'
From tone and timing to enlisting a reluctant child or spouse, Wyse offers her expert advice on the etiquette of the thank you note.
Keep it short and sweet
A thank you letter needn't be inordinately lengthy, advises Wyse. 'The old-fashioned formula still applies: open with your thanks, being specific about why you appreciated the gift or hospitality, then move out into something more general, and come back for a reiterated thanks and sign-off. It shouldn't just be a bald thank you, so include some news or chit-chat, but you can do all of that in two or three paragraphs.'
Avoid empty clichés
Wyse cautions against slipping into banal phrases such as: 'Thank you for having me, I had a lovely time.' She explains: 'It has the effect of sounding very dutiful and uninspired.' The tone of your letter should reflect your existing relationship, she adds. 'You will probably communicate very differently with your grandmother than your best friend.'
So while you might begin both with a simple 'Dear...', she explains, you could then be more informal in your phrasing with a friend, such as referencing a shared long-running joke, to make it part of an ongoing conversation. Wyse recommends picking out a specific aspect you enjoyed and injecting a note of real enthusiasm, punctuated with an exclamation mark: 'You made my favourite dessert even better by adding fresh berries from your garden – what a treat!' Crucially, your letter shouldn't sound rote – or AI-generated.
Your sign-off should sum up the spirit of your letter. Don't even think about deploying a boring 'Best wishes' or 'Yours sincerely'. Instead opt for the warm, affectionate 'Much love'.