Latest news with #LizWyse
Yahoo
05-07-2025
- Business
- Yahoo
How much cash should you give at a wedding, according to etiquette experts
In lots of countries and cultures it's the norm to give couples cash when they tie the knot. In fact, it's often an integral part of the celebrations. In Greece and Cyprus guests pin bank notes to a dancing bride, while in Nigeria couples are literally sprayed with money as well wishers dance around them, throwing cash one note at a time. While it's becoming increasingly common for British couples to turn their backs on the traditional gift registry and ask for cash gifts too, working out just how much to give and how to go about handing it over is something of an etiquette minefield. Here Telegraph Money talks to two etiquette experts and a personal finance specialist to share their tips. 'First and foremost, you should give what you can afford, and never feel pressured into giving beyond your comfort zone,' says Liz Wyse, etiquette adviser at Debrett's. 'If the couple getting married are relatives or very close friends, you will naturally be more generous.' But, if it's a destination wedding, or you've had to spend a lot of money just to attend, she adds that it's fine to downgrade the amount you give. You shouldn't, however, use any pre-wedding antics as a reason to give less. 'Stag and hen-dos should not really come into the equation, because they are organised by the best man or chief bridesmaid, not the couple,' she says. Laura Windsor, who runs the eponymous Etiquette Academy, says that as a guide, the typical gift is between £50 to £150. 'If you are close friends or family, a gift of around £75 to £150 is appropriate. Those less closely connected to the couple may spend considerably less.' Rather than debating the merits of a bank transfer (too crass?) or cash in an envelope (might get lost?), it's best to get a steer from the couple tying the knot. Considerate couples should provide you with some guidance. An online wedding cash registry makes it easy for your guests to give you money – they can choose how much they want to give and it may feel less demanding (or risky) than presenting them with your sort code and account number. However, our etiquette experts warn that you still need to take care when telling friends and family you'd prefer cash gifts. Although it's becoming more common for couples to ask for money on their wedding day, 'a bald request for money will still be disconcerting for many people,' says Wyse. Laura Windsor, who runs an Etiquette Academy, agrees and says you should never ask for cash on your wedding invitations. 'Word of mouth is still considered the most polite method of telling guests about gifts, so if you are asking for a cash fund, getting your friends and family involved to spread the word about the registry is the most delicate approach and will help move things along.' It is still worth adding the registry link to your invitation and then adding cash as one option for giving. It can also help if you tell your guests what you'll be spending the money on – especially if some guests aren't on board with the idea. 'Be upfront about where the money is going, whether it be for home improvement, your honeymoon or a down payment on a house.' Wyse agrees: 'If you suggest that a guest might like to make a contribution towards, for example, your honeymoon or a large purchase, such as a sofa, it is much more acceptable.' Many online cash registries will let you customise your fund, so guests can see where their money will be going when they log on to contribute. In recent years some couples have opted for an even more online option, putting out QR codes at the wedding itself with a link to give money on the day. 'It's their day so I guess if you are a guest you have to play by their rules,' says Windsor. 'It's a little transactional but today it's all about convenience and practicality as well as instant gratification.' This is a tricky one. Wyse says it's your prerogative to give whatever you like, but she warns that you might need to put your thinking cap on if you decide to buy them a gift instead. 'Generally, if couples are asking for money, that means there will not be a conventional wedding gift list, probably because the couple have already set up their home and do not have any pressing household needs. So if you want to give a gift instead of money you will need to find something quirky, unique or original.' But there is always the risk that the couple won't be thankful – especially if their taste is not the same as yours. Sarah Coles, head of personal finance at Hargreaves Lansdown, points out there's always one person at every wedding that turns up with homewares the couple didn't want or need. 'If you're very close to them, and giving them a really special gift they'll treasure for life, there's an argument that this is the exception to the rule,' she suggests. 'If it's a more distant relative, and you're hoping to give them a vase or a candle, then chances are they'd prefer the cash.' However much you have spent attending the wedding, all our experts agree it's not OK to turn up without a gift at all. Not only is a wedding a significant life event, but it's a lavish act of hospitality too. 'It's traditionally frowned upon to show up and not give a gift at all – in the same way you wouldn't rock up to a child's birthday party without a present,' says Coles. Wyse adds: 'You really should comply unless, of course, the couple stipulate that they do not want presents, or ask you to make a donation to a charity instead.' If you really can't afford either a gift or to attend the wedding, Coles says it's important to be upfront with the couple. 'Bear in mind that you're not duty bound to go to the wedding if it will cause financial issues. Just thank them for the invitation, explain the situation, and arrange to meet up for a cut-price celebration later.' Broaden your horizons with award-winning British journalism. Try The Telegraph free for 1 month with unlimited access to our award-winning website, exclusive app, money-saving offers and more.
Telegraph
05-07-2025
- Business
- Telegraph
How much cash you should give at a wedding, according to etiquette experts
In lots of countries and cultures it's the norm to give couples cash when they tie the knot. In fact, it's often an integral part of the celebrations. In Greece and Cyprus guests pin bank notes to a dancing bride, while in Nigeria couples are literally sprayed with money as well wishers dance around them, throwing cash one note at a time. While it's becoming increasingly common for British couples to turn their backs on the traditional gift registry and ask for cash gifts too, working out just how much to give and how to go about handing it over is something of an etiquette minefield. Here Telegraph Money talks to two etiquette experts and a personal finance specialist to share their tips. The couple have asked for cash – but how much should I give? 'First and foremost, you should give what you can afford, and never feel pressured into giving beyond your comfort zone,' says Liz Wyse, etiquette adviser at Debrett's. 'If the couple getting married are relatives or very close friends, you will naturally be more generous.' But, if it's a destination wedding, or you've had to spend a lot of money just to attend, she adds that it's fine to downgrade the amount you give. You shouldn't, however, use any pre-wedding antics as a reason to give less. 'Stag and hen-dos should not really come into the equation, because they are organised by the best man or chief bridesmaid, not the couple,' she says. Laura Windsor, who runs the eponymous Etiquette Academy, says that as a guide, the typical gift is between £50 to £150. 'If you are close friends or family, a gift of around £75 to £150 is appropriate. Those less closely connected to the couple may spend considerably less.' What's the best way to give money? Rather than debating the merits of a bank transfer (too crass?) or cash in an envelope (might get lost?), it's best to get a steer from the couple tying the knot. Considerate couples should provide you with some guidance. We're getting married – how can we ask for cash without causing offence? An online wedding cash registry makes it easy for your guests to give you money – they can choose how much they want to give and it may feel less demanding (or risky) than presenting them with your sort code and account number. However, our etiquette experts warn that you still need to take care when telling friends and family you'd prefer cash gifts. Although it's becoming more common for couples to ask for money on their wedding day, 'a bald request for money will still be disconcerting for many people,' says Wyse. Laura Windsor, who runs an Etiquette Academy, agrees and says you should never ask for cash on your wedding invitations. 'Word of mouth is still considered the most polite method of telling guests about gifts, so if you are asking for a cash fund, getting your friends and family involved to spread the word about the registry is the most delicate approach and will help move things along.' It is still worth adding the registry link to your invitation and then adding cash as one option for giving. It can also help if you tell your guests what you'll be spending the money on – especially if some guests aren't on board with the idea. 'Be upfront about where the money is going, whether it be for home improvement, your honeymoon or a down payment on a house.' Wyse agrees: 'If you suggest that a guest might like to make a contribution towards, for example, your honeymoon or a large purchase, such as a sofa, it is much more acceptable.' Many online cash registries will let you customise your fund, so guests can see where their money will be going when they log on to contribute. In recent years some couples have opted for an even more online option, putting out QR codes at the wedding itself with a link to give money on the day. 'It's their day so I guess if you are a guest you have to play by their rules,' says Windsor. 'It's a little transactional but today it's all about convenience and practicality as well as instant gratification.' Can I ignore a request for cash and give a gift instead? This is a tricky one. Wyse says it's your prerogative to give whatever you like, but she warns that you might need to put your thinking cap on if you decide to buy them a gift instead. 'Generally, if couples are asking for money, that means there will not be a conventional wedding gift list, probably because the couple have already set up their home and do not have any pressing household needs. So if you want to give a gift instead of money you will need to find something quirky, unique or original.' But there is always the risk that the couple won't be thankful – especially if their taste is not the same as yours. Sarah Coles, head of personal finance at Hargreaves Lansdown, points out there's always one person at every wedding that turns up with homewares the couple didn't want or need. 'If you're very close to them, and giving them a really special gift they'll treasure for life, there's an argument that this is the exception to the rule,' she suggests. 'If it's a more distant relative, and you're hoping to give them a vase or a candle, then chances are they'd prefer the cash.' Is it OK to turn up without a gift? However much you have spent attending the wedding, all our experts agree it's not OK to turn up without a gift at all. Not only is a wedding a significant life event, but it's a lavish act of hospitality too. 'It's traditionally frowned upon to show up and not give a gift at all – in the same way you wouldn't rock up to a child's birthday party without a present,' says Coles. Wyse adds: 'You really should comply unless, of course, the couple stipulate that they do not want presents, or ask you to make a donation to a charity instead.' If you really can't afford either a gift or to attend the wedding, Coles says it's important to be upfront with the couple. 'Bear in mind that you're not duty bound to go to the wedding if it will cause financial issues. Just thank them for the invitation, explain the situation, and arrange to meet up for a cut-price celebration later.'
Yahoo
04-06-2025
- General
- Yahoo
The thank you letter is dying. Here's how to write the perfect one
When I was growing up, the moment I finished opening my birthday or Christmas presents, my mother would press stationery into my hands and urge me to write my thank you notes. She even kept a detailed logbook. But in this digital age, is the proper handwritten thank you letter becoming a lost art? That would be a real shame on two counts. It's a lovely way to show your appreciation for someone's hospitality or gift-giving. But, more selfishly, it can benefit the thank-you-note sender. A new study published in the journal PLOS One suggests that writing a grateful missive can actually enhance our mental well-being. 'It definitely gives you a justified feeling of virtue,' says Liz Wyse, the editor of Debrett's. 'Also if you're projecting positivity, and taking the time to savour a pleasant recollection of a good evening, that boosts your own mood. It's a win-win.' From tone and timing to enlisting a reluctant child or spouse, Wyse offers her expert advice on the etiquette of the thank you note. A thank you letter needn't be inordinately lengthy, advises Wyse. 'The old-fashioned formula still applies: open with your thanks, being specific about why you appreciated the gift or hospitality, then move out into something more general, and come back for a reiterated thanks and sign-off. It shouldn't just be a bald thank you, so include some news or chit-chat, but you can do all of that in two or three paragraphs.' Wyse cautions against slipping into banal phrases such as: 'Thank you for having me, I had a lovely time.' She explains: 'It has the effect of sounding very dutiful and uninspired.' The tone of your letter should reflect your existing relationship, she adds. 'You will probably communicate very differently with your grandmother than your best friend.' So while you might begin both with a simple 'Dear...', she explains, you could then be more informal in your phrasing with a friend, such as referencing a shared long-running joke, to make it part of an ongoing conversation. Wyse recommends picking out a specific aspect you enjoyed and injecting a note of real enthusiasm, punctuated with an exclamation mark: 'You made my favourite dessert even better by adding fresh berries from your garden – what a treat!' Crucially, your letter shouldn't sound rote – or AI-generated. Your sign-off should sum up the spirit of your letter. Don't even think about deploying a boring 'Best wishes' or 'Yours sincerely'. Instead opt for the warm, affectionate 'Much love'. If you're thanking someone for their hospitality, Wyse says you shouldn't wait any longer than two or three days to write; for a present, up to a week. 'You don't want the person who gave you something thinking, 'Did they get it, did they like it?' and feeling anxious.' If you are tardy with your note sending, Wyse recommends opening with a clear apology for the 'belated' letter. What should you do if, like me, your handwriting is horribly illegible? Wyse says the Debrett's team are very pro-handwritten notes – but 'we're fighting a losing battle. People are so used to doing everything on their computers that their writing is deteriorating.' Ultimately, she says, sending a thank you note, even in digital form, is better than not doing it at all. 'But handwritten letters do have a particular value because they indicate that you've taken more trouble: buying stationery, finding the address, going to the postbox. People treasure them too. My mother has kept all of my son's thank you letters.' My mother generally gave us free rein with thank you notes, which is why my eight-year-old brother described his gift of a Victorian kaleidoscope as 'very useful' – to great amusement. Wyse says that if your child is writing to someone of the older generation, such as a grandparent, you might want to direct them a bit. 'But they will inevitably deviate, and you should allow them to do that. People are charmed by the authentic tone and eccentricities of a child's writing. You don't want to straitjacket them into a formula.' I notice a gender split among my family and friends when it comes to thank you letters – as does Wyse. 'Women have traditionally been the social correspondents, and, awful though it is to say it in the 21st century, some vestiges of that are hanging on.' Is there a good way to get your reluctant partner to write a note? 'If there is, I haven't found it,' sighs Wyse. A good compromise, she suggests, is that you write the letter and get your male partner to add a little message or signature at the end, 'so it looks like a combined effort.' This becomes a trickier exercise if you're thanking someone for a dreadful party. But Wyse is firm that 'thank you notes need to be relentlessly positive: that's the unbreakable rule. It can actually be a fun, creative challenge. You're allowed to inject some humour if it was a ridiculous, Grand Guignol disaster, but try to convey good spirits.' The same goes for shoddy gifts. 'We've all had terribly disappointing presents in our time, like a box of grey socks. But you have to dredge up some gratitude, even if you're secretly thinking, 'That was a bit cheap – they could afford something better,' or, 'How unimaginative.'' What if you're at fault: you spilt red wine on your host's white sofa, or broke their favourite vase? Wyse says an apology is definitely in order. 'But do it towards the end of your thank you letter. You don't need to go on about it. Make a reference to your shortcomings and wrap your apology in a compliment, like, 'I'm afraid I overindulged in your delicious single malt whisky.'' It's crucial, she observes, not to make this all about you. 'Hospitality is a nerve-racking business. Your host is fretting about whether they carried it off. The classy thing to do is reassure them, not wallow in your own anxieties.' Although Wyse is evangelical about the handwritten thank you note, she does admit that not every occasion calls for it. 'It's a judgment call. Think of it as a sliding scale based on the amount of effort that's gone into the event. If you're at a friend's house midweek and they say, 'Would you like to stay for pasta?' sending an effusive, florid thank you letter is a bit much. A warm text or email would do the trick.' Broaden your horizons with award-winning British journalism. Try The Telegraph free for 1 month with unlimited access to our award-winning website, exclusive app, money-saving offers and more.
Telegraph
04-06-2025
- General
- Telegraph
The thank you letter is dying. Here's how to write the perfect one
When I was growing up, the moment I finished opening my birthday or Christmas presents, my mother would press stationery into my hands and urge me to write my thank you notes. She even kept a detailed logbook. But in this digital age, is the proper handwritten thank you letter becoming a lost art? That would be a real shame on two counts. It's a lovely way to show your appreciation for someone's hospitality or gfit-giving. But, more selfishly, it can benefit the thank-you-note sender. A new study published in the journal PLOS One suggests that writing a grateful missive can actually enhance our mental well-being. 'It definitely gives you a justified feeling of virtue,' says Liz Wyse, the editor of Debrett's. 'Also if you're projecting positivity, and taking the time to savour a pleasant recollection of a good evening, that boosts your own mood. It's a win-win.' From tone and timing to enlisting a reluctant child or spouse, Wyse offers her expert advice on the etiquette of the thank you note. Keep it short and sweet A thank you letter needn't be inordinately lengthy, advises Wyse. 'The old-fashioned formula still applies: open with your thanks, being specific about why you appreciated the gift or hospitality, then move out into something more general, and come back for a reiterated thanks and sign-off. It shouldn't just be a bald thank you, so include some news or chit-chat, but you can do all of that in two or three paragraphs.' Avoid empty clichés Wyse cautions against slipping into banal phrases such as: 'Thank you for having me, I had a lovely time.' She explains: 'It has the effect of sounding very dutiful and uninspired.' The tone of your letter should reflect your existing relationship, she adds. 'You will probably communicate very differently with your grandmother than your best friend.' So while you might begin both with a simple 'Dear...', she explains, you could then be more informal in your phrasing with a friend, such as referencing a shared long-running joke, to make it part of an ongoing conversation. Wyse recommends picking out a specific aspect you enjoyed and injecting a note of real enthusiasm, punctuated with an exclamation mark: 'You made my favourite dessert even better by adding fresh berries from your garden – what a treat!' Crucially, your letter shouldn't sound rote – or AI-generated. Your sign-off should sum up the spirit of your letter. Don't even think about deploying a boring 'Best wishes' or 'Yours sincerely'. Instead opt for the warm, affectionate 'Much love'.
