Meet the thriller writer who thought he was in a Beano adventure
Liam concluded that he must be starring in an anarchic Bash Street Kids strip in the Beano, after he thought he heard over the Tannoy: 'Please be advised that peashooters are not permitted on trains.'
Being a master of mystery fiction, he quickly solved the curious comic conundrum.
'Peashooters?' mused Liam. 'E-scooters!'
Goldfish variations
The Diary mentioned that most awe-inspiring of ferocious beasties, notorious for its starring role in a Spielberg movie…
And, no, we weren't discussing E.T.
We were talking about the great white shark, that toothy tearaway who picnicked on people in Jaws.
Reader Chris Hanley proudly boasts that he's not intimidated by great whites.
'I looked them up in the dictionary,' he says, 'and was disappointed to discover that they're members of a species called the 'mackerel shark'.
'So it's just a mackerel, I thought. That's not much scarier than being chased through the salty brine by an oversize goldfish.'
'I was sort of hoping it was going to be champagne,' says ever-optimistic reader Chris Robertson (Image: Contributed) Roll with it
Edinburgh-based stand-up comedian Jo Caulfield has been answering a questionnaire which asked: 'Which single battle do you think changed the course of history the most?'
Most people would probably suggest the Battle of Hastings, Bannockburn, Agincourt or Waterloo.
That's not the conclusion Jo arrives at, for she authoritatively says: 'Blur versus Oasis, AD 1995.'
Blockhead
Our correspondents are the fittest newspaper perusers in the land, possibly even the world.
That's why we're not surprised when Grant Robertson from Falkirk announces: 'I got up this morning and ran around the block five times. Then I got tired, so I picked up the block and put it back in the toy box.'
Art attack
The Diary has been praising the colourful mural of TV's Still Game gang that recently materialised on Paisley Road West.
Alas, as we pointed out, not everyone is a fan of the image.
On social media one harsh art critic states: 'To be fair, it looks not bad from a distance. If the distance is Paisley.'
Another person has this pithy response: 'Game over.'
Burnt offering
Culinary expert Rose Bayley gets in touch with us to point out: 'Forgetting that you left Alphabetti Spaghetti on the stove could spell disaster.'
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Almost 1000 people gather in Edinburgh to watch man fold fitted sheet
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Discussion on dementia stories to follow UK premiere of Lost Lear at Traverse on Sunday evening
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