logo
QUENTIN LETTS: The more Napoleon burbled on, the more you understood why his wife whacked him

QUENTIN LETTS: The more Napoleon burbled on, the more you understood why his wife whacked him

Daily Mail​11-07-2025
After watching Emmanuel Macron for any length of time you understand why his wife whacked him. What an insufferable little twerp he is.
The French president marked the end of his state visit to Britain with a news conference at Northwood military HQ, Herts. At his side stood Sir Keir Starmer, playing the role of spare part. The nasal knight has seldom looked so potatoey.
All eyes were on Napoleon, which is just how he likes it. He was dressed in a waistcoat – odd for such a hot day – and his hairdo had been tweezered to the left, presumably to disguise a bald spot. Unless a patch of fur had been ripped out by Brigitte.
He kept tilting his head to make sure we could admire his long sideburns. A good inch longer than Sir Keir's, they were.
The rough format was as follows: our old pudding gave stubby answers, biting on his lower lip and telling us what a 'serious' fellow he was. Sir Keir's voice becomes plainer by the week. What a lustreless blob he is. He kept looking over to Macron in affection or envy.
Then the floor was given to the mighty midget, his blue eyes suddenly dazzling like BMW headlights. Off he went, juddering his chin in an imperious manner, shoulders twitching a little as he was energised by the attention.
These answers, as long as speeches in a Racine tragedy, were relayed by a simultaneous translation chap who sounded less like a Man of Destiny and more like an accountant from Penge.
Macron was burbling forth about the European pillars of Nato, pragmatic roadmaps, the wickedness of demagoguery and so forth, while Brian the translator, or whatever his name was, made it sound wonderfully mundane. M Macron hogged the airtime. He was elliptical, which is to say incomprehensible, his answers full of abstract concepts. But one thing became clear: he was obsessed with Brexit.
The longer the press conference lasted, the more he attacked Brexit, each time with greater vigour, almost until one of his eyelids started quivering and a tic developed in his cheeks, Herbert Lom-style.
He raged that Brexit had made everything worse. Brexit had been ruinous to trade. Quite how that tallied with his boast that Anglo-French trade was now higher than it was when we were in the European Union, it was hard to say. On small boats and illegal immigration, 'the British people were sold a lie that Europe was the trouble!'
And yet, and yet, Belgium has been rather brilliant at stopping small boats. Much better than France.
Maybe the problem with the small-boats crisis has not been 'Europe' but 'Macron' – and all because our bolt for freedom left him with fewer opportunities to meddle in our affairs.
Questions from the media were opened by our own Monsieur Chatty, ITV's Robert Peston, a man whose bulletin intros and upsums can be divided into several chapters, complete with index and footnotes. This time, in fact, he did rather well, and even spoke French, noting that France had pocketed '700 million livres' of our money to do beggar all about stopping those inflatables.
Peston also observed that M Macron and Sir Keir were members of 'a slightly beleaguered class of centrist leaders' and he wondered if they were exchanging tips on how to survive.
This was intended as a playful remark but they both became distinctly huffy about it. Sir Keir pushed out a pouty lip and complained that it was 'really important to show that social democracy has the answers'.
As for Macron, he flew into an impenetrable riff about how his political philosophy was based on science rather than things such as… Just as he was going to say the B word, a male orderly stepped in, jabbed him in the derriere with a large sedative and sewed him into a white straitjacket, to be flown back to his home country where he is such an overwhelming failure.
Orange background

Try Our AI Features

Explore what Daily8 AI can do for you:

Comments

No comments yet...

Related Articles

ALEX BRUMMER: Bank fears Farage turmoil in No 10
ALEX BRUMMER: Bank fears Farage turmoil in No 10

Daily Mail​

time12 minutes ago

  • Daily Mail​

ALEX BRUMMER: Bank fears Farage turmoil in No 10

As a public figure, the governor of the Bank of England Andrew Bailey receives most attention from consumers and businesses alike for his role in setting interest rates. Critical as that is to national wellbeing, it has long been my belief that Bailey is more comfortable with the Bank's other, less discussed role of maintaining financial stability. Bailey was first to the battlements in his early days in office in March 2020 as the pandemic shut down Britain and much of the world. Bond markets in New York were in panic, and the Bank, led first by Mark Carney and then Bailey, moved to calm events. A currency swap deal with the US was activated, interest rates were cut to the bone and more money printing, through quantitative easing, was authorised. Bailey passionately urged government to take steps to prevent scarring to the economy. He was also at the tiller in the autumn of 2022 when Liz Truss's tax-cutting mini Budget sparked a run on the pound and a sudden retreat from British government bonds. The scale and suddenness of the move caused ructions for pension funds which had used derivative products to gamble on returns. The episode had threatened, without Bailey's intervention, to cause a cascade of financial collapses among banks who had provided credit for the trades. The Bank of England became a butt of criticism, not least on these pages. Its twice-yearly Financial Stability Report had in the past warned of the potential danger of liability driven-investment products (LDIs) but neither the Bank nor the Pensions Regulator addressed the matter. It is one thing for the Financial Stability Committee to identify and warn of dangers to the financial system, but quite another to tackle a weakness and close it down. Bailey was in the Bank's engine room in the Great Financial Crisis of 2008, so has vast experience of dealing with fractures in the financial system and knows how rapidly contagion takes place. All this experience tells him that Chancellor Rachel Reeves' efforts to encourage growth, by deregulating the City, could be a huge error. It is a reminder of the light touch regulation in the run-up to the collapse of Northern Rock in 2007 and the crisis which followed. Readers of this month's Financial Stability document would find few clues to what Bailey believes is the most acute concern at present. It is not Trump tariffs or the present Government's borrowing needs, as serious as they may be. The governor's biggest worry is political uncertainty. It may seem mad to think that this should be the case given Labour's vast Commons majority and four more years in office. The significant statistic is that Nigel Farage's Reform UK has led the other parties in 65 consecutive polls. And the present kerfuffles in Epping and the record small boat arrivals in a long hot summer make the potential for a Farage journey to Downing Street ever more credible. Bailey and the independent Bank never indulge in party politics. But for the governor, pound sterling, the bond markets and the whole stability of the financial system, the number one threat is a big-spending populist released into Downing Street. Reach for the safety straps.

Trump: wind farms are a ‘con job'
Trump: wind farms are a ‘con job'

Telegraph

time14 minutes ago

  • Telegraph

Trump: wind farms are a ‘con job'

President Donald Trump branded wind power a 'con job' after playing golf in Scotland, describing how turbines ruined the view from the 18th hole of his Turnberry course. The president said wind farms spoiled the landscape and sucked in expensive subsidies in comments likely to complicate a meeting with Sir Keir Starmer on Monday. 'The whole thing is a con job. It's very expensive,' he added as he announced a trade deal with the EU. The deal includes the EU buying billions of dollars of American energy, including natural gas. Mr Trump spent Sunday morning playing golf with his son Eric and club members before sitting down for crucial European trade talks. 'Today I'm playing the best course, I think, in the world, Turnberry,' he said, in front of a giant picture window looking out on its fairways, dunes and the sea beyond. 'It's probably the best course in the world. And I look over the horizon and I see nine windmills at the end of the 18th. I said, 'Isn't that a shame?'' Mr Trump's Scotland visit is centred around his two golf clubs. On Friday, engulfed in the Epstein scandal at home, he issued an eleventh-hour invitation to Ursula von der Leyen, the European Commission president, to come to his Ayrshire golf club to try to agree a trade deal before crippling tariffs come into force on August 1. He announced a trade deal shortly after the meeting at Turnberry, and dismissed the idea the deal was a useful distraction from the Epstein accusations. 'We have reached a deal. It's a good deal for everybody,' he told reporters, confirming 15 per cent tariffs on all goods. Ms von der Leyen also hailed it as a 'good deal'. Mr Trump's comments on wind energy, however, are likely to complicate Mr Trump's meeting on Monday with Sir Keir, who has staked Britain's future energy supply on wind. In its manifesto last year, Labour promised to work with the private sector to double Britain's onshore wind power capacity by 2030. That meant ending the de facto ban on new onshore wind farms in England and, by declaring them nationally significant infrastructure projects, stripping councils of their power to block giant onshore wind farm developments. The policy, drawn up by Ed Miliband, the Energy Secretary, and condemned by critics as a 'power grab', cleared the way for a raft of new wind farms with turbines predicted to exceed 800ft in height. In Scotland on Sunday, Mr Trump pushed back on any suggestion that his 'beautiful' morning of golf had put him in a good mood. 'I'm actually not in a great mood,' he said at the press conference with Ms von der Leyen, to laughter from his team. Mr Trump may be on British soil, but he is meeting foreign leaders on home territory. The vast ballroom at Turnberry was set out like the Oval Office, scene of so many televised showdowns. The president took the seat on the right, just as he would at the White House, with his five advisers in seats beside him, arranged as if on the familiar couches, facing their counterparts no more than four feet away. A small group of guests, including his sons Donald Jr and Eric, were seated to one side, with a close-up view of the spectacle. But for all the important issues at stake, Mr Trump could not resist returning to golf and the presence of wind turbines. He was visiting Turnberry for the first time since Kirk Hill wind farm began producing energy from eight turbines that rise more than 300 ft into the air. 'The whole thing is a con job,' he said. 'It's very expensive, and in all fairness, Germany tried it and wind doesn't work.' He said it made no sense to subsidise energy projects such as wind farms. 'With energy, you make money, you don't lose money. But more important than that is it ruins the landscape,' he said. 'It kills the birds.' He also said that 'windmills' were driving whales 'loco'. Long-running battle over turbines Mr Trump's hatred of turbines stems from a long-planning battle he had with Scottish authorities. He opposed plans for a major North Sea wind power development that he complained could be seen from his Aberdeenshire course but lost the case. On Monday, Sir Keir is expected to push Mr Trump for his help in securing a ceasefire in Gaza. The president promised more aid for Gaza but indicated that he had run out of patience with Hamas, accusing the terror group of toughening its line on returning the last remaining Israeli hostages. 'They don't want to give them back, and so Israel's going to have to make a decision,' he said. His US negotiators left Qatar, which is mediating talks, on Thursday as talks collapsed. In the press conference, Mr Trump also called Iran 'stupid' for continuing to enrich uranium in the wake of US air strikes on its nuclear facilities. He said Iran had been 'beaten up very badly, for good reason'. 'I think Iran has been very nasty, with their words, with their mouth. I think they've been very nasty. They got the hell knocked out of them and I don't think they know it,' he added. 'You've just come out of something that's so bad and they talk about: we want to continue enrichment … How stupid can you be to say that?'

Kemi Badenoch says Tories would ban doctors from going on strike
Kemi Badenoch says Tories would ban doctors from going on strike

Times

time38 minutes ago

  • Times

Kemi Badenoch says Tories would ban doctors from going on strike

Kemi Badenoch has pledged to ban doctors from striking as she insisted Britain needed to cut spending to 'live within our means'. The Conservative leader said she would extend rules that prevent police officers and soldiers from striking to deal with what she called the increasingly 'militant' British Medical Association (BMA). Labour is scrapping Tory rules that would have allowed ministers to set out minimum levels of service staff would have to provide during strike action in the NHS and other public services. Badenoch said she would restore these for other NHS staff and go even further on doctors. 'The BMA has become militant. These strikes are going too far and it is time for action,' she said. Describing the measures as 'common-sense proposals to protect patients and the public finances', Badenoch said: 'These strikes will have a significant economic effect, but they will also mean cancelled operations, worry for families of the sick and suffering for those who are unwell. We know that previous strike action by doctors even led to some patients losing their lives.' She again praised Argentina's chainsaw-wielding President Milei, citing him as an inspiration for a future Conservative government. Badenoch has said she will not 'literally use a chainsaw' to cut spending but said that Britain was borrowing too much, adding: 'We need to start thinking about the next generation.' While seeking to distinguish herself from Nigel Farage, the Reform leader, with a tough line on public spending, Badenoch last week said she aimed to imitate Milei, who won power after brandishing a chainsaw to illustrate his approach to slashing state spending. He has balanced the budget and reduced inflation through deep cuts to public expenditure, such as pensions, which have provoked widespread protest. • The WhatsApp group: Kemi Badenoch revs up her cost-cutting chainsaw* 'I wouldn't literally use a chainsaw, but it was a very, very visual story that he told about making sure that Argentina lived within its means,' Badenoch said. She admitted Britain had 'a different set-up' to Argentina but told Sunday Morning with Trevor Phillips on Sky News: 'We need to start thinking about the next generation. We are borrowing our children's money to pay for today, to pay for welfare. We're paying £100 billion on debt interest. That's just not fair.' Badenoch previously pledged to stop people with milder mental health problems from claiming disability benefits. The government was forced to abandon plans to cut eligibility for welfare after a revolt by Labour backbenchers. While cuts in other areas are likely to be far more contentious for a Tory party heavily dependent on older voters, Badenoch insisted 'we need to live within our means' as a country. Farage has pledged to remove the two-child benefit cap as he seeks to win over cultural conservative voters who often want more public spending. Rachel Reeves, the chancellor, is expected to raise taxes in the autumn to cover the cost of retreats on cuts to welfare and pensioners' winter fuel payments, along with deteriorating economic forecasts and the rising cost of borrowing.

DOWNLOAD THE APP

Get Started Now: Download the App

Ready to dive into a world of global content with local flavor? Download Daily8 app today from your preferred app store and start exploring.
app-storeplay-store