Deserving Has Nothing To Do With It: Why Negotiation Is The Real Superpower
By Damali Peterman
'You don't get what you deserve. You get what you negotiate.'
That line from Apple TV's hit show Your Friends and Neighbors hits hard — because it's true. In a world where Black excellence is often overlooked, undervalued, or underpaid, waiting to be recognized isn't a strategy. It's a stall.
I once worked with a brilliant Black woman who was up for a leadership role. She had the experience, the results, and the loyalty. But instead of making a clear ask, she said, 'They know I deserve it.' She was right, but guess what? They promoted someone else.
I've also seen entrepreneurs spend months building a product or service, only to undersell it because they were afraid to ask for more. One client nearly gave away equity in her company just to 'keep the peace' — until she paused, reset, and negotiated a deal that respected both her vision and her value.
The truth? Deserve is emotional. Negotiation is strategic. And strategy wins.
Here's how to shift your mindset and use negotiation as your everyday superpower:
Lead with Logic. Let Emotion Inform, Not Control.
We often walk into negotiations carrying emotion — frustration, exhaustion, pride, fear. That's human. But feelings should inform your strategy, not derail it.
Ask yourself: What do I feel? Why? And how can I translate that into what I want?
For example: Anger might mean your value has been dismissed. Use that insight to frame a clear ask. 'Here's the impact I've made — and what I need moving forward.' Emotional intelligence isn't about shutting down how you feel. It's about leveraging it with discipline.
Master the Foundational Five: Know Your Power Before You Speak
Before you walk into any negotiation, you need to know five things. I call them the Foundational Five — they're essential to every successful negotiation:
1. Know what you want
2. Know what you need
3. Know how to actively listen
4. Know how to communicate
5. Know when to close
These five elements keep your approach grounded and focused. If you don't know what you want, how can you ask for it? If you don't know how to listen, how can you discover what matters to the other side? And if you don't know when to close, you risk losing the deal you already earned.
You don't have to be the loudest or the most experienced. You just have to be prepared. The Foundational Five will get you there.
Practice in Small Places So You're Ready for Big Ones
Negotiation is not a once-a-year event. It's a daily habit. You negotiate when you ask your child to take a break from the screens. When you say 'I need 10 minutes' before jumping into another conference call. When you ask for support instead of silently carrying the load.
These small moments build muscle memory. So when it's time to ask for a raise, pitch your business, or push back on bias — you've already trained for it.
Final Word: Your Power Is in the Ask
Negotiation is not manipulation. It's alignment. It's advocacy. It's how you close the gap between where you are and where you want to be.
So let go of waiting for what's fair. Let go of hoping someone sees your value. Let go of 'deserve.'
And remember this instead: You get what you ask for. You get what you prepare for. You get what you negotiate.
RELATED CONTENT: Awkward To Authentic: Conference Networking Tips for Introverts
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