72 Thoughts I Had While Rewatching Anne Hathaway and Robert De Niro in The Intern
God, I love the soothing opening notes of a Nancy Meyers film. Robert De Niro doing tai chi? I never thought I needed to see it, but now I realize I do. Aw, he's retired and his wife is dead! Okay, can I just say that being bored during retirement is a skill issue? There is so much Real Housewives of New York to catch up on, you'd easily be occupied for at least a few years. King, at least go hang out in an independent coffee shop, not Starbucks. It's crazy that Robert has a son we just…never really hear about in this movie, apart from this one mention at the beginning. Uh-oh, 'senior internship' application! What a great way to…cheat elders out of a salary. I don't hate the idea of a cover letter video, I must say. Man, this hot older lady is absolutely addicted to Robert. A kiss on the mouth, no less! God, remember the concept of the 'company man'? Are the AboutTheFit offices supposed to look exactly like a J.Crew, plus a bunch of busy nerds? 'These pants are awesome if you have hips, super-slimming.' Don't…most of us have hips, in some fashion or other? Oh no, someone's having a bridesmaid-dress emergency, but it's Anne Hathaway to the rescue! She really does have the most calming energy. Biking around the office? In a skirt and tights, no less? I would crash my bike instantly, but more power to her. Imagine skipping out on free office birthday cake! 'All About That Bass' needle drop, in case you forgot it's 2015. 'Wow, what was your major? Do you remember?' Brutal. Not this douche asking a 70-year-old man where he sees himself in 10 years! The grave, babe! Aw, Robert's hired. Hey, it's Andrew Rannells! And Robert's going to be Anne's assistant! The former overwhelmed assistant in me recognizes the current overwhelmed assistant being slightly rude to Robert. Beware the workplace that describes itself as 'super cas' (short for 'casual'). I love that Anne is being framed as some sort of self-acknowledged business tyrant, when actually she just seems…busy? Aw, I love Robert's pajamas. Ooh, mild inter-office romance drama! And a hot massage therapist who's Robert's age! Ish! Can we just talk about how this e-commerce company has a massage therapist on staff at all times? Damn, this company hit its five-year goal in nine months? I guess that'll get you a massage therapist! Let Anne run her own company, Andrew Rannells! Damn! Aw, Red Hook in spring! I miss Brooklyn. Kind of. Wow, Robert cleaned up the messy desk that was driving Anne crazy! See? Old guys can do anything! Wow, this erection plotline is…not subtle. So now Robert is driving Anne, too? Damn, Anne's mom is a huge bitch. Should I be concerned about the amount of mercury I'm ingesting from sushi? Love that Anne's husband is one of Mindy Lahiri's shitty exes from The Mindy Project. Child actors famously creep me out, but this little girl playing Anne's daughter is simply adorable. Was the original mention of Netflix in this movie organic, or somehow worked in once the film ended up on Netflix? These are the kinds of things that keep me up at night. Obsessed with Robert reading Twitter for Dummies. God, I hate these other moms. 'You probably won't have time to make it, so you can buy it.' It's guacamole, bitch! Now Anne wants to transfer Robert because he's 'too observant'? Let yourself be perceived, queen. Oof, a potential CEO calling AboutTheFit a 'chick site' cannot have landed well with Anne. OMG, the phone book company Robert used to work for was in the same office as AboutTheFit! 'I just knew a woman at the end of the day with a glass of wine and a laptop had real shopping potential.' Well, yes! Oh no, Robert's been transferred! Aw, assistant meltdown. Mmm, fun little moment of fat-shaming. It is 2015, after all! Okay, watching people shop around the country does seem fun. Oy vey, Robert's letting this weird intern crash with him? And waking him up in the morning? Too menschy, bro. I love this Ocean's Eleven-style caper to retrieve a mean email that Anne accidentally sent to her equally mean mom. 'I never want to not know you' is an insane thing to say to your intern, even drunk at a bar. Anne is ranting about how boys were left behind with the rise of girl power, which…okay, Christina Hoff Sommers! Gotta love a shiva with a take-home cookie box. Aw, I love this golden-years romance between Robert and the masseuse. Wow, watching Robert shut down these mean stay-at-home moms is extremely satisfying. Oh no, Anne's husband is cheating! Anne and Robert are in San Francisco, and I'm momentarily nervous that Nancy is setting us up for some kind of hotel-room kiss, but thank God, I remember just in time that I've seen this movie before. Damn, Robert tells Anne that her husband is cheating. Robert is officially deemed Anne's 'intern slash best friend,' and I may or may not be crying. Okay, Anne's staying with her man (ugh) and hiring a CEO (yay). And now Anne and Robert are doing tai chi together! All is well in the Nancy Meyers extended filmic universe.
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