Dear Abby: My husband is bad at sex — how do I break the news?
DEAR WORKING: I will assume that the man of your dreams loves you and wants to take care of you. Although this may be a difficult topic to address, communication is very important. Ask your doctor or gynecologist for a referral to a licensed sex therapist, then tell the man you love you would like him to accompany you. If he loves you, he will go and learn something. If his ego gets in the way, have the conversation about what you need at a time when you are both calm and relaxed, and communication is easier — NOT in the bedroom.
DEAR ABBY: I moved away from my hometown 10 years ago, and I have a dear friend of nearly 30 years who still likes to sleep next to me when she visits. This is becoming so annoying that I don't want her to visit. It was fine when we were younger, but we are in our 40s, and I no longer want to sleep next to anyone! I don't like pajamas. I like to sleep cool and in the dark, while she is always cold and likes to sleep with the TV on.
My friend won't tell me what her problem is; she says she's not scared to sleep alone. She has a husband at home, but she nearly freaked out when he went on a weekend trip with his friends. I have a very nice guest room, but she never wants to sleep in there. She does not respect my boundaries, and I don't know how to make her understand that I want to sleep alone. Can you help? — SOLO SLEEPING LADY IN MARYLAND
DEAR SOLO: I sure can. The next time this friend wants to visit, grow a backbone. Tell her you no longer want to share your bed with her or anyone, and if she can't be comfortable in your guest room, she should stay home. Gee whiz!
DEAR ABBY: Today, I asked a man with a black mole on the side of his face if he had been checked for skin cancer because I come from a family with a great deal of skin cancer. The man was very patronizing and told me I should just go sit down. My husband previously ignored my concerns, but he did listen to a friend who was concerned that his dark mole could be pre-cancerous, which it was. Was I wrong for bringing this to the stranger's attention? — PROACTIVE IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR PROACTIVE: If you said it in the context of explaining that your husband had something similar that turned out to be cancerous, I don't think what you did was wrong. It may have been presumptuous but it was also well-intentioned. He may have reacted the way he did because it made him self-conscious.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
Hashtags
Try Our AI Features
Explore what Daily8 AI can do for you:
Comments
No comments yet...
Related Articles
Yahoo
36 minutes ago
- Yahoo
I Finally Found My Happy Place After My Husband Left Me. There's Just One Problem.
Care and Feeding is Slate's parenting advice column. Have a question for Care and Feeding? Submit it here. Dear Care and Feeding, My ex-husband and I were together for decades. We have two kids, 20-year-old 'Jack' and 22-year-old 'Jill.' I thought my marriage was happy; I thought my ex and I were deeply in love. But last spring, he disappeared without a word. At first I feared he'd been hit by a car (I even called the police) but then money started being taken out of our joint account. After a month of this, he reappeared and said he was 'finding' himself and wanted a divorce. When we sold the house, I decided to buy a condo. I ended up buying a two-bedroom place—I couldn't afford a bigger one. Both Jack and Jill have apartments near their colleges and come home only for visits, but I wanted them to feel they have a home base (their father now travels continuously and doesn't keep a place of his own). I've made it a space I love, very different from our family home. It's got loud, bright paint, wood floors so I don't have to vacuum dog fur out of the carpet, stupid art by friends, and a living room dedicated to my hobbies. With the exception of the second bedroom, the entire condo is decorated in a way that Jill describes as 'violently femme-feeling.' And why shouldn't it be? I live there alone and am decorating just for me! The second bedroom is neutral: dark green walls, furniture from our old house—kind of boring. Jill visits regularly and stays in that room. She has rejected my offer to help decorate it to feel more like hers when she's there. She says it's fine. The trouble is, my son hates my condo. Jack says he feels unwelcome in the condo because of the way it's decorated. I offered to let him pick new stuff for the second bedroom and he declined. I'm wondering if his attitude/behavior isn't really about the condo, but I have no idea how to bring this up with him. He has never been a 'feelings talker.' He wasn't interested when I offered to help pay for therapy during the divorce and its aftermath, and he won't talk to me about it either. When he visits, he stays with friends or with someone in our extended family. He does want to spend time with me, and we spend a lot of time together whenever he comes home, but he refuses to set foot in the condo. What do I do? —It's Not Really About the Condo Dear Condo, Well, sure, it's not really (all) about the condo. But you yourself have made the condo a metaphor—or, to be more precise, two conflicting metaphors. It's a 'home base' for your kids (you wanted this for them, you say—by which I assume you mean you want them to feel they still have a home). But you live alone, you point out: Why should you decorate for anyone but yourself? (In this latter formulation, the condo is all about you.) I hasten to say that I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting your new home (in which, as you say, you live alone) to be all about you. But that comes with a cost, and it sends a message to your college-age children that directly contradicts what I bet you've told them (i.e., that this is their home, too). Your younger child is particularly sensitive to this message ('jk—it's not really your home') and what it implies: that he is not a priority, but something of an afterthought, and that you have moved on not only from his father, but from the family as a whole, and specifically from him. Have a conversation with your son! Actually, have a conversation with both kids. Your daughter, a little older, may be readier than he is to let go of the idea of a true home base, but that doesn't mean she is without feelings about all of these changes. Acknowledge that your divorce has been hard on them and continues to be hard on them. Acknowledge that the loss of the house that was their home may be painful for them. Encourage them to talk to you about how they feel and what this all means to them. And be honest with them about the condo, which you bought for yourself and have decorated as you see fit. I suspect the second bedroom, which you counted on their taking turns using and decorated to be'neutral' and 'boring'—rather than attempting to make it a space in which they'd both feel at home—added insult to injury. Were there no touches to its decor you could have made that would be inviting to them and demonstrate that you meant this to be their room? And no, offering to let them pick out some things themselves to make the room more appealing to them is not the equivalent to that. Finally: Don't lose sight of what matters more than the condo or either of its metaphorical meanings. Your son wants to spend time with you! When he returns from college on visits, you and he spend a lot of time together. Isn't that more important than where he sleeps? The fact is, you may have to let go of the idea of him thinking of your condo as his home (you've made it your home, and perhaps that's enough) and focus on a new sort of relationship with your son as he edges into adulthood. Dear Care and Feeding, My wife 'Carla' and I have a 3-year-old son, 'Andy.' Andy became a big brother last month when we had our daughter, 'Isabelle.' Andy had been reliably potty-trained for four months before Isabelle was born, but within days of bringing Isabelle home from the hospital, Andy began having accidents. Carla's solution has been to put him back in pull-ups. I don't think allowing him to regress like this is a wise idea. She says to let him do it for the time being if it makes him feel better. It seems to me that taking a firm approach (making him go back to using the toilet or face punishment) would be in his best interest. Who is right? —We're Not Going Backward Dear Backward, Your wife. (I was tempted to write that in all caps.)Andy is only 3, and he is having a hard time right now. Why would you make it harder on him? (And I promise he will not be in pull-ups forever. What difference does it make if potty-training takes a backseat just now to his adjustment to being a big brother?) Dear Care and Feeding, My son recently arrived stillborn at 30 weeks, and I have no living children. My colleagues at work know about this and have mostly been compassionate and mindful. My next-door office neighbor, though, is a mom with young kids and complains about her children often. This is really painful for me, but I don't know if there is any good way to ask her to tone that down around me. My son's death doesn't negate the fact that she might be having a difficult time parenting, I know, but it hurts a lot when people who have kids seem to dislike them, when I'd do anything to have a kid of my own. How do you suggest I handle this? —Bereaved Mom Dear Bereaved, I am very sorry for your loss. And I am also deeply sympathetic to the situation you find yourself in at work. I know it's little consolation, but your work-neighbor doesn't mean you any harm. Her thoughtlessness is literally thought-lessness. She is so wrapped up in her own life, she isn't thinking about how her complaints are making you feel. (She isn't thinking about you at all.) I'll tell you what I wish I'd done, over a decade ago, when my elderly father was dying and someone I'd thought was my friend talked incessantly about how her elderly father was driving her crazy. I remember how close I came, again and again, to interrupting her to say, 'For godsakes, shut up. I'd give anything to have my father around to drive me crazy.' I remember hanging up the phone after every conversation shaking with rage and grief and the effort not to snap at her. I'm not sorry I didn't snap. But I am sorry I didn't tell her that it was painful to listen to her complaints when I was struggling so. I'm sorry I didn't say, 'I know you don't mean to cause me pain, and I know you're having a rough time with your dad, but it's hard for me to hear this when my own father will soon be gone.' She might not have taken that well—I suppose, in fact, that she would not have—but I'm sorry I suffered in silence for so long. Even if our friendship had ended then and there, it would have been better for me to speak up. (And the friendship didn't last much longer, anyway.) Can you gently, thoughtfully tell your colleague that although you know she's having a hard time with her kids, and you feel for her, right at this moment it's painful to hear about it? You're grieving. It's OK to ask the people you regularly interact with not to add to your grief. (And if she doesn't like it? What's the worst that could happen? She'd stop talking to you at all?) Chances are, it has never occurred to her that what she's doing is hurtful. Give her the opportunity to do better by letting her know. You have nothing to lose. —Michelle My sister 'Jasmine' recently got married. The wedding was held in the town Jasmine and I grew up in (where my family and I live). Jasmine and her fiancé, 'Tyler,' arrived a few days beforehand. On the day before the wedding, they went with most of the family to the county fair. Tyler is hardcore MAGA and was making obnoxious comments about everything from women and LGBTQ+ people to the physical traits and appearance of random passersby. My 13-year-old daughter 'Josie' was getting increasingly uncomfortable and angry. Then Tyler spotted the old-school bumper cars ride. Solve the daily Crossword
Yahoo
an hour ago
- Yahoo
Plane with three aboard crashes offshore near Monterey County lighthouse
Two people were found unresponsive and rescue crews were looking for a third person after a small plane crashed off the coast of Monterey County on Saturday night, according to the U.S. Coast Guard. Monterey County officials alerted the Coast Guard's Monterey station at 10:55 p.m. Saturday that a twin-engine Beechcraft with three people aboard had crashed about 200 to 300 yards offshore, near the historic Point Pinos Lighthouse in Pacific Grove, the Coast Guard said in a news release Sunday. The plane took off from the San Carlos airport at 10:11 p.m. and was last seen at 10:37 p.m. near Monterey, according to flight tracking data from Flight Aware. The Coast Guard launched a 29-foot response boat that arrived on the scene shortly after 11 p.m. A Coast Guard helicopter and three California Department of Forestry and Fire Protection boat crews also assisted in the search, along with two Cal Fire drones. Multiple local law enforcement agencies also assisted in the response. The Beechcraft was located, according to the Coast Guard. The plane had been scheduled to leave for Gooding Municipal Airport in Idaho on Sunday morning — a two-hour, 48-minute flight — and to fly back to Monterey later in the day. The National Transportation Safety Board is investigating the cause of the crash. ABC7 News in San Francisco reported that airplane parts, including at least one wheel, had washed up on nearby Asilomar State Beach by Sunday morning. Sign up for Essential California for news, features and recommendations from the L.A. Times and beyond in your inbox six days a week. This story originally appeared in Los Angeles Times.
Yahoo
an hour ago
- Yahoo
Passengers evacuate Boeing jet after tyres blow out
Passengers were forced to evacuate from a Boeing flight after the plane's tyres blew out on the runway. American Airlines Flight 3023 was preparing to leave Denver International Airport for Miami on Saturday when it 'experienced a mechanical issue' while accelerating before take-off, the airline said. The incident raises further questions over Boeing's safety record following a number of major failures. The Federal Aviation Administration (FAA) said in a statement on Sunday that the crew onboard the Boeing 737 Max 8 plane 'reported a possible landing gear incident during departure' at around 2.45pm (9.45pm BST) on Saturday. All 173 passengers and six crew 'de-planed safely' but one passenger sustained a minor injury and was taken to a hospital for evaluation, the airline said. Video shows passengers using the evacuation slide to leave the plane as smoke billows from the fuselage, some carrying small children. Several people can be seen falling onto the tarmac as they land. Mark Tsurkis, 50, a passenger aboard the flight, told ABC News he heard 'a loud boom' as the plane was about to take off. 'I said, 'That's not good',' Tsurkis said, at which point the plane began to slow down, he said, and passengers could see one of the wheels pass by. 'When the plane stopped about 30 seconds to a minute later, somebody said, 'Smoke, fire.' And then a lot of people, of course, started panicking,' Tsurkis said. Shay Armistead, a 17-year-old passenger who was headed to Santiago, Chile, for a ski trip told CNN that Saturday's ordeal was 'kind of traumatising.' As the plane moved down the runway, passengers heard a loud bang and believed the tyre popped, Armistead said. 'The plane started vibrating and shaking really bad. We started tilting to the left side of the runway, and then we heard the sound of the wind from them lifting up the brakes of the plane and slamming on them really hard.' The airline said: 'We thank our team members for their professionalism and apologise to our customers for their experience.' The FAA said it was investigating the incident. Boeing has been heavily criticised in recent years over a string of failures. In June the National Transportation Safety Board blasted Boeing's safety culture and its failure to stop a cabin panel getting sucked out mid-air during a flight in January 2024. The board said the company failed to install four key bolts in a new Alaska Airlines 737 Max 9 during production. Sunday's evacuation also comes amid concerns over aviation safety in the United States after a string of recent accidents and near misses. On Friday a Southwest Airlines flight plunged mid-air to avoid colliding with another aircraft while en route to Las Vegas, injuring two flight attendants. In January, a mid-air collision between a commercial aircraft approaching Ronald Reagan Airport near downtown Washington and a military helicopter killed 67 people. In May, US President Donald Trump's administration announced plans to overhaul its 'antiquated' air traffic control system, which suffers from a shortage of controllers in FAA-managed towers. The government has laid off hundreds of FAA employees as part of its plan to slash the federal workforce. Broaden your horizons with award-winning British journalism. Try The Telegraph free for 1 month with unlimited access to our award-winning website, exclusive app, money-saving offers and more. Solve the daily Crossword
