Dear Abby: My husband is bad at sex — how do I break the news?
DEAR WORKING: I will assume that the man of your dreams loves you and wants to take care of you. Although this may be a difficult topic to address, communication is very important. Ask your doctor or gynecologist for a referral to a licensed sex therapist, then tell the man you love you would like him to accompany you. If he loves you, he will go and learn something. If his ego gets in the way, have the conversation about what you need at a time when you are both calm and relaxed, and communication is easier — NOT in the bedroom.
DEAR ABBY: I moved away from my hometown 10 years ago, and I have a dear friend of nearly 30 years who still likes to sleep next to me when she visits. This is becoming so annoying that I don't want her to visit. It was fine when we were younger, but we are in our 40s, and I no longer want to sleep next to anyone! I don't like pajamas. I like to sleep cool and in the dark, while she is always cold and likes to sleep with the TV on.
My friend won't tell me what her problem is; she says she's not scared to sleep alone. She has a husband at home, but she nearly freaked out when he went on a weekend trip with his friends. I have a very nice guest room, but she never wants to sleep in there. She does not respect my boundaries, and I don't know how to make her understand that I want to sleep alone. Can you help? — SOLO SLEEPING LADY IN MARYLAND
DEAR SOLO: I sure can. The next time this friend wants to visit, grow a backbone. Tell her you no longer want to share your bed with her or anyone, and if she can't be comfortable in your guest room, she should stay home. Gee whiz!
DEAR ABBY: Today, I asked a man with a black mole on the side of his face if he had been checked for skin cancer because I come from a family with a great deal of skin cancer. The man was very patronizing and told me I should just go sit down. My husband previously ignored my concerns, but he did listen to a friend who was concerned that his dark mole could be pre-cancerous, which it was. Was I wrong for bringing this to the stranger's attention? — PROACTIVE IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR PROACTIVE: If you said it in the context of explaining that your husband had something similar that turned out to be cancerous, I don't think what you did was wrong. It may have been presumptuous but it was also well-intentioned. He may have reacted the way he did because it made him self-conscious.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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Over time, resentment builds, making you feel like you're living in a time loop of mess and chores. Eventually, the frustration of carrying this invisible load starts to feel heavy. You might try to bring it up in conversations, but the change often comes too slowly, if at all. The imbalance isn't just about physical work; it's about the emotional toll it takes on you. You might start to feel like a maid rather than a partner, which can erode the emotional intimacy of your relationship. This unbalanced division of labor is one of those silent resentments that lingers. 2. Taking On The Emotional Labor You often find yourself managing not just your feelings but everyone else's, too. From remembering birthdays to planning family gatherings, emotional labor is your invisible job. It's seldom recognized or appreciated, leaving you to feel like an emotional janitor. You're expected to smooth things over and keep everyone happy. Over time, the constant emotional work can lead to burnout and resentment. Despite your best efforts, managing emotions becomes overwhelming. You begin to feel like your needs are secondary, which can make you feel undervalued. The emotional labor can become so ingrained that even a simple request for help feels like one more task on your never-ending to-do list. It can seem as if your partner is oblivious to the weight you're carrying. The emotional toll of this unacknowledged work can strain your marriage over time. 3. Putting Career Goals On Hold In many marriages, women often take a back seat when it comes to career ambitions. You might find yourself putting your dreams on hold to support your partner's career or to take care of family responsibilities. A study by Harvard Business Review found that women are more likely to compromise their careers for family than men. Sacrificing your career can leave you feeling like you've given up a part of yourself. This unspoken sacrifice can lead to long-term resentment. It's not just about lost earnings; it's about lost opportunities and personal growth. You might feel like you're watching your life from the sidelines while supporting someone else's journey. Over time, unfulfilled career aspirations can chip away at your sense of identity and self-worth. You may wonder what could have been if circumstances were different. The regret of paused ambitions often lingers silently. 4. Handling The Mental Load The mental load is that invisible backpack brimming with every detail needed to keep a household running smoothly. From knowing when to pay the bills to keeping track of the kids' extracurricular activities, managing these details often falls on you. This constant mental juggling act can be exhausting, leaving you feeling like you're stuck in a never-ending loop of to-do lists. This responsibility often goes unnoticed, making you feel like your efforts are taken for granted. Over time, this can lead to resentment, as it feels like another Groundhog Day of tasks. The mental load is not just about remembering things; it's about the emotional burden of being the household manager. You might feel like you're always on, with little time to relax or unwind. It's easy to become resentful when you realize that this burden isn't shared equally. You may start to question why your partner doesn't see or appreciate this invisible effort. It's a silent struggle that many women bear alone. 5. Financial Insecurity Money can be a major source of stress and tension in any relationship, and financial insecurity often falls hardest on women. You might find yourself worrying about bills, savings, or future financial plans more than your partner. According to financial advisor Suze Orman, women tend to be more worried about financial security due to longer life expectancies and wage disparities. 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Sacrificing Personal Interests When you enter a long-term relationship, personal interests often take a back seat to joint activities or family needs. You might find yourself giving up hobbies or passions to accommodate your partner's preferences or family time. Over time, this sacrifice can lead to feelings of loss and resentment. It's easy to feel like you're losing a piece of yourself when your interests are sidelined. The absence of personal pursuits can make you feel unfulfilled. Sacrificing personal interests doesn't just impact your happiness; it affects your identity. You might start to feel like you're living someone else's life, minimizing your own desires for the sake of harmony. It can lead to a buildup of frustration, as you long for the activities that once brought you joy. Over time, the absence of personal interests can lead to a feeling of emptiness. This unspoken sacrifice can weigh heavily on your sense of self. 11. 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