She Thought Her Long-Lost Mom Was Dead and Wrote a Novel to Say ‘Goodbye.' Then Her Phone Rang (Exclusive)

Yahoo

04-05-2025

Author Stefany Valentine published her debut novel, , in January
While she was writing the book, about an adoptee looking to reconnect with her culture, Stefany coincidentally reunited with her own birth mom for the first time in 25 years
Stefany's experience led her to apply to go to school to learn Mandarin and reconnect with her Taiwanese heritage
In August, author Stefany Valentine got a hug she'd previously thought was impossible.
After not hearing from her birth mother, Meiling Valentine, for 25 years, Stefany had all but given up on the hope that they might one day reconnect — and even feared Meiling had died.
Then an unexpected coincidence brought them back together from opposite sides of the world.
'I was wondering if I would recognize her in a crowd, and I did,' Stefany tells PEOPLE through tears. 'It was just so good to hug her for the first time. I needed that hug.'
The reunion between Stefany and Meiling, at the Taiwan Taoyuan International Airport, unfolded while Stefany was working on her debut novel, First Love Language, which centers around Catie — a Taiwanese-American teen and adoptee looking to reconnect with her birth culture by learning Mandarin.
Stefany, 31, calls the process of working on the book 'very therapeutic,' saying that in some ways, she used it to 'to really say goodbye, to close the door,' on finding her birth mom.
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Stefany is one of five siblings born to Meiling and Lt. Col. Todd Merrill Valentine.
Due to Todd's career in the Air Force, the family moved around a lot, spending time in Taiwan, Texas (where Stefany was born) and South Dakota.
When Stefany was 5, her parents divorced and Todd took custody of the kids and moved them back to the states. Stefany says Meiling, who didn't speak English, was cut out of their lives.
"I almost collapsed,' Meiling tells PEOPLE now of losing her ties to her children. 'I looked everywhere for someone who could help me, but because I had no work experience, no money and language barriers, there was no way to find a proper solution. It was unfair treatment."
All these years later, Stefany says she tries to stay 'neutral' when it comes to her feelings about what happened between her parents but notes, 'All of the resources that my dad had, my mom didn't.'
While growing up apart from her biological mother, Stefany says she was 'fed' what she believes is a false narrative about Meiling — that she was 'dangerous' and 'neglected' her children.
'I think that that was another cultural divide because I don't remember feeling neglected in Taiwan,' Stefany says.
In America after the divorce, Stefany says she and her siblings left their Taiwanese culture behind.
'It was 'Go to school, speak English, assimilate, we're not doing that anymore,' ' she recalls. 'And I think that was that. Losing a mother is one thing — and then losing your culture.'
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Stefany struggled to grasp English, but her escape methods led to her writing career.
'I spent a lot of time daydreaming,' she says. 'And I think that's ultimately what also led me down the path to becoming an author is because to this day, I am just constantly daydreaming.'
When Stefany turned 8, her father remarried and her stepmom, Cindy, blended their family with Cindy's four children from a previous relationship.
Several years later, in 2006, Stefany's father died of colon cancer. Cindy legally adopted Stefany and her siblings, becoming a single mother to nine children.
'I was struggling with a lot of depression,' Stefany says of the time after her dad's death.
As she grappled with her loss and her biological mother's absence, Stefany says her anger only grew as she went into her teenage years.
Related: Thinking About Adoption? Here's What to Know
'That rage that had gotten buried over time came right back up because I lost my mom, that's where the anger came from and now I'm losing my dad,' Stefany says. 'I was kicked out of my house for speaking out of turn, speaking my mind and everything.'
Cindy sent Stefany to live with other family members throughout most of high school, allowing her to move back in for senior year, Stefany says.
For decades, she yearned for answers about Meiling.
'The need to know has always been there,' she says.
Stefany sought refuge in writing, writing a short story for the young-adult anthology When We Become Ours, which highlights the adoptee experience.
'To see an entire community of people who have similar feelings and similar traumas and complicated backgrounds and everything, I was like, 'Where have you guys been my entire life?' ' Stefany says. 'I felt like I was trying to farm some land with my bare hands and they were like, 'Here's a hoe.' Like — oh, cool, I can actually get to work now."
The experience led Stefany to rework First Love Language, her first novel, to be more adoptee-focused.
While she had looked into genealogy and historical records, trying to find Meiling, multiple psychics indicated that Meiling had died and Stefany eventually stopped searching.
Then on New Year's Eve 2023, she got a surprising call.
'My sister-in-law calls me and is like, 'There's a Taiwanese lady in our Mormon church, and she grew up with your mom, and she's going to find her for you,' ' Stefany says of the unlikely series of events.
She and her siblings were initially able to reconnect with Meiling via text and while, she says, her siblings were less open to a reunion, Cindy later facilitated Stefany's trip to Taiwan
'I think she understood how much it meant to me,' Stefany says of her stepmom. 'She provided us the flight and everything, because she works with Delta.'
And in August, Stefany came face-to-face with Meiling for the first time in more than two decades.
'Nervous, anxious, scared, excited, everything — what wasn't I feeling?' Stefany says of the lead-up to their first encounter at the airport. 'It was like Christmas, when you're going to bed and you're like, 'I'm going to get to open the presents tomorrow?' It was very much that for weeks leading up to it, just like, 'One day closer. One day closer.' "
Stefany says she was shocked by the physical similarities between herself and Meiling.'Growing up, I've always felt like I look really White, or I look more White than my siblings do. And then when I saw her, I was just like, 'Dude, we look like twins,' ' Stefany says. 'It's not a race thing, it's a feature thing. We just have the exact same features.'
Meiling also noticed the similarities, telling PEOPLE, 'The first time I saw Stefany at the airport, I was shocked because she was no longer the cute little girl I often dreamed of. She had grown up and looked so much like me, which touched me."
Stefany and Meiling, 57, made up for lost time during Stefany's two-week trip last year, going hiking, visiting street markets, spending the night in an aquarium and even celebrating Meiling's birthday with a cake.
'She was like, 'This is the best birthday I've had in 20 years,' ' Stefany says.
During the second week of the trip, Stefany and Meiling spent time with another special visitor — Cindy.
'We got hot pot together,' Stefany says of the meeting between her birth mother and her adopted mother. 'I was like, 'Oh, please be civil with each other. I hope there's no anger.' I think for Meiling, she was very much like, 'You raised my kids. Thank you for that. I appreciate that,' and I think Cindy was very like, 'Well, you gave birth to my daughter, so thank you for that.' I think it was just this handshake, this unspoken handshake that they had for each other.'
Stefany adds that being in Taiwan with Cindy was 'healing' for her.
'It was a good way to bury or to begin burying a lot of the past, make peace with what is and not what should be, that sort of thing,' she says.
Visiting Taiwan also sparked Stefany's desire to properly study Mandarin after practicing online while working on First Love Language.
She successfully applied for the local Chung Yuan University and will start there in the fall.
'The money that I made from my advance from First Love Language, I now get to put toward my tuition, it's so cool,' Stefany says. 'It's so full circle.'
She plans to use her studies to help facilitate reunions between Meiling and her other siblings, to 'uplift adoptee voices' in the literary community and to eventually tell her and Meiling's story.
'I want to write a memoir, for sure,' she says. 'But this memoir, I want it to also be her memoir and I want to be able to tell her story and all the complexities of it as well as I can in addition to writing my story."
Stefany doesn't want to waste a moment.
'I've already lost her. ... And I don't want regrets," she says of Meiling. "Very rarely do people get a second chance like I'm getting.'
Read the original article on People