Mumbai social scavengers are a special breed—did full paisa vasooli on Bastille Day in Taj

The Print

17 hours ago

I oiled my hair and planned an evening of solo celebration, with a glass of chilled bubbly. Real bubbly. Champagne. Not local Chandon, which is the same thing, and yet not. It is called sparkling wine. The French are particular about trademarks, GST, and patents. Unlike Prada.
I wasn't invited, but my daughter was. I instructed her to wear a silk saree, not a 'gown' à la Urvashi Rautela, who wears gowns everywhere, even to Wimbledon. Avantikka disobeyed and wore an electric blue caftan.
Yesterday was the 14th of July. The French National Day. Bastille Day. Many of Mumbai's Francophiles were busy: the ladies preening at the salon, the men dusting the lapels of their sharply tailored suits — or, if you are Ranjit Hoskote, looking for a suitable cravat.
At last year's Bastille Day celebrations in Mumbai, Sania Mirza was the guest of honour. Kalki Koechlin did the honours in 2025 and made a wonderful speech. Kalki is bona fide French. There were over 550 invitees, most of whom had been practising bonsoir and merci beaucoup for weeks. Some overwhelmed guests were seen bowing to the cerebral Consul General, Monsieur Jean-Marc Séré-Charlet, like he was French royalty.
In India, bowing and scraping comes naturally to many. Especially in front of White people from embassies and consulates. You never know when you may need that visa at short notice – best to make nice.
Vive La France
This year, the French upped the game and took over the entire first floor of the Taj Mahal Palace Hotel. Colourful sarees were draped over the grand staircase, while a pianist sang soulful chansons.
Quel dommage the speeches were not in Marathi spoken with a strong French accent. Who wants to get beaten up next…Mon Dieu!
In 2023, Prime Minister Narendra Modi was invited to Paris by French President Emmanuel Macron to witness the impressive military parade on the Champs Élysées, as Indian troops marched smartly with their French counterparts. Much bonhomie was expressed by the two leaders.
And no, this was not the occasion when Macron was seemingly slapped by his wife, Brigitte. That happened this year in May, when their aircraft landed in Hanoi. Relax! The president clarified they were just 'joking and horsing around.' Hota hai, yaar. Miya-biwi pyaar can take unexpected turns. Rest assured, l'amour between the two is intact, okay? Ignore those mean black eye memes.
The lovely thing about India's relationship with France? It just got lovelier.
Paris Couture Week 2025 witnessed a gorgeous showing of Rahul Mishra's haute couture, where the très jolie Lisa Haydon stole the show from glum-faced models who looked like they were suffering from a serious gastric ailment and needed an urgent pit stop at the nearest loo.
It was our luminous Lisa who changed the vaatavaran on the runway and shone as brilliantly as the diamonds from Tanishq – a special collaboration between the brand and Rahul Mishra.
The venue for Mumbai's Bastille Day celebrations has been the Taj Mahal Hotel for years. The format of the soirée remains monotonous and unchanged: standard speeches on bilateral ties, both national anthems, a toast, and then a quick wrap-up as canapés disappear and the bar shuts down. But in the latest edition – voilà! There was a lavish buffet serving French staples like coq au vin.
We desis are used to lingering and loitering at such events, doing full vasooli of free food and drinks, minus embarrassment. The few Frenchies dotting the ballroom snootily speak to one another and leave the minute formalities are over. The regulars (those who assiduously cultivate the migratory birds, also known as consulate officials) hang around hoping to pile on to anybody offering a ride home — or dinner. Mumbai's social scavengers are a special breed.
Also read: Marathi wins in Mumbai's monsoon madness—and Maharashtrian mulgi gives competition to Malaika
Scuffles and sordid affairs
Politically, things are pretty thanda in Mumbai, give or take a few scuffles. I often used to wish I could swap places with suburban autorickshaw drivers, especially the ones plying in Bandra. What a life! New adventures every day! Models and movie stars as passengers. Imagine ferrying a wounded Saif Ali Khan to hospital — instant fame! Hello Bhajan Singh Rana from Uttarakhand.
But this week's victimised autorickshaw driver is from Virar, not glam-sham Bandra. I definitely don't want to swap places with Raju Patwa. But I would love to invite him for a vada pav treat soon.
The guy had the guts to defiantly tell a Marathi-speaking pedestrian — whom he had accidentally brushed against — that he spoke Bhojpuri and Hindi, not Marathi. That was his big crime! Reportedly, he was later hunted down by Shiv Sena (UBT) workers led by Uday Jadhav, violently assaulted, and forced to apologise.
Meanwhile, the Mahjong Madames of Mumbai's uber-elite circles are cluck-clucking over the big scandale du jour. A 40-year-old married teacher and mother of two kids allegedly seduced her 16-year-old male student. The underage boy's parents were forced to file an FIR against the besotted lady.
The juicy details of this unusual affair are upsetting the Mahjong Madames, who need full concentration while playing with those 144 tiles.
Talk of uncanny coincidences — take a quick look at the Macrons' marriage, dear Mahjong Madames. It may provide clarity.
Brigitte was Emmanuel's teacher in school. She was 39, he was 16 and a classmate of her daughter's. His parents removed him from school. But the romance continued when he went to college. They eventually married in 2007, when Brigitte was 54 and he was 29. They've been happily married for 18 years. Give or take a few slaps and black eyes.
There's still hope for the Mumbai teacher and her student.
Vive La France!
Shobhaa De is an author, columnist, social commentator, and opinion-shaper. She has written 20 books. She tweets @DeShobhaa. Views are personal.
(Edited by Zoya Bhatti)