I have great sex with lover but she's gone cold on me – is our huge age gap to blame?
Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window)
DEAR DEIDRE: THE woman I've fallen for seemed keen at first, but now she's gone cold on me and I fear it's the big age gap between us.
I was excited to start a relationship with her, especially after we slept together. Now I feel like a fool.
Sign up for Scottish Sun
newsletter
Sign up
I'm a divorced 58-year-old man and she's 20 years younger. She is single and has a teenage son.
I met her at a friend's party and was instantly smitten.
To my surprise, she flirted with me and later asked for my number.
We messaged for a couple of weeks with lots of sexy chat.
Then I took her out for dinner and we had a wonderful evening.
She came back to my house and we had a passionate session of foreplay on the sofa.
After that, we met several times, but always at my place. She didn't want to go anywhere public.
The one time I did manage to persuade her to come out, to the theatre, it felt like she was walking ten paces in front of me all night. I now think she was embarrassed about being seen with an old man.
We did have sex a few times — which was passionate and fulfilling for both of us — yet she would never stay over.
When I asked what was going on, she said her son wasn't happy about us seeing each other and she had to respect that.
Cheating and can you get over it
Since then, she's messaged less and less. It feels like she's cooled.
The problem is, I've realised I'm in love with her. Have I wasted my time?
DEIDRE SAYS: It does sound as if you would be better off accepting that this relationship isn't going to progress.
It is possible she really did like you at first and wanted to develop something with you.
But her son is a teenager, and she has clearly decided, rightly, that his needs must come first.
It might not be your age that's the problem.
He could have some personal issues, or perhaps he's upset about her break-up with his dad and can't cope with her having a boyfriend.
It is also possible she has simply changed her mind about you.
I know this isn't what you want to hear, as you clearly care for her.
But you can't change someone else's feelings or circumstances.
My support pack, Mending A Broken Heart, should help you move forward.
Get in touch with Deidre
Every problem gets a personal reply, usually within 24 hours weekdays.
Send an email to deardeidre@the-sun.co.uk
You can also send a private message on the DearDeidreOfficial Facebook page.
I CAN'T MAKE FRIENDS DUE TO CRIPPLING SHYNESS
DEAR DEIDRE: WHEN I see other people having normal relationships and friendships, it makes me feel so left out and jealous.
I'm sick of being lonely, but I'm pathologically shy and don't know how to change. Although I have a good job in IT, I've never had any real friends or a girlfriend. I'm now 32.
I find talking to people painful, so I avoid it. People think I'm rude or stand-offish and I give up trying. While I like my own company, I'm tired of always being alone. I envy other people who go out and have fun together.
I've had acquaintances, but nobody I could call a real friend. And when girls are near, I turn red and can't speak to them.
My family says the problem is that I'm too self-conscious and should stop overthinking it. They tell me to be myself. But it's not that easy.
What can I do?
DEIDRE SAYS: The fact you have a job and acquaintances shows you can cope around other people.
Presumably, you passed an interview and have to communicate at work. I think your family is right – you are overthinking things. My support pack, Raising Self-esteem, should help.
Severe shyness can be a medical problem. It is worth talking to your GP, as there may be medication or therapy that can help. Also read my support pack, Shyness And Social Anxiety.
Practise talking to people in the mirror. Asking lots of questions is a good start.
SON'S ANXIETY IS ALL MY FAULT
DEAR DEIDRE: MY son suffers from panic attacks and terrible anxiety – and it's all my fault because I didn't leave his horrible dad sooner.
I feel so guilty that I didn't protect him and now I want to make everything better. But I don't know how to. I'm a 44-year-old divorced mother with a boy aged 19 and a girl of 17.
My ex-husband wasn't ready to be a father when I got pregnant with our son, and as a result he was distant with him.
He was always a sensitive, sickly child, and my ex-husband treated him like he wasn't good enough. From his early teens, our boy developed anxiety, which only seems to get worse.
He is convinced bad things will happen, is a hypochondriac – the slightest pain must be cancer – and he can't hold down a job.
He dropped out of school because he couldn't get through his exams. He finds it very difficult to sleep, he's frightened of his vivid nightmares and often has the most debilitating panic attacks, where he can't breathe. All I want is for him to be happy.
I know I should have left his dad when he was little, but I was stupidly in love and didn't realise the long-term effect of his behaviour.
DEIDRE SAYS: Please don't blame yourself. Your son's anxiety disorder is not your fault and may have developed regardless.
Leaving a spouse is never easy. You love your son and want to do what's best for him.
You can help him to seek help and show him you are there for him. Encourage him to see his GP, who can refer him for cognitive behavioural therapy, which is highly effective in dealing with anxiety disorders. Keep talking to him and reassuring him.
My support packs Coping With Panic Attacks and Living With Anxiety contain useful information and sources of help.
HE JUST LAUGHS IF I TELL HIM TO LEAVE
DEAR DEIDRE: I'M trapped in a relationship with a man who laughs when I ask him to leave.
After three years together, I've realised he is just using me for my flat and my money.
I'm 36 and he's 42. When we first met, he was charming, kind and so attentive. I was sure he was the love of my life.
He quickly moved in with me, and that's when everything changed.
The charm went and he became selfish and started lying.
I'm pretty sure he's cheating with other women. He's certainly not interested in sex with me any more, saying I've put on weight.
Although we earn the same, he spends all his money on treats for himself, leaving me to buy food and pay the mortgage plus all the bills.
I've told him I'm not happy and asked him to leave, but he laughed in my face. I don't know what to do. Please help.
DEIDRE SAYS: So often, people like this with an unreasonably high sense of their own importance are charming at first. That's how they manipulate people. Now he's shown his true colours.
Your relationship sounds abusive and you're right to want to end it.
See my support pack, Abusive Partner, for help.
As you own the flat and are paying the mortgage, he has no legal right to stay.
Seek legal advice on how to get him out.
Contact rightsofwomen.org.uk (020 7251 6577) for free support.
Hashtags
Try Our AI Features
Explore what Daily8 AI can do for you:
Comments
No comments yet...
Related Articles
BBC News
16 minutes ago
- BBC News
Girl, 13, rescued from sea at Whitley Bay
A 13-year-old girl has been airlifted to hospital after getting into difficulty in the North RNLI was among the rescuers called to the south end of Whitley Bay beach, in North Tyneside, Crozier, who took the call from the coastguard, said a crew of six attended the scene but he understood the girl had already been recovered from the water by two shore-based Great North Air Ambulance Service arrived on the scene at 17:06 BST and worked with other emergency services to treat the teenager before transporting her to hospital. Follow BBC North East on X, Facebook, Nextdoor and Instagram.
Scottish Sun
2 hours ago
- Scottish Sun
Full list of DWP benefit errors that can lead to refunds worth £1,000s – including PIP and state pension
Click to share on X/Twitter (Opens in new window) Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window) HOUSEHOLDS should stay alert to benefit errors that could result in refunds worth thousands of pounds. If the Department for Work and Pensions (DWP) underpays you, you may be entitled to claim back the money you are owed. Sign up for Scottish Sun newsletter Sign up 1 We share what benefit errors could lead you tor receive money back Credit: EPA On the other hand, if you are overpaid on a benefit, you will be required to repay the money, and failing to do so could lead to legal action. This applies even if you were unaware of the overpayment and have already spent the funds. However, claimants may be eligible for back payments on several benefits, including the state pension and personal independence payments (PIP). Below, we outline who has been affected and how this might apply to you. State pension error If you took time away from paid work to look after a child or someone with an illness, you could be owed money back. The issue mainly impacts those carrying out caring duties between 1978 and 2010. During this time, the government had a system in place to ensure people would still be paid the state pension if they took time out for these reasons. This system was called Home Responsibilities Protection (HRP) and it should have been automatically awarded to those claiming Child Benefit. But an error in the system found that hundreds of thousands of people were left with gaps in their National Insurance records that should not be there. Those impacted have been underpaid on their state pension or could be in the future. But the government has said that all issues related to the error should be resolved by March 2027. Disability benefit explained - what you can claim How to claim You might have received a letter if you are thought to be affected. People can check their eligibility for backdated HRP and make a claim via HMRC said the process takes around 15 minutes. According to MoneySavingExpert, the average amount being paid out is more than £7,000. What are state pension errors? STEVE Webb, partner at LCP and former Pensions Minister, explains what state pension errors are and how they can occur: The way state pensions are worked out is so complicated that many thousands of people have been paid the wrong amount for years without even realising it. The amount of retirement pension you get usually depends on your National Insurance (NI) record. One big source of errors has been cases where NI records have been incorrect, particularly for years spent at home with children. This is a system known as 'Home Responsibilities Protection'. Alternatively, particularly for older pensioners, the amount you get can depend on the NI contributions made by your spouse. Errors have arisen where the Government has failed to adjust the pensions of married women when their husbands retired or failed to increase pensions when someone was bereaved and lost a husband or wife. Although the Government has spent years trying to fix these problems, there are still many thousands of people – many of them older women – on the wrong pension. If you have always thought that your pension seems low, then it is worth contacting the Pensions Service to ask them to check, especially if you spent time at home raising children or if you were widowed and your pension didn't change when your spouse died PIP Benefit claimants could be owed cash from the government after a PIP payment error. A review was launched following a Supreme Court judgment in July 2019 that changed the way the DWP defines 'social support' in one of the assessed PIP categories. Dubbed the "MM judgement", the DWP realised that hundreds of thousands could now be due additional support. It means that people may not have been given one of the two elements of PIP when they were actually entitled to it. Others may have been awarded the standard rate but should have received the enhanced rate, which is a higher amount. It occurred after some people were given one of the two elements of PIP when they were actually entitled to it. The DWP launched a review in 2021, looking at cases since 2016. How to claim An estimated 633,338 households are thought to be have been affected by the error. The average payout works out at around £5,285 per claim, but you could get more or less. One couple told The Sun they were left shell-shocked" after learning that they were due £12,000 in back payments. The DWP tends to get in contact directly with claimants thought to be impacted. New PIP error The DWP has flagged two more errors relating to the benefits claim. That includes PIP claimants without a National Insurance number not having their claims processed correctly, even though it is not needed to make a claim. Up to £500,000 has been paid out to those impacted. Elsewhere, The DWP has also paid out £13million to Scottish PIP claimants who mistakenly saw a "loss of entitlement" when they tried moving over to the Adult Disability Payment (ADP).
Scottish Sun
21 hours ago
- Scottish Sun
Air India crash victim's family furious after someone else's remains were also sent home in casket
Click to share on X/Twitter (Opens in new window) Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window) THE family of a mum killed in the Air India crash has blasted Indian authorities after someone else's remains were also sent home in her casket. NHS microbiologist Shobhana Patel, 71, died with her husband Ashok, 74, in the crash in June. Sign up for Scottish Sun newsletter Sign up 2 Shobhana Patel, 71, died with her husband Ashok, 74, in June's Air India crash Credit: Supplied 2 The crash killed 260 people Credit: Alamy The couple, from Orpington, Kent, were repatriated in different coffins but DNA tests in Britain found other body parts along with Shobhana's. Her son Miten, 40, said: 'I have no idea if the other remains were from more than one person.' One family was sent the wrong body entirely. India's Ministry of External Affairs said: 'All remains were handled with professionalism.' READ MORE ON AIR INDIA CRASH 'BODY MIX-UP' Brit Air India families 'sent the WRONG bodies' after crash killed 260 Lawyer James Healy-Pratt, representing around 20 families, said: 'They have been left in limbo. 'They have no-one to bury because the wrong body was in the casket.' It is thought that only Indian authorities carried out DNA tests on victims with no input from any international agency. Mr Healy-Prat added: 'I am hearing that it was Indian authorities alone who identified remains and then placed them in caskets. 'The families want assurances that their loved ones have not been left behind somewhere in India because they don't have confidence in the system. 'They have had the terrible shock of losing a loved one and then they go through more trauma when they learn it is not only their loved one in the casket, or it may not be their loved one at all.'
