Latest news with #MendingABrokenHeart
Scottish Sun
04-07-2025
- Scottish Sun
I found out fiancée was a sex worker and dumped her – so why do I miss her so much?
I ended our relationship immediately when I found out -and I've since discovered she's slept with half the men in our town DEAR DEIDRE I found out fiancée was a sex worker and dumped her – so why do I miss her so much? Click to share on X/Twitter (Opens in new window) Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window) DEAR DEIDRE: MY fiancée turned out to be a sex worker, so why do I miss her so much? She has lied and cheated on me with other men, but I still have feelings for her and wonder if I should take her back. We are both in our early thirties and we were together for six years. When we first met, she admitted she had done a bit of lap dancing to support herself through university, and that she worked as an escort a few times when money was really tight. It made me feel jealous, but I understood. And as it all happened before she met me, or so I thought, I felt I shouldn't judge. I fell in love with her and last summer, asked her to marry me. We also talked about trying for a baby. But over the past six months, she started behaving erratically. Her style of dress became much more provocative, and she began to plaster herself in make-up whenever she 'went out with her friends' — which was increasingly frequent. One day, I came home early from work and saw her coming out of our neighbour's house, looking dishevelled. He is married and in his fifties. Shocked, I accused her of having an affair. Her response was to burst out laughing, which made me even more angry and upset. She told me she had no interest in him. Cheating and can you get over it When I pressed her, she admitted he'd paid her for sex. I was horrified. But she wasn't even sorry. She claimed she had told me she sometimes did sex work, so it shouldn't come as a surprise to me. And it wasn't cheating — she was saving up for our wedding. I ended our relationship immediately, moving out that night. I've since found out she's slept with half the men in our town. My friends tell me I've had a lucky escape, but I can't stop thinking about her. We should have been getting married soon. What should I do? DEIDRE SAYS: You accepted she had done sex work in the past, but clearly wouldn't have agreed to her continuing to do it. She should have told you the truth – not least because she may have put your sexual health at risk. Please make an appointment at a sexual health clinic to be sure. It's natural to miss her, but you miss the person you thought you loved, not the woman she really was. The reality is, she was happy to sleep with other men for money behind your back. Take some time and space to get over her. You deserve to meet someone you can trust. My support pack, Mending A Broken Heart, should help you to move on. Get in touch with Deidre Every problem gets a personal reply, usually within 24 hours weekdays. Send an email to deardeidre@ You can also send a private message on the DearDeidreOfficial Facebook page. THANK YOU FOR HELPING ME DEAL WITH PAST ABUSE DEAR DEIDRE: WHEN counselling for depression unearthed memories of childhood abuse, it sent me into a mental tailspin. Suddenly, I remembered how my male cousin used to touch me sexually when I was 11 and he was 16 – something I'd never told anyone. At the time I thought it was normal but now, as a 30-year-old man, I realised it might be considered rape – even though I never told him to stop. I also realised this abuse might explain my confusion over my sexuality – something troubling me for years. I didn't know if I should tell my family or my partner and badly neede advice, so I wrote to you. You gently and sympathetically told me that what had happened was indeed rape because, as a child, I couldn't consent. You advised me to read your support pack, Abused As A Child?, and recommended I speak to a counsellor before making any decisions about telling my family or going to the police. Hearing your confirmation that I had been raped opened my eyes. I followed your advice and have had professional support. I've now spoken to my family, who were very understanding. Even though I can't change the past, I now feel so much more positive about the future. DEIDRE SAYS: You have been so brave. It can't have been easy to open up to your family. I hope this will be the start of a healing journey. SECRET CONDITION FEARS DEAR DEIDRE: THE fear that my daughter and her husband could have a severely disabled child is keeping me awake at night. She doesn't know that there's a rare genetic condition in my husband's family, which has been kept under wraps. His sister was born with it, and was hidden away in a care home until she died – like a shameful secret. My daughter is 30 and newly married. She is really excited about having kids and says they plan to start trying soon. My husband and his family are in denial about his late sister's condition, saying she was brain damaged at birth. But I've spoken to doctors and know that's not true. This genetic mutation – which leaves babies unable to talk, feed or walk – could pop up at any time. I want my daughter and her husband to have genetic testing, but I don't know how to bring up the subject. What should I do? My husband won't discuss it. DEIDRE SAYS: If there's a chance this mutation could be passed on, and genetic testing is available, as a loving mother you owe it to your daughter to tell her about it. This will give her and her husband the chance to make their own informed choices. Imagine the guilt you'll feel if her child is born severely disabled, and this could have been prevented, or at least prepared for. Before you talk to them, first find out as much as you can about the condition and get emotional support too from charity Unique ( 01883 723 356). Tell your husband you are doing this, and why, with or without his blessing. Hopefully, he will come around. HER PASSION FADED ONCE WE'D MOVED IN TOGETHER DEAR DEIDRE: SOMETHING is missing from my relationship, and I don't know how to get it back, or whether I can. My girlfriend and I used to be so passionate and affectionate, but lately all she wants to do is sit chatting on her phone to friends or watching TV. Both in our late 20s, we've been living with each other for nine months. Before we moved in together, after dating for almost a year, we would have sex all the time. And when we weren't together, we constantly texted each other. She would send me little loving messages, and wanted to know every detail of my day. We could talk for hours about music or politics. Now, when she comes in from work, she barely even pecks me on the cheek and doesn't seem to want to chat. She goes straight on her phone. She is generally too tired or not in the mood for sex, and we rarely even hug. It feels like she has gone from being my lover to my flatmate. Is this normal? She doesn't seem unhappy, but I am. I realise romance doesn't last for ever but I want more than this. DEIDRE SAYS: While it's true that the first flush of romance fades away, that doesn't mean you should stop communicating or being affectionate. Moving in together does change the dynamics of a relationship. When you can have sex on tap because you sleep next to each other every night, it becomes less exciting. Perhaps your girlfriend just feels comfortable now. Maybe she believes she doesn't have to try any more. But there's a difference between comfort and complacency. Even the happiest couples need to work on their relationship. So, if you're unhappy, you need to tell her. Rather than criticising her, tell her how much you miss chatting and having sex. Arranging date nights might help. Perhaps plan a weekend away – something to break up the routine. My support pack, How To Look After Your Relationship, should help.
The Irish Sun
04-07-2025
- The Irish Sun
I found out fiancée was a sex worker and dumped her – so why do I miss her so much?
DEAR DEIDRE: MY fiancée turned out to be a sex worker, so why do I miss her so much? She has lied and cheated on me with other men, but I still have feelings for her and wonder if I should take her back. We are both in our early thirties and we were together for six years. When we first met, she admitted she had done a bit of lap dancing to support herself through university, and that she worked as an escort a few times when money was really tight. It made me feel jealous, but I understood. And as it all happened before she met me, or so I thought, I felt I shouldn't judge. I fell in love with her and last summer , asked her to marry me. We also talked about trying for a baby. But over the past six months, she started behaving erratically. Her style of dress became much more provocative, and she began to plaster herself in make-up whenever she 'went out with her friends' — which was increasingly frequent. One day, I came home early from work and saw her coming out of our neighbour's house, looking dishevelled. He is married and in his fifties. Shocked, I accused her of having an affair. Her response was to burst out laughing, which made me even more angry and upset. She told me she had no interest in him. Cheating and can you get over it When I pressed her, she admitted he'd paid her for sex. I was horrified. But she wasn't even sorry. She claimed she had told me she sometimes did sex work, so it shouldn't come as a surprise to me. And it wasn't cheating — she was saving up for our wedding. I ended our relationship immediately, moving out that night. I've since found out she's slept with half the men in our town. My friends tell me I've had a lucky escape, but I can't stop thinking about her. We should have been getting married soon. What should I do? DEIDRE SAYS: You accepted she had done sex work in the past, but clearly wouldn't have agreed to her continuing to do it. She should have told you the truth – not least because she may have put your Please make an appointment at a It's natural to miss her, but you miss the person you thought you loved, not the woman she really was. The reality is, she was happy to sleep with other men for money behind your back. Take some time and space to get over her. You deserve to meet someone you can trust. My support pack, Mending A Broken Heart, should help you to move on. Get in touch with Deidre Every problem gets a personal reply, usually within 24 hours weekdays. Send an email to You can also send a private message on the THANK YOU FOR HELPING ME DEAL WITH PAST ABUSE DEAR DEIDRE: WHEN counselling for depression unearthed memories of childhood abuse, it sent me into a mental tailspin. Suddenly, I remembered how my male cousin used to touch me sexually when I was 11 and he was 16 – something I'd never told anyone. At the time I thought it was normal but now, as a 30-year-old man, I realised it might be considered rape – even though I never told him to stop. I also realised this abuse might explain my confusion over my sexuality – something troubling me for years. I didn't know if I should tell my family or my partner and badly neede advice, so I wrote to you. You gently and sympathetically told me that what had happened was indeed rape because, as a child, I couldn't consent. You advised me to read your support pack, Abused As A Child?, and recommended I speak to a counsellor before making any decisions about telling my family or going to the police. Hearing your confirmation that I had been raped opened my eyes. I followed your advice and have had professional support. I've now spoken to my family, who were very understanding. Even though I can't change the past, I now feel so much more positive about the future. DEIDRE SAYS: You have been so brave. It can't have been easy to open up to your family. I hope this will be the start of a healing journey. SECRET CONDITION FEARS DEAR DEIDRE: THE fear that my daughter and her husband could have a severely disabled child is keeping me awake at night. She doesn't know that there's a rare genetic condition in my husband's family, which has been kept under wraps. His sister was born with it, and was hidden away in a care home until she died – like a shameful secret. My daughter is 30 and newly married. She is really excited about having kids and says they plan to start trying soon. My husband and his family are in denial about his late sister's condition, saying she was brain damaged at birth. But I've spoken to doctors and know that's not true. This genetic mutation – which leaves babies unable to talk, feed or walk – could pop up at any time. I want my daughter and her husband to have genetic testing, but I don't know how to bring up the subject. What should I do? My husband won't discuss it. DEIDRE SAYS: If there's a chance this mutation could be passed on, and genetic testing is available, as a loving mother you owe it to your daughter to tell her about it. This will give her and her husband the chance to make their own informed choices. Imagine the guilt you'll feel if her child is born severely disabled, and this could have been prevented, or at least prepared for. Before you talk to them, first find out as much as you can about the condition and get emotional support too from charity Unique ( Tell your husband you are doing this, and why, with or without his blessing. Hopefully, he will come around. HER PASSION FADED ONCE WE'D MOVED IN TOGETHER DEAR DEIDRE: SOMETHING is missing from my relationship, and I don't know how to get it back, or whether I can. My girlfriend and I used to be so passionate and affectionate, but lately all she wants to do is sit chatting on her phone to friends or watching TV. Both in our late 20s, we've been living with each other for nine months. Before we moved in together, after dating for almost a year, we would have sex all the time. And when we weren't together, we constantly texted each other. She would send me little loving messages, and wanted to know every detail of my day. We could talk for hours about music or politics. Now, when she comes in from work, she barely even pecks me on the cheek and doesn't seem to want to chat. She goes straight on her phone. She is generally too tired or not in the mood for sex, and we rarely even hug. It feels like she has gone from being my lover to my flatmate. Is this normal? She doesn't seem unhappy, but I am. I realise romance doesn't last for ever but I want more than this. DEIDRE SAYS: While it's true that the first flush of romance fades away, that doesn't mean you should stop communicating or being affectionate. Moving in together does change the dynamics of a relationship. When you can have sex on tap because you sleep next to each other every night, it becomes less exciting. Perhaps your girlfriend just feels comfortable now. Maybe she believes she doesn't have to try any more. But there's a difference between comfort and complacency. Even the happiest couples need to work on their relationship. So, if you're unhappy, you need to tell her. Rather than criticising her, tell her how much you miss chatting and having sex. Arranging date nights might help. Perhaps plan a weekend away – something to break up the routine. My support pack, How To Look After Your Relationship, should help. TEENAGE TROUBLES DEAR DEIDRE: HAVING sex for the first time has left me feeling so guilty and shameful. I'm an 18-year-old boy, and I don't know who to talk to about my feelings, as most of my friends lost their virginity years ago and don't think it's a big deal. But I was brought up in a strict Catholic family. My girlfriend and I were going to wait but we got carried away the other night. Now I feel like a terrible person. Sex is normal and natural with someone you care about. Your confused feelings stem from your religious upbringing. But you are not a bad person and have nothing to feel ashamed for. Talking to a counsellor should help you. Contact
Scottish Sun
28-05-2025
- General
- Scottish Sun
I have great sex with lover but she's gone cold on me – is our huge age gap to blame?
Click to share on X/Twitter (Opens in new window) Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window) DEAR DEIDRE: THE woman I've fallen for seemed keen at first, but now she's gone cold on me and I fear it's the big age gap between us. I was excited to start a relationship with her, especially after we slept together. Now I feel like a fool. Sign up for Scottish Sun newsletter Sign up I'm a divorced 58-year-old man and she's 20 years younger. She is single and has a teenage son. I met her at a friend's party and was instantly smitten. To my surprise, she flirted with me and later asked for my number. We messaged for a couple of weeks with lots of sexy chat. Then I took her out for dinner and we had a wonderful evening. She came back to my house and we had a passionate session of foreplay on the sofa. After that, we met several times, but always at my place. She didn't want to go anywhere public. The one time I did manage to persuade her to come out, to the theatre, it felt like she was walking ten paces in front of me all night. I now think she was embarrassed about being seen with an old man. We did have sex a few times — which was passionate and fulfilling for both of us — yet she would never stay over. When I asked what was going on, she said her son wasn't happy about us seeing each other and she had to respect that. Cheating and can you get over it Since then, she's messaged less and less. It feels like she's cooled. The problem is, I've realised I'm in love with her. Have I wasted my time? DEIDRE SAYS: It does sound as if you would be better off accepting that this relationship isn't going to progress. It is possible she really did like you at first and wanted to develop something with you. But her son is a teenager, and she has clearly decided, rightly, that his needs must come first. It might not be your age that's the problem. He could have some personal issues, or perhaps he's upset about her break-up with his dad and can't cope with her having a boyfriend. It is also possible she has simply changed her mind about you. I know this isn't what you want to hear, as you clearly care for her. But you can't change someone else's feelings or circumstances. My support pack, Mending A Broken Heart, should help you move forward. Get in touch with Deidre Every problem gets a personal reply, usually within 24 hours weekdays. Send an email to deardeidre@ You can also send a private message on the DearDeidreOfficial Facebook page. I CAN'T MAKE FRIENDS DUE TO CRIPPLING SHYNESS DEAR DEIDRE: WHEN I see other people having normal relationships and friendships, it makes me feel so left out and jealous. I'm sick of being lonely, but I'm pathologically shy and don't know how to change. Although I have a good job in IT, I've never had any real friends or a girlfriend. I'm now 32. I find talking to people painful, so I avoid it. People think I'm rude or stand-offish and I give up trying. While I like my own company, I'm tired of always being alone. I envy other people who go out and have fun together. I've had acquaintances, but nobody I could call a real friend. And when girls are near, I turn red and can't speak to them. My family says the problem is that I'm too self-conscious and should stop overthinking it. They tell me to be myself. But it's not that easy. What can I do? DEIDRE SAYS: The fact you have a job and acquaintances shows you can cope around other people. Presumably, you passed an interview and have to communicate at work. I think your family is right – you are overthinking things. My support pack, Raising Self-esteem, should help. Severe shyness can be a medical problem. It is worth talking to your GP, as there may be medication or therapy that can help. Also read my support pack, Shyness And Social Anxiety. Practise talking to people in the mirror. Asking lots of questions is a good start. SON'S ANXIETY IS ALL MY FAULT DEAR DEIDRE: MY son suffers from panic attacks and terrible anxiety – and it's all my fault because I didn't leave his horrible dad sooner. I feel so guilty that I didn't protect him and now I want to make everything better. But I don't know how to. I'm a 44-year-old divorced mother with a boy aged 19 and a girl of 17. My ex-husband wasn't ready to be a father when I got pregnant with our son, and as a result he was distant with him. He was always a sensitive, sickly child, and my ex-husband treated him like he wasn't good enough. From his early teens, our boy developed anxiety, which only seems to get worse. He is convinced bad things will happen, is a hypochondriac – the slightest pain must be cancer – and he can't hold down a job. He dropped out of school because he couldn't get through his exams. He finds it very difficult to sleep, he's frightened of his vivid nightmares and often has the most debilitating panic attacks, where he can't breathe. All I want is for him to be happy. I know I should have left his dad when he was little, but I was stupidly in love and didn't realise the long-term effect of his behaviour. DEIDRE SAYS: Please don't blame yourself. Your son's anxiety disorder is not your fault and may have developed regardless. Leaving a spouse is never easy. You love your son and want to do what's best for him. You can help him to seek help and show him you are there for him. Encourage him to see his GP, who can refer him for cognitive behavioural therapy, which is highly effective in dealing with anxiety disorders. Keep talking to him and reassuring him. My support packs Coping With Panic Attacks and Living With Anxiety contain useful information and sources of help. HE JUST LAUGHS IF I TELL HIM TO LEAVE DEAR DEIDRE: I'M trapped in a relationship with a man who laughs when I ask him to leave. After three years together, I've realised he is just using me for my flat and my money. I'm 36 and he's 42. When we first met, he was charming, kind and so attentive. I was sure he was the love of my life. He quickly moved in with me, and that's when everything changed. The charm went and he became selfish and started lying. I'm pretty sure he's cheating with other women. He's certainly not interested in sex with me any more, saying I've put on weight. Although we earn the same, he spends all his money on treats for himself, leaving me to buy food and pay the mortgage plus all the bills. I've told him I'm not happy and asked him to leave, but he laughed in my face. I don't know what to do. Please help. DEIDRE SAYS: So often, people like this with an unreasonably high sense of their own importance are charming at first. That's how they manipulate people. Now he's shown his true colours. Your relationship sounds abusive and you're right to want to end it. See my support pack, Abusive Partner, for help. As you own the flat and are paying the mortgage, he has no legal right to stay. Seek legal advice on how to get him out. Contact (020 7251 6577) for free support.
Scottish Sun
07-05-2025
- Scottish Sun
I bumped into my boyfriend when he was with his secret wife and their baby – should I tell her about us?
He claimed he was about to end their marriage but then she got pregnant DEAR DEIDRE I bumped into my boyfriend when he was with his secret wife and their baby – should I tell her about us? DEAR DEIDRE: I BUMPED into my boyfriend in the supermarket . . . and he was with his secret wife and their new baby. All the times he'd told me he was working, he was actually sleeping with her. Advertisement I feel so betrayed and angry, and wonder if I should tell her about us. I'm 34 and he's 35. We were seeing each other for two years. We met in the bar he owned when I was on a girls' night out. He is gorgeous and I was flattered that someone successful and charming was interested in me. We got chatting and he asked if I would wait until the bar closed so he could take me home. Advertisement After that, we started seeing each other twice a week. The sex was amazing, and I fell for him hard. He often said he couldn't meet up with me because he was working, but I understood. I thought he was worth waiting for. But last week, I was shopping with my best friend when I saw my boyfriend at the end of the aisle. He was pushing a buggy with a baby inside and there was a young, pretty woman next to him. I froze in horror. He turned around and saw me, and motioned that he'd come round later. Advertisement Dear Deidre: Spotting the signs your partner is cheating I kept hoping there was some mistake, but that night, he came over and told me that the woman was his wife, and the baby his daughter. He admitted that he had been with her all the nights he said he was working, and claimed he was about to end their marriage but then she got pregnant. He had been planning to tell me but didn't want to hurt me. I told him it was over and I never wanted to see him again but I am hurting so much. He has a lovely life, while my life and future are ruined. I want to tell his wife the truth. Advertisement Should I? DEIDRE SAYS: Telling his wife might make you feel better for a brief time, but all you will achieve is hurting her. You need to think of their baby, and how it might affect her, too. You have already decided you don't want him in your life. Don't allow him to think you still care or want him. Unlike his wife, you can walk away from this untrustworthy man. Advertisement Focus on healing from your heartbreak. Spend time with your girlfriends. My support pack, Mending A Broken Heart, will help you. Get in touch with Deidre Every problem gets a personal reply, usually within 24 hours weekdays. Send an email to deardeidre@ You can also send a private message on the DearDeidreOfficial Facebook page. I CHEAT ON WIFE WITH HOOKERS DEAR DEIDRE: WHENEVER I go abroad on business trips, I can't help cheating with escorts. My wife and children mean the world to me but I seem to be addicted to dangerous sex. How can I stop before she finds out and divorces me? I'm 40, my wife is 37 and we have two young sons. I run my own business, which takes me all over the world. Advertisement The first time I paid for sex was basically an accident. I was alone at a hotel bar, and this beautiful woman came up and asked me to buy her a drink. She was young – in her 20s – and had a model-like figure. I was flattered, and didn't realise she was a sex worker. We kept drinking late into the night and I ended up taking her back to my room. Realising she expected payment was actually the ultimate thrill because it felt so wrong. And I convinced myself it was different from having an affair because feelings weren't involved. Since then, I've sought out escorts whenever I go away. It's like a compulsion. Advertisement The sex is often not that great and afterwards I feel terrible – I feel guilty and hate myself. I know I'm playing a dangerous game and I want to stop. Please help. DEIDRE SAYS: Like taking drugs, sex can be very addictive, especially if it feels transgressive. But you are not only risking your marriage, you're also putting your sexual health – and your wife's – at risk. Please go to a sexual health clinic for tests and, if necessary, treatment. If you have picked up anything, you will need to tell your wife. Now you've admitted you have a problem, help is available. Contact The Laurel Centre ( 01926 339 594), which offers sex addiction therapy. Perhaps postpone your next business trip until you've had some support. Advertisement ROMANTIC PARIS TRIP FAILED TO TURN HIM ON DEAR DEIDRE: ALTHOUGH we went to a luxury hotel in the world's most romantic city, my husband and I didn't have sex once. The trip was meant to reignite our sex life and bring us closer but now I feel more rejected and confused than ever. I'm 37 and my husband is 40. We've been married for six years. A few months ago, our sex life ground to a halt. My husband said he just didn't feel in the mood any more. I felt so rejected but he told me it wasn't me, he was just tired and stressed due to his work. Thinking we needed a change of scene, I booked a surprise romantic weekend in Paris. We had a lovely time, walking around, seeing the sites, eating and drinking. We held hands and kissed. But on both nights, when I attempted to make a move in bed, he rolled over and went to sleep. I love him but I don't want to carry on in a sexless marriage. What can I do? DEIDRE SAYS: It sounds like there's something deeper going on here. You need to talk to your husband gently and say that you love him, but this is now damaging your marriage. Ask if he will be honest with you, and consider getting help for his low libido, if that is what the problem is. He might need to see his GP or talk to a counsellor. My support packs, Reviving A Man's Sex Drive and Saving Your Sex Life, should be helpful. SNUBBED BY SON IN MARITAL BREAK-UP DEAR DEIDRE: DESPITE knowing for more than a year that my wife was having an affair, my son kept this information from me But even though I'm the one who did nothing wrong, he has now sided with his mum and hates me. My son is 15. I'm in my early 40s, as is my now ex-wife. Last year, I discovered she had been cheating on me. Our son had found out and been sworn to secrecy by her. It hurt that he didn't tell me. Advertisement After I learned of her affair, we agreed to separate. I moved out and, soon after, met a new woman. But my son is furious that I have found love again, and now refuses to see me or speak to me. I don't know how to handle this. I can see he is hurting from the divorce but I am not at fault. Why is he so angry with me, not his mum? DEIDRE SAYS: Try to understand this from your son's perspective. Advertisement Keeping his mum's secret must have torn him apart. And he may feel some – misplaced – guilt that he is responsible for your divorce. As you've now met someone new, he knows you and his mum will never get back together, which must also be painful. Be patient and keep letting him know you are there for him when he is ready. In the meantime, talking about this will help. For support, contact Family Lives ( 0808 800 2222), which helps with parenting issues.
