Toxic ‘gold digger test' dating trend only sets single men up to fail, expert warns

New York Post

15-06-2025

A growing number of people in the dating world are reporting a troubling new phenomenon known as 'gold digger tests' — deliberate situations where one person gauges the other's financial intentions by unexpectedly making them pay or setting traps to see if they're more interested in money than a genuine connection.
Georgina*, 27, from Melbourne, recalls a bizarre experience on a recent date.
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'I'd been on a few dates with a guy and things were going okay. He'd cover dinner, I'd grab drinks,' she tells news.com.au.
'But one evening, he invited me out for a casual frozen yogurt date. When it came time to weigh the yogurts, he rushed ahead to pay for his while I was still mid-chocolate drizzle. I was shocked, having to awkwardly weigh and pay for mine just moments later, while he hovered next to me. We ate in silence. He acted like nothing had happened and kept asking me out after that.
3 Women are now reporting experiencing 'gold digger tests' from their dates.
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'He has a good job, so it was honestly so strange to me to do that over a $6 yogurt.
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Her experience is far from unique. Across social media and dating forums, more people are sharing similar stories.
One 29-year-old woman detailed her unsettling encounter on Reddit.
Set up by a mutual friend, she met a 31-year-old man at a cafe.
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'It actually started really well,' she wrote. 'We had a lot in common, great conversation, and I was feeling positive. But when the $100 check arrived, the tone shifted.'
She was prepared to split the bill, but was instead handed the entire amount and asked, 'Is it alright if you pay for this?'
She said she was caught off guard but, unbothered by the amount, she agreed.
'Right after I paid, he grinned and said, 'Congratulations, you passed the test! You're not a gold digger,'' she recalled.
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When she probed him about this comment, he admitted he'd been burned before by an ex who expected him to foot every bill.
Now, he 'tests' women to ensure they're not after his money.
3 Christine Rafe, sex and relationship expert for Womanizer, sees this trend as symptomatic of broader cultural shifts.
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Christine Rafe, sex and relationship expert for Womanizer, sees this trend as symptomatic of broader cultural shifts.
'The rise of 'gold digger tests' reflects the growing gender divide and rhetoric on social media and 'alpha male podcasters' suggesting heterosexual women only want the 'top 10 percent' of socially, financially and physically attractive men,' she explains.
'This baseless theory, popularized by Andrew Tate and his followers, encourages men to be suspicious of women's intentions, leading them to 'test' financial expectations by making women pay for dates or lying about their jobs to see if they stay interested. This is worsened by increasing rhetoric online and politically advocating a return to traditional gender roles, especially in modern heterosexual relationships.'
Georgina believes dating app culture also plays a role.
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'I'd estimate some men go on multiple dates a week with different women, and it adds up. The days of dating slowly and investing time in one person are almost gone. So even if a guy earns well, it's hundreds of dollars a week if he pays for every date,' she says.
And with the cost of living rising, some men simply aren't willing to cover every bill.
The Choosi Swipe Right Report supports this, and found Australians aged 18-49 spend an average of $158 per date, with men estimating $233 and women $101.
Nearly three in four (74 percent) agree dating has become much more expensive than before.
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Despite these pressures, Rafe warns that financial 'tests' are manipulative and damage trust.
'These behaviors encourage lying and dominance from the very start,' she says.
'When one person sets a trap to see if the other will 'pass', they establish distrust that undermines emotional intimacy and connection.'
She emphasises that healthy relationships are built on open communication, which these 'tests' can undermine.
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3 'These conversations give a clearer picture of someone's expectations without manipulation or testing,' she notes.
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There are healthier ways to navigate financial expectations, she explains, such as asking about hobbies, lifestyle, travel plans, values, and how each person prefers to handle bills and shared expenses.
'These conversations give a clearer picture of someone's expectations without manipulation or testing,' she notes.
She also encourages self-reflection. 'If you have concerns about expectations or motives in dating, explore them through therapy or journalling to understand where your views on status and money come from, and what a healthy relationship looks like,' she advises.
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'When discussing these topics, share your vulnerabilities rather than projecting insecurities onto your date.'
If you find yourself 'testing' someone's motives before even meeting, she says you should reflect on whether this suspicion comes from your own experience or unreliable sources.
And if you've been on a date where someone set a dishonest 'test' or 'trap', see it as a sign of their emotional immaturity and inability to communicate openly — and move on.