Here's how to party like John Lennon
Adds John: 'There cannot be a better name for a man who has, no doubt, inserted many catheters than… Mr Nick Burns-Cox.'
Jarring error
Many years ago reader Robert Menzies was diagnosed as gluten-intolerant.
'Overnight I had to forego most biscuits and cakes,' he says.
'However, I found I could obtain gluten-free flour. My mother duly put this in a large glass container, which she then labelled as 'Glutton Free'.'
'At least she was half right,' adds Robert.
Bonkers buying
Lidl provides a fascinating shopping experience where you are apt to stumble upon the most idiosyncratic items for sale.
A readers recently claimed to have spotted on the shelves, then purchased, a ukulele, a hedge-trimmer and a snorkel.
Ian Noble from Carstairs Village was intrigued by this selection, and says. 'I'm trying to work out which of the items he would use with the snorkel. Maybe he uses both of them with it. Sub-aqua ukulele-playing and underwater hedge-trimming both sound like interesting activities.'
David Donaldson spotted this car parked in Glasgow's Westbourne Gardens. 'This Mini Countryman will definitely get you from A to Z,' he says. 'In other words, the full gamut of destinations.' (Image: Contributed)
Medical mystery
For many years reader Simon Mitchell worked as a GP in a busy practice in Aberdeen, where he was confronted by a wide range of patients.
Simon informed one husky voiced chap that he had laryngitis, which elicited a curious response.
'What on earth is that?' croaked the mystified patient. 'Sounds like some sort of Roman general.'
Beatling about
Strapped-for-cash reader Andy Michaels informed his teenage son that he'd be having a John Lennon-themed birthday party this year.
'What does that mean?' asked his highly suspicious son.
'You'll have to imagine all the people,' said dad.
Captive audience
A chum of reader Susan Peterson used to work as a tutor in a prison where the inmates were attempting to improve their literacy.
Susan once asked her chum how the English teaching job was going.
'Oh, you know,' said the pal, 'it has its prose and cons.'
Communication breakdown
And now for a tragic tale of marital disharmony.
'My wife has threatened to leave me because of my obsession with old-fashioned CB radios,' sighs reader Brian Munro. 'I guess our marriage is over, over.'
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BBC News
2 hours ago
- BBC News
South Africa solar power: Pay-as-you-go system helps save lives
South African Mark Moodley believes that installing a domestic solar power system has helped keep his 81-year-old mother spent three weeks in intensive care last year, and now back at home in Benoni, east of Johannesburg, she needs an oxygen concentrator to help her the country's erratic electricity supply meant could not be relied on."There were days we'd be without power for six hours. I had to use a car battery to run her oxygen tank, but that didn't last long and you'd have to sit with her with her arms raised to try and get oxygen into her lungs," Mr Moodley tells the BBC."Sometimes we had to rush her to hospital when that didn't work. It was scary." Back then, doctors told the family she might not have long to live. But a steady power supply has given them more time together."It's been a lifesaver. I don't have to check on her constantly through the night. I know her oxygen tank has power no matter what," he says, voice recent improvements in South Africa's power grid, there are still a steady electricity supply has become a privilege in the country, which has endured nearly 15 years of "load-shedding" - scheduled nationwide blackouts introduced to ease pressure on the fragile well as endangering some lives, the crisis has damaged economic growth and contributed to job Africa is heavily reliant on highly polluting coal for its power - it accounts for around 80% of all electricity generated. But in recent years it has loosened restrictions on small-scale solar generation and created tax incentives for country is also looking for more investment in renewable energy in order to aid the switch from those with financial means have gradually taken their homes and businesses off-grid, investing in solar power systems that require an initial outlay of $14,000- $19,600 (£10,400-£14,500). That price tag means that this option is far out of the reach of most South Africans. Those scraping by cannot take advantage of the country's sunshine and invest in clean, reliable Mr Moodley was able to turn to a pay-as-you-go scheme that has kept the lights on and the medical equipment electricity bill has dropped by $80 a week - savings he hopes to use to expand what he has and eventually go completely system he uses comes from Wetility, a local start-up founded in 2019For domestic users, the most basic package costs $60 a month - and crucially no prohibitive up-front payment - making solar power more company says it identified a gap in the market - affordable solar solutions tailored to small businesses and low-income households."South Africa has traditionally had high electricity access - but access means nothing if the power isn't reliable or affordable," says Vincent Maposa, the company's founder and a former energy analyst."We had to develop products that are both fit-for-purpose and financially accessible."While solar power is not new in South Africa, Wetility's business model includes a mobile-phone style monthly payment plan, allowing customers to spread out the cost. For years, load-shedding has been used as a last-ditch attempt to keep the national grid from total collapse, following decades of mismanagement at state utility blackouts have eased for some urban centres, poorer communities and business people continue to suffer forced cuts as aging infrastructure struggles to meet the growing some in the townships worries about theft and practicality have also deterred people from getting solar equipment, but Wetility has also designed lightweight, flexible panels that can be fitted on the fragile rooftops common in many of these areas."We came up with a thin-film panel that sticks onto the roof. If someone tries to peel it off, it tears and becomes valueless. That was important for areas where theft is a concern," says Mr Maposa."In terms of efficiency, they perform about as well as traditional panels."The energy unit, including an inverter, which converts the power generated by the panels into useable electricity, and a battery that works when the sun is not shining, is secured in a large steel box weighing about 300kg that bolts onto a team says this reduces the risk of theft and avoids drawing attention in high-crime areas. Shopkeeper Julius Koobetseng recently made the switch to solar that may have saved his small grocery a grey beanie hat and thick blue jacket to ward off the cold in the southern Hemisphere winter, he stacks cans of drink in a brightly lit fridge remembering how the frequent power cuts nearly wrecked his livelihood."Meat would go off, dairy would spoil. Sometimes we'd be without power for four days," the 43-year-old since March, his shop in Krugersdorp, west of Johannesburg, has been using the pay-as-you-go solar power system to keep the lights and fridges small business owners have turned to back-up diesel generators but Mr Koobetseng, who has had his shop for the past 13 years, was drawn to the more environmentally friendly option."Power cuts have badly affected small businesses. I know many in this area that had to shut down because they couldn't keep up with the uncertainty," he says."We live month-to-month, depending on what the business brings in. If you can't guarantee power, how do you even plan for the future?"Now he does not worry when the power goes out which has been "a huge relief".It costs his business $250 a month but Mr Koobetseng's business has picked up thanks to the reliable power."People know my shop stays open even when the power's out. Some just come to charge their appliances, but while they're here, they buy things too," he says with a him, the benefit is not about lowering his electricity bills. It is the consistency."Solar gave me back control. I can plan my day knowing I'll have power." You may also be interested in: Joy and relief as South Africa manages to keep its lights onThe roots of Eskom's power problemNo power, no pinot - power cuts hit vineyards Go to for more news from the African us on Twitter @BBCAfrica, on Facebook at BBC Africa or on Instagram at bbcafrica
Scottish Sun
10 hours ago
- Scottish Sun
How Euro '96 hero Paul Gascoigne won the nation's hearts before booze battles which left him homeless & close to death
Click to share on X/Twitter (Opens in new window) Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window) HE'S the sporting hero who helped take England to the semi-finals of Euro '96 and as been hailed as the most "naturally talented English footballer of his generation" . But Paul Gascoigne's life off the pitch has been plagued by addiction and ill-health that has left him homeless and, at times, close to death. Sign up for the Entertainment newsletter Sign up 6 Paul Gascoigne has been hospitalised after being discovered unconscious at home Credit: Dan Charity / The Sun 6 The footballer achieved 57 caps for England Credit: News Group Newspapers Ltd 6 But his life has also been plagued by alcohol Credit: News Group Newspapers Ltd Having 'died' twice, survived an 18-day coma and horror drink-drug binges, he has previously claimed to have 'more lives than a cat'. It's claimed Gazza, 58, is now in a 'stable' condition and being monitored in an acute medical unit after he was discovered semi-conscious at home on Friday evening. Fans who have watched him bounce back numerous times will be hoping the new health scare is just another temporary blip for the former England ace, after he was rushed to an intensive care ward. Pal Steve Foster says hospital was 'the best possible place for him to be right now' and thanked well-wishers who 'want to see him back at his best'. It's yet another scare for the embattled addict, whose post-footballing career has been characterised by drug and alcohol battles. He once claimed to have survived for four months without food or water on a deadly daily intake of four bottles of whiskey and 'about 16 lines of coke'. By his own admission, he's a medical marvel, as he previously said: 'I'm not scared of anything, because of what I've been through in my life." Gazza's issues predate the drinking demons of his footballing career - stretching back to his childhood growing up in County Durham. He has previously spoken about childhood trauma from witnessing his parents' violent arguments and later domestic abuse between his three siblings. At the age of ten, Gazza was scarred by tragedy, after watching his brother's friend Steven Spraggon die in his arms. Rangers icon Paul Gascoigne makes surprise Match of the Day appearance as footie greats pay tribute to Gary Lineker 6 Paul with ex-wife Sheryl, who he shares three kids with Credit: News Group Newspapers Ltd He was 'mucking around' outside a local shop when he ran into the road and was knocked down by an ice cream truck. "I was on my own with him for what seemed like ages," Gascoigne revealed in his 2005 autobiography Gazza. "It was the first dead body I'd ever seen. 'I felt Stephen's death was my fault. I still go over the accident in my mind. Just speaking of it can make me cry." His hod-carrier father John lived away in Germany for a year while searching for work and his mum had to take three jobs to make ends meet. When John returned, he suffered a brain hemorrhage that meant he would never work again, furthering the family instability for his kids. "It was around this time I started displaying peculiar twitches and making lots of noises," Gazza said. By 13, his mental health declined. He could no longer sleep without lights on and sought psychiatric help for depression and a slot machine addiction, which he shoplifted to fund. Gazza's one escape was on the pitch, where he admitted: "I didn't have twitches or worry about death when I was playing football." He impressed while playing at Redheugh Boys' Club and Gateshead Boys youth teams before being signed as an apprentice for Newcastle United on his 16th birthday. When I'm drinking, I forget about everyone and don't realise the hurt I'm doing to everyone but I've also got to think about the hurt I was doing to myself Gazza There, Gazza excelled, including scoring a 30-yard screamer in the Youth Cup final, which manager Jack Charlton remarked: 'You'll have to wait a thousand years to see that again." He went on to become one of the most successful midfielders ever, playing for Newcastle and Tottenham, before moving to Lazio, and earning 57 England caps. He also provided one of the game's most iconic moments - when a yellow card in the 1990 World Cup semis in Turin saw him leave the pitch in tears. As "Gazzamania" gripped the UK, Terry Wogan described him as "probably the most popular man in Britain today" in September 1990. But off the pitch, he was developing more unhealthy habits including binging on Mars bars and junk food, which would later lead to him purging to lose weight ahead of matches. It would lead to a destructive relationship with alcohol that, in 1998, would lead to him being first admitted to the Priory Hospital following hitting 'rock bottom' after downing 32 whisky shots in a night. He would have at least seven more stints at various rehabs including a prestigious Arizona spot, which cost £100,000, and a £6,000-a-month Southampton clinic, and has been sectioned multiple times. "I'm an alcoholic like George [Best] and I know that - in some ways - my behaviour has been even more self-destructive than his. George never took cocaine,' Gazza later would admit. Raoul Moat stand-off A decade on from his first rehab stint, he was sectioned under the mental health act after threatening self-harm and holding a night porter by the throat after a 3am fire alarm in a hotel. Later that year, Gazza tried to end his life with alcohol and drugs but thankfully medics saved his life. While he spent spates sober in the coming years, he was continuously dogged by addiction. The dizzying heights of fame he reached in football - making 57 appearances for England and playing for clubs including Tottenham Hotspur, Lazio, Rangers, Middlesbrough and Everton - were becoming overshadowed by his struggles. Notably in 2010, during killer Raoul Moat's stand-off with police, an intoxicated Gazza showed up near a police cordon claiming he could convince him to hand himself in by taking him fishing. 6 Gazza at one point was drinking four bottles of whisky a night Credit: News Group Newspapers Ltd 6 The ex-footballer has had many admissions to rehab Credit: Action Images - Reuters 'I just remember that I was in a taxi, I had a fishing rod, some chicken, four cans of lager and a fishing jacket,' the footballer later told The Mirror. Fortunately, he was turned away. He added: 'I was telling the taxi driver I could save him. I told him: 'Listen, I have been through so much, I am the best therapist in the world, I can save him'. I think that I genuinely believed that.' That same year, he was charged with drink driving twice, including once being four times over the limit, and skipped his sentencing hearing to enter rehab. "He is not here because he has decided to put himself in for treatment, that's the bit that causes me concern. Who's running the show?" the judge said. Gazza would spend three years sober until 2013 when he succumbed to binges. At the time he complained: 'The last 11 years, I've probably drank 14 months out of it. 'I was three years sober and then I had a four or five weeks binge. It's just those little binges, so I've just got to stop those binges. "When I'm drinking, I forget about everyone and don't realise the hurt I'm doing to everyone but I've also got to think about the hurt I was doing to myself.' 'More lives than a cat' Despite falling off the wagon, he said: 'I don't know if I'm ever going to touch a drink again. I just know that I'm not drinking today.' In 2014, Gaza was admitted to rehab again - for the seventh time - and later that year was hospitalised twice due to his drinking. Struggles have continued to plague the widely-beloved footballer, who said in a 2021 interview that he will 'always be an alcoholic' but that he was attending Alcoholics Anonymous meetings . I have had near-death experiences, 36 operations, I've died a couple of times and they've put me in a coma for 18 days Gazza The dad-of-three, who previously admitted being physically violent against his first wife Sheryl, last year revealed he was homeless and sleeping in a spare room at his agent Katie Davies' house in Poole, Dorset. "I called Katie up in November a few years ago crying my eyes out,' he said. 'What I put myself through and other people, jail and rehab - taking cocaine off toilet seats." Gazza described himself as a 'sad drunk' and that he has 'let myself down' falling into the grips of alcoholism since his playing career finished. 'The things I've put myself through, I'm lucky to still be sitting here,' he told The High Performance Podcast. 'I don't go out and drink. I drink indoors.' He said if he wanted to 'make it a bad day' he would 'go down the pub' and once recoiled after a boozy session, to see '30 messages or missed calls' from worried loved ones. Gazza has been open about his battles, revealing he too believes he has 'more lives than a cat' due to surviving death multiple times and often appears to be consumed with regret. 'I have had near-death experiences, 36 operations, I've died a couple of times and they've put me in a coma for 18 days,' he said. 'People know Paul Gascoigne but Gazza, no one knows, even me sometimes. I've spent a lot of years being down. 'When I did my ligaments and then my kneecap, I missed four years of football. I would've got 100 caps.' Sadly, just weeks before his most recent hospitalisation, Gazza seemed optimistic, stating that he felt 'better now than I have in years' 'I hope I am at a point that I can look back over everything I've gone through with a different, more positive, perspective," he said. This recent scare suggests the battle may not be over for the beleaguered legend - but as ever, the beloved figure will have an army of well-wishers hoping he has a speedy recovery.
Daily Mirror
a day ago
- Daily Mirror
UK's most vape-addicted counties named in worrying new figures
Alarming new data from experts have revealed the top 10 vape-addicted counties across the UK, with the Big Smoke ironically ranking seventh and a surprising English 'winner' The UK is in a strawberry-scented cloud chokehold, with one county being dubbed Britain's vape capital. Despite the government recently clamping down on vaping by banning single-use devices - many Brits are still hooked on their Lost Mary and Elf bars. Companies have adapted to the ban quickly, selling similar-priced devices with a single-use pod that can be taken out and replaced. While this is substantially better than exclusively flogging disposable vapes, it has sparked concern that these reusable devices will still be viewed as throwaway products - despite containing precious metals. After many Brits chose to stockpile on single-use vapes before the ban, it is predicted that millions of vapes will still be thrown away or littered every single week. But, which counties are the worst culprits when it comes to sucking on these insatiably popular devices? Well, a new report by Vape Ease UK has mapped out the country's nicotine addiction after analysing data on the number of vape shops in each area, as well as the percentage of adult vapers, and how often locals are Googling the word 'vape'. Lancashire, located in North West England, was named and shamed as Britain's vape capital, with a whopping 40 vape shops per 100,000 people in the region of Accrington. Vape Ease UK states the adult vaping rate in the region is around eight to nine per cent, while the search interest for 'vape' is 'massive'. "From Blackburn to Burnley, vaping is part of daily life — and Accrington leads the UK in per-person vape shop access," the experts said in a statement sent to the Mirror. Following a close second is Greater Manchester - with 33 vape shops per 100,000 residents in Bolton and 26 shops per 100,000 residents in Stockport. "Seven out of the UK's top 15 vaping hotspots are in Greater Manchester," the pros added. "Vape shops are everywhere, and locals are constantly Googling e-liquids and devices. It's a true vape stronghold." UK's most vape-addicted counties - the full list Lancashire Greater Manchester North East (Durham and Teeside) West Yorkshire West Midlands Northern Ireland Greater London South Wales Devon Nottinghamshire While vaping was long touted as a better alternative to smoking tobacco cigarettes, research has started to shed light on just how bad vapes are for the body. As previously reported, these fruit-flavoured devices can still increase the risk of a slew of diseases including dementia, heart disease and organ failure. The biggest risk with vaping seems to be its ubiquitous nature. As Dr Boidin points out: "Smokers tend to go outside and smoke, and once a cigarette is finished they have to light up another to keep going. "But with vapes, you just keep going and it's much harder to know how many puffs you've had. It's much easier to vape continuously because you can do it in places where smoking might be less acceptable."
