I went on a wild sex rampage with dozens of men decades younger than me after my hubby got his secretary pregnant

The Sun

3 hours ago

1
DEAR DEIDRE: MY husband of 22 years left me for a younger model and so I did what any other self respecting single woman in her late 40s would do - I hit the dating scene hard and what I discovered has truly shocked and thrilled me.
I've learned more in the past 20 weeks about sex and fun than I did in two decades of marriage.
And there are plenty of men, most of whom are A LOT younger than me, who like the fact I'm older and more self assured.
I've learned to expect questions about my sexual preferences within the first message or two, understand that sending nudes is this generation's version of flirting and the biggest difference - that everyone expects you to keep your options open while dating.
So far I've been out with ten men and I don't regret a single date.
So while my ex made me feel washed up and undesirable these men have reignited something in me.
After discovering our marriage had become a cliché - he was having an affair with his secretary - he moved out and set up home with her within one month.
I was still unravelling when weeks later he told me he was going to be a dad to their unborn child.
Our son and daughter are young adults now but it still hurt that he was moving on so quickly.
Feeling low and rejected, I decided I needed to pick myself up and start having some fun myself.
One night I asked a good girlfriend around and together we tentatively made a profile for me.
Within ten minutes of uploading I was getting matches and a significant number of them were in their 20s.
I'm 47 and thought it was a joke but my friend encouraged me to respond to a couple of them who looked fun.
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Since then I have been on the wildest ride and have discovered that dating has changed an awful lot since I was in my 20s.
I've gone from, boring stay-at-home wife, to having a huge sexual re-awakening and the time of my life.
The first time I went on a date was with a 28-year-old electrician.
Suspicious, I asked if he was taking the mick. He convinced me he genuinely thought I was gorgeous and wanted to see an older woman 'because we aren't as needy'.
And since then the young men keep on coming. I can't believe it and my married girlfriends are so jealous.
The only time I felt out of my depth was when one man started squeezing my throat during sex. I was so shocked I demanded to know what he was doing.
Surprised, he replied that he thought women liked it. He stopped straight away but that rattled me.
I'm currently seeing three different men and they all bring different things to the party. But there is one guy in particular who I really like and he's started to make sounds that he'd like to settle with me.
But how can I settle with a 29 year old? That's nearly two decades difference!
DEIDRE SAYS: It is good that you have built your confidence back up and you're having fun.
You are right to be wary of hurtling head first into a relationship with a much younger man.
There is lots to consider - first and foremost how your children will react.
And just as importantly; do you both want the same things from life? The biggie is the question of children of course. You've had your kids, do you realistically want the responsibility of a tiny newborn again?
There is no two ways about it, two decades is significant but he is an adult, so you could of course both make it work.
But you need to be realistic and society, your social network and family may not be so accepting.
It sounds like the time has come to have an honest conversation about what you are both looking for.
And as hard as it will be to end it with him, better to do that now before your lives become further entwined, if there is realistically no future.
If you are ready to settle down (and the fact you have started to fall for this one man, suggests you are) but things don't work out with him, perhaps it's time to slow down and make sure you are seeing men with the same outlook as you.
My support pack Age Gaps gives more advice.
Dear Deidre's Age Gap Files
Deidre's mailbag is stashed full with age gap relationship problems. One reader struggled to move on after her younger lover dropped her after sex, a different subscriber wrote in because he fell head over heels for the older woman who uses him as a booty call, while one woman couldn't move on after her toyboy dumped her for his ex.
AGE GAPS – CAN THEY WORK?
It's a question that gets asked a lot - often with a raised eyebrow: can relationships with a significant age difference actually work?
In short: sometimes yes, sometimes no. The success of an age-gap relationship isn't always about the numbers, it's about how those numbers show up in our every day life.
When both partners are at similar life stages - emotionally, socially and sexually - an gap of five, ten or even 20 years can feel irrelevant.
But when one person is still figuring themselves out and the other is settled into long-term routines and commitments, those differences in lifestyles can quietly drive a wedge and cause problems in the relationship.
Age gaps often bring hidden power dynamics. Who has more money, more life experience, more social capital? Who's compromising more to bridge that gap?
These imbalances don't automatically mean a relationship is unhealthy, but it's important that they're acknowledged.
Society tends to judge these pairings differently depending on who is older.
Older man, younger woman? Often framed as classic or aspirational. Older woman, younger man? Cue the jokes, suspicion or backhanded compliments.
However, for some women, dating younger is about energy, openness and sexual chemistry.
For others, it's about finally being able to pursue what they want without being tethered to patriarchal expectations of settling down, caregiving or shrinking themselves.
However, the power dynamic isn't always as one-sided as people assume.
Many younger men are drawn to older women because of their confidence, emotional intelligence, and clarity about life.
These are not naive boys and predatory women - they're adults navigating attraction that often feels more genuine than conventionally 'suitable' pairings.
The reality is, all relationships come with challenges. Age-gap dynamics are just one version of that.
If you share values, communicate well, and genuinely want the same things, an age difference doesn't have to be a red flag.
But if you find yourself constantly adjusting your behaviour to fit into someone else's life - or if the age gap is being used to control, impress or mould you - it's worth asking why that person was attracted to the dynamic in the first place.
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Sally Land is the Dear Deidre Agony Aunt. She achieved a distinction in the Certificate in Humanistic Integrative Counselling, has specialised in relationships and parenting. She has over 20 years of writing and editing women's issues and general features.
Passionate about helping people find a way through their challenges, Sally is also a trustee for the charity Family Lives. Her team helps up to 90 people every week.
Sally took over as The Sun's Agony Aunt when Deidre Sanders retired from the The Dear Deidre column four years ago.
The Dear Deidre Team Of Therapists Also Includes:
Kate Taylor: a sex and dating writer who is also training to be a counsellor. Kate is an advisor for dating website OurTime and is the author of five self-help books.
Jane Allton: a stalwart of the Dear Deidre for over 20 years. Jane is a trained therapist, who specialises in family issues. She has completed the Basic Counselling Skills Level 1, 2, and 3. She also achieved the Counselling and Psychotherapy (CPCAB) Level 2 Certificate in Counselling Studies.
Catherine Thomas: with over two decades worth of experience Catherine has also trained as a therapist, with the same credentials as Jane. She specialises in consumer and relationship issues.
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