People Are Sharing The "Silent" Red Flags People Don't Notice In Relationships, And This Is Need-To-Know Information
Every person has a dealbreaker, but sometimes it's not always obvious at first glance. Reddit user PayOptimal9051 recently asked, "What's a silent red flag most people don't notice in relationships?" Here's what to look out for:
1."When someone never apologizes, even for small things. It seems minor at first, but over time, it shows they might not take accountability or be open to real communication."
—u/Street_Wealth9639
2."They listen to argue, not to understand."
—u/Striking_Voice3290
3."Pay attention to how they treat others. You may be the only person he or she doesn't blow off and treats with respect. Yeah, you're their special someone for now. As soon as you're not as special anymore, they will blow you off the same way they do everyone else, but they will expect you to continue to treat them well."
—u/serene_brutality
4."They only spend time with you when they feel it's convenient."
—u/followthefool
5."The lack of conflict in a relationship could either be excellent communication skills or that someone (maybe both people!) in the relationship isn't being honest about how they feel. Conflict is inevitable in a relationship, the trick is finding healthy ways of dealing with it."
—u/GinGimlet
6."When they barely text you back, but they return texts almost immediately when you are with them."
—u/wing3d
7."Making assumptions about how you feel, and cementing them as fact without ever actually talking to you. It's being in a relationship with somebody that makes up your narrative, and who isn't able to have the hard conversations. Because, spoiler alert, they're normally wrong."
—u/FiddleLeafFig3
8."You find yourself being relieved when they cancel plans instead of disappointed."
—u/MildlyCuriousOne
9."They keep a mental scoreboard. You might notice little comments like, 'Oh, remember that time I did that for you? I guess that doesn't matter now.' Or, 'Well, I did help you last week, so you owe me.' It doesn't seem like a big deal until every favor feels transactional. You end up feeling guilty anytime you ask for something, and your relationship starts to feel like a business deal instead of a partnership."
—u/_Snaccidental_Queen
10."When they tell you, 'You made me do that,' to justify their negative actions, like they were not a bad person, but you pushed them to be one."
—u/NoPsychology4665
11."One person always accommodates the other, which leads to a perceived absence of conflict. In reality, the partner doing the accommodating is likely not having their own needs met. While the partner who is always getting their way is likely to be perfectly happy with the situation."
—u/all_neon_like_13
12."They make fun of your goals and interests, even as a joke."
—u/Hour-Meet8153
13."You feel like you're constantly walking on eggshells — not because they explode in anger, but because they shut down, deflect, or subtly guilt trip you when you express needs or concerns."
—u/ColdAntique291
14."Any feeling that you can't fully be yourself around them."
—u/ScienceGeeker
15."They're never happy for anyone, no matter what it is. They always put down their friends' accomplishments, relationships, whatever."
—u/Lexifer31
16."Somebody who doesn't try to get to know your friends."
—u/wolfyish
17."Never being able to spend more than a day at home together. If you can't spend two or more days home with your partner, I think it speaks to a bigger issue."
—u/Minimum-Kangaroo
18."Gaslighting. Nobody gets to tell you your feelings."
—u/Royal_Slip_7848
19."When you share things in confidence, and then they turn around and weaponize it when there's conflict."
—u/glittering_entry_
20."Doing most, if not all, of the emotional work on your own."
—u/Streuselsturm
21."Boundaries that they create for you, but pass off as boundaries for themselves."
—u/pushstartthewhip
22."Unresolved childhood trauma, the consequences of which you will eventually pay for."
—u/BeautifulArtichoke37
23."When your partner doesn't remember the small details about you."
—u/findmeinthebedlol
24."Lying about small stuff."
—u/MmmmmmKayyyyyyyyyyyy
25."No manners. They don't say thank you to people who go out of their way to do small nice things like moving out of their way in public spaces, holding open the door, letting them go ahead in a line or queue, etc. They don't say please when they ask for something. It costs nothing not to be an insufferable dick."
—u/OldSchoolRollie62
26."They never respect your personal time."
—u/DamianC469
27."They are never there, even when they are with you. There is always something more important. It is always your responsibility to work on the relationship, and that gets tiring."
—u/OkTank4107
28."Resentment. It doesn't matter if it's dressed up as humor. It's the ultimate killer of relationships that's often only noticed when things have gone down the drain. Sometimes couples refuse to see it even when a counselor tells them right to their face about it."
—u/blad02887f
29."If they're leaving someone to pursue you, they'll leave you to pursue someone else."
—u/Hazard___7
30.And finally, "More like a 'slow burn' of a red flag. When your partner picks up the same hobbies or interests. At first, it seems fun to share things you enjoy together. But it's happened to me twice now where it felt like my partner lost themselves and was turning into me. Everything we talked about were things I did or enjoyed, that they now did, too, and they completely stopped their hobbies and interests."
—u/relsayshi
What's a "silent" red flag in a relationship? Share your thoughts in the comments or using the anonymous form below.
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I don't believe in ghosts, but I did at that time. I immediately moved my things to the other bedroom and never went up to the attic again. Now, I chalk it up to paranoia and an overactive imagination." —shannon1740 2."My first apartment was an old Victorian. I lived there with my now-husband for about a year. I used to get sleep paralysis when I lived there. I saw an old lady sitting next to me, with kids running around and jumping on my bed. But the scariest thing I've seen is a straight-up demon standing in the corner of my room. I've never had sleep paralysis before or after living there — only in that apartment did that happen. Come to find out, my husband had sleep paralysis, too. He'd seen the same demon, but he didn't tell me until recently because he didn't want to scare me any more than I already was. I mentioned it years later to my landlords (I was still friendly with them), and they were like, 'Oh, yeah, that house is definitely haunted.'" —rhiannonb42b0f7888 3."I was a night shift security guard at a factory that was around 100 years old. There were all kinds of stories about that place, like people dying in the buildings and whatnot. There was one building that was part of my patrol round where the last fourth of the walk was dark because the security light was out. But behind me, there was a doorway with a window on it, with an outside light hanging above the door, so I could see where I was going. I wore my hair in a half-up ponytail, and when I reached the darker area, I felt my ponytail move. I shook my head a little, then my ponytail lifted, twisted a little, and then dropped down. As if someone had flipped it up. Later that night, I was doing my patrol round again, and it happened again. I said loudly, 'Could you please stop playing with my hair? 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One night, I woke up (I think, anyway), and I remember staring at the doorway, completely frozen, and seeing the shadows of two men there. They were whispering about taking me and discussing whether I was asleep. I remember hearing, 'Shh, go back to sleep.'" "It was completely fuzzy and dark, and I was in that very much blurred reality stage of not being able to tell if I was awake properly or not. I couldn't move at all and chalked it up to sleep paralysis and went back to sleep. I wouldn't have thought twice about it, except the police knocked on our door that afternoon (I wasn't in, my housemates told me) and said our neighbor had had their house broken into that same night. The real kicker is that at the time, our front door lock was broken — anyone could have come in and left without us knowing. 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I woke up, had breakfast, and waited for my parents to come downstairs. They didn't come. I looked for them but couldn't find them, and couldn't find my sisters either. I went outside, and there was no one. Literally zero people in an incredibly busy area on a weekend. I panicked fully. I looked everywhere for people, but they just weren't there. I fully freaked out thinking everyone disappeared." "I even checked if there was something on TV about it. There was live TV with people, so I calmed a bit seeing that other people still existed. I think it was around the afternoon when I stopped looking around and walked home. When I got home, my parents and sisters were luckily there. They insisted they were in and around the house all day, and that I even saw them at breakfast. I broke down crying because it was simply not true. To this day, I swear people disappeared for half a day. 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My wife was playing with the kids when she happened to look up from the kids' room and saw a 6-foot-tall tan figure pass by the door frame. She claims that this 'tan man' had no eyes, was completely hairless, and also had translucent skin, as if she could see partly through it in some areas. It walked 'flowy,' as if its torso was leading it instead of its head and shoulders. She claims it made no noise when it passed, but looked directly at everyone in the room." "This was in the middle of the day, so the lights were on, and it was not dark at all. The being then walked down the hall and into my wife's sister's room, but the door was closed. Apparently, at or around the same time, my wife's sister had been complaining of 'being spooned' at night as well as being pushed down the stairs when no one was around them. The entity appeared to be fixated on the sister for some reason. Sometime later, Grandma moved into the household, and when she was told about the entity, she said that she'd take care of it. True enough, she made some sort of 'prayer' (no one is religious in this household) or statement, and after that, no further occurrences happened. To this day, my wife is still shaken if you say 'the tan man' or something to that effect." —u/ripcurrent 26."My mom passed away in February 2021 in Missouri. I live in Florida. I flew up there for the funeral with my husband and daughter, stayed for a couple of days to handle her belongings, and then came home. Life goes on. I grieved. About a month or two later, I'm lying in my bed in the morning, but I'm wide awake. My phone rings, and I answer it. It says 'mom' on the caller ID. When I click it on, I can clear-as-day hear her voice: 'Well, hiii there! [chuckle] Did I wake you up?' Now, I'm just sitting there, upright on my bed. All I can think to say is, 'Mom?' And as soon as I said that, the phone clicked a couple of times and then went dead. It did show on the caller history that her phone had called mine. Either her boyfriend or my brother kept her phone for whatever reason, but they wouldn't have done a prank like that. I did try to call the phone back, but it went straight to her voicemail." —u/floridianreader 27."I went to a friend who was a psychic. Yeah, yeah, I know. I joked about her 'skills' with her all the time. But when my birth father passed away, I went to her. I had not spoken much about my father, posted about him, nor had she met him. He didn't live nearby; his obituary was simple with bare details, and he did not have an online presence. What she said to me were details no one knew. And I mean details. She said phrases only he would use in anger. She said it in the same tone, too, and it was frighteningly eerie. It made me a believer in her." "She called me up one evening to speak to my husband. His mother had a message for him. I passed the phone over. I never heard the conversation, but it shook him. He didn't tell me much, but again, she said things no one else knew. I still joke around about her skills, but respectfully." —u/19snow16 28."Shortly after my mother passed away, I was going through and organizing her belongings in her room. I was talking out loud as if I were talking to her. There were some boxes with family photo albums I'd been looking for that I hadn't been able to find, and it was really worrying me. I was sitting on the floor and said aloud, 'Where did you leave those albums, mom?' Very slowly, her closet door opened on its own. A slow, creaking movement from nearly totally closed to halfway open." "I was as terrified as I'd ever been in my life. I froze and didn't move, but I looked at exactly eye level and there was a cardboard box labeled 'Albums' in my mother's handwriting on the lower shelf of the closet. I am not a religious or even spiritual person, and I thought that there might be some imbalance in the hanging of the closet door. I went back to the door many times and tested it by wiggling it back and forth and leaving it in different positions, but it's never moved that way since." —u/Virtual-Elderberry31 29."Not me, but my dad. When I was younger, my biological mom and her husband kidnapped me and took off to another state. My dad said that he was finally starting to accept that he may never see me again after nearly a year of searching, and then one day when he was on a walk, this little girl came up to him and asked, 'Are you looking for a little girl?' He looked at her, confused, and she just turned around and pointed up the block at a group of kids playing, and said, 'She's right there!' He walked closer, passed the girl to try to get a better look, and saw me in the group. He turned around to figure out what the little girl's deal was, and she was just gone, without a trace." "It turns out my biological mom and her husband had come back to visit family for whatever reason. I used to call BS because the story is just so insane, but throughout the years, it's the one story of my dad's that never changed. Not one detail. He's told it so many times that I can recite it word for word, and he's always so fucking awestruck when he tells it — like I can almost see him racking his brain, searching for the most logical explanation. I was about 2 to 3 years old when it happened, and I'm now 26. He still can't piece it all together to this day." —u/Western_Avocado9027 30."When I was a child, I was brushing my teeth with my mom in the bathroom with me (supervising, because I was at that age where I was learning to do it myself, but she wanted to be there if I needed help). I bent down to spit into the sink, and when I stood back up, my reflection was still bent down. I watched it as it stood back up and caught up with me, but it looked absolutely dead behind the eyes. I'm 20 now, and fucking petrified of mirrors." —u/Longjumping-Buy-706 finally: "A few years ago, my wife and I lost our infant son at birth. Fast-forward to the day before what would have been his second birthday. My wife and I were home alone, in mid-November. We were sitting on the couch; I was playing Xbox, and my wife was working. All of a sudden, out of nowhere, a balloon that was upstairs in my daughter's room started to float down the stairs. I figured it was just losing helium. The balloon floated down the stairs, around the staircase, then floated up onto the middle of the ottoman in front of us. No windows were open, there was no heat, no AC, no fans were on…and it just floated up and down in front of us for about a minute or so. BUT THEN, the balloon floated BACK UP the fucking stairs. What did the balloon say, you ask? 'HAPPY BIRTHDAY.' I still, to this day, get the chills when I think about it." —u/M1keKuszewski Have you ever experienced something that you couldn't believe yourself, or couldn't find any logical reasoning behind how it could have happened? Let me know in the comments, or you can anonymously submit your story using the form below. Note: Submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.
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