My Friend's Kids Are Wearing Me Out. Can I Say Something?
I'm a mother of two young kids myself, and I've noticed that I'm not always comfortable with how her kids interact with mine. There's a different emotional intensity, and sometimes behavior that feels a bit unpredictable or rough. I don't want to judge or pathologize them. I understand they're doing their best with what they've been through, but it leaves me feeling protective.
I also feel guilty for not enjoying their company more. I'm introverted and need a lot of alone time to stay grounded, and being around their constant energy and emotional needs exhausts me. I don't want to hurt my friend or the children, but I also need to protect my own mental health.
Do I tell my friend her kids are badly behaved? How do I balance compassion with boundaries? Am I a terrible person for not feeling more naturally warm toward these kids?
From the Therapist: You're not a terrible person for feeling depleted around your friend's kids. In fact, here's something many parents find hard to admit: Even under the best of circumstances, being around other people's children can feel extremely draining.
Sometimes we forget that while our own kids might occasionally be too rowdy or intense or high-energy, their behavior seems manageable because it occurs in a familiar ecosystem — our own family's rules, rhythms and emotional climate. We have a shared understanding of the expectations and the systems that keep them in check.
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