May I have a word: Directions you can't easily follow
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Of course, that's a book title, not
squintstructions
, as several readers — Michael Bohnen, of Newton; John Haneffant, of Boston; Tom Hayden, of Chelmsford; and Stephen L. Needles, of Newtown, Pa. — characterized the tiny words at issue.
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Do product descriptions count as instructions? I would think so. Diane McNamara, of Amherst, wrote: 'More than once while showering in a hotel, I have had to get out and fetch my reading glasses in order to know which plastic container was shampoo and which conditioner. My suggestion is
nanofont.
'
David Mahoney, of Westford, observed that tiny 'print used on packaging to maximize space utilization is similar to the way some audio commercials are unintelligible because they are sped up to fit a 2-minute commercial into 15 seconds.' His suggestion for the coinage we're seeking was
nano-notes
.
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Others who made use of
nano
were Thomas F. Schiavoni, of Boston: '
Nanoscription
suggests reduced font size (
nano
) and something written (
script
);' Rick Smith, of Wellesley, with
nanoprint
; and Ed De Vos, of Newton, with
nano-nono
'childlike chiding against tiny writing.'
Another popular starting point was
Lilliput
, from Jonathan Swift's 'Gulliver's Travels.' I received
Lilliputext,
from May DeViney, of North Chelmsford;
Lilliprint
, from Judith Englander, of South Strafford, Vt., and Rick Smith, of Wellesley; and the name of an imaginary typeface,
Lilliput New Roman
, from John Michaels, of Peabody.
Ed De Vos also proposed '
microfishy
— a play off
microfiche
but capturing my skepticism that what is written was ever intended to be read.'
Ann Souto, of Portsmouth, N.H., wrote: 'These
no-read-ums
look like gnats, not words!' Harry Eisenberg, of Wayland, liked
no-read-ums
too, and Pat Nicholson, of Falmouth, thought the tried and true
no-see-ums
would do.
Bob Smith, of Roslindale, shared a whole lexicon of specialized terminology from 'various arts and sciences,' only some of which I've included here: '
speckifications
, from architecture;
diminishing relearns
, economics;
diminuwindow
, music;
microlar degeneration,
ophthalmology; and
vanishing pointers
, painting.'
Diane Tosca, of Taunton, didn't actually have a suggestion, but that didn't stop her from having her say: 'Re minuscule instructions, I suffer from optikill whenever I have to read those lens busters, especially if they're directions for eye drops. Sorry for my vitreous humor, which my pupils noticed became cornea over the years.'
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Noreen Barnes, of Acton, wrote: 'What to call the tiny text on packaging that needs magnification to be read? I might describe it as
in-font-esimal —
like
infinitesimal
, a big word for 'very small.'' And May DeViney, similarly inspired, came up with
infinitextimal.
Both of those are great, but I'm going to award bragging rights to
infinitextimal
, because it's easier to understand, whether written or spoken. Well done, May – congrats!
Now Jack Stein, of Milton, writes: 'We need a word to describe a person who clearly is not competent to provide advice on a particular subject but insists on doing so anyway.'
Send your ideas for Jack's word to me at
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