‘Where are you from?': Adopted people face microaggressions and jokes, report finds

Irish Times

12 hours ago

People who were adopted from other countries by Irish families often face microaggressions or jokes at their expense, sometimes from their own relatives, according to new research.
The Lived Experience of Intercountry Adopted Adults in Ireland, a report on a study conducted by the
Adoption Authority of Ireland
(AAI), was launched by Minister for Children
Norma Foley
in Dublin on Wednesday.
As part of the research, nine women and two men aged between 20 and 38 participated in in-depth interviews to discuss their personal experiences. Four participants were from eastern Europe, four from southeast Asia (Vietnam and Thailand), and three from Asia (India and China).
Several participants reported that they faced casual 'jokes' or comments because they were 'visibly different to their immediate families'. These remarks often came from strangers but were also 'very likely' to come from people the participants knew well including friends and members of their extended families, the report notes.
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One participant recalled that, when she was teenager, her parents planned to bring her on a visit to her country of origin, prompting some of her relatives to make jokes about it. She said: 'Some of the family were kind of weird about it. They kind of just like 'Oh you're sending her back? You don't want her anymore?'.'
Another participant recalled some of the comments directed at her in secondary school, such as 'Oh you're so exotic looking' and 'You're Asian and your eyes are so narrow'.
In response to such remarks, some participants said they struggled with their identity and became reticent about forging new relationships. However, others noted that some people in their community would stick up for them, asking the person who made the comment: 'Why would you say that?'
One of the participants, who was born in China but grew up in Dublin, told The Irish Times she has very supportive family members and friends, but has experienced many microaggressions over the years – such as being told her English is 'very good'.
The woman, who did not wish to be named, is a Gaeilgeoir and went to an Irish-speaking school. She has a traditional Irish name and some people have told her 'that's not your name'; others have asked her if her name is Mandarin.
People often ask her where she is from.
'When people ask, 'Oh, where are you from?', they mean, 'Where are you from, as in China?', they don't mean, 'Where are you from in Dublin?'.
'So, sometimes I'll answer and do the whole spiel of, 'I'm adopted from China, but I've been here all my life, mostly'. And other times, if I'm not so generous, I'll be like, 'Oh, I'm from Stoneybatter'. If they ask, 'But where's your family from?', I'll say Finglas.'
Sarah Eames said people don't always realise the "impact" of their remarks. Photograph: Órla Ryan/The Irish Times
Sarah Eames (36) was adopted by an Irish couple when she was two years old. She was born in Romania. Ms Eames said she is 'lucky' in that she rarely experienced negative comments when growing up in Dublin.
'In my school, there would have been people from all walks of life and all sorts of nationalities. I'm lucky in that way, but definitely I resonate with what other people are saying in terms of feeling different.'
Ms Eames is a therapist and often works with other adopted people, many of whom have experienced discrimination. She said people may not realise the impact of making a 'throwaway' comment about someone.
'Your words do matter. If you don't have something that you know is nice to say, just maybe hold it – because you might mean it as a compliment or as a throwaway remark, but it can really resonate with the person.'
Speaking at the launch, Dr Judy Lovett, author of the report, said nearly all participants in the study 'experienced racism and discrimination' often via microaggressions and jokes at their expense. Dr Lovett noted that these comments often came from 'adults in the participants' lives, so maybe family, friends or extended family, who ... feel a bit free to speak, kind of, maybe more glibly'.
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Orlaith Traynor, chairperson of the AAI, said it is 'quite disturbing' that some adopted people still have to deal with remarks related to their appearance or background, despite the fact Ireland is now 'seemingly a multicultural society'.
Ms Foley welcomed the publication of the report, thanking the participants 'for their honesty, for their courage and their willingness to speak about these deeply personal aspects of their lives'.
More than 5,000 children have been adopted into Ireland from other countries since intercountry adoption was first legislated for here in 1991. The annual figures peaked in 2008 and have been in decline ever since, reflecting a similar global pattern.
The report notes that the research involved a small sample study, so 'caution should be taken when generalising the findings to the rest of the intercountry adopted population'.
However, it adds that the findings suggest a need for greater promotion of support services for adopted people and their families. The findings 'also suggest a need for adoption awareness and sensitivity education among the general public, and among service providers such as teachers and healthcare professionals'.