I've coached kids who got into Harvard, Stanford and Princeton—I recommend 5 'essential' books for raising successful kids
But over the last 10 years, as a coach to high-achieving high school students who have gotten into selective colleges like Harvard, Stanford and Princeton, I've come across a few that have been invaluable.
These books, written by educators, scientists, journalists, and parents, have helped me better empathize with my students — and better support them and their parents in navigating competitive academic environments.
I recommend five books for parents who want to raise highly successful kids.In "Never Enough," journalist Jennifer Breheny Wallace explores modern toxic achievement culture and the problems it can lead to. The central issue is what she calls the "excessive pressure to excel." This undue stress negatively affects a child's health and emotional wellness.
So how do you defend against that pressure and help your kids thrive?
Wallace proposes constructive ways to circumvent this culture, whether it's tamping down on the anxiety you as a parent may inadvertently be creating, or building support systems for yourself and your kid.
In "The Happiest Kids in the World," authors Rina Mae Acosta and Michele Hutchison explore the facets of Dutch culture that contribute to The Netherlands consistently ranking as one of the happiest countries in the world for children.
Acosta is Filipino-American and Hutchison is British. They are both married to Dutch men, and are raising their kids in the Netherlands, so they approached the topic from a uniquely cross-cultural perspective.
What I like about this book is that while the authors focus on larger societal norms that are common in the Netherlands, they also share practical takeaways for parents, such as the value of letting kids be heard or of eating meals together as a way to bond.
In "The Self-Driven Child," authors Dr. William Stixrud and Ned Johnson — Stixrud, a clinical neuropsychologist and professor at George Washington University School of Medicine, and Johnson, the founder of tutoring service PrepMatters — detail how parents can support their children in becoming more independent.
Many parents would probably agree that they want to raise self-sufficient children, but they often see motivation as innate, as opposed to a trait that can be learned.
This book corrects a lot of misconceptions about the use of incentives to motivate kids (e.g. compensating your kids for good grades is harmful in the long-term), highlights key pitfalls to avoid, and arms parents with evidence-based recommendations and conversation starters to help their kids build independence and resilience.
"Who Gets In And Why" offers an illuminating look at college admissions in America.
While researching the book, education reporter Jeff Selingo followed admissions officers at three top colleges to give a transparent account of how admissions decisions are really made. He explores how factors like geography, demonstrated interest, and the specific needs of a school can have an outsize influence on the acceptance or rejection of a student's application.
With clarity, Selingo does a great job at helping parents understand the competing forces that make this process about so much more than just the merit of any one applicant:
"College admissions is a constant balancing act," he writes, "to please the bosses, as well as other constituents — faculty, coaches, alumni, donors, and at public universities, politicians."
"How to be a High School Superstar" was first published 15 years ago, but I find that it is more relevant today than ever. Author Cal Newport, now a professor of computer science at Georgetown University, shares tools to make college admissions less stressful for everyone involved.
He offers strategies on how students can stand out, and none of them involve taking the most AP classes or getting the highest SAT scores.
Instead, he recommends genuinely cultivating one's passions by going deep into one specific area of interest no matter how weird or niche. While written for high school students, it provides a valuable roadmap for parents as well.
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