I'm pregnant at 17 — should I have the baby or go to uni?
This week, we hear from a reader who's had a positive test at 17 years old. Everyone around her has a different opinion, so how can she make up her mind?
Read the advice below, but before you go, don't forget to read last week's Sex Column, where we heard from a reader who was fed up of being 'hidden' from his girlfriend's children.
I have a great relationship with my boyfriend and love his family to bits. His parents are very laid back, and he has three sisters and two brothers who all squash together into a small house. No one ever argues and I love it there.
My own life is quite different; I have no siblings and live in a great big house with just my mum. Dad left when I was still a baby, and I've never known him. I love my mum, but we're not close.
She desperately wants me to be something 'big' like a doctor or a lawyer and I'm supposed to go to university next year. She herself had me at 19 and didn't fulfil her own ambitions, so now it's down to me.
Unfortunately, my boyfriend and I were a bit careless about taking precautions during sex and I'm now pregnant at 17. I've told my mum and she immediately said she would pay for a termination and that I need to organise one as soon as possible.
My boyfriend's family on the other hand, are absolutely thrilled at the prospect of having a baby in the family. They've said I can move in with them and bring up the child there until we can get a place of our own.
I do love my boyfriend, but also know there is so much more out there for me to experience. He wants me to keep the baby but Mum is desperate for me to have an abortion. I feel so torn.
You've told me what your mum, your boyfriend and his family want, but in this situation, it really does boil down to what you want. I know you're torn and confused but try not to listen to everyone else's opinion – this is so important, it really has to be your decision.
Think about your future and where you would like to be this time next year. You could either be a very young mum, living with your boyfriend and all that entails, or you could be getting ready for all the adventures of university. Which option do you feel most drawn to?
Remember there are nearly always second chances at this stage in your life – not just another chance to have a baby, but also a second chance to have a career. You need to think very carefully, but also very quickly, before you reach any conclusions. More Trending
It might be tough, but it really is vital that you make the decision for yourself and aren't left feeling angry because other people's opinions – including mine – have influenced you to behave in a certain way. But if you decide that a termination is the right option, you need to act fast.
You're still only 17 and have your whole life ahead of you, so ignore the background chatter and listen to the voice inside your head.
Trust in your ability to make the right choice, and promise yourself that you'll make a success of whatever you decide.
Laura is a counsellor and columnist.
View More »
MORE: Paramedic who gave woman abortion pill without her knowing jailed for 10 years
MORE: You can't judge Lily Allen's abortion confession and be pro-choice
MORE: Lily Allen 'can't remember' how many abortions she had before IUD contraception
Hashtags
Try Our AI Features
Explore what Daily8 AI can do for you:
Comments
No comments yet...
Related Articles
Metro
19-07-2025
- Metro
I wait on my husband hand and food — so why is he still cheating?
If you think you're in a healthy relationship, learning that your partner has cheated can feel like even more of a betrayal. That was the case for our reader this week, who believed she and her husband were happily married. She's every inch the traditional housewife: she dresses up for her husband, cooks his meals, and raises their two little boys. But her world came crashing down when she discovered he was having an affair with a woman at work. Read the advice below, but before you go, don't forget to read last week's Sex Column, where we heard from a reader who's found herself pregnant at 17. I've recently received several calls from a woman detailing her affair with my husband, which have left me absolutely broken and struggling to cope. We've been together for nearly eight years (married for five) and have two adorable little boys, aged three and six. I don't work, as we decided I'd stay at home with the children rather than pay expensive nursery fees. I thought my husband liked it that way, as dinner is always ready when he gets home and I wait on him hand and foot – in the bedroom too. Maybe it sounds ridiculous, but I get all dressed up in stockings and suspenders and cater to his every need, which I thought made him happy. To find out he's having an affair really came as a shock to me, as I believed he had everything he wanted. He didn't deny it when I confronted him and admitted she's someone from work, who he claims not to be serious about. He promised to finish with her, but I got a couple of friends to spy on him and it's clear he's still seeing her. His so called 'golf days' are nothing of the sort, and when he tells me he has a late meeting, he's with her. She has even called and taunted me about what they do together. I'm really scared to end the marriage as I'd be lost without him, and so would the kids. Despite the way he's behaving, I still love him. It must be horrendous for you, trying to hold it all together while your husband does as he pleases. But you really do need to stand up to him, as he clearly thinks he can get away with whatever he wants. I'm very pro-family and usually urge people to try to save their relationship when there are children involved, as I've seen how damaging splits can be. But in your case, I think that staying together has the potential to damage the children more. Although they're very young, they must pick up on your obvious distress, and it can be traumatic for such little minds to navigate the tension in the house. Of course, in an ideal world you would save your marriage and live happily ever after. But is that what your husband wants? He seems to be enjoying the best of both worlds, with everything he needs at home, as well as his bit on the side. Whether he's serious about her or not, needn't concern you. It's how he's treating you and the children that matters, and frankly his behaviour could hardly be worse. He promised to end the affair but didn't, and though it may not feel that way now, I think your life would be better without him. More Trending If you do end up separating, you'll need urgent legal advice. If you own your own home, the courts will protect your right to live there until the youngest reaches 18, though things can be more complicated if you rent. Please make an appointment with your nearest Citizen's Advice, or preferably consult a good lawyer. You may also want to see your GP about some talking therapy. Take control of your destiny and stop waiting for him to shape up; you and the children deserve better. Laura is a counsellor and columnist. View More » Got a sex and dating dilemma? To get expert advice, send your problem to Do you have a story to share? Get in touch by emailing MetroLifestyleTeam@ MORE: My date showered me with compliments – until I turned down his request MORE: What to do when your partner betrays you — and everyone else knows about it MORE: Think twice before you mock the Coldplay kiss-cam couple
Metro
12-07-2025
- Metro
I'm pregnant at 17 — should I have the baby or go to uni?
An unexpected pregnany can kickstart a wave of conflicting emotions – and that's before other people weigh in with their two cents. This week, we hear from a reader who's had a positive test at 17 years old. Everyone around her has a different opinion, so how can she make up her mind? Read the advice below, but before you go, don't forget to read last week's Sex Column, where we heard from a reader who was fed up of being 'hidden' from his girlfriend's children. I have a great relationship with my boyfriend and love his family to bits. His parents are very laid back, and he has three sisters and two brothers who all squash together into a small house. No one ever argues and I love it there. My own life is quite different; I have no siblings and live in a great big house with just my mum. Dad left when I was still a baby, and I've never known him. I love my mum, but we're not close. She desperately wants me to be something 'big' like a doctor or a lawyer and I'm supposed to go to university next year. She herself had me at 19 and didn't fulfil her own ambitions, so now it's down to me. Unfortunately, my boyfriend and I were a bit careless about taking precautions during sex and I'm now pregnant at 17. I've told my mum and she immediately said she would pay for a termination and that I need to organise one as soon as possible. My boyfriend's family on the other hand, are absolutely thrilled at the prospect of having a baby in the family. They've said I can move in with them and bring up the child there until we can get a place of our own. I do love my boyfriend, but also know there is so much more out there for me to experience. He wants me to keep the baby but Mum is desperate for me to have an abortion. I feel so torn. You've told me what your mum, your boyfriend and his family want, but in this situation, it really does boil down to what you want. I know you're torn and confused but try not to listen to everyone else's opinion – this is so important, it really has to be your decision. Think about your future and where you would like to be this time next year. You could either be a very young mum, living with your boyfriend and all that entails, or you could be getting ready for all the adventures of university. Which option do you feel most drawn to? Remember there are nearly always second chances at this stage in your life – not just another chance to have a baby, but also a second chance to have a career. You need to think very carefully, but also very quickly, before you reach any conclusions. More Trending It might be tough, but it really is vital that you make the decision for yourself and aren't left feeling angry because other people's opinions – including mine – have influenced you to behave in a certain way. But if you decide that a termination is the right option, you need to act fast. You're still only 17 and have your whole life ahead of you, so ignore the background chatter and listen to the voice inside your head. Trust in your ability to make the right choice, and promise yourself that you'll make a success of whatever you decide. Laura is a counsellor and columnist. View More » MORE: Paramedic who gave woman abortion pill without her knowing jailed for 10 years MORE: You can't judge Lily Allen's abortion confession and be pro-choice MORE: Lily Allen 'can't remember' how many abortions she had before IUD contraception
Metro
06-07-2025
- Metro
My girlfriend only sees me in hotel rooms — but we've been together for a year
Not all couples like to share their relationships on social media, with some opting for privacy rather than hard-launches and anniversary reels. But this week's reader feels like his girlfriend is keeping him a secret. It's been nearly a year since they met, and he's head over heels. But the woman of his dreams won't fully let him into her life. While he fantasises about spending the rest of their lives together, she's keeping things on the down low, because she doesn't want her ex-husband or two children to know about them. Read the advice below, but before you go, don't forget to read last week's Sex Column about a woman who's found herself pregnant from a one-night stand, and her partner has no idea. My girlfriend and I are compatible in just about every way. We make each other laugh, have the same outlook on life, like the same things and best of all, we have amazing sex. She happens to be beautiful too. I've had lots of relationships that haven't worked out for one reason or another, but with this woman, I feel different. I want to marry her, have children and grow old together, she's that special to me. All that sounds great, right? Well, it isn't quite, and here's the problem. The amazing sex is only on alternate weekends, when her eight-year-old twins are with their dad and I can stay at her place. Other than that, I'm still her little secret. We met online and I live a long way from her so meeting up round my way is rarely an option. If I want to see her during the week, we have to book a hotel near her place and she organises a babysitter, but she always has to get back by midnight. We have great sex but I end up staying on my own the rest of the night. It's too expensive to do very often and to be honest, I never sleep well as I'm so annoyed. She says she doesn't want her ex, or the children, to know about me 'yet'. I've been seeing her for nearly a year, and am wondering when this 'yet' period is going to end. She promises me that she loves me and has no intention of getting back together with her ex-husband. I've confided in a couple of friends who think I'm mad to put up with this, but I really want things to work out. Are they right? Am I mad? No, I don't think you're mad, but you are being a bit too tolerant, especially after a year together. If you really see this woman as a keeper, then this problem has to be sorted out. Your partner is letting herself be controlled by worries about how her ex and the children will react, and obviously that's unhealthy for your relationship. But are you sure she feels as strongly as you? She has other considerations in the form of the twins, so it's quite likely that her priorities are different to yours. More Trending You need to know exactly where you stand, as this situation can't go on indefinitely. Yes, you must be sensitive to the children's feelings but emphasise that you're not trying to replace their father – you just want a more conventional relationship, which involves seeing her more regularly and not being hidden away. It's not good for children to be deceived by a parent, and as for her ex – it's time for him to accept that she has moved on. You really need an honest talk with your girlfriend, to explain how you feel. Encourage her to talk over her worries via the Family Lives helpline on 0808 800 2222. She can also check out their website at which is full of useful information. Laura is a counsellor and columnist. View More » Got a sex and dating dilemma? To get expert advice, send your problem to Do you have a story to share? Get in touch by emailing MetroLifestyleTeam@ MORE: I told my husband 'we're over' after carrying the mental load alone MORE: I always get the 'heatwave horn' – it's the same every summer MORE: My family wants me to have an arranged marriage — but I'm in love with a woman
