Woman Says Husband's Friends Are ‘Rude' After Repeatedly Showing Up at Their House Unannounced
A woman set a boundary with her husband's friends: they should call before coming over
She just prefers a heads-up, in case someone is indecent, in the middle of a task or already with guests
"I don't see why I should keep ignoring my boundaries for rude people," she wroteIs it okay to show up at a friend's house without a giving courtesy call first?
In a post on Mumsnet's "Am I Being Unreasonable" forum, a woman aired her grievances about her husband's friends repeatedly showing up at their home unannounced. She recognized the cultural and generational influences that could contribute to a misunderstanding, but after setting a boundary with them, they continued to arrive without warning.
Twice in two weeks, her husband's friends — a man and his wife — have arrived unannounced at their home. The woman saw them on their Ring doorbell camera, and politely told them, "If you'd had called ahead, I could have told you we were out — give us a call next time."
The woman said she was raised to call or text beforehand — just a little "is it OK to pop round in half hour?" message — in case the house's occupants weren't prepared, for whatever reason, to entertain guests. She has the same expectation for her guests, the woman wrote, and let them know.
Then, after the woman told them to give a little notice before coming over, the couple again arrived without any warning. "My husband said it was awkward as I didn't let them in, but I don't see why I should keep ignoring my boundaries for rude people," she wrote.
At the time, the woman's daughter was still in her pajamas, and the mother knew she "wouldn't be comfortable like that in front of visitors." She, in turn, had just returned home from grocery shopping and was in the midst of putting the food away. But, she noted, if her husband's friends had called ahead, she and her daughter could have prepared for company, as they prefer.
The woman stressed the importance of a simple courtesy call. She could be indecent, in the middle of an important task, or already with other guests — it spares everyone an awkward situation, she noted.
Commenters generally agreed with the woman, considering she had already told the couple she preferred if they'd give her a heads up they were coming over.
However, users urged the woman to set her boundaries early with all guests. While she may have grown up with courtesy calls as the norm, others grew up in open-door-policy houses. Clear communication is a simple way to bridge that gap, one wrote.
"I don't think there's anything categorically wrong with popping in to see people but you need to respect their feelings on it — you have made it clear you prefer a heads up," one wrote.
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