‘Really hard': Australian TV star Matty J opens up about parenting

News.com.au

5 days ago

'I've never been facing more stress as a parent than at this particular moment in my life,' says podcaster and TV personality Matty J.
'I'm also incredibly in love with my children, the relationship I have with them, along with the one I have with my wife, is the most important in my life. I love being a parent. But I think it's important for parents to talk about the hard parts as well.'
Matty, who is currently expecting his third daughter with wife Laura Byrne, co-hosts the podcast Two Doting Dads alongside Ash Wicks, where the men unpack the changing nature of modern fatherhood, the mental load of parenthood and the often-bizarre situations in which they find themselves.
'It's basically 90 per cent us taking the piss, and then 10 per cent will be really emotional stuff,' he said.
'And without fail, when we do open up about that, I get so many parents opening up about the way they're feeling in their own lives. It starts that conversation about mental health that might not have happened even seven years ago.
'I'm really fortunate that mental health has not been something I've struggled heavily with throughout my life.
'But at this point in my life, trying to balance being a present father, being a good and supportive husband, making sure my career is on track and managing the mental load of renovating a house is taking a toll. It's really, really hard. And I think it's OK that we talk about these things – in fact I think it is crucial. Unless you're a robot, I think all parents are in the same boat.'
Australia is in the grips of a mental health crisis, and people are struggling to know who to turn to, especially our younger generations. Can We Talk? is a News Corp awareness campaign, in partnership with Medibank, equipping Aussies with the skills needs to have the most important conversation of their life.
Among the stresses he's currently navigating, the devoted dad talks about the impending arrival of his third daughter, and the difference in the way people react when they discover he's about to become a dad again.
'We recorded an episode of the podcast yesterday where we were discussing how weird it is, the way people react to your first in a really incredible way, where they're like, 'my God, congratulations. This is awesome',' he said.
'Number two is pretty much the same – you get a similar response. You get the odd person being like, 'oh, two, that's a bit more of a juggle', but it's mostly positive.
'And then waiting for the third, the way that people react is just like, holy sh*t. Like, 'what are you getting yourself into?' You're just kind of in a brace position, waiting for the storm to hit.'
Matty also pointed to the level of self-criticism that modern parents direct at their own parenting techniques as a source of deep anxiety.
'You're constantly questioning: am I doing this right? Am I a good parent, actually?' he said.
'I think it's at the point now where we have such a microscope over the way that we parent, and we're so aware now of what can potentially be detrimental and how we parent that the level of anxiety is just crippling.'
Matty, whose mum, Ellie lives with him alongside his young family, credits his ability to share openly about mental health with the relationship he has with her.
'I'm one of five, and I think the fact that we have all always known that whatever we came to mum with – good or bad – there would never be any judgment,' he reflects.
It's why I think I've been able to open up about the highs and lows of parenthood, and it's also impacted the way Laura and I are with our girls. We always try to create a safe space for them to express their emotions – and, for a four and six year old, emotional regulation isn't exactly their strong suit, but we always try to be consistent in letting them know that the range of emotions they experience is OK.
'I mean, I say that now, in an empty room without screaming kids in it,' he jokes, 'I don't always get it right, but we try.'
This focus on open mental health conversations in parenting is a relatively new phenomenon, with Millennial parents the first to really embrace this approach as a generation.
And it couldn't be more needed.
New research from News Corp's Growth Distillery with Medibank has found that while partners and close friends are primary confidants when it comes to mental health, significant communication gaps exist between parents and children.
About 28 per cent of parents of 16- to 30-year-olds have never discussed their mental wellbeing with their children.
Half of all parents of 16-30 year olds (49 per cent) agreed with the statement, 'I do/would find it hard to tell my children I'm having challenges or struggling with my mental wellbeing', with only 39 per cent disagreeing.
More concerning is the fact that two thirds of 18- to 30-year-olds (62 per cent), say they do or would find it hard to tell their parents or older close family members they were having challenges or struggling with mental wellbeing. For 18- to 30-year-olds, parents are the number one relationship that they wish they could talk to more, with almost half (47 per cent) saying so.
'I think where some older parents might have got it a bit wrong is that when their kid is a teenager and going through problems, they sit them down and expect them to open up, without ever having had those conversations beforehand,' Matty ponders.
'I don't think you can just expect your 15- or 16-year-old to feel comfortable to share their feelings with you if it hasn't been a consistent, ongoing conversation.'