16 Things Every Kid Needs To Learn From Their Parents and Grandparents, Child Psychologists Say

Yahoo

11-05-2025

Raising the next generation of kids is the toughest and most important job there is. It can feel like a high-stakes task, which can be overwhelming. But the good news?"Being a parent can be rewarding," says ,a psychologist at the Debra Simon Center for Integrative Behavioral Health & Wellness at Hackensack University Medical Center. "Caregivers are critical in teaching their children, playing the role of their first teacher and continuing throughout development as a lifelong mentor."You don't need a degree in education or child psychology to help children learn. In fact, they may get some of their most important lessons from you. To help you develop "lesson plans," child psychologists share 16 important things from parents and grandparents.Related:
Emotional regulation is a big one, and it will mean empathetically walking kids through feelings that may not be comfortable or convenient for you."Children are not born knowing what to do when they feel angry, sad or hurt," points out ., a former school psychologist and owner of Clarity Therapy NYC. "Caregivers are there to teach self-regulation by helping them name their feelings, validating those feelings, modeling coping skills, practicing those skills together and repeating the process as often as needed."Dr. Lee says this process lays the necessary foundation for children to self-regulate.
Dr. Friedman stresses that it's important for kids to feel good about themselves and their accomplishments. Emotional stability gives them the security to figure out who they are and what they are capable of doing."They can provide support for their child as they explore the world and develop their self-identity," she says. "It is important for the caregiver to recognize their child's abilities and accomplishments as well as help them develop adaptive responses and resilient coping strategies to use through stress and handling the rough times."That's where number one (emotional regulation) comes in, Dr. Friedman says.
Curiosity is involved in exploring self-identity. However, .—a clinical psychologist and founder of Digital Citizen Academy—encourages parents and grandparents to see curiosity through a wide lens. "Parents can encourage their children to be curious by asking questions, learning with the child and showing interest in the learning process," Dr. Strohman explains. "Getting children to ask 'Why' and 'How' helps them to think critically and develop an appreciation of learning."
.—a psychologist and vice president of behavioral health for Equip—stresses it's important to teach kids that failure is unavoidable. However, approaching it with a growth mindset will make a significant difference."It's natural to want to avoid failing, but that's how we learn and grow," Dr. Doyle says. "Without learning to fail, kids become perfectionists, never feeling good enough or too anxious to try in fear of failure. A growth mindset reframes failure as a stepping stone, not a setback."She says caregivers can teach this lesson by praising effort over outcome and not rushing to fix problems for kids.
Since failure is unavoidable, it's critical that children learn how to handle mistakes early. Dr. Lee says parents and grandparents can use themselves as an example (which will also teach kids that even the adults they look up to aren't perfect)."Caregivers can narrate their own mistakes and act out how to reflect, repair and learn from the experience without shame," Dr. Lee says. "This process also helps foster resilience in children, as they are more likely to take risks when they know they can handle mistakes."Related:
Apologies can be a way of owning up to mistakes and repairing relationships. "While it might be cute when a toddler refuses to say sorry, learning to offer genuine apologies is key to healthy relationships," Dr. Doyle says. "That starts with apologizing to your child when you mess up, naming what you did wrong and showing love and accountability can go hand in hand."Dr. Doyle says it's just as important to teach kids to learn how to accept apologies because it helps them see that relationships are repairable. It also nurtures trust.Related:
Forget the whole adage about "sticks and stones." .—a Phoenix Children's staff psychologist—stresses that words have power, and parents and grandparents would do well to use theirs wisely."This includes how parents speak about themselves and to their children," Dr. Hodges shares. "Focusing on perceived faults overlooks strengths, which can negatively impact self-confidence. Parents can practice this skill by reframing the negative to the positive and offering constructive criticism."
Sharing, teamwork, expressing feelings and solving conflicts all fall under what Dr. Strohman considers a crucial life lesson on what qualifies as appropriate social interaction."This can be done by the caregiver to make sure that the children are in groups and help them solve their issues," she suggests. "Teach them how to listen, share and speak politely. These lessons enable the children to make friends and become part of the society."Related:
This skill will serve kids well in social interactions throughout their lives. Dr. Lee explains that it's important to teach it early and at the "foundational level," which will require empathy from caregivers."As their brains develop, children are naturally self-centered," she explains. "Caregivers teach children to tune into other people's emotions and perspectives and respond compassionately. This is important for children to develop healthy relationships and friendships."
This one may require some unlearning on your part, and by no fault of your own; many of today's parents grew up seeing celebrities like Jessica Simpson fat-shamed in the early 2000s (to our detriment). Yet?"Food isn't a reward or a punishment—it's a human need," Dr. Doyle emphasizes. "When treats are demonized or labeled as 'bad,' kids can develop a fear or guilt around food. Over time, this moralizing leads to disordered eating behaviors, like secretive eating or all-or-nothing thinking. When caregivers ditch the labels, kids build a relationship with food rooted in trust, not shame."
Dr. Doyle reports this lesson lays the foundation for consent. It may mean telling them it's fine not to hug Uncle Mike, even if he seemingly requires it (he doesn't get to do this)."This is as simple as letting kids decide whether they want to hug someone or choose how to move or rest," she explains. "Encouraging children to speak up about their comfort levels builds confidence in their ability to self-advocate and respect others' boundaries. These early lessons make it easier to speak up in the future when the stakes may be higher."
Dr. Lee says the use of "anything" here can include beauty standards or accomplishments."Children who grow up believing that they need to 'work' to receive love become anxious and perfectionistic adults," she shares. "Caregivers can praise children for their efforts, kindness, and willingness to try new things. Caregivers play an important role in teaching children at an early age that they are deserving of love, respect and acceptance."Related:
Children will develop an internal monologue. Help them create a positive one."Caregivers teach children how to treat themselves with kindness and compassion," Dr. Lee says. "If a caregiver is kind, encouraging and patient with the child, the child is more likely to treat themselves the same way."
"What I mean by this is that caregivers can teach children problem-solving skills and also allow them the space to feel challenged and try to figure it out on their own," Dr. Lee explains.She notes that many caregivers—often with the best intentions—try to remove challenges or solve problems for their kids. However, it also takes away a chance to flex and develop the problem-solving skills needed to be resilient adults.
Go figure; caregivers can teach this one by being positive role models themselves (a common theme in these life lessons)."A role model is a person who serves as an example by influencing others," Dr. Friedman says. "For many children, the most important role models are their parents and caregivers. The child can learn qualities such as compassion, patience, integrity and humility by observing it from those around them... They can someday become a role model for others—friends and, at some point, children of their own."Related:
Parenting styles have changed, but the desire to teach kids responsibility remains. It's also important."Entrusting your child with certain tasks fosters a sense of accomplishment and independence," Dr. Hodges says. "This can include chores at home, setting reasonable expectations and rules, and following through with consequences when appropriate. Parents should recognize ways kids show responsibility and consider offering additional responsibility over time to help them to gain further independence."Related:
The number 1 thing to avoid teaching your child is that certain emotions are shameful or not worth addressing. One of the earliest lessons a parent can teach a kid is emotional regulation. However, dismissing these feelings will do the opposite. "The impact, known as an invalidating environment, is a cornerstone of Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)," Dr. Friedman explains. "Kids are told that their feelings are inaccurate, not important or reflect personal flaws or manipulation."She suggests avoiding statements like, "That's no big deal" and "Don't be a baby.""When a child receives constant exposure to an invalidating environment and hostile or inconsistent parenting, the child does not know what to expect and can question what they are feeling and how they perceive the world around them," Dr. Lee says. "As a result, the child can have trouble regulating emotions, feel bad about themselves and possibly experience struggles in mental health."How scary is that, not trusting your own feelings because you feel like they're constantly belittled or invalidated? She goes on to explain that if you teach your child to "suppress or dismiss" how they feel, it can lead to them feeling shameful or developing anxiety."It can also lead them to feel disconnected from themselves and others because being vulnerable doesn't feel safe," she says.Up Next:Dr. Carol A. Friedman, Ph.D., is a psychologist at the Debra Simon Center for Integrative Behavioral Health & Wellness at Hackensack University Medical Center.
Dr. Mikki Lee, Psy.D., is a former school psychologist and owner of Clarity Therapy NYC.
Dr. Lisa Strohman, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist and founder of Digital Citizen Academy.
Dr. Angela Celio Doyle, Ph.D., is a psychologist and vice president of behavioral health for Equip.
Dr. Rosemary P. Hodges, Psy.D., is a Phoenix Children's staff psychologist.