Ready to Date Again in Midlife? What to Consider If You Have Kids
When you get married, you're not thinking about how it might end. I certainly wasn't. But after years of trying to fix what wasn't working—through counseling, seminars, trial separations, even family vacations—my marriage ended anyway.
Walking away was heartbreaking, especially for our children. But it was also a relief. We had been living separate lives under one roof for a long time. The decision to leave was just making that reality visible to the world.
At 45, I still believed in love and didn't think my dream of building a happy, connected family was gone for good. Less than a year later, I met my life partner. We married five years after that and have now been together for nearly 16 years (from the moment we met).
But not everyone moves on at the same pace. My ex-husband wasn't ready to date for a few years. I even suggested online dating to him at one point. He wasn't having it. Eventually, he did start dating again and seems settled now. His timeline was simply different from mine.
There's no universal answer to when you should start dating after divorce. But some signs can help you figure out whether you're emotionally and logistically ready to give it a real shot. After going through this myself—and writing a book on finding love again—here's what I've learned.
You're living separately
If you're still sharing a home with your ex, it's not time to date. Even if the arrangement is temporary or for the kids, it creates confusion and sends mixed messages. Most people looking for a serious connection won't be okay with that situation, and if the roles were reversed, you probably wouldn't be either.
You feel good about yourself
You've processed the pain, worked through the anger, and you're not looking for someone to 'fix' you. You're grounded in your self-worth and emotionally steady. You understand that rejection might happen and that it's not personal. That's a healthy place to start from.
You have reliable childcare
Your kids don't need to meet everyone you grab coffee with. I once knew a mom who brought her young daughter on first dates. It wasn't safe, and it wasn't fun for anyone involved. Make sure you have someone you trust to care for your children so you can date without distractions or pressure.
You know what you want and don't want
Take stock of what matters to you in a relationship. What are your dealbreakers? What are your must-haves? This isn't something to figure out once you're already emotionally invested. Get clear on your boundaries and values first so you can make better choices going forward.
Keep it safe and fun
Once you're truly ready to date, approach it with curiosity and common sense. Whether it's through apps or blind dates set up by friends, stay safe. Let someone know where you're going. Share your location if you can. And don't forget to have fun with it.
Dating again isn't just about finding someone new. It's about reconnecting with who you are now and staying open to what's next.
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