I silently battled bulimia and anxiety at height of my career – but arrogance cost me Olympic gold, says Colin Jackson

The Sun

17 hours ago

HE is a double world champion athlete whose records couldn't be broken for years.
But off the athletics track, Welsh hurdler Colin Jackson, 58, faced a far greater battle than he ever did in a race.
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On the outside, Colin's famously big smile exuded happiness and contentment, yet inside he was in turmoil, regularly crying and starving himself as he silently suffered with bulimia.
"I wasn't in a good place because I spent all my days comparing myself with other people," Colin says in an exclusive interview with The Sun.
"Thinking I don't look like them and the only way I can get like that is by literally starving my body by trying to be extra lean."
At his lowest point Colin was consuming less than 1,000 calories a day while training at full pelt, and admits he has no idea how he as able to maintain such high standards on the track.
Among his achievements as an elite sportsman are 13 championship golds, nine silvers and a bronze.
He went unbeaten in 44 races between 1993 and 1995, and two of his records seemed insurmountable for a time.
The 12.91s he clocked at the 1993 World Championships wasn't bettered for 13 years, while his 60m indoor record of 7.30 seconds, set in 1994, stood for 27 years.
Colin continues: "So I had all this going on in my brain whilst I was trying to compete. So as I was trying to take on the best athletes in the world, I was battling with myself as well. And it's such a hidden thing in a way.
"I wish I could have been more vocal at that time. It would have helped me immensely and it would have no doubt improved my performance.
"I know people will go to me, 'well, you were a world record holder. What else did you want? You're the best of the best'.
"Yeah, I was best of the best what you saw, but I wasn't the best version of me for myself. And that is what we're kind of striving to do, you know, and striving to be."
Though the eating disorder no doubt had a detrimental effect on his athletic abilities, Colin insists it isn't the reason an Olympic gold medal eluded him.
He finished his career with one Olympic silver from the 1988 Seoul Games in which he lost to American athlete Roger Kingdom.
Colin was a heavy favourite in Barcelona four years later, but lack of preparation for the second round race saw him suffer a muscle injury, which hampered his performance in the final in which he finished seventh.
He says: "I blame myself for not getting Olympic gold. So I did blame nobody else, because my training partner did exactly the same training as me, and he did win the gold in the event I should have won the gold in. So I knew that all the preparation stuff was bang on.
"It was just me being an arrogant idiot, which cost me my title. So I could happily live that, because I could put that in a compartment, if you know what I mean.
"I think the battles were, because of all the other issues, I didn't enjoy it. It's a shame when I look back and I think, you know, my God, I was the best in the world, and I never enjoyed the environment, because I was always battling with myself. You know, I cried a lot when I was an athlete. I cried an awful lot.
"When I was on my own, under the pressure of it all, I cried a lot. And then I'd wipe away the tears, and I'd come back out, and there'd be a big smile, and it'd be like, well, it's just me taking on the world again."
Simple ways to check in with those who matter this summer
START WITH WHAT'S HAPPENING AROUND YOU
Use the moment you're in to open the door gently.
BE OPEN ABOUT YOUR OWN FEELINGS
Sometimes sharing a little of your own story helps others feel safe to share theirs.
ASK QUESTIONS THAT INVITE A REAL ANSWER
Open-ended questions give people space to reflect and respond honestly.
KEEP IT LIGHT – OR GO DEEPER IF IT FEELS RIGHT
Trust your instinct. Some people just need a friendly check-in – others may need space to open up.
MOST IMPORTANTLY – JUST LISTEN
You don't need to have the answers. Just being there and listening can mean the world.
REACH OUT – EVEN WITH A SIMPLE TEXT
If someone's been quiet lately, a quick message could be the spark that starts a conversation.
REMEMBER TO FOLLOW UP
If someone opens up to you, check back in a few days – it shows you care and that the conversation wasn't just a one-off.
KNOW WHEN TO ESCALATE
If someone is really struggling – or you're worried about their safety – encourage them to speak to a professional, or contact one on their behalf.
Courtesy of #SPARkupaconversation campaign
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In 1997, at the age of 30, Colin won silver at both the World Indoor and Outdoor Championships. But behind the scenes he felt lonely and contemplated his own mortality, despite being surrounded by loved ones.
"I remember I had a birthday party," he says. "Well, it was my 30th birthday. We're at a restaurant and everybody's there celebrating.
"They were having a great time. And I was ripping inside, absolutely ripping, thinking, well, what am I going to do? This decade, the decade I'm going to retire, and I have no idea what I'm going to do with my life. And everybody's celebrating me being 30, and to me, it's one year closer to death.
"And that's the way my mind was taking me. And so, again, it's like, it's really, it's tough, you know, when you're an individual like that, and you can't, and you don't feel like you can speak. The room was packed with all my friends, and I felt I couldn't speak to any of them about how genuine I feel, because they were having a great time."
Retirement didn't prove the end for Colin, far from it.
Reality TV called and he reached the final of Strictly Come Dancing in 2005 as well as finishing third on Dancing On Ice in 2021.
He remains heavily involved in athletics and is an ever-present on the BBC's coverage of the sport.
Now, he's using his platform and experience of mental health struggles to encourage men to open up.
Colin has partnered with SPAR to launch the national #SPARkupaconversation campaign, encouraging people to bust out a BBQ and have a good natter.
New research found 44% of men have had fewer than two meaningful personal conversations with a male friend in the past year.
It's something Colin would like to see change, particularly with figures showing 75% of the 6,000 suicides in the UK in 2023 were men.
And with nearly half of British men saying they'd be more compelled to open up while cooking, having a barbecue is the perfect opportunity to do so.
Colin says: "It's so easy to talk to somebody like you when you're already bought into the process. You understand the dynamics, the importance of it.
"We're men ourselves. We understand the importance of it, but also the scenarios and situations where you don't have the genuine opportunity to chat.
"And so to create a natural environment to chat around a barbecue, it just seems to be the right place because you can have those real special one-on-one times. It doesn't have to be a big moment – it just has to be real.'
SPARk the BBQ. SPARk a conversation.
Help for mental health
If you, or anyone you know, needs help dealing with mental health problems, the following organisations provide support.
The following are free to contact and confidential:
Samaritans, www.samaritans.org, 116 123
CALM (the leading movement against suicide in men) www.thecalmzone.net, 0800 585 858
Papyrus (prevention of young suicide) www.papyrus-uk.org, 0800 068 41 41
Shout (for support of all mental health) www.giveusashout.org/get-help/, text 85258 to start a conversation
Mind, www.mind.org, provide information about types of mental health problems and where to get help for them. Call the infoline on 0300 123 3393 (UK landline calls are charged at local rates, and charges from mobile phones will vary).
YoungMinds run a free, confidential parents helpline on 0808 802 5544 for parents or carers worried about how a child or young person is feeling or behaving. The website has a chat option too.
Rethink Mental Illness, www.rethink.org, gives advice and information service offers practical advice on a wide range of topics such as The Mental Health Act, social care, welfare benefits, and carers rights. Use its website or call 0300 5000 927 (calls are charged at your local rate).
Heads Together, www.headstogether.org.uk, is the a mental health initiative spearheaded by The Royal Foundation of The Prince and Princess of Wales.