Biggest Differences Living In Red And Blue States
Maybe you grew up in a smaller community in New York outside of the city and stayed in the area until after getting married. You then moved down to Georgia with your partner when they got a new job. Something you noticed right away that really surprised you about your new home was how many people carried firearms with them around town. You'd see people with guns on their hip at the grocery store, picking up takeout, and walking around their neighborhood. You found it super odd and off-putting.
Perhaps you grew up in a southern state in a small, very Christian, conservative town. You moved to Massachusetts, just outside of Boston, for college, and you absolutely loved it. You didn't come out as gay until after you were living in MA, and you were so comforted by how accepting and unbothered everyone was about it. Back home, you know you would've basically been exiled in your town. In your new home, you're able to hold hands with your same-sex partner in public without feeling scared, and you can go have fun at a number of gay bars whenever you feel like it.
Or maybe the biggest culture shock you noticed when moving from Indiana to Oregon was the age at which people get married. Many people you went to high school with ended up getting married either right out of high school or by the time they were 22. Out in Oregon, most of the people you've encountered who are either single or coupled aren't thinking about marriage before the age of 28. One couple you're close to just tied the knot at 32 and 33, and your 40-year-old coworker just celebrated her five-year wedding anniversary.
If you've lived in both a Red State and a Blue State, what's the biggest culture shock you experienced when moving from one to the other? Tell us in the comments or share anonymously using this form for a chance to be featured in a BuzzFeed Community post.
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Yahoo
20 hours ago
- Yahoo
Married Women Are Revealing The "Hardest Parts" Of Marriage That They Felt Completely Unprepared For, And It's Thought-Provoking
Married men recently opened up about the difficulties of marriage they never expected, so of course, we wanted to hear a different point of view. When we recently asked married women of the BuzzFeed Community to tell us the "hardest parts" of marriage that surprised them the most, they gave candid answers about their struggles, hard lessons, and realizations. Here's what they had to say: 1."Carrying the burden. Men are not raised to raise a family, do housework, or pay attention to anyone else's needs. They are raised to believe that all they have to do is work and then come home and do nothing. I work two jobs, have raised two children, do literally everything in the house, and it's mentally exhausting. I'm exhausted from constantly telling my husband what needs to be done to the point where I just do it myself and move on. It's ridiculous." "I can't decide if men do this on purpose to get out of everything or if they are seriously that damn dumb and backwards. Either way, being married is like having a child that never grows up. And I know everyone isn't this way — but my marriage is." —amandaharris1 2."You have to be prepared to be willing and open to speak about two of the toughest topics: finances and the circumstances around death. It's the worst, but you have to know how to survive without the other. Financially, if you have significant differences in pay, you need to figure out what 'equal' actually looks like in the home. This can be ugly if you're with someone unable to see the bigger picture, or selfish." —Anonymous, 26, UK 3."It's hard to coexist with someone all day, every day sometimes. It's the little things! Like leaving the cupboards open or not putting things where YOU want them to go. It's amazing, and I love being married, but no one tells you about the little idiosyncrasies you have to get used to!" —Anonymous, 25, California 4."I married for the second time a week ago, so I'll speak on my first marriage. I just felt like I had higher expectations of my partner than when we were dating. For him, nothing changed but legality, but for me, having the title of wife was a big deal. I was able to grow and evolve with the relationship, and I guess it's on me that I was expecting him to do the same. He didn't, and he still hasn't." "We weren't super young when we got married (25 and 26) and had been together for eight-ish years, but it seemed like he still acted 18, and I had grown a lot." —Anonymous, 34, Canada 5."When you marry the wrong man and don't realize it for 38 years. I sometimes wonder what I would have done with all those years if I'd walked a different path." —momsequitur 6."Sexual incompatibility. It ebbs and flows throughout the years. More people than you think live in sexless marriages." —Anonymous, 56, Massachusetts 7."The hardest part is planning everything, coordinating everything, and never being surprised or gifted anything. I've been married for two years and have been with my husband for seven. Guess who has had to plan everything for our birthdays and anniversaries. Guess who doesn't get complimented unless she prompts her husband. Guess who has to make a list down to the letter to get a birthday or Christmas present. More women need to know just how little effort men can get away with putting into marriages." —Anonymous, 25, Virginia 8."Marriage takes commitment every single day. You have to communicate every day. You have to show your love in some way every day. You need to make sure you agree on the important things (kids, faith, goals, money, family) BEFORE you get married. You will absolutely hurt each other at some point; no one is perfect. Your spouse is not responsible for your happiness, but your marriage is the responsibility of both of you." "If you have children, the BEST thing you can do for them is to have a happy marriage, so make that a priority. It takes compromise and communication. I've learned to put God first, and your spouse second." —Anonymous, 46, Florida 9."Their mental health will affect your life. For better or worse. You can't fix them." —Anonymous, 33, South Carolina 10."Many people won't want to hear this, but there are no hard parts if it's right. I've been married twice. The first time wasn't the right person. It was difficult, tiring. We had the same arguments over and over. My second marriage: No hard parts. We've been together 17 years, and every moment is a joy. It's easy, fun, passionate, and supportive. It's everything I dreamed of and more." —Anonymous, 43, UK 11."The sadness I feel with my husband not putting in any effort anymore. It's like when we got married, he thought he didn't need to try anymore. No nice gifts, no thank you, no cooking, and no effort. I stay for the kids, but it's a very lonely and sad marriage." —Anonymous, 35, Canada 12."Never being alone. My husband traveled for work, averaging one week per month. Then, he retired, and I'm never alone for more than an hour or two. I didn't realize how much I needed alone time." —superchicken44 13."The hardest part: age. Second marriage for us both. We are older adults, having met as we both retired. Now that we're married, we're facing going from a hot relationship to age-related issues with health. It has impacted the formerly sexy relationship. I don't think either of us considered the road we were heading toward." —bubblytrout185 14."Expectation of sex. It becomes expected. The spontaneity and emotional part of it disappears. It becomes a role act." —Anonymous, 57, Arkansas 15."Sometimes, you discover things about your spouse that you never knew, and it can potentially be enough to make you rethink who you chose to spend your life with. I have heard of women finding out about arrests and criminal records that had been expunged. I have heard about women finding out about medical issues their spouse had hidden for many years that deeply impact the marriage." "It's not to say we don't all have some form of skeleton in our closets, but some things are too much for anyone to handle." —Anonymous, 39 16."Losing your independence — putting your life on hold to raise children, and then when they're grown up, you don't feel wanted anymore." —Anonymous, 75, UK And finally... 17."Learning there is a fine line between compromise and bending until you break. In my first marriage, I had to eliminate my wants and desires for the marriage to exist. He had to be the only one with needs; everything was flipped as my fault. After years of bashing, I listened to his definition of my worth. I lost myself." "Now, I am in a much healthier (and happier) relationship, and we see and respect each other for who we are." —Anonymous, 46, Massachusetts Note: Some responses have been edited for length and/or clarity. Married women, what are the "hardest parts" of marriage that surprised you the most? Tell us in the comments, or if you prefer to remain anonymous, you can use the form below.
Los Angeles Times
2 days ago
- Los Angeles Times
Trudging across sand, impossible for many, can be made easier. Grants are now available via Coastkeeper
Good morning. It's Wednesday, July 2, which means the Fourth of July is upon us. I'm Carol Cormaci, bringing you this week's TimesOC newsletter with a look at some of the latest local news and events from around the county. If you currently live in O.C. and are still deciding how you might celebrate Independence Day, I invite you to scroll down to the Calendar section at the end of this week's newsletter. The local story that most resonated with me over the past several days was essentially a brief look at Orange County Coastkeeper's efforts toward easing the way for people with mobility challenges to make their way across spans of sand to reach the ocean. It's a personal issue for me, as I live with some annoyingly hyper-mobile joints that have propensity to dislocate with the slightest twist or turn, causing me to fall. They can make trudging across the beach for a dip in the beautiful blue Pacific not only embarrassing for me, but sometimes quite painful. The article, written by my colleague Matt Szabo, is about some $300,000 worth of grants funds the nonprofit O.C. Coastkeeper, working with the California State Coastal Conservancy, has announced were made available this year to help organizations purchase, maintain and promote beach accessibility equipment. Such equipment includes items like beach wheelchairs, walkers, mats and kayaks. It's the mats in particular that make my heart sing. They make it possible to walk across the sands in a safe way. The program started in May 2024 and distributed $100,000 during its first round of grants. Applicants can ask for up to $30,000 of funding at a time. Crystal Cove Conservancy was among those to receive a grant and the city of Newport Beach has applied for funds to replace one of its beach wheelchairs. 'I'm just loving doing this whole thing,' Genesee Ouyang, the education director at Orange County Coastkeeper, told Szabo. 'I've been talking about expanding our accessibility efforts since I started working at Coastkeeper, and the fact that this project came around was like destiny. It's really exciting, because this is definitely an issue that everyone agrees on. Literally, nobody that we've interacted with has been like, 'That's a dumb thing to fund.' Everyone is like, 'Wow, that's incredible, we need this.'' Ouyang said there is about $75,000 accounted for in the second round of founding, so $200,000 is not yet spoken for. There is no deadline to apply; the funds are available until they run out. To learn more about the beach and coast accessibility program or to apply for a grant, visit • Santa Ana elected officials are seeking a way out from what some are calling a continued 'occupation' by National Guard troops of the only sanctuary city in Orange County, according to this Daily Pilot/TimesOC story. Santa Ana Councilmember David Peñaloza wrote a letter to Rep. Young Kim, a Republican who represents the 40th congressional district, apprising her of the city's situation and urging her to work with Rep. Lou Correa, a Democrat whose 46th district includes Santa Ana, in demanding the removal of the troops. • In another story related to ICE operations, the L.A. Times reported in this article Monday that seven California Republican lawmakers, including Orange County Assemblywoman Diane Dixon (72nd District), on June 27 sent a letter to President Trump urging him to direct ICE and DHS to focus on targeting violent criminals instead of non-criminal migrants. 'Unfortunately, the recent ICE workplace raids on farms, at construction sites, and in restaurants and hotels, have led to unintended consequences that are harming the communities we represent and the businesses that employ our constituents,' they wrote in their letter. • The U.S. Justice Department last Wednesday sued O.C. Registrar of Voters Bob Page to access records on efforts to remove ineligible voters and accusing his office of failing to maintain an accurate voter list. The registrar identified over a five-year period 17 noncitizens who had registered to vote, Page told the DOJ. Those people either 'self-reported' that they were not citizens or were deemed ineligible, Page said. He sent the names, dates of birth and addresses of those 17 people to federal officials, but, following state law, redacted sensitive information such as Social Security and driver's license numbers. James Steinmann, a supervising deputy counsel for the county, said he asked DOJ officials the day before the suit was filed if it was possible to work around the disclosure of the private information but got no response. • Two Muslim women on Monday filed a federal lawsuit alleging O.C. sheriff's deputies forced them to remove their hijabs, thereby possibly exposing their heads to men, after they were arrested May 15, 2024 at a pro-Palestinian encampment on the UC Irvine campus. The suit, announced during a news conference yesterday, names the County of Orange, O.C. Sheriff Don Barnes and unnamed deputies as defendants. 'My hijab is the ultimate sign of my faith,' one of the plaintiffs said. 'This was an attack, not only on myself, but every Muslim woman on that day.' A sheriff's department spokesperson, Carrie Braun, told the Daily Pilot/TimesOC that the claims made during the news conference were 'misleading' and 'inaccurate.' • On a split, 3-2 vote, the Cypress City Council on June 23 approved a $98-million capital improvement program that also gave City Manager Peter Grant the authority to approve some public works projects without seeking council approval, as a pilot program. The council members who dissented expressed reservations related to the fact the council and the public would not be able to see all the details of the contracts Grant approves. • With Costa Mesa Police Chief Ron Lawrence retiring last Friday, Deputy Chief Joyce LaPointe was named his interim replacement, city officials announced. In 2020, LaPointe was sworn in as the CMPD's first female captain and in April 2023, she was promoted to deputy chief, also a first for the department. • The Seal Beach Police Department on June 23 held active shooter training at McGaugh Elementary School, bringing in officers and first responders from neighboring agencies, including the Orange County Fire Authority. Police Capt. Nick Nicholas told the Daily Pilot the deadliest mass shooting to date in the county, the October 12, 2011 Salon Meritage massacre in Seal Beach, was the impetus to stage such drills regularly. • Newport Beach has received a $170,000 grant from FEMA that will allow its police department to participate in the U.S. Department of Homeland Security's Operation Stonegarden, which aims to enhance cooperation between law enforcement agencies to raise the level of U.S. border and California coastline security. Small vessels known as panga boats, which are often used to smuggle migrants and narcotics into the United States, have been frequently seen off the coast in Newport Beach and Laguna Beach. • E-bikes are ubiquitous now, but not all youths who ride them are trained in safe practices. In Huntington Beach, which had 147 e-bike crashes reported in 2024, police recently addressed the issue by instituting a free, police-led student e-bike safety program. A special 70-minute course was launched last Wednesday. Officials said that the Huntington Beach Union High School District is reviewing the program for potential district-wide adoption this fall. If approved, it could become a mandatory requirement for students who ride e-bikes to school. • A self-proclaimed skinhead, Mission Viejo resident Tyson Theodore Mayfield, was convicted June 23 of berating and menacing a pregnant Black woman and threatening the life of her unborn child when he encountered her sitting on a bus bench in Fullerton seven years ago. Mayfield is due back in court Aug. 29 where faces a sentence of at least 38 years in prison. According to the L.A. Times report on the conviction, Mayfield in 2005 was convicted for felony assault with a deadly weapon and felony mayhem in 2008. He was also charged and convicted of a misdemeanor hate crime using a racial slur and punching a man in 2017. • A few crime-related items reported by City News Service over the past week: — Orange County sheriff's investigators yesterday asked for the public's help in finding a hit-and-run driver who allegedly struck down a pedestrian at 10 p.m. Friday at the intersection of La Cresta Drive and Silver Lantern Street in Dana Point. Anyone who might have helpful information is asked to call (949) 425-1860. — Deborah Masako Webb, 62, of Mission Viejo was arrested last week on suspicion of killing a motorcyclist in a collision at Trabuco Road and Via Victoria on the night of June 24. She was booked on suspicion of gross vehicular manslaughter while intoxicated. The victim was Anthony Balsamo, 32, also of Mission Viejo. — A man with a criminal history of setting fires was sentenced last week to four years in prison for igniting a small blaze on Williams Canyon Road in Silverado Canyon. Under a plea agreement, Jeremy Ryan Shaw, 45, was given credit for 524 days he'd already served behind bars. — Johnell Marquise Jackson, a 40-year-old Fullerton resident, was sentenced last Wednesday to 100 years to life in prison for shooting a man outside a store in Santa Ana over a dispute sparked by two vehicles touching bumpers in a Santa Ana parking lot on Feb. 18, 2024. • Kobee Minor, the last pick in the NFL draft this year, was feted last week as the the 50th Mr. Irrelevant, a longtime annual tradition in Newport Beach. Minor hails from a town 35 miles northwest of Dallas and, according to this Daily Pilot feature, had never before visited a beach. Minor played college football for the Texas Tech Red Raiders, the Indiana Hoosiers and the Memphis Tigers before the New England Patriots chose him in this year's draft, giving him the ticket to be honored locally as Mr. Irrelevant. • Professional golfer and Costa Mesa resident Jake Knapp broke the Detroit Golf Club record during the second round of the Rocket Classic tournament, just one day after two other players, Kevin Roy and Aldrich Potgieter set it during the first round. You can find the Detroit Free Press report on the feat here. (By the end of the third day 20-year-old Potgieter, the youngest player on the tour, emerged as tournament champ.) • Angels manager Ron Washington, 73, who stepped aside from his duties a little over a week ago to undisclosed health concerns, will remain on medical leave for the rest of the season, it was announced Friday. Bench coach Ray Montgomery was named interim manager. • The 89th annual Flight of Newport boat race, presented by the Commodores Club of the Newport Beach Chamber of Commerce with assistance from the Balboa Yacht Club, will take place on Sunday, July 13. There is no charge to enter the race. Each registered participant, who must provide their own boat, will receive a Flight of Newport T-shirt. For more information and to sign up, visit • Make-A-Wish Orange County and the Inland Empire will be the beneficiary of funds raised during the 5th annual Pickleball for Wishes Tournament set for Saturday, Aug. 2, from 2 to 7 p.m. at the Tennis and Pickleball Club at Newport Beach, 11 Newport Drive. Pickleball newbies can join a free beginner's clinic in the morning, followed by tournaments for advanced, intermediate and beginner players. Spectator tickets, team entries and corporate sponsor teams are available at • Roger's Gardens in Corona del Mar is planning its Hummingbird Summer showcase, which will open July 11 and run through Aug. 10, from 9 a.m. to 6 p.m. daily. Shoppers can round up their purchase to the nearest dollar and Roger's Gardens has pledged to match the donation, with the proceeds going to the Sea and Sage Audubon Society, an Orange County chapter of the National Audubon Society. • As promised, here's a list that was curated by my colleague Sarah Mosqueda of some of the professional fireworks displays planned for Friday night. You can learn more information about each of them and additional activities here, on the Daily Pilot/TimesOC website.— Newport Dunes Waterfront Resort & Marina, 1131 Back Bay Drive, Newport Beach. Fireworks at 9 p.m.— Doheny State Beach, 25300 Dana Point Harbor Drive, Dana Point. Fireworks at 9 p.m.— The Great Park, 8000 Great Park Blvd., Irvine. Fireworks at 9 p.m. Also, the Pacific Symphony will perform music of Jimmy Buffett, the Beach Boys and more from 8 to 10:15 p.m. on the stage at Great Park Live. Tickets start at $44. For more details, email info@ or call the box office at (714) 755-5799.— Huntington Beach Pier, 325 Pacific Coast Highway, Huntington Beach. Fireworks at 9 p.m— Heisler Park, 361 Cliff Drive, Laguna Beach. Fireworks at 9 p.m.— Laguna Niguel Regional Park, 28241 La Paz Road, Laguna Niguel. Fireworks at 9 p.m.— Tustin 4th of July Celebration, 1171 El Camino Real, Tustin. Fireworks at 9 p.m.— Centennial Park, 3000 W. Edinger Ave., Santa Ana. Fireworks at 8:45 p.m. I'll leave you with this thought as the star-spangled weekend nears during this year of turmoil. It's attributed to Elmer Davis (1890-1958), an American journalist: 'This nation will remain the land of the free only so long as it is the home of the brave.' Wishing you and yours a happy and safe Fourth,Carol We appreciate your help in making this the best newsletter it can be. Please send news tips, your memory of life in O.C. (photos welcome!) or comments to
Buzz Feed
2 days ago
- Buzz Feed
Biggest Differences Living In Red And Blue States
Across the United States, there are many different pockets of "culture." Regionally, there are various landscapes, lifestyles, and social norms. The country is also divided politically, with states either leaning Red (Republican) or Blue (Democrat). Moving between Red and Blue states can lead to a bit of culture shock, as these different belief systems can produce vastly different lifestyle choices. Maybe you grew up in a smaller community in New York outside of the city and stayed in the area until after getting married. You then moved down to Georgia with your partner when they got a new job. Something you noticed right away that really surprised you about your new home was how many people carried firearms with them around town. You'd see people with guns on their hip at the grocery store, picking up takeout, and walking around their neighborhood. You found it super odd and off-putting. Perhaps you grew up in a southern state in a small, very Christian, conservative town. You moved to Massachusetts, just outside of Boston, for college, and you absolutely loved it. You didn't come out as gay until after you were living in MA, and you were so comforted by how accepting and unbothered everyone was about it. Back home, you know you would've basically been exiled in your town. In your new home, you're able to hold hands with your same-sex partner in public without feeling scared, and you can go have fun at a number of gay bars whenever you feel like it. Or maybe the biggest culture shock you noticed when moving from Indiana to Oregon was the age at which people get married. Many people you went to high school with ended up getting married either right out of high school or by the time they were 22. Out in Oregon, most of the people you've encountered who are either single or coupled aren't thinking about marriage before the age of 28. One couple you're close to just tied the knot at 32 and 33, and your 40-year-old coworker just celebrated her five-year wedding anniversary. If you've lived in both a Red State and a Blue State, what's the biggest culture shock you experienced when moving from one to the other? Tell us in the comments or share anonymously using this form for a chance to be featured in a BuzzFeed Community post.
