A Case for Never Talking About Work With Non-Work Friends

Vogue

4 days ago

My best mate and I met a decade or so ago, back when we both worked at a vintage store on Camden High Street. I liked her dark, incredibly quick sense of humor and she liked…well, you'd have to ask her. We very swiftly bonded—between tagging men's brogues and color-blocking old band T-shirts and being hungover—and have been firm friends ever since. Rarely a day goes by without one of us sending the other a no-context TikTok, or reminding the other of something deranged we did over the weekend.
Despite this—despite our history and friendship and closeness—you will not catch us talking about work, ever. I'm not even entirely sure that we know what the other one does in the daytime. We both send emails, and we both have colleagues, but beyond that? Not a clue. And this isn't a one-sided thing, either. She knows what I do for a living, but she has no idea what it entails because we simply don't bring it up. We have other pressing matters to discuss, such as who's sleeping with whom, who we're rooting for on The Ultimatum: Queer Love, and who we think has broken up with their long-time partner based on the tone and frequency of their Instagram Stories.
The above was never an intentional facet of our friendship—we didn't agree to not talk about work. It's more that when we get together, work just doesn't come up beyond a cursory mention. I've had five different jobs since we left that vintage store, and she's worked her way to the top at a well-known clothing brand, but that's all we need to know. I'd like to keep it that way: When you spend five days a week in an intense work zone, there needs to be some escapism and variety. It's important to be around someone who can't even envision you logging into Slack. Who can't even conceptualize the version of you that replies to emails with 'Regards.' In Sex and the City, the girls spoke about their dating lives over brunch, not the minutiae of what was said and done in the office.
I've experienced the flip-side, of course, and I do think that there are certain merits to having friends who work within the same industry. Having a friend who knows what you're talking about in a work capacity can be helpful, and if you're experiencing career woes or roadblocks, it can be refreshing to hash them over with someone objective but also knowledgeable. Even so, I'm a big proponent of leaving work stuff at the work gates. We're all hurtling towards death, every second of each day; wouldn't you rather spend your evenings and weekends debating who's the fittest in the pub garden as opposed to what Janet from accounts said by the water cooler? I can also guarantee that your work life isn't as interesting to your mates as it is to you, so it's never a bad thing to minimize work chat.