The Real Secret to Happiness in Midlife (Hint: It's Not Botox)
Embarking on the journey to happiness in midlife, I learned something crucial: your external appearance is just a tiny piece of the puzzle.
It's not the anti-aging creams, Botox shots, or cosmetic surgery that shape our happiness. What counts above all is the attitude we carry within us. Trust me, no cosmetic procedure can cover up a sour mood. And this is coming from someone who gets beauty treatments and loves them.
Being happy in midlife and beyond is partly a choice. Here are some habits I've developed or returned to that help me feel more joyful and grounded as I age.
Learn to recognize your faults
This is one of the hardest lessons, but once you get used to it, it makes life easier. It improves your relationships, your self-awareness, and your ability to move forward.
I'm not saying I get it right every time, but I've been working on this for decades. When I published my first book about my eating disorder at 30, I had to face some pretty uncomfortable truths about myself. That process cracked me open in the best way.
Whether it's apologizing when I snap at a loved one or admitting when fear is driving my decisions, I've learned that taking ownership of my flaws helps me grow and connect more deeply with others.
Don't be jaded
I get it. Life throws punches. Maybe your parents had a rough marriage. Maybe your ex cheated. Maybe your former partner betrayed your trust. Maybe your business partner vanished with your money. You've been through it.
So have I.
But staying stuck in the story that life is unfair only ensures you won't move forward. Mourn it, process it, and then let it go.
At 61, I feel I've lived enough to say this: healing is possible. I met the love of my life at 46, after one divorce and one long relationship that was toxic as can be. My husband and I blended three kids and built something we're proud of. I also took up improv theater and acting in my 50s, made new friends, and started saying yes to things that scared me. Cynicism would have robbed me of all of that.
Be flexible
Life rarely goes according to plan. And by midlife, you've probably noticed that already.
If you're too rigid in your thinking, by the time you hit your 50s, you'll be so inflexible it won't be fun for you or anyone around you.
I've had to pivot more than once: when I lost all my freelance income during the recession, when my site's revenue plummeted after a Google algorithm change, and again as the digital world kept evolving. Being flexible allowed me to reinvent myself again and again.
Make your five-year plan, but don't be afraid to rewrite it halfway through.
Develop a hobby
Hobbies aren't just for fun. They're lifelines.
They give us a creative outlet, a way to cope with stress, and sometimes even lead to new opportunities. I've had many: sketching, salsa dancing, yoga, writing fiction, and starting a blog. When I hit a low point in my 40s, it was blogging that helped me climb out of it, and it eventually became my career.
You never know where a hobby might take you. But even if it never leads to anything more, it's still worth it. Joy matters.
Count your blessings
Gratitude won't erase hardship, but it will help you through it.
When I was a newly single mom on welfare, I started keeping a gratitude journal. Some days, all I could write was, 'I showered today.' Other times it was, 'A friend bought me gas,' or 'I got a new freelance gig.' Slowly, those moments stacked up and helped shift my focus.
To this day, I jot down three things I'm thankful for each morning. It doesn't make me immune to bad days, but it helps me find the good even in the mess.
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