'I wouldn't cheat on my wife, but her attractive friend made drunken pass at me'
I'm a married man in my 30s and I need your advice on a situation with a married female friend of ours. We see her and her husband regularly and we're part of a bigger group of friends.
The background is that I've always felt an attraction between me and this woman, but neither of us has ever spoken about it and I'm not interested as I love my wife and wouldn't cheat.
But a couple of weeks ago, a group of us went to a Greek island for a break and, the night before we left to come home, this woman got quite drunk and cornered me at the bar.
She draped herself over me, grabbing my waist and telling me how she's always fancied me. I was worried about someone seeing us, so I guided her back to the lounge.
Luckily her husband came over and took her back to their room. She didn't say anything to me at breakfast the next day and hasn't said anything since. I've since found out from another friend that her marriage has been in trouble for a while.
I don't know whether to say something to her, but my main concern is I don't want my wife to find out and think there was anything to it.
Coleen says,
Well, maybe she didn't remember or she could have been embarrassed that she had crossed a line. I think you're worrying about this because you know there's some sexual chemistry between you and this woman, but you haven't done anything to feel guilty about.
If you don't like hiding it from your wife, then why not say something like, 'I wonder if things are OK in her marriage because she was flirty with me the other night after a few drinks and it was a bit awkward'. Then take a step back from her and her husband socially for a while.
Also, maybe give some more thought to why this has unsettled you so much – is it because you are very attracted to this friend and you wanted to act on it, but didn't?
Yes, it's a bit embarrassing and it could have been more embarrassing if the others had seen it, but nothing happened.
So is this a case of you wrestling with your own conscience because you have feelings for her?
Try not to put yourself in a situation where it might happen again and, if it does, then be very clear that you're not interested.
Hashtags
Try Our AI Features
Explore what Daily8 AI can do for you:
Comments
No comments yet...
Related Articles
Daily Record
a day ago
- Daily Record
Dear Coleen: My wife resents me after my affair but I can't give up my girlfriend
"Everything else comes first and now she resents me too because of the affair." Dear Coleen I'm a married man in my early 40s with two young children. About a year ago, I met another woman online and we started talking regularly. I wasn't happy in my marriage at the time and ended up starting an affair with this woman. I was a sloppy covering my tracks, so my wife found out. Since then, we've been having counselling once a week, but I'm still seeing the other woman in secret. My dilemma is, I don't want to wreck my marriage while my kids are young. I'd like them to have both of us at home. But I feel like the marriage is done in all but name. My wife and I never have sex or spend any real time together – the kids, her job and everything else comes first and now she resents me too because of the affair. I've tried to talk to her, but she gets angry and always manages to blame me. She disagrees with me on everything and it feels like we're just too different. With my girlfriend, things are easy and fun and the sex is great. We connect on so many levels it feels like we're soulmates. What do I do? I feel caught between a rock and hard place – wanting to do right by my kids, but also needing to feel happy and fulfilled. Any ideas? Join the Daily Record WhatsApp community! Get the latest news sent straight to your messages by joining our WhatsApp community today. You'll receive daily updates on breaking news as well as the top headlines across Scotland. No one will be able to see who is signed up and no one can send messages except the Daily Record team. All you have to do is click here if you're on mobile, select 'Join Community' and you're in! If you're on a desktop, simply scan the QR code above with your phone and click 'Join Community'. We also treat our community members to special offers, promotions, and adverts from us and our partners. If you don't like our community, you can check out any time you like. To leave our community click on the name at the top of your screen and choose 'exit group'. If you're curious, you can read our Privacy Notice. Coleen says Of course things are easy and fun with the person you're having an affair with! You don't have to parent together or talk about bills or whose turn it is to load the dishwasher. You're living a fantasy with her and it might not feel as fun if your wife finds out again (which she probably will) and you're out of the house. If you don't wish to be married any longer and believe you've done all you can to rescue the relationship, then do the right thing and be honest with your wife. You can't carry on lying to her and your therapist until your kids grow up and leave. As for your children, what's best for them is growing up in a happy home where there's honesty, love and respect between their parents. Maybe you've been able to shield them from conflict so far, but the cracks will start to show and they will be affected. You can still be a great parent if you separate from your wife – but that's up to you. From what you've said, it seems your marriage is over for you, but you can't bring yourself to push the button. If you do want to make a last-ditch go at it, then you have to end the affair and commit to therapy and to telling the truth, and hope your wife is still on board. But it should be because you want it not just to keep the family together under one roof.
Daily Record
2 days ago
- Daily Record
Dear Coleen: Crippling shyness in social situations is ruining my life
The other thing is, I blush a lot, which I find very stressful, as it's obvious to everyone I'm with how I'm feeling inside. Things that other people take for granted feel like an ordeal for me. Dear Coleen My problem is that I'm a very shy man when I'm out with other people in social situations and I feel it's ruining everything for me. Life feels like a battle a lot of the time and I overthink every scenario. The other thing is, I blush a lot, which I find very stressful, as it's obvious to everyone I'm with how I'm feeling inside. Things that other people take for granted feel like an ordeal for me. For example, if I go out for dinner with a group of people, I'm only able to eat a small amount, as the shyness and the blushing take over and put me off my food. All I can think about is how I'm coming across to the other people. I live in Ireland, but in two weeks' time I have to travel to England to visit my brother and his wife and family, and I haven't been able to stop thinking about it and worrying about how I'll cope. I hope this doesn't seem like a trivial problem for you to answer. I'd be very grateful for any suggestions on how I can cope better. Coleen says Of course it's not a trivial problem; shyness is a real issue, which affects your self-esteem and can stop you from enjoying your life to the full. I'm glad you're going to visit your brother and his family and that you haven't backed out because the only way to feel more comfortable in social situations is to keep showing up. It's important to know that if you're out in a social situation, you don't have to be the life and soul of the party; there are always other people who are very good at that. And when people speak to you, just answer them without feeling any pressure to be funny or outgoing. Try not to overthink what people are expecting of you because they won't be expecting anything and don't assume they're judging you. Join the Daily Record WhatsApp community! Get the latest news sent straight to your messages by joining our WhatsApp community today. You'll receive daily updates on breaking news as well as the top headlines across Scotland. No one will be able to see who is signed up and no one can send messages except the Daily Record team. All you have to do is click here if you're on mobile, select 'Join Community' and you're in! If you're on a desktop, simply scan the QR code above with your phone and click 'Join Community'. We also treat our community members to special offers, promotions, and adverts from us and our partners. If you don't like our community, you can check out any time you like. To leave our community click on the name at the top of your screen and choose 'exit group'. If you're curious, you can read our Privacy Notice. The chances are, most people won't notice you blushing and, if they do, it won't affect how they think of you. Also, sometimes it can be good to just own it and say something like, 'I feel shy in these situations', because people will understand, and you might get something back like, 'Don't worry, I find these situations tricky, too.' I'm shy, which surprises people because I have a job on the telly but, in a room full of people, I'm always one of the quietest because I find big groups quite intimidating. In a small circle, I'm fine. It's worth having some icebreakers in your back pocket (there's loads of help online). Also, think about cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) or hypnotherapy to help with confidence. Most importantly, keep trying.
Daily Record
3 days ago
- Daily Record
Dear Coleen: Angry husband's perma-rage could end our marriage
It's rarely directed at me or anyone in the family; the way it comes out is in road rage or he'll have a go at neighbours for parking in an awkward spot or leaving their bins in the wrong place. Dear Coleen My husband is full of rage and, the way things are going, I'm not sure there's an alternative but to divorce him. He's not physically violent, thank goodness, but he's verbally aggressive and the slightest thing sets him off. It's rarely directed at me or anyone in the family; the way it comes out is in road rage or he'll have a go at neighbours for parking in an awkward spot or leaving their bins in the wrong place. He also gets mad at shop assistants if they take too long, or waiters, bank clerks and so on. He's like a bear with a sore head and I find myself walking on eggshells around him and I now dread going anywhere with him in case something or someone sets him off. He's always been a bit inclined to unreasonable rage, but the problem has definitely become worse as he's got older, but I've been putting off having a big conversation with him in case he blows a fuse. It's not just me; I've noticed that other people avoid him and therefore avoid us, so it's affected our social life. Who wants to go for dinner with an angry man who shouts at staff if his steak is undercooked? I'd appreciate anything you can suggest that might help. Coleen says Well, I think we do become more set in our ways with age and possibly less willing to put up with things. I think for a lot of people it manifests in not sweating the small stuff and being able to react more calmly and remove yourself from situations or people that annoy you. Not so for your husband. There's always something else behind anger – fear or anxiety – so I think it's worth your husband trying to understand why he's so triggered all the time. I do think you need to have that conversation and explain that you don't want to live on the edge all the time, and that his anger has become an issue that you're not willing to accept unless he starts taking steps to address it. Join the Daily Record WhatsApp community! Get the latest news sent straight to your messages by joining our WhatsApp community today. You'll receive daily updates on breaking news as well as the top headlines across Scotland. No one will be able to see who is signed up and no one can send messages except the Daily Record team. All you have to do is click here if you're on mobile, select 'Join Community' and you're in! If you're on a desktop, simply scan the QR code above with your phone and click 'Join Community'. We also treat our community members to special offers, promotions, and adverts from us and our partners. If you don't like our community, you can check out any time you like. To leave our community click on the name at the top of your screen and choose 'exit group'. If you're curious, you can read our Privacy Notice. But also, try to get him to see that feeling the way he does isn't good for him either in terms of his physical and mental health. It can't be nice for him to feel on edge all the time. And help him to see how it's affecting his relationships with family and his friendships too. You could do some research and find out what's available locally in terms of counselling and anger management or cognitive behavioural therapy, as well as online resources but, ultimately, it's his problem that he needs to figure out. You can show him how he can be helped, but he needs to be willing to accept it. If he doesn't take you seriously, then you have a choice to make about what's best for you.
