People Are Sharing The "Porn Fantasies" That Are Actually Complete Nightmares In Real Life, And Here's Your "XXX" Warning
On the always discussion-heavy r/AskReddit subreddit, Reddit user u/yiyici_ asked people to share porn fantasies that are actually total nightmares in real life. Turn incognito mode on for this one...here are some fantasies that will make you take a rain check on your partner's next roleplaying night:
2. "A friend experienced the consequences of public sex. Got a BJ from a date in a park. Got caught. He had drugs on him, so he ended up doing some jail time, but this was like 10 years ago, and the lasting effects of being on the sex offender registry have been the worst part. I'm not sure of all the legal details, but I know it has ruined many aspects of his life."
— u/woodshayes
3. "Sex on the beach. Stinky, dirty, gritty, and you have a decent chance of being watched by an old dude with a metal detector."
— u/stootchmaster2
MTV / giphy.com
4. "Those super femme lesbians with the loooonnnnggggg pointy nails. I scream in fear when I see them. Lord, no, do not insert those! Long, sharp nails can easily cause cuts and infection! Even with proper handwashing first, you're risking bleeding. It wigs me TF out."
— u/magicmaster_bater
5. "The 'Mile High Club.' I work on planes. Those bathrooms are disgusting, and the walls are about as thick as construction paper. Everyone on that plane knows what you're doing; almost everyone will stare as you sit back down, and you'll most likely never be allowed back on that airline again."
— u/flyboy8422
6. "Anything with food. It starts to get sticky and smelly real quick."
— u/deezsandwitches
7. "I (male) had a threesome with my mentally unstable 'goth' ex-girlfriend and her Russian alcoholic ex-girlfriend. It was mostly them fighting, crying, and locking themselves in random rooms. For hours. Way more work than Johnny Sins led me to believe."
— u/ishquigg
8. "Pulling anal beads as if you'd start a chainsaw?"
— u/cravos90
"Let her rip!"
— u/murderouskitteh
"Why did I think of Beyblade?"
— u/Omega_Xero
9. "Pool sex. Vaginas don't really like pool water."
— u/GoldenDomer66
ABC / giphy.com
10. "Dating a nympho. It's all fun and games until you're hiding from her and saying you have a headache."
— u/Yuizun
11. "Sex in the shower is just not good for lubrication, and someone is always going to freeze."
— u/Aggressive_Cup8452
12. "Standing 69. She drops me on my head every time."
— u/Garrdor85
13. "Beating and humiliation kinks. She could only get off while being punched and slapped. I have no interest in hitting a partner, particularly beating one as hard as she needed to reach orgasm, and submissives don't necessarily smile or grunt with pleasure while you're at it. More like weeping and sobbing."
— u/FuckAllRightWingShit
14. "MFF (Male/Female/Female) threesome. It's a lot more work than most guys realize to please two women at the same time."
— u/Stunning-Taste-5269
"As the old joke goes, 'If I wanted to disappoint two people at once, I'd call my parents.'"
— u/delta_baryon
15. "I banged my second wife as she was dressed up in a Princess Leia bikini. Sure, it was fantastic. It was also a rental. She was scrubbing out the stains in the motel sink before returning it. When I brought up the idea that she go with a Ms. Marvel cosplay for my birthday that next year, she told me to be happy if I even got a cake."
— u/Temporary_Detail716
"Well, I'm never renting a costume ever again."
— u/K4Unl
17. " All of the fantasies. No porn ever deals with the smell and cleanup."
— u/Taurius
18. "Car sex. There is no comfortable space."
— u/buraksezer
Paramount Pictures / giphy.com
19. "Sex in a spa bath/hot tub. All the natural lubrication goes extremely quickly (think I only came because I was stoned), then you discover dried cum flakes in your leg hair an hour later...good times."
— u/Individual_Elk809
20. "Finishing on her face. I mean, really, most women are not interested in that at all."
— u/DirkCamacho
21. "Without a doubt in the middle of nature. In addition to a lot of mosquitoes, there are animals."
— u/noo-facee
Warner Bros. / giphy.com
23. "Sex while standing and lifting my girl up...it's so hard to do."
— u/tumblinfumbler
24. "Went to a few orgies consecutively, but I was a nervous, anxious mess and ended up not doing anything because I can't. I ended up just being there for some vibes, chatting, and the free alcohol, so it was extremely embarrassing. Mind was intrigued, but my body couldn't."
— u/Malifor2210
25. "While I love the idea of a massive orgy…just tons of hot dudes writhing and fucking in a big gay pile…adding extra people into the mix immediately rings alarm bells for me in terms of general trust and the possibility of diseases. As much as the idea of a full-blown turns me on, in reality, I dunno if I could relax enough to enjoy it."
— u/BeastMidlands
26. "As a lesbian, just because you see me making out with my girlfriend does not mean we are just gonna open up and let you join in. I can't tell you how many times my girlfriend and I have been out, and we get approached by creeps who want action because they saw me and my girlfriend kiss. The only FFM threesome I've ever had was with my girlfriend and her ex, and we handcuffed him to the bed and left him there to watch us with blue balls. Yes, it was on purpose; he was abusive, manipulative, and the reason she switched teams."
— u/Old-Carry5562Old-Carry5562
27. "Doing it doggy on a pool table will give you thee worst friction burns. Never again."
— u/BamBamm187
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Parents Are Sharing The Most Embarrassing Things Their Kids Have Ever Said Or Done, And Honestly I'm Laughing My Butt Off
Recently, Reddit user FarmhouseRules posted to the popular ask subreddit to ask people, "What's the most embarrassing thing your kids have ever said or done?" She shared her own story first, writing, "Once I was shopping at the grocery with my 5-year-old son in the cart. As we were going down the aisle we passed a woman going the other way. Right after we passed her, my son said, 'Mom that's the ugliest man I've ever seen.' I was mortified." NBC Other people shared some pretty legendarily embarrassing stories, too, and I was honestly cackling. Here are some of the absolute best: 1."I was at checkout in K-Mart with my then 5-year-old daughter. I was buying her purple marshmallow Peeps. She told the cashier that purple was her favorite color. I said she had a new favorite color every week. This embarrassed my daughter, who said loudly, 'Mom, you have a new favorite boyfriend every week!'" "I was mortified and tried to assure everyone in line that I'd been with my boyfriend for three years." —u/tlk2mch 2."'MY MOM LOVES COCK PORN.' (He meant popcorn.)" ABC —u/milkandsalsa 3."My wife, my son, and I were at Disneyland. My son was 3 at this point. He had finished potty training just a few weeks prior to this. During potty training, we would use positive reinforcement, elling him that he was doing a good job, etc. etc. One of the things I told him was that he was pooping Iike a man now." "So anyway, my wife and I both had to poop at the same time. And we both really had to go. There was no waiting happening here. We couldn't leave my son alone, so I took him with me. I picked the big stall so we would both have some room. So I started to do my business, and my son loudly says, 'Ewww Daddy, that's a man poop daddy. That's a man poop.' I'm trying to get him to be quiet, but he just keeps going: 'Good job on the poop, Daddy. But Daddy, it smells. That sure is a man poop, Daddy.' Everyone in the bathroom was snickering, and I was sitting there mortified. It's hilarious now, but not so much at the time." —u/rodimus147 4."My 2-year-old son and I were in line at Kohl's and the woman behind me had vitiligo (a condition that causes the pigment in your skin to discolor, completely resulting in very blotchy skin). My son looked at her and gasped and said, 'Oh wow, I LOVE your polka dots!'" "Fortunately, she laughed and was so kind and said, 'Why THANK YOU!' She was so gracious and what could have been embarrassing became such a sweet moment. Hilarious though." —u/Donut_Interesting 5."We were at the zoo when my son was probably 5 or 6. He had run ahead to look at the zebras. He turned around and screamed, 'Mom, you won't believe how big this zebra's dick is!' I deeply considered walking past him with no acknowledgment." —u/raven_darkseid 6."Took my 3-year-old in to work with me on a Saturday when the office was closed. My coworker was there. I introduced him to my daughter. She recognized his name from me always complaining about him, looked him in the eye, and asked him, 'Are you the one who doesn't know what he is doing?'" "So embarrassing! He wouldn't talk to me for weeks." —u/CatsRock25 7."We were on a trail in the Smoky Mountains and a park ranger with an eye patch was talking to us about bears. Right when we finished the conversation and started walking away, my son said, 'Mommy, we just talked to a pirate!'" —u/sweetpea813 8."Not my kid, but it was said to me. I was riding the elevator up to the OB/GYN floor with a very pregnant woman and her about 3-year-old son. He looked at my belly and excitedly asked if I was going to have a baby, too. His mother was 14 shades of red with nowhere to hide! I told him no, I was just fat. He gave me a sad face and said, 'Well, next year.'" —u/PhoneboothLynn 9."When my oldest was about a year and a half old in the grocery store, he pointed to a baby and said 'ugly baby' clear as day and very loud." —u/Slag_Queen_Tsunade 10."My son told my daughter that her penis fell off and that's why he was a boy and she was a girl. She was upset for weeks." —u/Big-Kaleidoscope-192 11."When my son was little, we took him to mass with us. When the priest was consecrating the communion wafer, my son loudly and clearly said, 'Hey, I want one of those potato chips!'" Quim Llenas / Cover/Getty Images, Fox / Via —u/grannygogo 12."My son, bless his heart, waited until everyone had bowed their heads to pray but before the priest started the prayer, and in that moment of blessed silence, piped up 'I gotta poop!' as loud as he could." AMC —u/Imcbmc 13."I was waiting in the crowd for my number to be called at the deli counter with my 5-year-old. It was National Dairy Month, and the grocery store had a huge inflatable cow suspended from the ceiling above us. My daughter looked up and announced at the top of her lungs, 'Look, Mom, that cow has four penises!' The crowd roared." —u/VicePrincipalNero 14."My daughter announced to her whole class that girls get brains and boys get a penis. That was a whole parent/teacher conference." —u/SatanicWhoreofHell 15."I was the mortifying kid: in the middle of a Catholic mass, during one of the silent parts, I looked up at a man next to us. I looked back at my mom and loudly said, 'Mom, why does his forehead go back so far?'" HBO / Via "I'm sure I was a blast to raise. 💀" —u/Gold_Bug_4055 16."We were at my grandfather's funeral with my then 3-year-old son. We had told him that great-grandpa was really old and that's why he died. We met my grandparents' neighbor, who I knew growing up, and she is about 90. When she walked away, my son said, 'She's really nice. 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My mom said she was really embarrassed. The lady gave her a funny look." —u/Alman54 20."My kid was 5-ish and had started calling hot dogs weiners. At the grocery store, she said, very loudly, 'Mommy likes wieners!'" BBC —u/tallant13 21."Our oldest was about 3, my wife was pregnant with our second, and we were at dinner with friends who had a toddler in a high chair. Said toddler had food everywhere!" "My child looked at me and asked if our baby was going to be like that baby because 'this one makes me gag.' There is no way out of that awkwardness!" —u/st_nick5 22."About 20 years ago when our son was 2, we were having a small dinner party with friends at our home, and he went into our bedroom closet and found one of my wife's (adult) toys. He came running into the living room and started banging it against the coffee table." NBC / Via —u/Proper_Actuary8980 23."My kid, at 4, could burp like a truck driver. 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Parents Share The Most Embarrassing Things Their Kids Have Said
Recently, Reddit user FarmhouseRules posted to the popular ask subreddit to ask people, "What's the most embarrassing thing your kids have ever said or done?" She shared her own story first, writing, "Once I was shopping at the grocery with my 5-year-old son in the cart. As we were going down the aisle we passed a woman going the other way. Right after we passed her, my son said, 'Mom that's the ugliest man I've ever seen.' I was mortified." Other people shared some pretty legendarily embarrassing stories, too, and I was honestly cackling. Here are some of the absolute best: "I was at checkout in K-Mart with my then 5-year-old daughter. I was buying her purple marshmallow Peeps. She told the cashier that purple was her favorite color. I said she had a new favorite color every week. This embarrassed my daughter, who said loudly, 'Mom, you have a new favorite boyfriend every week!'" "'MY MOM LOVES COCK PORN.' (He meant popcorn.)" "My wife, my son, and I were at Disneyland. My son was 3 at this point. He had finished potty training just a few weeks prior to this. During potty training, we would use positive reinforcement, elling him that he was doing a good job, etc. etc. One of the things I told him was that he was pooping Iike a man now." "My 2-year-old son and I were in line at Kohl's and the woman behind me had vitiligo (a condition that causes the pigment in your skin to discolor, completely resulting in very blotchy skin). My son looked at her and gasped and said, 'Oh wow, I LOVE your polka dots!'" "We were at the zoo when my son was probably 5 or 6. He had run ahead to look at the zebras. He turned around and screamed, 'Mom, you won't believe how big this zebra's dick is!' I deeply considered walking past him with no acknowledgment." "Took my 3-year-old in to work with me on a Saturday when the office was closed. My coworker was there. I introduced him to my daughter. 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She was upset for weeks." "When my son was little, we took him to mass with us. When the priest was consecrating the communion wafer, my son loudly and clearly said, 'Hey, I want one of those potato chips!'" "My son, bless his heart, waited until everyone had bowed their heads to pray but before the priest started the prayer, and in that moment of blessed silence, piped up 'I gotta poop!' as loud as he could." "I was waiting in the crowd for my number to be called at the deli counter with my 5-year-old. It was National Dairy Month, and the grocery store had a huge inflatable cow suspended from the ceiling above us. My daughter looked up and announced at the top of her lungs, 'Look, Mom, that cow has four penises!' The crowd roared." "My daughter announced to her whole class that girls get brains and boys get a penis. That was a whole parent/teacher conference." "I was the mortifying kid: in the middle of a Catholic mass, during one of the silent parts, I looked up at a man next to us. I looked back at my mom and loudly said, 'Mom, why does his forehead go back so far?'" "We were at my grandfather's funeral with my then 3-year-old son. We had told him that great-grandpa was really old and that's why he died. We met my grandparents' neighbor, who I knew growing up, and she is about 90. When she walked away, my son said, 'She's really nice. It's too bad she'll be dead soon.'" "When my son was 3, we lived in a pretty rough neighborhood. His favorite thing was just riding his tricycle up and down the sidewalk, completely safe. One day I heard him greeting people in the manner that people greeted him when they walked by. He said, 'Hey, motherfucker!'" "Around Thanksgiving, we walked past a very old woman and the 5-year-old stopped to ask her about conditions on the Mayflower." "This is about me at 5 years old in 1975. My mom used to tell this story. My dad at that time liked to listen to Deanna Durbin records on the living room stereo. Her picture was on the fronts of the albums, and he liked to tell me he was listening to his 'girlfriend' singing." "My kid was 5-ish and had started calling hot dogs weiners. At the grocery store, she said, very loudly, 'Mommy likes wieners!'" "Our oldest was about 3, my wife was pregnant with our second, and we were at dinner with friends who had a toddler in a high chair. Said toddler had food everywhere!" "About 20 years ago when our son was 2, we were having a small dinner party with friends at our home, and he went into our bedroom closet and found one of my wife's (adult) toys. He came running into the living room and started banging it against the coffee table." "My kid, at 4, could burp like a truck driver. Sitting in a restaurant, she let out this massive burp, dove under the table to hide, and 25 strangers turned around to stare at me with mild disgust." 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A woman who recently gave birth says her mother-in-law is gaslighting her husband and being "extremely nosy" In an anonymous Reddit post, she writes that her mother-in-law was insensitive during her hospital stay — and then tried to stay with the couple once she went home Now, she's thinking about going no-contact with her in-lawsA woman says her husband is being "gaslit" by his "extremely nosy" mother — and she's had enough. In a post shared to Reddit, the anonymous woman writes that her mother-in-law "doesn't care two hoots about respecting boundaries," and often eats food off her son's plate, lies down in bed with him with their legs touching, and keeps her toothbrush in the couple's toothbrush holder when she comes to visit. The mother-in-law also criticizes the Reddit user's cooking skills and decorating choices — only to start "crying" when the poster "very politely" asks her to stop. "I had come to terms with the fact that she's a manipulative and stubborn gaslighter," she writes. But things changed after the woman's recent pregnancy, which was "complicated" by a rough delivery. "I developed paralytic ileus after delivery. My mother, my (pregnant) sister were there for me throughout the pregnancy and the hospital stay and my brother was there on phone throughout to uplift my morale," she writes, noting that they helped her deal with doctors and postpartum "blues." While her family provided her with "support, love, and endless care" throughout the process, her mother-in-law and husband only complained. is now available in the Apple App Store! Download it now for the most binge-worthy celeb content, exclusive video clips, astrology updates and more! "She and her son would only talk of food and how the hospital restaurant doesn't have good tasting food," she writes, "and she would prepare food at home and get it daily for [my husband] and they would gorge on food while I would be lying in bed witn an RT tube down my nose and multiple IV lines." "She would talk to her relatives on phone shouting at top voice about how I have 'gas' due to poor eating habits and unnecessarily being kept there," she continues. "Also, she was extremely uncouth and rough with [my baby], shaking him so much while soothing him. I was sooooo scared everytime she lifted him." After she got home from the hospital, the mother-in-law asked to stay with the couple. The poster turned down the offer, only to be inundated with calls and texts asking to see the baby. The mother-in-law also told her son "not to bother about baby duties," because "he has to go to [the] office and needs rest." "Basically she wanted me to break down so that she would swoop in," the woman writes. On top of that, the poster's mother-in-law and sister-in-laws have been guilt-tripping her about her breastfeeding choices. Now, she wants to go no-contact with her in-laws, but is "apprehensive" that her husband is "not thinking straight." Reddit commenters weighed in on the situation, with many telling the woman she needs to distance herself from her husband's family — and maybe even him. "This is where you tell hubby he needs therapy or a divorce lawyer. His choice," one commenter wrote. "Girl you need to stand up for yourself. Firm, calm, firm. This is YOUR baby," another added. Read the original article on People
