Five phrases parents should NEVER say if they don't want naughty kids, according to kids psychologist

The Sun

24-06-2025

DO you ever wish your kids weren't as naughty as they are?
A child psychologist has revealed there are five phrases parents should avoid saying if they want well-behaved kids.
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Parenting coach Reem Raouda discovered that interacting with angry toddlers by using threats or telling them consequences isn't helpful.
She found five phrases which 'instantly make kids not want to listen' and trigger a fight-or-flight response from them…
1. 'BECAUSE I SAID SO'
The first thing you should never say is 'because I said so' as Reem advised it shuts down communication and teaches your kids 'blind obedience.'
Instead, you should say 'I know you don't like this decision. I'll explain, and then we're moving forward.'
She explained that by using this different approach and explaining your reasoning, your child feels more respected and you are acknowledging their feelings.
You are also avoiding debating and negotiating, but reinforcing you are in charge in a 'calm and grounded way.'
2. 'IF YOU DON'T LISTEN, YOU'LL LOSE X'
The next thing you should avoid saying is 'If you don't listen, you'll lose [X privilege].'
Instead, Reem suggested that you tell them: 'When you're ready to do [X specific behavior], we can do [X desired activity].'
She explained that threats can force kids into a defensive state.
Reem said that her alternative phrase removes the struggle but still keeps your boundaries firm, and gives kids agency over when they do it.
I've tried for ages to potty train my 3-year-old, then he watched ONE Ms Rachel's video and started doing it immediately
3. 'STOP CRYING, YOU'RE FINE.'
The child psychologist also suggested you stop saying to your kids: 'Stop crying. You're fine.'
She said you should instead say: 'I see you're really upset. Tell me what's happening.'
Reem said that you shouldn't dismiss their emotions as it can teach them that their feelings are 'wrong' or 'too much' for some people to handle.
She said that 'emotional invalidation leads to disconnection' and when kids feel disconnected they are not likely to behave.
The psychologist advised helping your child to feel heard, as they will calm down more quickly and it'll lead to trust being built.
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4. 'HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU?'
Instead of telling kids that they've been told multiple times to do something, she advised that you instead reframe it as 'I've asked about this a few times, help me understand what's making this hard for you.'
Reem said that when you are frustrated this can lead to kids being 'intentionally difficult.'
However, her suggested response invites 'problem-solving instead of blame' and helps to get to the 'root of the issue' more quickly.
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5. 'YOU KNOW BETTER THAN THAT'
Finally, you should avoid saying 'you know better than that' if you can, and should ask them 'Something's getting in the way of your best self right now. Let's talk about it.'
She said 'you know better' can lead to a child feeling shamed.
However, the second phrase shifts the tone from punishment to partnership.
Overall, Reem advised kids are much more likely to want to behave if they feel emotionally safe and respected.
She added that any defiance can be seen as a 'call for connection' or emotional support, and parents should respond with empathy and leadership, instead of control.
Different parenting techniques
Here are some widely recognised methods:
Authoritative Parenting
This technique will often foster independence, self-discipline, and high self-esteem in children.
It is often considered the most effective, this technique is where parents set clear expectations - enforcing rules - whilst also showing warmth and support.
Authoritarian Parenting
This is opposite to authoritative parenting, as it is where the parent sets high demands but is low on responsiveness.
It involves ensuring the child is obedient and often employ punitive measures. While this can lead to disciplined behaviour, it may also result in lower self-esteem and social skills in children.
Permissive Parenting
Permissive parents tend to be indulgent and lenient, often taking on a role more akin to a friend than an authority figure. They are highly responsive but lack demandingness, granting children a lot of freedom. This method can nurture creativity and a free-spirited nature but may also result in poor self-regulation and difficulties with authority.
Uninvolved Parenting
Uninvolved or neglectful parenting is marked by low responsiveness and low demands. Parents in this category offer minimal guidance, nurturing, or attention. This often leaves children feeling neglected, which can have significant negative effects on their emotional and social development.
Helicopter Parenting
Helicopter parents are extremely involved and overprotective, frequently micromanaging their children's lives. Although their goal is to protect and support, this approach can hinder a child's ability to develop independence and problem-solving skills.
Free-Range Parenting
Free-range parenting encourages children to explore and learn from their surroundings with minimal parental interference. This method promotes independence and resilience but requires a safe and supportive environment to be successful.
Attachment Parenting
According to Marriage.com, Attachment parenting focuses on physical closeness and emotional bonding, often through practices such as co-sleeping and baby-wearing. This approach aims to create secure attachments and emotional well-being, but demands significant time and emotional commitment from parents.
Each of these parenting techniques has its own set of strengths and weaknesses. The key is to find a balanced approach that aligns with the family's values and meets the child's needs for a healthy, happy upbringing.