It's a bit on the warm side in the UK
The best way to handle extreme heat is probably to do as little as possible, something I have just about got the hang of in Bangkok. It helps being in an inactive post.
The English newspapers came up with dire forecasts. "Britain will bake," warned the Daily Express while the Daily Mail informed us "Heat bomb explodes in Europe". The Evening Standard went for "London swelters" and citizens were reported to be struggling coming to terms with London being warmer than the Caribbean. At least the headlines made a change from the standard "Phew! What a Scorcher" which the English tabloids used to come up with for such weather.
One suspects it won't be long before the brollies will be action again for their traditional function as the rain returns. In fact the English are more comfortable with rain. England is not called "The Land of Rain Stopped Play" for nothing.
Cats and dogs
There is nothing wrong with a bit of precipitation. According to the great authority on English weather, Paddington Bear, Londoners have 107 different ways of saying "It's raining" with perhaps the most evocative expression being "It's raining cats and dogs". No one seems to know where that expression originated from so I'll leave that to your imagination.
Paddington's particular favourite is "it's bucketing down" which is among the most popular observations. Most commonly used are variations on "it's pouring down" including the aforementioned "bucketing'', "lashing", "chucking", "tipping", "teeming" and "pelting". There are of course other less polite versions which I will not explore.
Dream on
An article on the Thai lottery by Patiparn Changpoo in Tuesday's Bangkok Post prompted considerable comment concerning this important Thai institution. Twice a month much of Thailand briefly grinds to a halt as people are either glued to their smartphones, televisions or huddled over the radio to hear the winning lottery numbers. After all, it's not every day you have the chance to pick up enough money to retire immediately. More realistically you might win enough for one wild night out.
According to Thai folklore, if you dream of snakes, lizards, crocodiles and other such delights it might just be your lucky day with the lottery. However, sweet dreams about ugly reptiles have never worked for me although I did actually win the impressive sum of 200 baht back in the Stone Age.
Locked out
With so much money involved it is almost inevitable that the lottery has experienced what can be politely termed a rather "colourful" history.
Readers may recall the Great Lottery Fiasco of 1987 in the days they used lottery wheels. Suspicions were aroused by "erratic" behaviour from the wheels. They had become extremely jerky and tended to stop abruptly. An investigation was held and it was found that six of the seven wheels were rigged by tiny remote-controlled magnetic devices. It became known as the huay lock, or the "Lock Lottery".
It turned out that someone had been raking off millions of baht pocket money at every draw.
Naturally no one at the Lottery Bureau knew anything about this, although eventually three lottery persons were transferred to inactive posts for "inappropriate behaviour".
Spot the ball
After the Lock Lottery affair a more secure system was introduced. Every fortnight "guests" picked out numbered balls from drums. However, at the draw on June 1, 2001 it was noticeable one participant took ages selecting a ball. He then proceeded to pick the No 1 ball twice, which could have been a coincidence of course. But the illegal underground lottery vendors didn't think so as there had been a last-minute rush by assorted shady characters to buy tickets featuring No 1.
This led to the entertaining situation of the illegal underground vendors complaining to the official Lottery Bureau that someone was cheating. They were right. It turned out that the fellow who picked out the numbers had been using special contact lenses which enabled him to see a unique dye on the balls he was supposed to select. In true tradition a committee was set up to urgently investigate the matter, and that is the last we ever heard of it.
Endangered species
Recent incidents have acted as a reminder of the absurd situation we have in which pedestrian crossings in Bangkok are among the most dangerous places to attempt crossing the road. Some are little more than pedestrian traps, luring citizens into a false sense of security, sometimes with unfortunate results. Tourists are particularly vulnerable as they are under the mistaken impression vehicles will actually stop at such crossings.
Conditions have admittedly improved for pedestrians in recent years, especially the walkways at major intersections and shopping areas which provide welcome relief from all the madness below. But you still get the feeling that the authorities regard pedestrians as something of an irritation, if not a pest.
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